I’ve been dating this girl close to 9 months. Long story short, we haven’t moved on to full on relationship because she has reservations about me. Namely I don’t have a career like she envisions her partner having and live on my own yet. Things I’m working on.
This past weekend, we went to Coachella. Yesterday, we were walking to a stage and I ran into a friend of mine. I stopped for a hug and quick talk. She kept walking. I quickly said bye to my friend and told her maybe we would meet up later. I go back to my girl. I asked her why she didn’t stop. She said she didn’t want to meet her. Fast forward. Two hours before the fest ended, she was tired. She was ready to leave, but I told her we should go see one last artist. On the way to that stage, I told her me and my friend planned on meeting up quick. I asked my girl if she minded. She wasn’t happy. She didn’t want to come with me to meet her. I told her then to please just wait for me and I’ll be back. Me and my friend caught up quick and took a selfie. Nothing bad. I get back to my girl. She’s clearly upset. We leave the fest. On the drive back home, we get into an argument. She’s saying I left her alone. I tell her she could’ve came with me and asked her to. I explained this isn’t some girl I’ve hooked up with or anything. And again, I was gone for 10 minutes. She never gave a reason why she didn’t want to meet her. But I’ve always gotten the feeling my girl is embarrassed of me. Because she is a successful lawyer who is very smart. Speaks 4 languages. I’m Latino. She’s Persian. She’s never dated a non white person. I think she thinks I’m beneath her. She likes to joke around and throw little jabs. Calling me dumb or saying I’m “ghetto”. But sometimes she goes too far. Anyway, she kept saying throughout the weekend that she hoped to not run into anyone she knows. Whenever we’re around her neighborhood, no holding hands. Forget kissing. We don’t get to certain parts of LA because she might run into people she knows. Whenever I’ve mentioned her to others, she gets mad because she says what if that person knows someone she knows. And that person tells one of her friends about me. I assume that’s why she didn’t want to meet my friend yesterday. She is a jealous person. So the fact my friend is a girl didn’t help. I’ve never liked the feeling of feeling like I’m being hid. And she’s joked around saying I’m her “little secret”. This morning, my friend posted the selfie we took last night on her IG story. I reposted it. I hid my story from her. Which I realize isn’t good. But given how pissed she already was, this would’ve set her off. I suppose I could’ve not reposted it, but in my head, I didn’t want to be rude. So a short while ago, we broke it off completely. Not just because of this. But we’ve been having a lot of fights recently. That would be a much longer story. But in this case…
Am I?
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I’ve been dating this girl close to 9 months. Long story short, we haven’t moved on to full on relationship because she has reservations about me. Namely I don’t have a career like she envisions her partner having and live on my own yet. Things I’m working on.
This past weekend, we went to Coachella. Yesterday, we were walking to a stage and I ran into a friend of mine. I stopped for a hug and quick talk. She kept walking. I quickly said bye to my friend and told her maybe we would meet up later. I go back to my girl. I asked her why she didn’t stop. She said she didn’t want to meet her. Fast forward. Two hours before the fest ended, she was tired. She was ready to leave, but I told her we should go see one last artist. On the way to that stage, I told her me and my friend planned on meeting up quick. I asked my girl if she minded. She wasn’t happy. She didn’t want to come with me to meet her. I told her then to please just wait for me and I’ll be back. Me and my friend caught up quick and took a selfie. Nothing bad. I get back to my girl. She’s clearly upset. We leave the fest. On the drive back home, we get into an argument. She’s saying I left her alone. I tell her she could’ve came with me and asked her to. I explained this isn’t some girl I’ve hooked up with or anything. And again, I was gone for 10 minutes. She never gave a reason why she didn’t want to meet her. But I’ve always gotten the feeling my girl is embarrassed of me. Because she is a successful lawyer who is very smart. Speaks 4 languages. I’m Latino. She’s Persian. She’s never dated a non white person. I think she thinks I’m beneath her. She likes to joke around and throw little jabs. But sometimes she goes too far. Anyway, she kept saying throughout the weekend that she hoped to not run into anyone she knows. Whenever we’re around her neighborhood, no holding hands. Forget kissing. We don’t get to certain parts of LA because she might run into people she knows. Whenever I’ve mentioned her to others, she gets mad because she says what if that person knows someone she knows. And that person tells one of her friends about me. I assume that’s why she didn’t want to meet my friend yesterday. She is a jealous person. So the fact my friend is a girl didn’t help. I’ve never liked the feeling of feeling like I’m being hid. And she’s joked around saying I’m her “little secret”. This morning, my friend posted the selfie we took last night on her IG story. I reposted it. I hid my story from her. Which I realize isn’t good. But given how pissed she already was, this would’ve set her off. I suppose I could’ve not reposted it, but in my head, I didn’t want to be rude. So a short while ago, we broke it off completely. Not just because of this. But we’ve been having a lot of fights recently. That would be a much longer story. But in this case…
Am I?
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> Am I the asshole for the action of meeting up with my friend? And then hiding my story of my report?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA but if you need to hide posts/stories from her and are upset about these jabs then you need to have a talk. The reason she is upset is probably not just because of the direct incident at the festivle.
yta to yourself for wanting to be with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with you 🙁
NTA she’s ashamed of you. Move on
NTA – OP, if your partner is making “little jabs” at you and treats you like a dirty secret to be hidden, they are beneath you. She is either cheating and you’re her unwitting affair partner, or she truly sees you as a temporary plaything.
You deserve better than a partner who treats you this way.
NTA. Good riddance getting rid of her. She was all bad news.
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Dump her. She’s undermining you.
You’re NTA except to yourself for staying with this person.
>I think she thinks I’m beneath her. She likes to joke around and throw little jabs. Calling me dumb or saying I’m “ghetto”.
Pretend you are reading a stranger’s post and saw that he said that about his significant other. Would you advise that person to stay with someone who obviously dislikes him? Or at the very least, has no regard for him whatsoever?
>But sometimes she goes too far.
But wait, there’s more! Sometimes she gets even more mean and nasty!
NTA – you should have left her permanently.
NTA all day. You’re with someone who by the sounds of it is clearly classist and clearly does not have a baseline level of respect for you in a multitude of ways.
The best decision here would be to move on completely, someone who willfully admits to you being their “little secret” while also displaying this kind of stuck up behaviour? Is only gonna be a negative in your life.
Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated.
NTA, sorry you were dating a classist at best and a racist at worst…. Idk that shit melds into one big ball of entitlement and assholery most of the time.
Keep doing you, getting yourself together and creating the life that you desire for YOURSELF. She’s already shown herself to be….a weirdo for lack of a better insult
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Unfortunately I’m assuming you used a payment plan for Coachella? Either way wasted money and NTA!!
Nta shes ashamed of you but yta to yourself if you stay💀💀💀
NTA. Your gf is TA. Move on, you’ll never be good enough for her.
NTA. You deserve someone who is happy for other people to know they are with you, and respects you as an equal. It sounds like this girl looks down on you, and is controlling who you are allowed to spend time with.
I think the mark of love is that you can be your whole authentic self with someone and they accept and love you as you are, and they can be their whole authentic self with you and you love them as they are. It doesn’t sound like you guys had that. So you deserve better.
NTA. Seems like conflict might be a constant part of her life.
NTA – So many red flags you could make a quilt. Walk away.
NTA, you didn’t do anything wrong. She should have come with you. Also the relationship didn’t sound very healthy if she’s keeping you a secret because of status. Think it’s a blessing in disguise that you’ve broken up now.
She’s a brat and not in a good sense. YNTAH. Lose this one; she acts like she’s twelve.
What the hell are you getting out of the relationship?
well this is the stupidest reason someone got mad today
Just got back from Wk2 myself. I hope she didn’t ruin your weekend with this insanity. And hope you’re happily single soon bc wtf? Has she never been to a music festival?
Her family’s values and strong cultural background are working against you here. Not saying it’s not workable but it would be a big struggle feeling like you are never enough. This sounds like it simply is not a fit.
NTA. Why are you with this woman?
NTA. For reference, I have a wonderful and amazing Persian wife, she has a cousin who acts exactly like you described. I know exactly the personality type you’re describing.
Bro, that’s not your girlfriend. She have other people who’d be out and about and can possibly see you 2 together. She’s been telling people “she’s single” or “You’re a friend”. I’d start pulling away!
Be with someone who is proud of you and wants to grind out a good life together. Move on man, she is not worth the headache. Sorry she made you feel lesser. Just because you do not have your life squared away today does not mean you can not get where you want to be tomorrow.
Nta
She can lie to her friends and family,she can hide you from the people in her life, but she can’t unsuck your dick. I’d remind her of that. NTA
NTA, She treats you terribly, she makes you feel like you’re something lesser or something she’s ashamed of and a partner should never make you feel that way
I wouldn’t have taken that woman on a date to a gas station convenience store, let alone an expensive music festival! Seems to me, Coachella was merely some cool scenery for you to end the relationship. Find a better person that actually likes you.
NTA. As a persian, dating most persian girls is like this a lot of the time. Experiencing the “ashamed” or “superiority” attitude from them sucks, and that feeling of walking on eggshells or hiding things to mitigate a reaction isnt sustainable. And the whole not spending much time in public for fear of being “seen” gets old real quick.