For context, I’ve been friends with Matt (10 years), John (8 years) and Lily (7 years on and off). For clarification Lily and I have had a rough relationship throughout the years as of recently since 2022 due to other issues.
I (F24) recently had a birthday which included 3 friends. Matt (24M), John (24M) and Lily (23F). It wasn’t anything big. It was all four of us going into the city and shopping which I enjoyed. In our friend group I’m probably known as the sensitive one; I get upset easily and tend to act on my emotions in the moment which I’ve been working on with my therapist. I’ve been very open with my friends about how it’s going and what I’ve been doing . At first everybody seemed very supportive though I’ve noticed Lily has been less and less responsive to our conversations in general. Which at first I assumed was okay; people have lives, things get busy and she’ll get back to me whenever she can.
The day itself was fun in the beginning. Nothing seemed off,we were shopping and chatting things felt fine. But around midday as I was transferring money into my bank account I noticed some of my money missing. To clarify I’m very cautious with my spending, i track what I spend to make sure I don’t overspend on things. I don’t have a lot for my age and all of my friends know I’m cautious with money. So I’m checking my accounts, I’m stressing because it’s not a small amount, it’s over $700. Everybody noticed I’m getting worked up and upset. Matt suggests that we stop inside my bank branch to sort the issue out since there was one down the street. I agree since I don’t want to continue while actively noticing moneys missing and I assumed my account might’ve been hacked or something.
John said it was fine, but Lily was annoyed since we hadn’t finished our shopping yet. She sat down on the bench with John, at first I didn’t hear her or what she was saying because I was too worried over my account. Though as I was looking for directions to the bank she piped up about her and John’s account.
“Oh look John we might have been hacked too , see our money for the day is missing too” she laughed, nobody else did. It was clearly not funny as we all stood in silence. All I said was that the poor joke was distasteful and nobody found it funny but her. Lily snapped, saying I’m ruining the day by stressing everybody out about money when her and John travelled to see me. I told her I appreciated the travel to see me but this was something I couldn’t skip over since I’ve seen it already. So I left for the bank and ignored her. After I finished it I found Matt waiting for me to inform me that Lily and John went home. In the morning I found a bunch of missed texts from Lily saying that I ruined the day and that I was being overly sensitive about a clear joke she made and too emotional for reacting the way I did. I didn’t snap or yell at her , I left the situation since my worry was my account but she won’t listen to my reasoning. So am I the asshole?
Edit: sorry forgot to add, yes I lost my money. I’ve been at the bank for the past few days now waiting to see what they can do to help me. It happened on a busy day so the bank hours were shorter than normal. They explained it like sometimes when you shop online some companies will sell your information. I’m not sure how true it is but I’m dealing with the situation at hand. I will update in the next couple of days with any information I get.
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For context, I’ve been friends with Matt (10 years), John (8 years) and Lily (7 years on and off). For clarification Lily and I have had a rough relationship throughout the years as of recently since 2022 due to other issues.
I (F24) recently had a birthday which included 3 friends. Matt (24M), John (24M) and Lily (23F). It wasn’t anything big. It was all four of us going into the city and shopping which I enjoyed. In our friend group I’m probably known as the sensitive one; I get upset easily and tend to act on my emotions in the moment which I’ve been working on with my therapist. I’ve been very open with my friends about how it’s going and what I’ve been doing . At first everybody seemed very supportive though I’ve noticed Lily has been less and less responsive to our conversations in general. Which at first I assumed was okay; people have lives, things get busy and she’ll get back to me whenever she can.
The day itself was fun in the beginning. Nothing seemed off,we were shopping and chatting things felt fine. But around midday as I was transferring money into my bank account I noticed some of my money missing. To clarify I’m very cautious with my spending, i track what I spend to make sure I don’t overspend on things. I don’t have a lot for my age and all of my friends know I’m cautious with money. So I’m checking my accounts, I’m stressing because it’s not a small amount, it’s over $700. Everybody noticed I’m getting worked up and upset. Matt suggests that we stop inside my bank branch to sort the issue out since there was one down the street. I agree since I don’t want to continue while actively noticing moneys missing and I assumed my account might’ve been hacked or something.
John said it was fine, but Lily was annoyed since we hadn’t finished our shopping yet. She sat down on the bench with John, at first I didn’t hear her or what she was saying because I was too worried over my account. Though as I was looking for directions to the bank she piped up about her and John’s account.
“Oh look John we might have been hacked too , see our money for the day is missing too” she laughed, nobody else did. It was clearly not funny as we all stood in silence. All I said was that the poor joke was distasteful and nobody found it funny but her. Lily snapped, saying I’m ruining the day by stressing everybody out about money when her and John travelled to see me. I told her I appreciated the travel to see me but this was something I couldn’t skip over since I’ve seen it already. So I left for the bank and ignored her. After I finished it I found Matt waiting for me to inform me that Lily and John went home. In the morning I found a bunch of missed texts from Lily saying that I ruined the day and that I was being overly sensitive about a clear joke she made and too emotional for reacting the way I did. I didn’t snap or yell at her , I left the situation since my worry was my account but she won’t listen to my reasoning. So am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I left the hangout midday after it was planned for weeks. Knowing the travel the friends made just for me. I might’ve come off as rude when I said the comment was distasteful.
Because I left midday after knowing that they came all the way to see me. Stopping the whole event for myself and my worries.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
(ETA:) NTA. Okay, you left out whether something was actually wrong with your account. What happened?
NTA. You had every right to be upset losing $700 isn’t a joke. Lily’s comment was insensitive, and you handled it maturely by walking away instead of arguing.
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INFO: was your bank account actually “hacked”? What happened with the missing money?
NTA. Whenever I hear the I was just joking excuse, the first thing that comes to my mind is to ask the person what part was supposed to be funny. If I find out I’m $700 short, I’m stopping the train to figure out WTF is going on. And if I found out a friend had that problem, I’m too concerned to make jokes and suggest she wait a day or so to figure it out.
Sounds like Lily isn’t your friend anymore. And that’s okay for both of you.
INFO: what happened to the $700, were you hacked?
Losing $700 would absolutely wreck my day and if my friend made a joke about it I’d be baffled and hurt. Like, what the fuck? Have some sympathy for a genuinely stressful and upsetting situation or gtfo. NTA
NTA – stop interacting with her.
Lily is forgetting something extremely important, and it has nothing to do with whether you get over-emotional about things.
If you notice money missing from your bank account, and you can’t account for the loss, or if your card is lost or stolen, you MUST drop everything you’re doing and contact the bank immediately.
You MUST. It”s not negotiable. It’s even in the T&Cs of most banks.
The longer you wait, the more time you’re giving a potential scammer or thief to steal even more money from you. Whereas if you contact the bank right now and say “I think my account has been compromised” or “My card has been stolen”, anything that happens after that is on them, not you.
You were absolutely right to go straight to the bank branch.
If Lily thinks you should have just shrugged and said “Oh, well, I’ll deal with this later” and continued with your shopping, she’s either incredibly self-centered and selfish, or incredibly ignorant, or both.
NTA.
Main character energy… I’m exhausted reading this. You seem to think everyone needs to center you and are annoyed when they don’t. Pay for followers and leave these poor folks alone.
Nta. $700 is my half of rent. Like, that’s huge. That’s not something to joke about. Doesn’t sound like she was a friend to begin with.
Missing money IS a legit reason not be emotional and upset.
If she had time restrictions or didn’t want to wait for you to go to the bank, she could have simply said that. But most folks can’t afford to have a missing $700, a birthday trip definitely doesn’t trump that!
NTA. Your reaction was correct here.
I’m sorry this happened to you — especially on your birthday.
I think you and Lily need to part ways, at least for now. She clearly has no empathy or patience for your mental health challenges, but you need to distance yourself from a “friend” who would insult you and accuse you of ruining HER day (but it was YOUR birthday)…..
I hope you get your money back soon and continue to grow and enjoy yourself!
Nta
NTA. Making light of you losing SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS is off to say the least.
NTA
The audacity to act like it’s your fault your moneys missing, and that you are ruining YOUR birthday for HER.
She deserves to get dropped. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the robber. (I say that lat part as a lowkey joke, ya know, an actual funny one.)