I (41yo F) went to my partner’s (42yo M) house tonight for a family BBQ for Easter. His daughter (21yo) was there with her partner for the night. We live in small towns in Australia, and I live approximately 30 minutes away from my partner’s. He doesn’t have a license at the moment, so I commute to him.
I arrived around 5.20pm to my partner’s house and fixed myself a beverage. His daughter and partner were sitting on the back patio. His 8yo son was inside playing playstation. Around 6.30pm, we heated up the BBQ, and I headed inside to make a quick salad. My partner was well on his way to drunkville by this time, so I had to take over cooking the BBQ as he was deep in convo with his daughter (I didnt mind, they don’t see each other often). It was during this time that he started to get rowdy and obnoxious and started playing with his 8yo son. His son was swearing so much, so I’d asked for them to stop it.
It got to 7.30 pm and dinner was finished. By this time, my partner was merry as fuuuurk and really razzing up his 8yo son. As much as I love a good father/son rough housing… this turned into total disrespect. His son started yelling out obscenities like, “You’re a fat ct” and “fk you dick face.” Everyone was laughing… except for me. I piped up and asked his son to stop the swearing, and he told me, “You’re not my mum.” I then replied, “I’m not trying to be, I just don’t like the language.”
At no point did my partner say anything, or reprimand his child, or stop playing with him. Instead, i think he found it funny. His daughter and partner were laughing along, and I’m not sure if it was because they found it funny or awkward. Either way, I’d had enough and felt so disrespected and not heard that I grabbed my bag and said goodbye to my partner’s daughter and her partner and left.
I could hear my partner telling his son to “run after her and say you’re sorry!”
His son was at my driver’s door as I started the engine and I told him to go inside and I’ll see him Sunday and I drove off. This was approx 8pm.
My partner didn’t realise I’d actually left until about an hour later when he called. I told him I’d talk to him tomorrow as he sounded too drunk to comprehend anything at that point.
He called me later tonight, about 9.30 pm, to talk about things. I tried to tell him how I felt and how an 8yo swearing isn’t cute, and he ended up hanging up on me and then didn’t answer my callbacks. Instead, he sent a text saying, “Don’t wanna talk.”
I’m not a prude, I swear too, but there’s a line for me, and I felt it was crossed.
I need advice here… this isn’t the first time his son has disregarded me. It’s happened in my own house and when I’ve told my partner, he found it funny. It honestly pisses me off to no end! It’s not the first time for my partner to allow this behaviour.
So, AITA for leaving because of his 8yo sons swearing and him being ok with it?
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I (41yo F) went to my partner’s (42yo M) house tonight for a family BBQ for Easter. His daughter (21yo) was there with her partner for the night. We live in small towns in Australua and I live approximately 30mins away from my partner’s. He doesn’t have a license at the moment so I commute to him.
I arrived around 5.20pm to my partner’s house and fixed myself a beverage. His daughter and partner were sitting on the back patio, his 8yo son was inside playing playstation. Around 6.30pm, we heated up the BBQ and I headed inside to make a quick salad. My partner was well on his way to drunkville by this time, so I had to take over cooking the BBQ as he was deep in convo with his daughter (I didnt mind, they don’t see each other often). It was during this time that he started to get rowdy and obnoxious, and started playing with his 8yo son. His son was swearing so much, so I’d asked for them to stop it.
It got to 7.30pm and dinner was finished. By this time, my partner was merry as fuuuurk and really razzing up his 8yo son. As much as I love a good father/son rough housing… this turned into total disrespect. His son started yelling out obscenities like, “you’re a fat ct” and “fk you dick face”. Everyone was laughing… except for me. I piped up and asked his son to stop the swearing and he told me, “you’re not my mum”. I then replied, “I’m not trying to be, I just don’t like the language”.
At no point did my partner say anything, or reprimand his child, or stop the playing with him. Instead, i think he found it funny. His daughter and partner were laughing along and I’m not sure if it was because they found it funny or awkward. Either way, I’d had enough and felt so disrespected and not heard, that I grabbed my bag and said goodbye to my partner’s daughter and her partner and left.
I could hear my partner telling his son to, “run after her and say youre sorry!”
His son was at my driver’s door as I started the engine and I told him to go inside and I’ll see him Sunday and I drove off. This was approx 8pm.
My partner didn’t realise I’d actually left until about an hour later when he called. I told him I’d talk to him tomorrow as he sounded too drunk to comprehend anything at that point.
He called me later tonight, about 9.30pm to talk about things. I tried to tell him how I felt and how an 8yo swearing isn’t cute and he ended up hanging up on me then didn’t answer my call backs. Instead, he sent a text saying, “don’t wanna talk”.
I’m not a prude, I swear too, but there’s a line for me and I felt it was crossed.
I need advice here… this isn’t the first time his son has disregarded me. It’s happened in my own house and when I’ve told my partner, he found it funny. It honestly passes me off to no end! It’s not the first time for my partner allowing this behaviour.
So AITA for leaving for his 8yo sons swearing and him being ok with it?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I may be the AH because I’m blaming an 8yo child. I know it’s the result of parenting.
2. I’m finding it difficult to bond with his child because of this
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Kinda sounds like your partner doesn’t really respect you too much. NTA
NTA. If you were uncomfortable, you were right to leave.
NTA Could you have left a bit nicer? Sure but it sounds like he’s actively letting and maybe encouraging his child to disrespect you and not even take what you say into consideration. Not to mention the kid could get into trouble at school being that comfortable swearing at people. I understand that he doesn’t want you to try and parent his kid but at some point he will get in trouble for it and it will be on the dad.
I don’t think anyone is the AH here. But it probably points out the differing philosophies you and your partner have about respect, parenting, general drunk-ass behavior. Once tensions ease, might be good to sit down and have a calm conversation about all of that.
NTA – but why on earth are you in a relationship with a foul-mouthed drunkard who is a horrible parent? And for some (probably alcohol-related) reason can’t legally drive? There are enough red flags here for a parade! Don’t waste your time driving back to this s88tshow.
NTA. No one has the right to swear at you — especially and eight year old.
From this description, what do you love about this guy- the disrespect, the drunkenness, or the fact he didn’t even know you left until an HOUR LATER? You might want to rethink things.
NTA and this is exactly why I do NOT find videos of little kids and toddlers cursing funny. I’ve been a teacher too long, but those kids who are enabled and swear because people laugh and think it’s funny turn into monsters when they are older. It’s not so cute from a 16 year old. Your partner’s son is not on a good path.
YTA. Not for feeling how you do about his son swearing but for trying to parent the kid. That’s not your place, he doesn’t have to do as you say. So if the only reason you left is because his son wouldn’t listen to you yta. However you wouldn’t be an asshole for breaking up with him. He got absolutely wasted while in charge of his child and encouraged the kid to shout profanities and be disrespectful. Not top tier parenting and it doesn’t reflect well on him.
Your partner is an alcoholic.
I’m guessing that your partner lost his license due to drinking? Or not being able to pay insurance? But you’re doing all the driving because he can’t currently adult.
Your partner, at least sometimes, is a crap parent to his 8 year old.
You can’t change this guy but you sure can decide you deserve better and just leave him.
NTA
These people sound tedious. Life is short—why spend time with unpleasant people?
You are 41 dating a drunk who can’t drive right now. Why? Just be done. This is the man or the relationship for you. You’ll never win this battle. His son will never respect you and the drink is t going to suddenly dry up. You know and see who he is. Believe your eyes.
You need to stay away from this toxic mess. No respect for you, no parenting, drinking too much, now won’t talk to you. At least 4 red flags here. NTA
The problem is not the son – it’s the father, your bf. I’m puzzled by why you willing stay in this relationship when you have to drive 30 minutes to see him because he lost his license (let me guess, driving under the influence?), and when you do drive out there, he gets rip-roaring drunk so you have to take over cooking a holiday meal. To top it off, he starts rough housing with his young son, said son who has learned how to swear like a sailor from his dear old drunken pops. Not to mention, when you try to have a discussion about your concerns, he hangs up on you.
Do you really think you can’t do better? Because if so, that’s so sad. Honestly, it would be nicer to be single than put up with this nonsense. Stop driving out there. Stop choosing a relationship with someone who quite possibly is an alcoholic, a poor parent, and an emotional drain on your life. Get out girl.
NTA. The son was being unpleasant to be around, and the dad didn’t do anything to correct him. Sounds like a losing combination. The excessive drinking alone would be enough to turn me off if it happens more than once in a great while.
YTA if dad is ok with the son swearing than it is not your job to tell him to stop. You aren’t his parent. It’s not your right to tell him what to not do, if his dad is allowing it.
What you CAN do is: Break up. If you aren’t happy with how the son and father act, then leave. You don’t seem to like how he allows his son to be. You don’t have to continue being in a relationship where you don’t feel respected.
The whole situation sounds horrid. He sounds horrid.
ESH. Him for everything you described, but you did not have to get involved. An 8 year old swearing is his dad’s business. If there is no immediate threat of harm to the child or others by letting them continue the behavior, you just gotta let it happen. Bc it’s not ur kid. It’s your boyfriend’s kid. You aren’t even a step parent. You’re the girlfriend. So of course this kid isn’t going to respect you. He barely knows you.
I hate giving it an E S H verdict bc I feel like he sucks way more, but the inciting incident was you left bc you tried to parent someone else’s kid and failed and got embarrassed.