I (19M) have been dating my girlfriend (18F) for a little over a year now. She’s originally from Colombia and has been living in the U.S. for about two years. Her English isn’t great, but she can hold a basic conversation now. We still use Google Translate for more serious stuff or anything complicated.
Despite the language barrier, our relationship has been good. We care about each other, hang out all the time, and get along really well. We’ve talked a little about the future, but nothing super serious definitely not marriage or kids or anything.
Anyway, a few nights ago we were hanging out at her place, eating dinner and just chilling. Out of nowhere, she looks at me dead serious and says, “I want baby. With you.” I fully laughed out loud. I genuinely thought she was joking. I said, “Wait, you’re serious?” and laughed again.
She didn’t laugh. She looked embarrassed and kind of hurt. I stopped and was like, “Wait, are you really serious right now?” and she just nodded and got really quiet. I tried to explain that I wasn’t trying to laugh at her, I just didn’t expect that at all and it caught me off guard. But she barely said anything after that and asked me to leave not long after.
The next day, she texted me a long message mostly in Spanish, which I had to fully translate and basically told me she felt disrespected. She said in her culture it’s not weird to talk about having a family young, and that she didn’t mean she wanted to get pregnant tomorrow, but that she saw me as someone she could build a future with. She said when I laughed like that, it made her feel stupid and like I didn’t take her seriously at all.
Now I feel bad. I didn’t mean to embarrass her or make her feel dumb. I was just shocked. I mean, I’m 19. I’m still figuring my life out. A baby isn’t even something I’ve thought about seriously yet. But I also realize she was trying to be vulnerable and honest, and I kind of crushed that moment.
AITA for laughing when my girlfriend said she wanted a baby?
Comments
NAH
NTA because it was just a misunderstanding. Validate her feelings and explain there’s a cultural difference about the topic. In the US it can be taken as “I want a baby right now with you”.
No. I have to admit the way she said it sounded funny and you weren’t sure if she was serious, IMO you shouldn’t really talk about kids until ur financially more stable and mature (25-30 is most common here) but I also understand how she feels but I feel like she may have overreacted a bit
Run
I’d laugh to if my gf told me she wanted a baby at 18.
Nta
You just got to explain to her American culture, it’s pretty looked down upon here to have a baby so early so that’s why you laughed… and buy her flowers and chocolates.
NTA. You two are teenagers. Run away quickly and never look back. Don’t have sex with her anymore either under any circumstances.
You need to break up or make sure you always use condoms bc she may start trying to get pregnant and then you will be responsible for a baby way too young. You can’t have a deep relationship if you don’t speak the same language. I’d move on before you get baby trapped.
I would be very careful. If you don’t want kids, you should make sure not to get her pregnant. Different cultures look at children in different ways. Her telling you she wants your kids and then claiming it’s “about the future” is disingenuous. She let it slip that her culture finds having children young normal. It is normal.
If she got pregnant tomorrow, she would be over the moon. Most women her age from her country have their first kid by 19. Take this very seriously VERY. She can very easily get pregnant tomorrow if you’re not careful and then it makes no difference how serious you are about the relationship or not.. you’re on the hook for pretty much your whole life.
Instead of telling a group of stranger on Reddit, how about you tell that to your girlfriend
Nta dont do it tho. It’s a trap.
I don’t agree with those saying run or you’re not compatible. You just need to talk more about it, and definitely practice safe sex. If she wants them in the next year or so then yes, you may be incompatible. But have a full on conversation with her. Even if it’s using google translate. Just because you don’t speak the same language doesn’t make you incompatible either.
I think she was trying to tell you that she loved you and that she thinks she wants to stay longterm with you.
The kind of “be the father of my children” talk.
More than telling you she wanted an actual baby. Now.
Think about that under that light. What does that determination and commitment do to you?
Are you on board?
NTA it was a misunderstanding which will happen with a language barrier but also important to make sure the answer is absolutely not anytime soon
NTA She wants a baby sooner rather than later. That’s the message you should take from this. So by all means, apologize for offending her because you didn’t mean to. But my friend, you’re 19 and you’re going to be a young father if you stay with her.
NTA Expressive cultural differences in real time.
Well when she said she wanted a baby, it might have been in the mental image of YOU being the guy.
Yes you are the asshole. But if you honestly don’t see this woman as the capacity of having your child, you would have been better off beinf silent and bring up the conversation in the privacy of you and her.
Maybe not an asshole in your personal practice or thoughts in life. Asshole in delivery and reactions.
Gotta read the room dude. If you honestly love your partner, saying those things arw gonna make you look like the a-hole. But if you love this woman, you also need to grant her the grace of growth. She might not be mother material at THIS SPECIFIC MOMENT IN TIME, But women, especially faced with motherhood, have no choice to evolve and grow. As you would in fatherhood.
People grow. The mother of my youngest was not motherhood maternal when we met in our early 20’s.
She now is the mother of my youngest child and I know nobody loves my son more than her. Not even me. She grew into an amazing mother. I mean AMAZING! PEOPLE GROW
Cultural differences. South Americans have children very early. In fact, they have a new child with every couple they date.
Timings work differently in different cultures. Maybe in Columbia at 18, every guy is working and bringing in enough to raise a family. Doesn’t work like that in the US, and most of Europe. You need to have years of savings to even think about settling down. If you want to earn more with a degree, you are looking at a longer wait. In the US most people don’t plan kids till late 20s. Kids born to younger parents were usually unplanned.
English though is a terrible language built for confusion and double meanings. “I want a baby with you” has lots of ambiguity on timeline and process.
NAH and you’ve got all sorts of ways to approach this basic culture clash, no doubt plenty of advice incoming.
The fact that you’re even asking this is actually so sweet lol 😂 you guys are adorable and I really hope this works out even if having a baby might not be on the table for you for right now! Lol 🤷🏼♀️🥰💖
NTA..
You are 19
Bro…..I guess she needs permanent residency in us,so she might be babytrapping you
NTA, but I as a Latina I think the miscommunication was largely due to cultural differences. Neither of you are wrong for how you’re thinking or expressing yourselves.
Also, all the people saying this is a trap are idiots who understand literally nothing about love, intimacy or relationships… guarantee they are all single lol the fact that she feels comfortable being open with you about it is a good thing and in no way suggest she would lie or be deceitful about it or try to force you into anything— they are projecting a LOT of bullshit that isn’t grounded in literally anything you’ve actually said! 🤷🏼♀️🙄💗
Is she royalty from Columbia or something? She’s only 18 and has her own place? Who’s paying for that shit?
She’s gonna get pregnant. Watch out
NTA y’all are way too young for that. And think about it, if this argument caused that much upset in your relationship what would a kid do?
For the love of god, make sure she’s on birth control AND you are using condoms.
She’s talking babies with you at 18? I would suggest not entrusting birth control solely to her to avoid “accidental” pregnancy.
So this is just a cultural mix up. Have a gentle conversation with her and explain you are sorry and didn’t mean to disrespect. Explain that in our culture that is a VERY big step in a relationship and it caught you really off guard.
Since you both are young I am guessing you don’t want to jump into parenthood. If you do not, then I suggest you have that conversation. Again, gently. She was very vulnerable in telling you she wants to have babies with you, and the sting from your cultural misunderstanding probably hit her pretty damn hard.
Imagine saying I love you for the first time and the other person laughs.
Just have a deep convo with her. If you’re not looking to have kids early like she is, let her know.
She’s lived there from 16yo to 18yo and still needs google translate? Sounds fake
Okay, got it. Before she traps you with a kid, run away.
NTAH but I’d just talk to her about where you are at in life and that you’re not ready for that
Why does it feel like every post on reddit is fake now??
Bruh Nta and run if she wants it very soon and insists bc doesn’t sound like your close to ready
NAH
NTA. Sounds like a cultural misunderstanding but…..This is a big sit down conversation. Ok she didn’t mean tomorrow but does she mean married in a year and trying right after? It’s fair that’s common in her culture but she needs to be on board with what you want too. If you aren’t planning on getting married soon you need to make that clear so she can make an informed choice about being with you. If pregnancy doesn’t mean marriage to you, you need to tell her that. Make it very clear what you need to accomplish (income, education, travel, housing, etc) before you consider marriage.
I’m not saying she is trying to baby trap you to get on her timeline but it does happen. Im a woman and I’d say it’s 1/1000 that would do it but it does happen.
NTA, not really anyway. Still, the two of you will need to have a very serious conversation about expectations for the relationship going forward.
You have to “read the room”, “know your audience”, “ know the culture’s of those in your circle. You didn’t intend to be an ass but you offended her and her culture by laughing in her face not once but twice and therefore inadvertently were an ass. My brother dated a Colombian woman, they want to start families young and have a life afterwards and be young enough to be grandparents.
NTAH.
Im latino (though not colombian but I feel maybe I can relate and help you understand a bit). I was born in the US but I lvied in latin america for about 7 years.
When she says that in her country they talk about having kids that young, tbh it could be she is from the farm country part of the country. Think the bible belt version of colombia. Where women are expected to be more child-bearers and men are expected to work. They dont really have opportunities after high school so they either go to work or start having kids, or somehow find a way to live in the city. I could be wrong on all this, but I feel most latin american countries are similar and in the cities you are seeing people wait tll their 30s to have kids.
Second, I would be careful. Im not saying this is her, but in many of these countries they long to come to america, they long for the US citizenship. Mostly when they come from the poorest of communities. Ive seen women marry men and then once they get that residency they leave the men after a few years. Im not saying this is her, but I think you should be careful. It could be she wants a baby to keep her here (I know it sounds fucked up but it happens). Again, im speaking from what I have seen. Judge her based off of what you see and how she acts but if you feel you are too young to have kids then dont have kids. Dont let her push you into this or marriage until you are ready and certain.
I’d make sure you wore a condom EVERYTIME, talking about a baby before, finishing school, getting good jobs or just talking about what you want going ahead is absolutely NUTS! Unless she’s already pregnant and was just seeing how you’d react…. nothing wrong with talking about the future, but babies are kinda a conversion after some others are discussed first,… finances, lodging, sustenance…
I would laugh too if she ask me luke that my reaction would be in like 10 years!!! Not now !!! I am surely she would walk out after i tell her
I was 19 and never think of family at that age
So, the first laugh of surprise? Understandable.
But when you laugh after a “Wait, you’re serious?” I’m afraid you are, in fact, the asshole. That really comes off as demeaning, even if you didn’t intend it to be that way – but I’m not sure what you did intend! That’s the move movie villains pull, chief.
So YTA, maybe light, but yeah, that was an asshole move. Especially with someone who’s a non-native speaker and really wouldn’t get any other joke or meaning there. I’d recommend only pulling that one out with close friends who get your use of language and humor, honestly, because a lot of native English speakers would feel put down by that, too.
Just explain it from your point of view that in the culture here, people usually wait for financial security before such a big step and that it wasn’t anything about the way you feel about her. Apologize to her and tell her it’s a cultural misunderstanding.
NAH. She explained in a way where you could understand where she’s coming from. Now it’s your turn to explain in a way where she will also understand. She’s aware there is a cultural difference, so I imagine it shouldn’t be too difficult.
Don’t do it. This is how they trap you.
Is it possible what you want is called an anchor baby. If you’re unsure what I mean look it up on Google.
NAH. Now that the cultural difference has been acknowledged, you can apologize and explain what your feelings on the matter are and that you didn’t want to hurt her. That should be that.
NTA and I wouldn’t trust her with birth control
While there may be valid “cultural differences” stuff going on here, the absolutely most important thing for you to do, even if it comes at the expense of your relationship continuing, is to make sure you DO NOT under any circumstances have a child before you feel ready to do so. She needs to know that this is a serious thing, and needs to get on the same page with you NOW. I refuse to speculate about whether she may try to baby trap you, just make sure you communicate very, very clearly. Do not allow any cultural or linguistic barriers prevent you two from being on the same page.
NAH! Since there’s a language barrier, you didn’t realize she didn’t mean right now. She should have explained better with Google translate for a conversation that serious.
I’d still be very careful. Make sure you use a condom every single time.
Either tighten up that birth control right now (no access for her to your condoms) or stop having sex with her and RUN 🏃♂️ I foresee a baby trap.
NAH You hurt her feelings because in her eyes you laughed at her. You need to explain American culture and that having a baby at 19 isn’t the norm anymore. She isn’t an asshole for feeling hurt and disrespected.
Nta. Run.
I’d say at least a little bit the AH. When you know there is a chance of language and/or culture, you should expect there to be some hiccups or things lost in translation. However, you admit it wasn’t her you were laughing at her or being deliberately nasty. You should own up to your honest misunderstanding and explain your perspective so she learns a bit about you and you can learn about her. All she needed to do was add the word “someday” or just talk about the future with you or how do you feel about having children? What she asked is normal early in a relationship, it’s how she said it that maybe fell flat.
If she has a rep for playing this kind of trick then maybe okay but you give no indication she’s that kind of person.
NTA. Wrap it up.
NTA get her a puppy.
Yes and no. Laughing was definitely the wrong reaction, but I also understand that reaction because at your age I would have 100% laughed too. I’m not sure what you can do to make it up to her, but if you love her, you’d better start kissing her ass and doing everything she asks without question lol.
NTA. Apologize for laughing and thank her for her explanation. Tell her that in the US, some women try to have babies young and get married before they are sure the relationship will work. That is why you laughed.
Hun, Fuck your husband. Lol 😂 Not dismissing your feelings of exhaustion, but everything’s great, you love an are attracted to him….don’t let the seeds of resentment and rejection infiltrate what y’all have together. I’m not saying you can’t be too tired here an there, but if you have a good man do what needs doing to keep um. In the world we now live in, sadly there are FAR TOO MANY ways for a resentful frustrated man to find himself quickly in someone else’s bed. ESPECIALLY drivin a truck. Is it right, HELL NO, but why not satisfy the man you love after a long day at work, to keep peace and harmony in your home. I know SAHM’in is a hard,never ending, thankless job more often then not, heck I have 5 😭, but I think intimacy with your person is one of the best stress relievers in the world. Let’s be honest it doesn’t usually take that long so is it really worth the fuss to not do it? You probably spent more time arguing with him about the fact you didn’t want to then you would have put into the actual act taking place right? Again I’m not sayin you have to be his sex slave and give into his every desire because “he’s a hard workin man”. I’m simply saying if you have all this love an attraction for your husband then maybe find the umph to give him a round when he gets home after the kids are asleep. Wish you all the luck in the world!
NTA, but yeah, your reaction definitely wasn’t good and I can understand that she felt the way she felt.
Misunderstandings happen especially when none of you speak the same language at a comparable level and someone is from a different culture.
So you guys must be used to that by now. Just explain to her how you interpreted her statement. I think she just wanted you to know that you’re a guy she can picture having a family with. It’s like the start of a conversation. Time to search your feelings, young Padawan, if you can picture that kind of a future with her too.
It’s understandable if you haven’t thought that far ahead. You’re still young. That’s legit. You can tell her that. Because you yourself haven’t thought about kids WITH ANYONE yet, you assumed it must have been a joke, and that’s why you laughed.
The last thing you should do when an 18f Colombian says she wants to be impregnated by you is laugh. Yta for sure lmao and a dummy too
NAH
She didn’t mean to spring it on you, but she accidentally did. She just wanted to show you that she trusts you and is open to building a life with you. You were caught by surprise and had a surprise reaction.
Just tell her the truth. If you feel like you can build a life with her tell her so. Tell her that you’ve never thought about it and you are not ready to think about it but you can see yourself being ready in the future. Or if you feel like she’s definitely not that person then this is the time to say so
Seems like a misunderstanding of intentions on both sides. the grown-up thing to do is accept that you made her feel that way and try to move forward with the conversation. explain that’s not how you ment it and that in the future you can see having a family. Right now, it might not be best financially or emotionally for you.
She wants a baby now. There is no translation issue. Your reaction was not what she was expecting.
the culture thing goes two ways, help her understand that.
ntah, i woulda laughed too.
Frankly, It’s good to hear that you heard such a crazy statement and your reaction was that you assumed it must be a joke.
dude you’re toast.
I see people talking about validating feelings, explaining cultural differences. bullshit, all of it. I’ve dated a lot of women, she might still date you for a while but the clock is now ticking on the end of this relationship. nothing you say will recover this one. she’s always going to remember how she felt when you laughed at her. she’s always going to bear a grudge about it. and in 6mo to a year she’ll be gone dating someone else.
this is toasted my guy.
Expect to be single soon.
I would be very, very careful if I were you. This girl likely wants a baby now. The first term that came to my mind is anchor baby. Don’t go there. NTA
And her having a baby with an American as a foreigner has not crossed your mind? Can you say GREEN CARD?