Hi, 26 year old female here. I rent a bedroom out of my aunts house. I went out of town this week and didn’t have time to do much cleaning before I left. I get a text from my aunt last night saying that she went into my room to inspect, cleaned my bathroom, is going to begin cleaning my bedroom, needs me to be more transparent about my life overwhelm with her, and that once i move out she is going to need to do renovations. My problem isn’t about me believing that i keep my space perfectly clean all the time or helping contribute to some repairs when the time comes. It’s that i feel SO violated by her entering my space, making judgements about it and touching my things. We don’t have a signed rent agreement, but I’ve been paying her $500/mo and I guess i just expected that my space was mine. I’ve been wobbling back and forth between being upset with her and feeling like I should’ve managed my space better. Am I the asshole?
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Hi, 26 year old female here. I rent a bedroom out of my aunts house. I went out of town this week and didn’t have time to do much cleaning before I left. I get a text from my aunt last night saying that she went into my room to inspect, cleaned my bathroom, is going to begin cleaning my bedroom, needs me to be more transparent about my life overwhelm with her, and that once i move out she is going to need to do renovations. My problem isn’t about me believing that i keep my space perfectly clean all the time or helping contribute to some repairs when the time comes. It’s that i feel SO violated by her entering my space, making judgements about it and touching my things. We don’t have a signed rent agreement, but I’ve been paying her $500/mo and I guess i just expected that my space was mine. I’ve been wobbling back and forth between being upset with her and feeling like I should’ve managed my space better. Am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My aunt called me out for leaving a messy room that i pay rent on but in her home. I feel like i could be the asshole for not maintaining my room better.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You pay rent for your room, so it’s yours. She has no business going in their to snoop or to clean. It’s not like there was some urgent repair she had to go in for.
She’s trying to be an intrusive parent of a young child. But that’s not the deal, right?
INFO: Did her comment about renovations have anything to do with the state you left your room/bathroom in? As in, have you damaged things?
NTA…She shouldn’t be in your space inspecting anything. Tell her to get out and stay out unless otherwise asked.
NTA.
You should feel violated. She is treating you like a child, not a tenant. You are paying to live there, so you have rights to privacy. I’d put a lock on the door until you can move out. I’d text her back with something like “I understand that you hold certain standards for the shared spaces, and please let me know if I am not meeting those. However, since I pay rent for the bedroom space, so I’d appreciate you leaving the upkeep of that space to me. I am not comfortable with you in my room while I’m not there, please respect that space as private. I will clean when I return from my trip.”
If she pushes back, this just confirms that she sees you as her sister’s little kid and not an adult.
If you rent the room, she shouldn’t be in your room. It’s no concern of hers if it is messy. She is in the wrong here.
NTA She was feeling very territorial in your absence. Perhaps it’s time for you to deprive your aunt of the 500 in rent you pay and move on.