I’m 21F and went on a first date with this guy from Hinge (24M). He seemed chill over text, kinda shy but funny, so I figured why not. He picked this diner near campus, nothing fancy.
We sit down, order food, and right after the waitress walks away he goes, “Can we pray together first?” I thought he was kidding but nope… he grabs my hands across the table and starts praying. Out loud. Like, not a quiet moment — full-on prayer in the middle of the diner. Everyone was staring.
I just sat there awkwardly because I didn’t know what to do. I’m not religious, so it felt super uncomfortable, especially for a first date. After that he kept talking about church and asking if I’d be “open to a faith journey” if we dated.
I cut it short and told him I had to go. Later he texted me like everything was fine.
My roommate says I was right to leave, but one of my friends said I was rude and should’ve just gone along with it.
So AITA for leaving when he turned our first date into a prayer session?
Comments
NTA. Public prayer like that isn’t inherently bad, but springing it on a stranger you just met is presumptuous. You were uncomfortable, and walking away from discomfort doesn’t make you rude.
NTAH. You can leave a first date if someone makes you feel weird. And yeah, that’s a little weird.
Its one thing to pray during a dinner, even in a restaurant. Its another to do it loudly to the point onlookers are staring.
I’m not religious, but my folks are and often pray over meals in restaurants. This has never garnered attention from onlookers, so that’s telling.
Its fine to share about your religious beliefs as well, but you gotta keep it light on a first date. They’re awkward enough as it is.
NTA at all.
Religious incompatibility is a big reason not to build a life with someone. For truly religious people, their beliefs affect most—if not all—aspects of their life.
So when you can see an incompatibility that’s THAT important on a first date, I think it’s totally reasonable to not see the person again.
With that said, I do hope you had the common courtesy to pay for the meal, and didn’t literally just get up and walk out without properly settling things. If you did that, then yes, you’d be an asshole.
Your reaction wasn’t about disrespecting religion, it was about not consenting to being part of a public spectacle. People should be upfront about their faith if it’s that important before meeting.
NTA. He should have revealed his religious beliefs on his Hinge profile. His failure to do so was an expensive first date that you rightly abandoned. No point even trying to make the relationship work!
NTA and shut it down quick. He needs to know there is no second date in your futures.
Then those are not friends. They’re people who undercut you to put you “in your place.”
NTA
Run, girl, run!
If he is this full on about religion on a first date, he is going to be an unbearably demanding partner.
People who are this pushy about religion never give up.
He didn’t crossed the line, dude launched himself over it. First date should be getting to know each other, not pressuring someone into religious ceremonies. You had every right to bounce. Don’t sweat it. There’s a better match out there, someone who respects your comfort zone.
Maybe he didn’t vibe with you and that’s his way of making you leave him.
To his buddy “I had to pray again tonight.”
Buddy, “That bad?”
Him, “Yep, it works every time.”
NTA, but don’t be afraid to be assertive and tell someone how you feel.
In relationships and marriage, you’re often required to compromise things….even things that seem weird to you but perfectly normal to others.
When he asked, if you said no, and he acquiesced to your desire, it could show his willingness and care to behave in a way that’s comfortable and welcoming to you.
This is why we date. It’s a way to help get to know someone. If you pull up chocks early without communicating, you might miss out on something good.
NTA. I would have run too.
Sounds like he was trying to convert you not date you 😆 NTA for not being into it and leaving.
Me personally I’d be okay with the praying, I’m not religious either, but I understand it, now the moment he started talking about a faith journey it would be time to set the record straight and decline.
You were absolutely right to cut your visit short. It’s always best to just say no to things that don’t blend with your beliefs and things that are uncomfortable for you. Meeting a new person is challenging enough without having a plan set out before you–such as the possibility of being “open to a faith journey”! There are people out there who would be happy to join him, I’m sure.
Personally, after Prayerful Pete was done with his shenanigans I would have stood up and said, this isn’t going to work, and left. NTA
It’s not rude. I’d say it was kind, you didn’t waste his time
Or yours
NTA. Best to cut it short if you were uncomfortable. At least you found out up front!
Someone pushing their religion on you is always bad. Nta
YTA. He asked you. Why didn’t you say no? Why just let him grab your hands and pray? You could have used your words but you decided to act like a child and run. That’s insane to me. Just say no when it’s not right for you.
No! It’s your choice
NTA
If he has mentioned in his profile how important his religion is to him that’s one thing but to go full on bible thumper before they even bring out the starters then it’s a hard pass.
You made the right move by leaving early as it blindsided you and made you uncomfortable, don’t get why your friend said you should’ve just gone along with it – what would be the point? A free meal isn’t worth your discomfort.
Christians like to talk about others “forcing their lifestyle onto people” but they do this all the time themselves and we’re all supposed to be ok with that.
NTA though I would like to understand better your reaction to his question.
I don’t think it’s wrong to pray, even if in public, what bothers me is that he seemed to push it on to you too. He could have just asked you if you wanted and felt comfortable with it.
Either way, it’s valid to have preferences and not being into someone who’s so openly religious
NTA. He put you in a very awkward situation, especially on the first date. Maybe he could have started a conversation with you about your views on religion, and his views, and that he’s devoted to it and would that be a problem? You know, first date stuff. He could have eased into it.
At least, asking you if it’s alright if he prayed, and allowing you to join in if you felt comfortable. And maybe start off with a silent prayer instead of hauling out the megaphone and dancing on the table.
At this point, it wasn’t about a “faith journey,” than it was about escaping the clutches of a psychopath. Seriously, though, he put you in a very awkward situation. And this was your first date. You really don’t know each other. He could have been dangerous. Here was his opportunity to ease your concerns by acting normal. But instead… you got what you got. NTA.
Sounds like he was on a recruitment drive
well, if your friend thinks that is appropriate behavior, she can go out with him 🙂
That’s crazy. You dont want to be with a religious weirdo
NAH. You came across an incompatibility on the first date, it happens.
NTA for cutting the date short. Not making it clear soon after that you’re not compatible is the only area you need to refine.
You’re not the AH. You can flat out tell him that you are not religious and you’re not interested in a faith journey. You are not compatible.
YTA! It’s good that you left; you obviously aren’t the right person for him. If you don’t like to 🙏 then you probably won’t like going to church with him ⛪️.
NTA. That was obviously a recruitment masquerading as a date.
YTA for using AI to create this.
Not rude, trying to force your religion down others throat is not cool. And you’re not obligated to sit there listening while he lectures you. NTA
I live in the South. This shit is pretty common.
But you would think one would put that in a profile to focus on like-minded folk.
Seems to me that he was Flirty Fishing. Me, I’d have said, “You can pray, that’s not something I do in public.” But honestly, I’d have asked for my meal to be boxed up and I would have bolted.
NTA but you handled it badly! When he asked you “can we pray together?” You should have said “you are free to pray quietly of course!! I’ll wait in respectful silence” and then insist on separate checks. (Separate checks is a good plan anyway). At the end of the date give him the just friends/we want different things talk and no kiss and you’re good. Be polite, respectful and kind to other people especially around their religion, family, beliefs, other sensitive topics, but don’t go along or pretend to believe what you don’t.
NTA – Religious people are always trying to force their lifestyle on other people.
NTA. It’s okay if that is not your thing. If he texts again. Tell him that you aren’t interested in a faith journey. You could even suggest that he adds that as an important thing on his Hinge profile.
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NTA as a non religious person myself this is sorta creepy! If he wanted a “religious women” he should’ve gone a religious app!
I’m a believer. I pray over my meals. I do not ask others to bless the food with me. I pray in a quiet voice. If religion comes up, and it occasionally does, we discuss belief systems and move on. You don’t convert people by trying to force them to believe what you believe. You “convert” people because they see things in your life that they want to see in their own. But, that their choice.
Nah, and nothing bad happened. You didn’t gel, and that’s what dating is for.