My sister recently got married. I was invited, but she made it very clear that my girlfriend of 6 years was not welcome because like she said , that she is not real family. On the wedding day, I showed up, congratulated her, stayed for a short while, and then left because it felt wrong to celebrate while my partner was excluded. Now my family is furious, saying I destroyed her best day of her life.
AITA for not staying longer?
(Excuse my bad english, it is not my main language)
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My sister recently got married. I was invited, but she made it very clear that my girlfriend of 6 years was not welcome because like she said , that she is not real family. On the wedding day, I showed up, congratulated her, stayed for a short while, and then left because it felt wrong to celebrate while my partner was excluded. Now my family is furious, saying I destroyed her best day of her life.
AITA for not staying longer?
(Excuse my bad english, it is not my main language)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I left the wedding prematurely because my girlfriend got excluded
(2) i should have stayed for the sake of my sister , but I left
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, after 6 years a significant other is basically family even though you’re not married
NTA
I am very curious, exactly how you destroyed the best day of her life. That’s a pretty fragile “best day,” if you leaving early was such an issue.
> she made it very clear that my girlfriend of 6 years was not welcome because like she said , that she is not real family
So did you push back on that at all when she said it? It seems a bit wilfully dramatic if you said and did nothing at all until the wedding itself.
You’re perfectly right to be upset about this, but it sounds like a conflict that should have been thrashed out in advance, not on the day, and that whatever the outcome was going to be it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to your sister.
So, probably NTA on the substance, but possibly ESH if you contrived to handle this in a way that guaranteed maximum drama and upset.
NTA. She can decide her guest list and you can decide to go and leave early. After 6 years, she is family. I’m wondering if something happened between them. Regardless you didn’t do anything wrong.
Well, I am bringing in personal bias, but my girl and I have been together for 3 years and have a kid. We are not married, even if I refer to her as my wife.
In your situation my girlfriend would not have been invited and neither would have my daughter. That automatically means I would not have bothered going or sending a present or even congratulating her.
You are kind of the asshole, but not towards your family. Towards your girlfriend.
NTA – you were there. Yes it is her day, but she had it? You can’t have it you way and then expect people to hang around having your way? (I’m assuming) You didn’t cause a scene and left instead – why would your sister not be able to enjoy the rest of her party without you there? I’d be curious to know how long your sister and partner were dating before they got married.
NTA. You didn’t refuse to attend nor make a fuss about your gf not being invited. You politely attended and just didn’t stay long.
Are you and your gf living together? She should have had an invitation. Does your sister not like your gf? There seems to be a back story here between them.
Your sister should be more generous-spirited. NTA.
When you get married. Don’t invite your sister. Because she’s not your SO’s real family.
NTA…personally, I wouldn’t have attended at all. You found a compromise. It’s your family causing the drama, not you.
Your sister straight-up snubbed your girlfriend, and you weren’t about to just smile and clap like that was cool. You showed up, said your congrats, and dipped, makes sense. You weren’t trying to ruin her day, just didn’t wanna celebrate something that felt messed up
You single handedly destroyed the best day of her life best day of her life by not sticking around for the the whole event? That’s a little dramatic, no?
After 6 years your sister is the arsehole for not inviting her!
This is likely culture-sensitive issue, so giving a judgement is probelmatic. Marriage rituals and customs wary a lot between cultures, so no one size fits all answer is easy to give.
On the other hand, excluding a partner of several years? Yes, that’s an AH move. Established BFs and GFs are expected to be invited to family events. By not doing that is a strong signal the person is not welcome.
On the another hand, leaving a wedding early is often considered as rude. The custom – at least in the West – is that the married cople leaves first and guests keep on partying. Of course there are exceptions for, say, family issues, but “my parter’s not on the invited list” usually isn’t one.
Final judgement for lack of culture context: NTA. Your sister is a major AH for excluding your long-term GF. Your family is AH for blaming you for “destroying her day” – unless you made a scene, most of the party guests didn’t even note your departure.
NTA but your family sounds manipulative. You “ruined” her whole day? Go look up the wheel of control. I don’t like it when families use tradition as an excuse for cycle abuse.
Oh come on, your sister caused all of this. Well done for walking out.
NTA – at least, not to your sister, who got to have you there even if only for a while.
Kind of AH towards your girlfriend though. had that been me in that situation, either my GF of six years would have been there with me, or my sister would have been getting married without me in attendance.
How long ago were the invites sent out?
NTA, I always wonder how one person who left respectfully could ruin a wedding? That is just manipulative guilt. Even if someone asked where you were they could just say your weren’t feeling, had a work or home emergency, or any other simple lie. Chances are no one would even ask.
If her own guilt ruined her wedding that is a her problem. Just put them in time out.
NTA but you almost ruined her life lol
NTA – If Your sister was focused on her wedding & her husband and not your presence then she wouldn’t even have noticed. She ruined her own day🤷♀️
My brother’s girlfriend had been with him for 9 years. She was one of my bridesmaids at my wedding and plonked right next to me in all my intimate family photos and in about 90% of wedding photos. They then broke up less than a year after that and she cut off all contact with us. 🤷🏽♀️
So I think it’s OK to exclude partners from a few family shots, but it’s a little weird to not invite them from the whole ceremony. Also you’re a tiny bit of an asshole for not sorting this out with your sister beforehand.
Also, they probably have some beef, that you’re blatantly ignorant of. And if that’s the case, it’s OK to not invite your GF.
Info: were other significant others also excluded? Or just yours?
NTA. You did show up at her wedding.
In the situation? Sounds like your sister doesn’t like your girlfriend because when you love somebody and enjoy being around them? You don’t stand on ceremony and marital status to determine inclusiveness and all of a sudden decide they’re not family. Unless you say you didn’t have a girlfriend, would your sister have given you a plus one you owe it to your girlfriend/wife to beat it out of your sister.
NTA
Your sister’s head must be really far up her ass to think that you leaving ruined her wedding. I feel bad for her husband.
I’m curious how does one person who leaves early ruins the best day of the bride or grooms life