went to his party made a proper effort to look nice wore a cute top and jeans i felt really good in it
first thing he says when he sees me is oh i thought you’d dress up a bit more maybe do your makeup or something and then laughs and goes nah i’m joking chill
everyone else laughed too and i just stood there like oh okay cool didn’t realise i looked that bad
i stayed for a bit tried to act normal but ended up leaving early now he’s saying i embarrassed him and made it a big deal for nothing
am i the asshole or was that actually out of order
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
went to his party made a proper effort to look nice wore a cute top and jeans i felt really good in it
first thing he says when he sees me is oh i thought you’d dress up a bit more maybe do your makeup or something and then laughs and goes nah i’m joking chill
everyone else laughed too and i just stood there like oh okay cool didn’t realise i looked that bad
i stayed for a bit tried to act normal but ended up leaving early now he’s saying i embarrassed him and made it a big deal for nothing
am i the asshole or was that actually out of order
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1)Left my boyfriends bday party cos he made fun of me
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA he made a bad joke at your expense in front of his friends. That’s a dick move
NTA – He did that in front of everyone so that you wouldn’t make a scene. But it’s bullying plain and simple. He was out of order and you need a boyfriend who isn’t going to “neg” you in front of his friends.
[removed]
NTA. Unless this is the relationship you have with this friend, where he roasts you daily, but does it out of love and you know that and accept it, the comment was wildly out of line. Attempting to make you feel guilty for leaving a place where he made you uncomfortable is just manipulation so he can try and feel less guilty about it.
NTA- idk why dudes act surprised when their attempts at negging aren’t well recieved
It’s the first thing he said? In front of other people???
NTA. Holy crap how dare he then say you embarassed him? He embarassed himself and showed everyone who he really is.
Dump that motherfucker yesterday. Noone should be greeting you like that. I’m glad you left early.
NTA. He was an asshole to you, and you don’t have to put up with that.
You are NTA but you need to rethink a lot of things.
The man you’ve decided to date is manipulative, immature, and unkind.
He ‘negged’ you in front of a group of people on his birthday, and then decided to paint you as the bad guy. I believe he did that because he has gotten away with it before.
Life is short. Having a loving partner is wonderful. Why spend another day with this turd when you could be out finding Mr. Right?
How old is he?
If he is older than 16, he should know better. That was a dick move and someone who is supposed to care for you wouldn’t do that. I don’t see how what you were wearing would embarrass him, unless he is truly that superficial. That “joke” had too many specific points for it to really be a joke.
Tell him that he now knows how he made you feel with the joke and that he might need to toughen up a bit if he is going to joke like that. What the code means is that it was not a big deal to him, and that you didn’t matter.
NTA, he is.
Why are you with him? This isn’t the first time he has embarrassed you and makes you the brunt of his cruelty. You try and let it go….probably because the sex is great afterwards as he’s trying to make up. This is a horrible selfish mean spirited individual. But I go you don’t care enough for yourself.
[removed]
NTA. He’s played stupid games and won stupid prizes.
Red flag red flag red flag.
NTA – he criticized you in front of his friends. Made a joke at your expense. Created an environment where his friends were laughing at you, killing your happy mood and confidence that night.
And I would take an afternoon to think about how often he behaves like this. Does he often joke by making fun of you? Question your taste, your appearance, your likes/dislikes? A caring partner would not do this.
Absolutely NOT the asshole. Your boyfriend is manipulative and used you as the butt of his joke – he then went on to gaslight you and say that YOU embarrassed HIM!?!
You DESERVE to be treated with respect. You deserve to be greeted with a “wow babe, you look beautiful!” And a hug.
Dump your child of a boyfriend and find a man who will treat you with the respect you deserve.
NTA that’s not funny to do to a partner. Fucker was just showing out to his friends. Don’t let him try to turn that on you when you left. He’s the AH and if he don’t get that, you might need to reconsider who you’re dating.
NTA
He greeted you by devaluing you in front of everyone. Then tried to evade responsibility with the old “it was just a joke,” “You’re too sensitive.”
No, you’re not. You accurately registered his demeaning and insulting you in a public setting. Your stunned response is perfectly normal. Once you had time to process this unexpected public attack, you distanced yourself from the abuser.
Even if others reacted with nervous laughter, it’s much more likely that they, like you, were shocked he was so awful to you. Good on you for leaving that toxic bullying environment.
It’s not a “joke” if it’s at the expense of somebody else. Your boyfriend is an AH. Why in the world are you dating him?
My guy tells me ahead what the dress code is or how he’d like to see me dressed. We are two different cultures/ races. I’m not always sure what’s appropriate. If he doesn’t say anything, I follow my instincts like you did. You were dressed perfectly for a party. He is an ass
NTA, next time he pulls a stunt like this one and criticises you in front of his mates, turn around and leave there and then.
No you’re not embarrassing him, he embarrassed himself.
He embarrassed himself by being a jackass to you too the moment you entered the room. And I’m not hearing an apology, are you? Hurts like this don’t deserve to have a girlfriend. Don’t give your good stuff to someone who doesn’t appreciate you.
NTA. If he loved young, he wouldn’t make a joke of you