I (31M) lived with a guy I’ll call Tyler (29M). We weren’t close, but we knew each other from college and ended up roommates. Things were fine at first. Rent split evenly, shared chores, not much drama.
Then I noticed charges on my debit card that weren’t mine. Random Amazon orders, food deliveries when I was out of town, and some weird digital subscriptions. I keep track of my finances, so I knew immediately it wasn’t me. When I confronted Tyler, he deneid everything, even suggested maybe my card got skimmed. Two days later I found it stashed behind the microwave, which is when I knew it was him.
I confronted him again, and he admitted to using it “just a few times.” Claimed he was going to pay me back. Never asked. Never apologized. Said I “made more money” so I probably wouldnt care.
I told him to pay me back and move out.
He didn’t. Instead, he started sending me long, dramatic Instagram messages from burner accounts. At first I thought he was just being emotionally manipulative until I actually read the messages. Here’s a real one:
“You’ve built a fortress of comfort, but comfort isn’t character. You think wealth replaces loyalty- but it doesn’t.”
Another one:
“It’s not about the card. It’s about the coldness. The emptiness. The betrayal.”
Another:
“A man who puts money before people will one day find himself rich – and alone.”
And yes, they all had that “It’s not X, it’s Y” format. Every single one. You know what I’m talking about. That formula that AI always uses when it’s trying to sound cool.
They even had em dashes. Who uses em dashes in Instagram DMs? AI does. These messages were written by ChatGPT or some knockoff. No doubt in my mind. The structure, the fake poetic rhythm, the emotional cliches, all of it screamed AI.
When I blocked those accounts, more popped up. Same format, same tone, same broken emotional philosophy with zero actual content. It was like getting stalked by a motivational quote bot.
Eventually it got to the point where he started texting me from a new number threatening to “expose” me if I didn’t reinmburse him for his “trauma.” That’s when I filed a police report. I didn’t press charges, but I wanted it documented. They called him and warned him to stop. He moved out the next day, but not before stealing the router, lightbulbs, coffee, and every battery in the apartment.
We’re technically still ‘friends,’ but honestly, I don’t know how after all this.
Now some mutual friends are saying I overreacted. That I should’ve just “helped him out” or “talked it through.”
I might’ve been open to that if he didn’t steal from me, lie about it, and then literally try to emotionally manipulate me using AI generated quotes disguised as guilt.
AITA?
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I (31M) lived with a guy I’ll call Tyler (29M). We weren’t close, but we knew each other from college and ended up roommates. Things were fine at first. Rent split evenly, shared chores, not much drama.
Then I noticed charges on my debit card that weren’t mine. Random Amazon orders, food deliveries when I was out of town, and some weird digital subscriptions. I keep track of my finances, so I knew immediately it wasn’t me. When I confronted Tyler, he deneid everything, even suggested maybe my card got skimmed. Two days later I found it stashed behind the microwave, which is when I knew it was him.
I confronted him again, and he admitted to using it “just a few times.” Claimed he was going to pay me back. Never asked. Never apologized. Said I “made more money” so I probably wouldnt care.
I told him to pay me back and move out.
He didn’t. Instead, he started sending me long, dramatic Instagram messages from burner accounts. At first I thought he was just being emotionally manipulative until I actually read the messages. Here’s a real one:
“You’ve built a fortress of comfort, but comfort isn’t character. You think wealth replaces loyalty- but it doesn’t.”
Another one:
“It’s not about the card. It’s about the coldness. The emptiness. The betrayal.”
Another:
“A man who puts money before people will one day find himself rich – and alone.”
And yes, they all had that “It’s not X, it’s Y” format. Every single one. You know what I’m talking about. That formula that AI always uses when it’s trying to sound cool.
They even had em dashes. Who uses em dashes in Instagram DMs? AI does. These messages were written by ChatGPT or some knockoff. No doubt in my mind. The structure, the fake poetic rhythm, the emotional cliches, all of it screamed AI.
When I blocked those accounts, more popped up. Same format, same tone, same broken emotional philosophy with zero actual content. It was like getting stalked by a motivational quote bot.
Eventually it got to the point where he started texting me from a new number threatening to “expose” me if I didn’t reinmburse him for his “trauma.” That’s when I filed a police report. I didn’t press charges, but I wanted it documented. They called him and warned him to stop. He moved out the next day, but not before stealing the router, lightbulbs, coffee, and every battery in the apartment.
We’re technically still ‘friends,’ but honestly, I don’t know how after all this.
Now some mutual friends are saying I overreacted. That I should’ve just “helped him out” or “talked it through.”
I might’ve been open to that if he didn’t steal from me, lie about it, and then literally try to emotionally manipulate me using AI generated quotes disguised as guilt.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I want judged is asking my roommate to move out and reporting him to the police after I found out he was stealing from me and then harassing me with strange messages. I might be the asshole because some people might say I overreacted by involving the police and pushing to end our living arrangement instead of handling the situation more privately. Also, we’re technically still friends, so some might think I should have been more forgiving.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
INFO: Why does it matter that the messages were generated by AI? What difference does that make to the story?
NTA. What the hell do you mean you’re “technically still friends”?
He stole from you, knowingly and intentionally
He hid this and lied about it
He had no remorse, no regret, and made no attempt to fix it
His only attempt was to convince you that you were wrong
When confronted his response was to steal more from you and call you the asshole.
This is sociopathic shit.
NTA: He was stealing from you point blank. Anyone who said you should have been more understand is not a friend. You need new friends.
NTa, but for God’s sake, stop being a damn doormat. Do you hate yourself so much that this is acceptable behavior from a “friend”? Tell him to pay you back in x number of days (three, five, no more than seven) or else you are filing a police report for theft. Then do it when he doesn’t pay. Finally, please get some therapy to figure out why you are okay being treated like shit.
You are not the asshole.But, if he was genuinely struggling he might have acted out of desperation but that doesnt justify theft.You were right to set boundaries and its not overreacting , thats protecting yourself.
LOL wtf? No, NTA. Honestly you should have pressed charges.
NTA. Guy’s a thief, and a self-admitted one.
Talk to the police about filling charges, and add the router, lightbulbs, etc.
He needs to be prosecuted for fraud, or he’s just going to do this to his next roommate as well.
NTA. If you’re lucky, an AI chat bot has replaced you as his friend.
INFO: If you found the card behind the microwave, didn’t you know it was missing?
NTA
He used your money…. no, he stole your money.
Your so called (mutual) “friends” of you, would they stay silent if this guy would steal their money? I guess not. The next one mutual “friend” who tells you this should be encouraged to help Tyler out. “Take him in, share your space and even give him unlimited access to your money if you are so concerned about him. He will be sooo relieved”. I bet, that guy would instantly start to step back. It is always “so easy” to encourage others to be mooched off – but themselves would never want that.
OP!!!!
The craziest thing here is you say you are ‘technically still friends’. NO, you are not. He is a CON MAN, a snake oil salesman. You are never friends with those personalities. You are only their pigeon. That’s all you ever were to him and all you will ever be to him. Sorry to be blunt, but OMG! (and I am an old fart who does not use these three-letter terms, but I can’t think of anything better than that to convey my absolute shock that you say you ‘might have been open’ or that you are even giving a nanosecond to hear friends tell you that you ‘should have’… continued to be his pigeon.
Tell any friend that they are welcome to make him their roommate and wish them luck in safeguarding their money, their home, and their mental well-being.
Do not let that thief back into your life one little bit. Put a restraining order on him if he keeps trying to worm his way back in.
NTA and thank goodness you did kick him out!
That’s someone you should dump as a “friend” his behavior is not worthwhile to keep around.
struggling to come up with a realm of imagination within which it’s possible for you to be TA
edit:
I guess YTA for making me read this “my friend stabbed me and I died. AITA?” ass post
NTA. He stole from you, lied, gaslit you, and then doubled down with AI-generated manipulative nonsense. That’s not a friend, that’s a thief trying to cosplay as a philosopher. You didn’t “overreact”, you protected yourself. If anything, you were patient. Most people would’ve pressed charges the second they found their card hidden behind the microwave.
Press charges over that too. Jesus.
Can AI generate a small claims filing?
Guess the AI generated messages got to some of those people. Not friends. People. You got a problem. He’s not your sort of friend. He’s a shitty roommate that stole from you. Those defending him especially after the second round of theft are not your friends either
Normally the point of AITA posts is to express two sides which are interpretational to gauge the opinions of strangers.
This is theft. There is no AITA situation.
ESH.
Tyler, for being a thief, a liar, and a stalker.
And you too, for pretending you’re doing something about it while actually being irritatingly passive.
You said “We’re technically still ‘friends’“. What in the name of dog does that even MEAN? How can you still be “friends” of any kind with a person who stole from you, lied to you, harassed you, and against whom you had to file a police report?
You said in a comment “We still talk sometimes“. WHY? The only talking I’d be doing is telling him “You stole from me. I want it back.”
You said in another comment “I wasn’t about to be a doormat“. This is just chest-thumping. By staying friends with him, you ARE being a doormat.
You’re also ridiculously focused on the fact that you believe his messages to you were written by AI. Who CARES how the messages were written? They’d be equally annoying and harassing even if he’d sat and composed every one of them himself.
How about focusing on what really matters – that this guy should repay you for what he stole and stop stalking you on social media?
Reporting the theft to police was a good start, but it sounds like they did nothing other than wag a finger at him. If you’d also asked the police to charge him with theft, kicked him out the minute you discovered his theft, demanded he repay you, blocked him on everything, and told your equally spineless mutual friends you wanted nothing more to do with him, I’d have voted N-T-A.
But you didn’t. If you’re “technically still friends”, you’re continuing to engage with him and provide him with opportunities to treat you badly, and at a certain point, my sympathy evaporates.
NTA involve police again as needed. Don’t block numbers, just screenshot everything and send it to the cop with the police report.
We’re technically still friends? WTF??
He flat out stole from you, he’s a thief. And depending on the amount, he might even be a felon. You should have pressed charges.
NTA for kicking him out though… even though that is the absolute BARE MINIMUM that you should have done.
NTA – tell those “friends” this entire story and I think they’ll change their stance. Or they are just as terrible as him and maybe need to go too. This guy is a piece of work and you’re better off without him in your life.
NTA. He stole from you and acted like it was not a problem. After that tried to gaslight you. He’s a punk loser. You should’ve confronted him for using such petty tactic when he still lived with you. Also screwed your brainless friends for siding with him