I (20F) have been friends with “Maya” (23F) since high school. We’ve been super close for years — I was even her maid of honor last year. But lately, she’s been taking constant jabs at my job.
I work as a waitress at a popular brunch spot. It’s not my dream career, but it pays well, I like the team, and I’m saving up to go back to school. Maya works in corporate marketing and always lowkey acts like that makes her better.
Anyway, for her birthday last weekend, she invited about 12 of us to a fancy restaurant. I saved up all week so I could afford it. During dinner, Maya started making sarcastic comments like, “Mary knows all about customer service—she gets yelled at for a living” and “Don’t ask Mary to split the bill, she makes minimum wage.” Everyone laughed awkwardly, but it stung.
I quietly told her to cut it out, but she just smiled and said, “Oh relax, I’m just teasing. You used to be funny.”
So I excused myself, paid for my part of the meal, and left. I didn’t cause a scene. I just texted her later saying I didn’t appreciate being the butt of the joke all night.
She hasn’t responded, but another friend said I was dramatic for walking out of her birthday dinner and making it “about me.” Now I feel guilty.
AITA?
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I (20F) have been friends with “Maya” (23F) since high school. We’ve been super close for years — I was even her maid of honor last year. But lately, she’s been taking constant jabs at my job.
I work as a waitress at a popular brunch spot. It’s not my dream career, but it pays well, I like the team, and I’m saving up to go back to school. Maya works in corporate marketing and always lowkey acts like that makes her better.
Anyway, for her birthday last weekend, she invited about 12 of us to a fancy restaurant. I saved up all week so I could afford it. During dinner, Maya started making sarcastic comments like, “Mary knows all about customer service—she gets yelled at for a living” and “Don’t ask Mary to split the bill, she makes minimum wage.” Everyone laughed awkwardly, but it stung.
I quietly told her to cut it out, but she just smiled and said, “Oh relax, I’m just teasing. You used to be funny.”
So I excused myself, paid for my part of the meal, and left. I didn’t cause a scene. I just texted her later saying I didn’t appreciate being the butt of the joke all night.
She hasn’t responded, but another friend said I was dramatic for walking out of her birthday dinner and making it “about me.” Now I feel guilty.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I left my friend’s birthday party because she was making comments about my job
(2) It was a special day for her and i feel like i should’ve just let the comments slide instead of making it such a big deal
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You don’t have to remain in a place you feel uncomfortable.
You friend is an ass – you need better friends
NTA
If someone makes “jokes” about you and does not stop when you ask them to, they are the AH. Jokes and pranks are only funny if the target also laughs. Otherwise they are bullying.
NTA your “friend” sounds like a ln arrogant prick thats gonna lean into whatever makes her feel superior
NTA at all. You tried to set a boundary politely, and she chose to keep going. It’s not “just teasing” if it clearly hurts someone and they ask you to stop.
You didn’t cause a scene — you quietly removed yourself from a situation where you were being disrespected. That’s completely reasonable. It’s her birthday, but that doesn’t give her a free pass to belittle you, especially in front of others.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. Friends should lift each other up, not tear each other down for laughs.
NTA. Maya was putting you down to build herself up. Do you want a “friend” like that?
And your friend who said you were “dramatic” can suck it too.
NTA Those aren’t jokes. She’s making mean spirited comments and she looks down on you. I would re-evaluate the friendship.
NTA this person was completely out of line and I’m actually shocked that people at that table laughed rather than change the subject. If they are mad at you, it’s no loss! I find it fascinating when people think their career or money makes it ok to shit on others – first because it shows their values are shallow but also, do they never consider that their own circumstances might change? No job is 100% guaranteed. She may find herself hoping a friend will pick up the check one day because her savings are running out. I bet she wouldn’t have sneered at your minimum wage then.
New friend group time!
NTA- it’s not required that you stay ANYWHERE that you’re uncomfortable and the butt of other people’s jokes. Doesn’t sound like she’s worthy of being your best friend.
NTA- she made it about you.
No, your jagov birthday girl/ex friend is the one who made it about you. This kind of “kidding” and so forth show what a dick she is.
Dramatic? perhaps.. but you made a point about your feelings and boundaries. You are a couple years younger than her, but, with luck and karma, you may get to serve her at your job one day. If so, you can pull the line Penny used on Big Bang: I hope you enjoy your meal..I “enjoyed” getting IT for you! Nothing specific or threatening, just leave her wondering.
Nta- you guys are so young. She’s had this job for what a year and is acting like she’s had a lifetime of experiences. No, you could have been meaner really and. Still wouldn’t have been an ahole
Maya already made it about you by targeting you with demeaning “jokes.”
Tell your other friend to f–k off.
NTA
NTA – you shouldn’t have to stick around when you’re being made the butt of the joke. It being your “friend’s” birthday dinner doesn’t change that. Just because it’s her birthday doesn’t mean she can be rude and you just need to sit there and take it.
NTA. Maya is unkind. She is also insecure. She’s putting you down to make herself look better.
This brat is not your friend. She is a petty mean girl.
There is nothing wrong with being a waitress. You get up and go to work just like she does.
If I were you this so called friendship would be over.
NTA some people like to belittle others to validate how much better they think they are. If your so called friend cant understand how demeaning and hurtful her words were, then I would drop the friendship.
NTA. She is NOT your friend, even though she has a “more important” profession, she envies you. Stay away from her, you deserve better friends, beautiful.
NTA. You’re not obligated to keep yourself in a place that’s making you upset or uncomfortable to make someone else feel better. When I stopped using drugs, any time I was in a position where drugs were involved, I removed myself from the situation, including a friend’s Bachelorette party.
NTA – Deep down you already knew that, which is why you’re here. Moving forward stick to your gut and now that you know the type you can steer far far away from these asshats
NTA for not putting up with being bullied by your “friend “
NTA Are you sure she is still your friend ?
Sounds like you might have out grown each other.
You did absolutely the right thing!
No human should make you feel less than. You did not cause a scene, you did the right thing.
This shows that you love yourself.
Good job👍
NTA. Your “friend” was being a jerk.
There’s a fine line between teasing and just being mean, and if the subject of the “teasing” tells you to stop, you crossed that line a while ago.
Teasing would make you blush and giggle, her put downs were rude and hurtful, not in good fun. I would have left also! The other people with must have felt uncomfortable, I wonder if someone said something to her after you left. You were not dramatic by leaving, just because it was her birthday doesn’t mean you have to sit quietly while you are being insulted.
NTA.
Friends often joke and rib each other. What friends don’t do is keep it going after they’ve been told to stop. That’s the line. Respect to you for holding that line.
NTA. You left a situation where you felt uncomfortable, after already speaking up about it asking her to stop. The only person making it about you after you had left the restaurant was Maya.
Cut Maya and your other so-called friend out of your life. I bet your friend wouldn’t have felt the same if Maya was making mean spirited jokes about her.
NTA.
NTA.
She is not your friend. Read this again..”she is not your friend”.
NTA. Maya was acting like an ass.
NTA. She is. Shitty thing to do to a friend.
Her insecurity is apparent.
NTA, what a complete pick me of a “friend”. She’s looking down on you and probably talks smack behind your back to the same group of girls. If she despises your job so much, then why hasn’t she vouched for you to work at her company if it’s so much better.
NTA.
She’s not your friend.
If Maya invited everyone, then she should have picked up the tab for everyone. Tell her that where you work, hosts have the class to know that. You can add that you didn’t mind paying your share in case she couldn’t swing it with her marketing job.
Update us in 5 yrs when u finish college n land a higher paying dream job n u are rocking the world with ur handsome bf/ husband/ partner!!! Best revenge work on urself! U go girl n NTA!! Edit- most CEOs started in customer service/ servers!
NTA. Because it was about you. You were the butt of every single joke.
NTA. You made yourself clear that your feelings were hurt and she continued to be disrespectful. Other than politely removing yourself I’m not sure what this other friend expected from you. To literally sit there and be hurt over and over again? I would like her to explain herself on that one. If it’s ‘just get over it’ then she’s a fool.
I also don’t understand how leaving a situation is making it about you. Surely it’s literally the opposite 😂 And if you want to talk ‘dramatic’, letting her whole night be ruined because she successfully bullied you away? Dramatic as anything
I would reconsider my friendships with these people. Is this the first time you’ve felt disrespected in this crowd? I can’t speak for the rest of them but these two don’t sound nice at all. I hope you feel better about it now. I’m sorry this happened to you
Quietly walking out is not dramatic and I’m tired of people who say it is. Flipping over the table is dramatic.
NTA. You are legit asking for the most basic of decency, and she sounds like a pompous AH
NTA
Drop her as a friend and don’t look back.
I have an observation that has nothing to do with this post.
I’ve noticed in many of these stories about toxic friendships, one person is engaged with a wedding on the horizon or they are a newlywed. It seems like many women become unhinged when they get a ring on their finger.
I’m sure there are other underlying issues but this seems to be a theme with many of these situations.
Someone needs to do a study on this because bridezillas are an epidemic.
NTA, you don’t need her toxicity in your life
NTA. “I’m just teasing” and “It’s just a joke” are the excuses made by every a-hole ever that’s being nasty and wants to pretend they aren’t.
Did she notice that neither you nor anyone else was laughing?
If you give her another chance (“if” because she sounds awful, was this uncharacteristic for her, or par for the course?) you have a couple options when it recurs. 1 is to ask why these insults are funny. Take a serious tone, as if you are genuinely asking. She will become extremely uncomfortable. 2 is to return fire with something you know she’s sensitive about–everyone has something–and when she acts offended, tell her “relax, I’m just kidding”.
Or–maybe don’t spend time around her, especially if this is what she’s usually like?
NTA. I never understand how people say that leaving an unpleasant situation is making it all about you. You were literally trying to stop it being about you. Maybe time for some space from this frenemy
NTA
“Were we at the same dinner? Mary made it about me by making jokes about me. I asked her nicely to stop and when she continued to make jokes about me I left.
Maybe your ok with being insulted and disrespected, thats totally your choice to accept that behavior. I don’t care if whose birthday or what the event is, if I’m being disrespected I can chose to leave.
I don’t like being disrespected and if you want to judge me for not tolerating disrespect maybe you should lose my number like I lost Mary’s.”
Dont apologize dont make excuses just lay out exactly how it is.
NTA but that friendship is over. She’s too young to be smug about her prospects. Now go live you best life. Good luck.
Do not reply until she says she was a jerk and she’s sorry. But don’t hold your breath.
NTA. You didn’t make the dinner about you, she did.
NTA.
It’s now obviously clear that she is not really your friend (or a good person).
NTA. Your friend who said you were dramatic is wrong. And Maya is even MORE wrong. You’re only 20! You have your whole life and whatever careers you want ahead of you. There’s absolutely no shame in being a waitress. She should apologize to you.
NTA. She made it about you when she decided to be a mean girl and insult you, and any ‘friend’ that doesn’t see a problem with that is not your friend.
I just want to say that I work in Marketing and your 23 year old friend is undoubtedly doing grunt shit work that no one else wants, like reviewing old content, manually updating systems, or combing through spreadsheets.
Don’t let her convince you she’s big time just because she’s got a desk, it’s all hot air to make herself feel important.
This person is not your friend. You were being dramatic. You didn’t make it all about you. Maya did that.
Don’t accept disrespect disguised as jokes.
NTA you didn’t make it about you, she did. She couldn’t handle your reasonable boundary, so you removed yourself from the situation. That’s on her. Consequences of her actions.
It’s only a joke if everyone is laughing
NTA.. she knew exactly what she was doing.. ‘oh.. look at how good I am for having a poor peasant waitress as a friend….’
Find better friends. Ghost her
NTA – Why do you let this woman walk all over you? At a minimum, shes 3 years ahead of you in her career. She’s 3 years older. Also, shes insecure AF, needing to tear you down to lift herself up. Fuck her. You’re doing great and good for you. Don’t justify yourself to anyone. Good luck going back to school and you do you!
Cut them both out of your life. It’s not funny, and you don’t deserve to be treated that way.
NTA
NTA, she isn’t your friend. Life is too short to keep negative influences around, so I’d drop her like a bad habit if I were you.
NTA
She’s no friend.
Put some space between you and her for a while. You certainly were not wrong to leave early — she was being abusive.
No, someone else made it all about you, and you decided you were not going to be abused. I’m proud of you. NTA
“Another Friend” is a bigger AH than the birthday girl. You are not.
For 20 years old you have more class and maturity than that so-called friend. In my eyes what she did was horrible and I would certainly reevaluate having someone like that in your life. The same for anyone that is sticking up for that bitch. NTA.
>“Oh relax, I’m just teasing. You used to be funny.”
Jokes are funny if both parties have a laugh, otherwise it’s just bullying. You’re NTA and she’s not your friend.
NTA
This is not how a friend treats a friend. She may have the ‘better’ job but she’s a classless asshole.
Nta. You didn’t make it all about you, the birthday girl did. She sounds weirdly jealous. Why if you have a better job and go to fancy restaurants feel the need to pick at someone who is supposed to be your friend? Punching down is never a good look.
NTA. She’s bullying you, that’s not a friend. If she insists it’s a joke ask her to explain the punchline. Explain how it’s funny and not just bullying.
NTA, Shes a slave to corporate america. Which probably sucks more because at least you get tips.
You did not make it about you. Your best friend did. That’s what you should tell the person who said that. No one is dramatic for not letting someone bully them. NTA
she wasnt teasing you, she was bullying you. NTA
NTA
She was mean and claimed she was teasing.
Leaving was the most low-key thing you could have done.
NTA
You did exactly the right thing.
Actions speak to your confidence and send a message without saying a word.
She was not just joking – if a joke falls flat people stop. You didn’t think it funny and she knew that – and kept going.
You sound much more mature than that friendship group. For this reason I feel you will make good decisions and in the long run will do well in life. And you’ll have friends worth having. (Those that scold you for having self respect or who bully and tease you in a mean way are not really friends, or even preferred acquaintances.)
You need to have a conversation with her and draw a boundary because real talk she’s not your friend.
She sounds like a bully. You can always turn the tables on her. ‘You’re right! Money is tight with saving up for school and me waitressing right now. Thank you for offering to pick up my portion of the bill. So thoughtful of you. Such a good friend.’ Etc etc So who looks like the a$$hole when she doesn’t pick up the tab for you?
Mayas behaviour have the narcissist prayer all written over it
NTA. She’s not your friend. She has you along to make herself feel better, in a really shitty way.
I’m sorry.
Food Service is the hardest job in the world. You deserve better.
Hugs
Maya made it about u .those are not your friends
NTA. You have a lousy “friend” who spent the evening making fun of you. Not much of a friend.
NTA. Maya made the night about you. You just took yourself out of the equation.
NTA—Her words when she said “you use to be funny”…ouch. That girl is NOT your friend. Friends don’t act like that.
“What’s the joke?”
always puts these people in their place
NTA
Maya chose to make it all about OP and not one person stood up to her to stop it. Don’t let them come to you now and say Jack shit about how YOU handled being bullied. You handled this perfectly OP and any “friend” who says otherwise is not your friend
NTA drop her and that other friend that said you was being dramatic.
NTA. Her retort when you asked her to stop is classic ‘gas lighting.’
My friend from high school that I was super close with had me in her wedding. She never had much money growing up but she worked very hard and her and her husband prospered.
Now she looks down on everyone else. When I bought a Mini Cooper Countryman for my 49th birthday she looked down on it and said, “Why wouldn’t you get a car like a Corvette (which she has)?”
I said, “because a Corvette is a Chevy and a Mini is a BMW.”
I never spoke to her again. Money changes people and not always for the best.
This may be a friendship that has seen its time. People will come and go from your life for various reasons. If this friendship only makes you feel badly, cut her out like a cancer. Sometimes we need to shed the negative people from our lives because they do not serve our best interest.
She’s not your friend and she’ll get worse.
She is not your friend.
Nta
She’s purposely trying to hurt you. Not your friend.
I’m glad you left instead of sit there and let her continue to be a jerk and a bully
SHE made it about you. Also, I don’t think she’s a good friend. Just ghost her.
NTA. One joke, ok. Repeated, absolutely no excuse. Find a new best friend, and drop the old one like a bad habit.
UpdateMe
Nta
She made it about you, and not in a kind way. She is, in reality, no longer your friend.
life is short. just because we know people from high school era doesn’t mean we need to continue these friendships in our 20s+. i’m more than double your age and would like to urge you to surround yourself with good energy people. she has an insecurity about you and belittling you helps her feel more powerful against you. maybe 1 phone call to talk this over and then move on to better friends that truly love you and root for your success. you protected your energy walking off and never feel guilty about that. birthday girl made the dinner all about you to begin with, each time she put you down. you are fine. shake it off. proud of you for protecting you.
Maya is a jerk who thinks she is better than others. I would not remain friends with her. NTA.
NTA but these are not your friends
INFO: There’s a 3 year age difference. How did you two become friends? How did you maintain your friendship when she was in college and you were still in high school?
NTA. She was bullying you. She started the fuss, not you. You simply refused to be mocked any further and I’m glad that you did. She’s not your friend- actual friends wouldn’t do that to you.