Took a friend to the beach after she’d been begging to go. She brought no money, ate our food, drank my alcohol, then disappeared to make out with two random guys. We stopped our day to look for her, made eye contact, and got ignored.
She has a pattern of flaking, mooching, and crossing boundaries like commenting on my looks, smacking my butt, and getting upset when I didn’t want her sleeping in my bed. My boyfriend’s always been uncomfortable with how clingy she is with me.
When she finally showed back up, he told her she could ride with the guys she was with since she clearly wasn’t with us. She started crying, and he still told her she could ride back with us, but it’s not fair for her to disappear and treat us like a free ride. She chose to leave and turned her location off. Now she’s acting like we abandoned her.
AITA? (Or we rather)
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Took a friend to the beach after she’d been begging to go. She brought no money, ate our food, drank my alcohol, then disappeared to make out with two random guys. We stopped our day to look for her, made eye contact, and got ignored.
She has a pattern of flaking, mooching, and crossing boundaries like commenting on my looks, smacking my butt, and getting upset when I didn’t want her sleeping in my bed. My boyfriend’s always been uncomfortable with how clingy she is with me.
When she finally showed back up, he told her she could ride with the guys she was with since she clearly wasn’t with us. She started crying, and he still told her she could ride back with us, but it’s not fair for her to disappear and treat us like a free ride. She chose to leave and turned her location off. Now she’s acting like we abandoned her.
AITA? (Or we rather)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I let my boyfriend tell her to find her own ride home instead of defending her, and now she’s acting like we abandoned her. I’m wondering if I was wrong for not stepping in or comforting her when she started crying.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA Let her wander off and dont wait for her, if she isn’t there when you’re leaving just leave, she sounds exhausting and like a leach.
ESH
>then disappeared to make out with two random guys.
If she’s too clingy and annoying, why do you care if she goes off for a while for whatever reason? Did you want her to hang out with you guys or not? Make up your minds.
ESH.
If you take someone someplace, you make sure you bring them back. Unless they make some other arrangements. Even when they are AHs
NTA, why are you friends with this person?
YTA.
If you are fed up with her behavior, still give her a ride home and don’t make the mistake of taking her with you again if her actions upset you.
NTA and I think it’s time you seriously re-evaluate this “friendship” before she asks for another favor.
ESH
Hanging out with people who you don’t like is your choice. It seems an odd choice to make given you understood who she was ahead of time. You have the audacity to leave someone stranded for being exactly who you know them to be! And that definitelymakes you an asshole here.
Your friend sounds annoying. But you are not a hostage here!
YTA
This person sounds terrible and you are totally justified to stop this friendship. However, if they come with you they should leave with you (in most circumstances, and still in this one). It sounds like she cried because she felt scared and unsafe with the thought of being left without a ride on the beach. I can’t think of any time I have made a friend cry or seen anyone make their friend cry from something like this (or for any other reason for that matter). You should just discuss with her what you didn’t like and then end the friendship if you really don’t like her.
Also, was this a mutual decision to say you were not going to give her a ride, or was it something unexpectedly stated by your boyfriend? If she was actually your friend (not boyfriend’s), then it would be weird to have your boyfriend talk to your friend that way. I think it should come from you. Unless she was doing something that made you mentally unable to speak on your own behalf. It really just sounds like you guys are not friends and should not continue the friendship.
YTA You show up together, you leave together and never go out with her again. Him telling her to ride with those guys and your not correcting him is messed up. Her safety still matters even if she is a mooch who makes poor decisions when she drinks.
YTA – I dont understand why you hang out with her knowing how she is.
I had a big interview the next day and since he’s driving his car he say “maybe you should catch a ride with the dudes you gave all our drinks to” she teared up we asked her to stay, but told her she was an adult and should make her own choice
NTA she’s just using you guys for convenience
NTA. She did use you for a free ride and drinks. He didn’t actually leave her stranded. She’s an adult (I assume) and made her choices.
YTA. You can’t leave someone stranded. You said she did not bring money how was she going to get home
NTA —- you said that after she got upset your boyfriend said she could ride back with you guys but that it was unfair that she was treating you guys like a free ride. She then chose to leave and turn off her location. So… yes you would have been TA for telling her to find her own way home and leaving her there, but it sounds like you guys relented and still were going to give her a ride, just expressed how unfair the way she was treating you was, and then she chose not to take the ride and turned off any way you had of locating her.
NTA. She’s not behaving as a friend and is making your boyfriend uncomfortable on top of it. Had you truly left her, Id say you would have been, but if I’m reading it correctly – bf did end up saying she could ride with.
Do you leave a friend alone on the beach when she’s drunk and wandering off with strange guys? No! You get her home safely and make a decision to never hang out with her out again! You don’t leave her out there to be raped or worse. YTA
ESH. Her behavior is terrible and I don’t know why you continue to keep her around, but coming at someone with passive aggressiveness when they’re basically your guest is not gracious behavior either. Should have taken her home, then had a talk in the morning about how you don’t really think you want to hang out anymore.
ESH. You know she flakes and mooches but you took her anyway. That’s on you. She shows back up and your boyfriend tries to hand her off to the guys she was making out with. Neither of you sound like you like her that much. All of you suck here.
NTA. The mooch will find a ride home don’t worry!
YTA for ditching her drunk with no safe way to get home. You should have taken her home and then call the friendship quits.
ESH. You knew she was the way she was and yet you took her. Then you left her with strangers. Just block her and move on because your friendship is toxic AF.
ESH, but you and your BF really suck. Your friend sounds exhausting and I don’t know why you invited her to go with you. But you were willing to leave her stranded with random guys? That is a huge AH move. I’d probably not want to speak to you again either. You put her life at risk. She could have been abused, molested, or murdered. She had no money, not for a bus or Uber. You left her stranded. I hope you apologize, though that hardly makes up for putting her in potential jeopardy.
YTA.
She sounds like she sucks, but the decent thing would have been to get her home safely and then have an adult conversation.
ESH. Why are you still spending time with this person? But outside of that, leaving someone you (for whatever reason) call a friend who can’t get home at the behest of strangers after she’s been drinking is an extremely dangerous call. Its really irresponsible to do that to her and then seek to gratify your actions from strangers on the internet because you know full well what you did could have been disastrous.
Did no one read the whole post??? OP and her bf took it back and said they’d give her a ride they just found what she did that day to be shitty. In response to being told her actions sucked, she left and turned location off, which meant OP couldn’t find her. Thats pretty much her decision atp as OP had already spent a decent part of the day looking for her. AND OP called her to make sure she had ended up home safe