My boyfriend is always cutting it way too close with time, and Im the total opposite. Id rather be sitting at the gate early with nothing to do than stressing.
We had an early flight last weekend (8:00am). I wanted to leave our place by 5:30, but he wasn’t ready until after 6. We didnt actually get through security until close to 7:30, and boarding had already started.
As soon as we were out of security I told him, We need to go straight to the gate, theyre boarding now. He said he was starving and wanted to grab food.I told him he could just buy food on the plane, it wasnt worth risking the flight. He insisted he needed to eat now, not later, and got in line anyway.
I didnt want to argue and told him that he’ll miss the flight if he doesn’t come with me, he said it was fine, so I went straight to the gate. They were on final boarding, and I barely made it on. He showed up a few minutes later, but they had already closed the doors and wouldnt let him on.
Now Ive landed at our destination, and hes still stuck at the airport waiting for the next available flight. He’s furious, telling me I abandoned him and shouldve stayed back, or at least pushed him harder to come with me. I told him Im not his babysitter and he made his choice, and I warned him exactly what would happen.
AITA for going alone?
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My boyfriend is always cutting it way too close with time, and Im the total opposite. Id rather be sitting at the gate early with nothing to do than stressing.
We had an early flight last weekend (8:00am). I wanted to leave our place by 5:30, but he wasn’t ready until after 6. We didnt actually get through security until close to 7:30, and boarding had already started.
As soon as we were out of security I told him, We need to go straight to the gate, theyre boarding now. He said he was starving and wanted to grab food.I told him he could just buy food on the plane, it wasnt worth risking the flight. He insisted he needed to eat now, not later, and got in line anyway.
I didnt want to argue and told him that he’ll miss the flight if he doesn’t come with me, he said it was fine, so I went straight to the gate. They were on final boarding, and I barely made it on. He showed up a few minutes later, but they had already closed the doors and wouldnt let him on.
Now Ive landed at our destination, and hes still stuck at the airport waiting for the next available flight. He’s furious, telling me I abandoned him and shouldve stayed back, or at least pushed him harder to come with me. I told him Im not his babysitter and he made his choice, and I warned him exactly what would happen.
AITA for going alone?
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NTA. You kept trying to get him to be cooperative, and he didn’t try. He missed the flight because of his own decisions.
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> 1) I maybe the asshole because I couldve pushed him more 2) it might make me the asshole because I left him behind
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
He is a whole grown adult. You are NOT his mother. If he can’t look at a clock and tell time, then that is on him, not on you. You also warned him he would miss his flight.
Oh…tell him to quit making you out to be the bad guy when you did tell him he would miss his flight. Maybe next time he will listen to you.
NTA, but we’re teetering on ESH. If you hadn’t said “I’m gonna leave without you” then that would make you the asshole, but because you communicated so effectively you’re not the asshole. It’s also ridiculous for your bf to go get food when the flight is boarding, there’s food on the plane! and at the destination!
NTA. How is this even a question? What I’d like to know is: does he have an actual diagnosed mental condition that makes him like that, or is he just insufferable and has a trouble listening to anyone but himself? If the latter, why are you still suffering him?
NTA…This obviously is not the first close-call in your time together. Some people only learn the hard way. He should be furious, but at himself.
People like him make life miserable for their partner’s.
Either you are a nag and are constantly stressed trying to shepherd them like rats in an alley, or you miss out on things and they shrug their shoulders making the vein in the side of your neck bulge, or they miss out and blame you.
They never change so make sure you do the same thing next time – go on time, enjoy, and laugh at their childish pouting.
NTA
NTA, and I’m sorry he’s saying you should have pushed him harder? Sounds like you pushed him several times, but he’s not a toddler, though he acts like one, and you are not his Mom. Have fun on the vaca, and just tell him, I’m not your Mom and I’m not responsible for your poor time management. Im going to have fun while her, I hope you make it here soon, but if not, I’ll see you when I get home.
>told him that he’ll miss the flight if he doesn’t come with me, he said it was fine,
NTA.
That would give me the ick so bad, I don’t think I could continue the relationship.
Fake. Somebody please report in unsure how
NTA for going alone, but the fact that he made his choices yet blames you should be something you seriously think about. Do you want to live like that forever?
NTA, but you should be furious at him, not the other way around. You told him, warned him. Now he made you wait for him.
NTA. I don’t understand why he’s angry. You’re not his mother. He is not a child. He made his choice and his situation is 100% on him.
Do not get involved in a long back-and-forth. Tell him ONCE:
“I’m sorry you didn’t make the flight. I did warn you. I’m not going to allow this to be my fault or ruin my vacation. If you show up with a bad attitude, we’ll have a problem. Let’s just agree that that in future, you’ll listen when I tell you it’s time to go and for my part, I will try not to get frustrated that you need me to push you like you’re not an independent adult.”
nta – choosing a sandwich over a flight then getting mad about it is peak adult toddler behavior
NTA. I am also a ‘need to get there 2-3 hours early just in case’ person. Comes from my mom. Would rather be early, deal with whatever pre-flight nerves I have, relax a bit than be cutting it that close.
I would have done the same thing you did. Honestly probably worse, I would have lost my shit and then walked away haha.
You communicated with him every step of the way. He’s a grown ass adult, and obviously you can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do.
Enjoy your vacation. Maybe consider how pleasant it is not having to wrangle an adult who blames you for something he did.
Stay up playing Call of Dicks? Be late in the morning. Hunt chips and Sprite instead of boarding? Be late again. Blame literally the only person who gave me a heads-up on my behavior!
Maybe keep this kind of distance.
This man needed this, maby date him when he grows up
FAFO! NTA
NTA. You did exactly what you should have done. He missed his flight because of himself, not because of you, and he needs to own up to that. Does he often blame you for his mistakes? Because that is a huge red flag.
Of course it’s your fault, don’t you know that? Don’t marry him if that’s even on your radar.
NTA, but you need to seriously reconsider this relationship. Do you want to feel like his mom for the rest of your life? And have to act like it? You shouldn’t have to tell him in the first place when his flight is leaving! Absolutely ridiculous that he would try to blame you for his own actions.
It won’t get better. He’s a child. Move on and find someone capable of taking care of their own time management.
I remember this post from some time back. Is there a bot to search previous posts for Co-Pasta?
NTA
Maybe you’ll meet some nice adult man while on vacation.
Reconsider a relationship with such an irresponsible person who blames you for their failures.
NTA but what happens next? Since he missed the flight, I guess he’s not getting on another one unless at his own expense right?
Oy vey, enjoy your time now because I can’t imagine your reunion will be pleasant.
If you don’t dump him, YTA
NTA, your soon to be ex is clearly not someone who respects you, or your time. The fact that he’s blaming you for this at all should be the final red flag.
Nah. This is a direct repost.
NTA Why was he trying to make you miss your flight? This sounds intentional. He really thinks it’s better for you to suffer and also miss a flight because he’s dense? What a joke!
NTA it’s a great way to learn consequences
NTA. I’d be texting him pics of all the amenities and me with a drink every 5 minutes till he got there.
Dump him.
NTA
He’s the A H here. He doesn’t want to admit he f -ed up so he’s mad at you.
NTA.
First, you did tell him not to get food. You should ask him “what does pushing you harder look like and why is that my problem? So you really want me to scream, yell, physically push you to do what I think is right? Not gonna happen.”
Second, it is much easier to get one person on standby than two, so you staying back would have just meant it was harder for both of you to get to the destination.
Third, why should you have to deal with his decision? You got up on time, you got through security, you would get food in the flight. HE decided on a different path, so why did you need to lose vacation time? You know why, but don’t fall for it.
Tell him to text you when he gets a flight, you aren’t fighting about this, and he can either show up and take responsibility for HIS decision and just move on enjoy the vacation, or he can try and blame you and spend the vacation away from you, because you aren’t engaging in this fight anymore.
Dated an asshole like this once. Don’t set yourself up for a lifetime of wasted time and worry.
Why are you dating this monstrously immature person?
NTA
NTA! Your bf is an idiot.
NTA. YOU didn’t make him do anything. He made his own choices and instead of taking responsibility for himself, he’s blaming you because it’s easier. You’re not his Mommy, his babysitter, or his damn alarm clock. He can either get his shit together and adult, or you can enjoy the break. And maybe a breakup while you’re at it.
NTA. I tend to push time limits on flights too. I’ve arrived just in time several times and I’ve missed a flight once. You know what I do? Deal with it, it’s my own fault. He should apologize to you for this not vice versa.
NTA. He wanted you to push him harder to go with you? What were you supposed to do? Forcefully remove him from the line? Your BF is being the major AH here and refusing to accept responsibility for his inability to plan/stay on schedule. I know you know and I know the world (and plane schedules) don’t revolve around him. Maybe someday he’ll learn. Doubtful.
You got a look at your future with this guy.
Want to be waiting on him to get you to the hospital when the labor pains start? Can you trust him to do kid transport under any conditions? Can he be trusted to do anything right or on time?
He should suffer ALL the consequences from now on. None of my business but does this happen with everyone, female presenting persons only, or just you?
NTA
Your bg is a moron
NTA
He FAFO’ed and got what he deserved. He’s an adult he can deal with the consequences of his own actions instead of trying to blame you. If he is constantly blaming you for his mistakes, you might want to take a hard look at your relationship.
Bra.Vo.
You didn’t abandon him, he abandoned you. He’s doing everything except saying yeah you know what, you were right I screwed up. I should have gotten up earlier, or should have waited until the plane to eat.
It wouldn’t have mattered if you told him five times not to do this he’d expect six. Or if you got down on your knees begging him to come with you he’d have expected you to drag him physically. How he’s responding after the fact should really open your eyes to where he’s at in terms of maturity. NTA
Please don’t upgrade him to husband, or this will be just the beginning of him blaming you for his inability to adult.
NTA in any way, you’re not his mom nor his babysitter. He needs to grow up
Should have pushed him harder? Are you his mother? Are you dating a toddler who can’t function until after snack time?
I’d be texting back about how he’s messing up my trip by missing the plane and making me have to manage taking all of the luggage to the hotel by myself. My texts would be so blistering hot he’d drop his phone.
You should have pushed him harder? WTF. You are not his mommy!
So it’s your fault he missed his flight, despite all the warnings and pleading.
Does he always have this much disregard for you?
Does he blame you for any of his other bad behaviors?
NTA, and I’d tell him not to bother catching another flight. He’s just going to ruin the rest of the vacation for you.
You didn’t “let him”. It was his choice.
NTA. Its sucks for him but he made his choice. Next time he should listen to you in stead of dismissing you.
NTA. If he doesn’t apologize, tell you how right you were, and change his ways permanently and immediately you need to dump him.
The only other option is just have zero expectations going forward and keep leaving him behind. Forever. That’ll be fun once you have kids.
NTA, I too am a stickler for punctuality. It’s irritating when one person couldn’t get their shit together. Pretty soon what a person may perceive as petty, has ballooned into a major irritation to the other. Nobody wants to be around a major source of irritation. It’s disrespectful to everyone, from the guy holding the elevator, the people at the counter, stewardesses, because you’re running late and demand immediate attention.
Uhm, you’re not his mother. Apparently he’s not an adult.
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NTA. “What, am I your mother now? I did everything but force you physically into the plane” lol
NTA. Pushed him harder?! I’m curious if this is typical behavior for himM blaming you for things that he fails at or goes wrong, because you didn’t push him harder? If so, do you really want to be his mother and babysitter? You deserve an equal partner, not whatever this is.
JFC, what a baby. Are you sure you want to have a relationship with this toddler? NTA obvs
NTA
He needs to grow up.
So…he’s mad that he missed the flight that you told him he’d miss if he didn’t get a move on.
And…it’s your fault for not being more insistent?
Read that out loud to yourself.
I think the wrong person is pissed off.
Perhaps I’m old. Perhaps my ex-military is showing. The 7P’s include time management.
Prior
Proper
Planning
Prevents
Piss
Poor
Performance.
BF just learned about the last three.
LOL, you should have told him you were holding his seat and he never showed up!
A grown man is upset because HE can’t get up and ready on time and misses his flight over some probably shitty, overpriced airline food. He can just stay home and you need to enjoy your vacation
There are 3 likely outcomes:
1.) He sees the error of his ways and works to better himself
2.) This snowballs and you guys break up
3.) He doesn’t change and you suffer in silence
NTA
lmao at ‘rats in an alley’ 😂 true tho, some ppl never change”
NTA.
You gave him more than enough warning. You told him what you would do if he stopped, and you did it. You did what you said.
He was “sure it was fine” and there he is, waiting for the next flight. So he FAFO. Or in other words, reaping the natural consequences of his actions. He is furious at you because he has refused thus far to be accountable for his own actions. Perhaps waiting for another flight will give him time to reflect.
Do NOT apologize. He owes YOU an apology, because even though you made the flight, your vacation can’t really start until he joins you. So HIS stupid stomach has cut into YOUR vacation time.
NTA
I have a best friend like this, and this is exactly how they are with being on time, and how I deal with them. The only difference is that they never blame/expect me to keep them on track, hence why I’m still friends with them. They usually just meet up after their delay and acknowledge they should’ve listened lol.
Your boyfriend needs to apologize.
You are NTA.
Your boyfriend choose to ignore your incredible advice.
Why should you have to miss your flight too?
I did this to my wife once. It was a train not a plane and she actually got to the location before me since she had to fly.
She was pissed at me initially but I just told her she should be pissed at herself.
She got over it and we laugh about it now but when I say it’s time to go, she moves.
NTA. I’m reading this at the airport rn and could not imagine getting in line for food with 30 mins left. My flight leaves at 1 pm and I was already anxious at 8 am 😆😆
If you physically grabbed him and tried to pull him toward the gate he would only have gotten more angry at you for pushing him.
Maybe this will be the lesson he needs not to dilly-dally in the future?
He’s a grown man, he needs to accept his own responsibility. You did everything you could. You have no blame in this.
Tell him you’re furious WITH HIM for being lazy and not listening. You are going to start vacation, and it’s up to him to figure it out. Tell him this is a “teaching moment” for him, and it is time to stop being a manch!ld and grow up.
NTA. I’d say he suffered the consequences of his own actions.
That is awesome!
Lmao
Consequences to your actions in real time… NTA
I hope you told him that (a) you’re not his mama or his babysitter, (b) he’s a grown-ass man who is responsible for his own self, (c) don’t bother taking the next flight because I’m not your girlfriend anymore, and (d) make sure your stuff is out of my place by the time I get back from my vacation.
He is gaslighting you making his missing the flight your fault. Doesn’t bode well for the future.
NTA
But I’m so sure I’ve read this exact post before