Hi, I’m Azalea (go by Azzy), 21F.
I’m in a friend group of six from school. We hang out a lot and we’re in that era where everyone does “photo dumps” the same night. I’m not anti-photo, but I’ve always asked to approve pics where my face is front and center. Sometimes people send pics in the group chat first, sometimes they don’t.
One friend, let’s call her M, is the most “poster” of us. She loves candids and will upload within minutes. Last week at her place before a night out, she was taking a ton of pics and videos. I’d had a long day, was sweaty from the walk over, and told her casually, “hey, if you get a close-up of me, can you send it first?” She said “lol sure.”
Ten minutes later she puts up a photo dump on Instagram. It included a close-up selfie with me half blinking and another shot of me mid-chew with a weird angle and shiny forehead. I was tagged in both. I texted her (while still in the room), “Could you take those two down or crop me out? I don’t love them.” No response. I asked again in person and she said, “Azzy, it’s a candid dump. You look cute. I’m not editing it, people already liked it.”
I said I don’t consent to those specific pictures of my face online and offered options:
– untag me and blur my face
– or just crop me out
She rolled her eyes and said I was “policing her Instagram.” Another friend chimed in that it’s not that deep and we should leave soon.
At that point I felt stuck between either dropping it and stewing or making it a whole thing. I told M, “I’m not mad, I just really don’t want those two up. If it’s a no, I’m going to dip and you guys have fun.” She said, “Do what you want.” So I left. I didn’t slam a door or cry, I ordered an Uber, said bye to the others, and went home
Group chat the next morning was split:
– Two friends said I set a boundary respectfully.
– Three (including M) said I made the vibe weird over an unflattering angle and could’ve texted later.
– M did eventually swap one photo and untag me from the other, then posted a meme to her story about “people who can’t handle candids”
For context:
– This isn’t the first time she’s ignored “pls don’t post that one” before, then fixed it later.
– I did not ask her to delete the whole post, just swap out or edit those two photos (not sure how insta works)
– I didn’t want to argue at her place, so leaving felt like the least dramatic option.
Now I’m wondering if walking out was an overreaction. Should I have sucked it up for the night and dealt with it the next day? Or is it reasonable to expect a friend to remove a couple photos when asked?
TL;DR: Friend posted unflattering close-ups of me after I’d asked to approve face pics. She refused to edit or swap them in the moment, so I left the pregame. She changed them the next day but says I was controlling and killed the vibe. Am I overreacting?
Comments
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Hi, I’m Azalea (go by Azzy), 21F.
I’m in a friend group of six from school. We hang out a lot and we’re in that era where everyone does “photo dumps” the same night. I’m not anti-photo, but I’ve always asked to approve pics where my face is front and center. Sometimes people send pics in the group chat first, sometimes they don’t.
One friend, let’s call her M, is the most “poster” of us. She loves candids and will upload within minutes. Last week at her place before a night out, she was taking a ton of pics and videos. I’d had a long day, was sweaty from the walk over, and told her casually, “hey, if you get a close-up of me, can you send it first?” She said “lol sure.”
Ten minutes later she puts up a photo dump on Instagram. It included a close-up selfie with me half blinking and another shot of me mid-chew with a weird angle and shiny forehead. I was tagged in both. I texted her (while still in the room), “Could you take those two down or crop me out? I don’t love them.” No response. I asked again in person and she said, “Azzy, it’s a candid dump. You look cute. I’m not editing it, people already liked it.”
I said I don’t consent to those specific pictures of my face online and offered options:
She rolled her eyes and said I was “policing her Instagram.” Another friend chimed in that it’s not that deep and we should leave soon.
At that point I felt stuck between either dropping it and stewing or making it a whole thing. I told M, “I’m not mad, I just really don’t want those two up. If it’s a no, I’m going to dip and you guys have fun.” She said, “Do what you want.” So I left. I didn’t slam a door or cry, I ordered an Uber, said bye to the others, and went home
Group chat the next morning was split:
For context:
Now I’m wondering if walking out was an overreaction. Should I have sucked it up for the night and dealt with it the next day? Or is it reasonable to expect a friend to remove a couple photos when asked?
TL;DR: Friend posted unflattering close-ups of me after I’d asked to approve face pics. She refused to edit or swap them in the moment, so I left the pregame. She changed them the next day but says I was controlling and killed the vibe. Am I overreacting?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I left my friend M’s pregame after she refused to take down two unflattering photos of me that she posted on Instagram, even though I had asked her beforehand to send close-ups for approval. I think I might be the asshole because leaving could be seen as making the night awkward for everyone else instead of just ignoring it until later.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It’s not difficult to respect someone not wanting their picture plastered everywhere. “it already has likes” is the dumbest reasoning to justify being an asshole
NTA. Your face, not hers. She has to respect your decision of not wanting these pictures of yours online. Leaving instead of starting drama was also a mature decision if you couldn’t stand being there anymore.
She changed it at the very least (and probably assumes its not a big deal if done within 24hrs) but she should understand you don’t want it. I’m not a picture person either and if you catch my face you better ask me or crop me out. If you see my sides or back I don’t care myself. Its also not taking much time to censor your face before uploading.
NTA – candid photos don’t mean unflattering. My friends have always had the rule of “ask and it shall be removed.”
ESH
Your friend is an asshole. The fact is, you know that and you know her habit of dumping candid photos on Instagram. You should be staying away from her and these types of events instead of ending up in this situation over and over again.
What are the chances that people say NTA and then this happens again next week? High chances I’d bet.
NTA. Really takes no effort at all to respect your friend’s requests regarding photos. If someone doesn’t want to be in them, she should take it down. Simple as that.
NTA, you set a boundary and then she ignored it. If you stayed she’d have continued to
Not to mention… After you gently requested she fix it she treated it like a burden, but it’s one she caused by ignoring you
NTA. Good for you for setting boundaries. That’s scary and hard work. Peer pressure at your age is one of the things I’m glad I’m older now 😅
Some people will just not understand it if you don’t like your pic taken or posted. You did the right thing. Sadly though, be prepared for this group of friends not being the friends you take deep into adulthood with you. Then again, who needs friends who disregard your boundaries like that. But at your age I understand it being hard to put your foot down.
Idk if I would’ve left. But I would have been worried about damaging the friendship by leaving even if they did something like this to me.
NTA in any way. Friends should respect requests from other friends. I have a hard time understanding if it was not a big deal in her opinion, then why did she make a big deal out of blurring you or removing them as you requested? No one likes unflattering photos posted. If she was a true friend, she would understand that.
Your friend “made the vibe weird” by ignoring earlier agreements, refusing to take down and respecting your boundaries, your wishes.
NTA.
NTA and she + the others supporting her are not your friends
NTA. M had a choice between compromise and conflict, and she made her choice.
NTA
She has no respect for your feelings or opinion, so it’s doubtful she’s truly a friend.
Her current and past behaviour has proven you cannot trust her, so if you continue to socialise with her you need to demand that you’re not to be included in her photos at all. None.
NTA. it doesnt matter if she thinks its no big deal. when theres another person involved (who she already knows isnt comfortable with it) then shes gotta respect your wishes too. especially after she agreed not to beforehand. if you wanna be petty, just post unflattering pics of her and maybe then she’ll understand why you were setting that boundary lol