My dad cheated on my mom which made them divorce. My dad married the woman he cheated on my mom with. And he insisted that for me (17m) and my sister (19f) they needed to present a united front and become friendly so we wouldn’t be dragged into it. This was 11 years ago. Mom didn’t tell me dad cheated btw. My sister was the one who told me after we both heard a fight between mom, dad and the woman he cheated with and dad had said something weird to us a day later.
Dad insisted family parties should be both sides with everyone uniting for us. And he really tried to make mom feel bad about saying no at first. So she gave in. But she decided since it was being forced and she’d have to see him with the woman he cheated with, she’d bring dates to any event like that. She didn’t bring any random guy. They were all people she knew who posed as her boyfriends for a few of these events. We knew them too and were cool with it. We never said anything to dad about the fact they weren’t mom’s real boyfriends.
It drove dad crazy and mom would lie and say they were dating and she could bring a partner if he could. Dad would obsess over this so much. Everyone could see it was making his wife mad but they stayed together for years. And the more dad saw mom having fun and being close with these guys, the more crazy he got. It drove him crazier when we’d hang out with them at these events or parties and would be comfortable with the guys. We were never close to his wife.
It started a few fights in the last couple of years and five months ago dad and his wife separated and she filed for divorce. Then she postponed it and now they’re in therapy together. My dad ended up realizing what mom had done. He got mad and asked her what was wrong with her and accused her of trying to break him and his wife up. But when he realized me and my sister both knew and didn’t tell him he got mad at us. My sister won’t talk to him so he can’t yell at her much. But I still have to spend some weekends at his house and he’s mad. He told me I knew it was coming between him and his wife and said nothing. He said that was wrong and it hurt my family. I told him he hurt my family, he broke my family, and I didn’t care about his stupid marriage. Then I got a lecture on his marriage isn’t stupid and I shouldn’t hold the affair against him because he found happiness. I said if that was really true he wouldn’t mind mom moving on.
He said it was still disgusting that I would help mom lie. So AITA?
Comments
NTA You owe your dad or his homewecker nothing. He wanted your mom miserable and broken
lol if he’s so happy why is he so wrapped up who your mom is dating! Not your mess to deal with. Tell him to save it for the therapy and stop bothering you with it. Obviously you don’t care about their marriage.
NTA. Your dad’s a hypocrite. Let him know every time he brings it up and point out what he did to break the family up. Keep bringing it up until he gets the message.
NTA dont doubt it for a second. He is a bad liar it seems. If he didn’t want the affair to be held over his head then maybe he shouldn’t have been shoving it down your moms throat trying to make her jealous. All he succeeded in was hurting himself. Take it up with your therapist dad.
He shattered the family, forced everyone to play happy family with the woman he cheated with, and now he’s mad your mom played a quiet revenge game and you didn’t stop her? Nah. He’s just pissed that his consequences showed up wearing cologne.
NTA, your father doesn’t seem capable of understanding accountability.
“But when he realized both me and my sister knew and didn’t tell him he got mad at us.”
“Now you know how we felt when we learned you were cheating on mom and didn’t tell us, huh? And no, mom didn’t tell on you: we overheard you. You don’t get to be mad at us for not telling you what she was up to when you didn’t tell us what you were up to. And you don’t get to be obsessed with who she is or isn’t dating when you cheated on her. You’re a hypocrite, and you deserve it if your wife leaves you.”
NTA.
You dad hates that your mom wasn’t miserable and he couldn’t it in her face. He is mad cause you are holding him accountable and he hates it