I (M25) have been dating (F26) Christy for around a month and a half. I also am friends with Anna (f25).
Me and Anna are pretty close. Been friends since freshman year of university, and she doesn’t live too far. About once a month, she usually visits me, we watch a movie or go out or just talk fr, and she may or may not stay the night. Most of the time she does. Our relationship is purely platonic (though she did confess feelings a while back, I didn’t feel the same so we just moved on).
When Christy came over on Friday night, she saw one of Anna’s bonnets that she probably left since she slept over last weekend. She asked me about it, and I told her it belonged to Anna (she knows about Anna already). She then asked why she needed a bonnet to visit, and I told her she spent the night. She gave me a “wtf” look, and I told her that we’re just friends. Little bit of a disagreement ensues. She thinks that even if we are close like that, I shouldn’t let her sleep over since I’m now seeing her, but I think that’s dumb because I’ve known Anna longer than I’ve known Christy.
AITA?
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I (M25) have been dating (F26) Christy for around a month and a half. I also am friends with Anna (f25).
Me and Anna are pretty close. Been friends since freshman year of university, and she doesn’t live too far. About once a month, she usually visits me, we watch a movie or go out or just talk fr, and she may or may not stay the night. Most of the time she does. Our relationship is purely platonic (though she did confess feelings a while back, I didn’t feel the same so we just moved on).
When Christy came over on Friday night, she saw one of Anna’s bonnets that she probably left since she slept over last weekend. She asked me about it, and I told her it belonged to Anna (she knows about Anna already). She then asked why she needed a bonnet to visit, and I told her she spent the night. She gave me a “wtf” look, and I told her that we’re just friends. Little bit of a disagreement ensues. She thinks that even if we are close like that, I shouldn’t let her sleep over since I’m now seeing her, but I think that’s dumb because I’ve known Anna longer than I’ve known Christy.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I never told my gf I allowed my female friend to stay the night
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NAH. All this is is a lack of communication and agreement on both parties. You two need to sit down and have a chat, figure out whether or not you can reach a happy middle ground or if this is gonna be a deal breaker.
So you let a girl sleep over who has feelings for you when you have a girlfriend? Do you not respect your girlfriend?
INFO: were you sleeping in the same bed together?
N T A for having her stay over, but YTA for hiding it from your gf. There is no version where you can talk your way into an N T A verdict for that. You’re only in this position because you were caught, after all.
Yta. You never told her that a woman who used to (and possibly still likes you) spent the night. That should have been a discussion about boundaries beforehand. It also doesn’t matter who you have known longer. It’s about respect for the one you chose to date. Btw, did it occur to you that there is a chance that Anna left it behind on purpose to sew discord in your relationship? How long ago did she say she liked you? How has she acted about you getting in a relationship and acted towards your girlfriend?
NTA. Either Christie trusts you; or she doesn’t.
It is absolutely possible to have a best friend that is a female. You just need to let your GF know ahead of time. Also, let them get to know each other would eliminate a lot of anxiety
I always side eye these posts and go with the mentality of “ this mf is trying to gaslight this poor girl into thinking in our adulthood it is perfectly normal to have sleep overs and intimate moments with other women/men while in committed relationships.”
Come on Christy! Dump the dude🗣️
YTA. First, you clearly prioritize Anna over Christy “I’ve known Anna longer,” but mostly because you even admitted Anna has feelings for you. It’s totally inappropriate and disrespectful to your girlfriend.
“We’re just friends” “she confessed having feelings for me” please. Do men like to act dumb on purpose or is it just a natural thing cause no damn way?? A girl confessed her feelings for u, u let that girl stay the night at ur house, u r mad that ur gf is mad? when she doesnt even know that girl had feelings for u yet? damn that breakup is coming & u deserve it definitely. have some respect for the woman u r dating (and some common sense)
why wouldnt you let your gf know that a female friend was staying over? even if it wasnt suspicious at all you made the situation seem like it. its totally understandable why your gf is not comfortable with a friend, who apparently had feelings for you, spending the night at your place. i dont see why that would be dumb thats just what makes her feel uncomfortable.
NAH. However, you must be prepared to lose your GF over this. You let a woman who has professed feelings for you in the past – and for all you know, still has feelings for you – sleep at your house without your GF knowing. She has every right to be pissed.
YTA lol come on man how are you 25 and don’t see a problem. if it’s a group sleepover i could see it but 1 on 1 with someone who has already confessed feelings is obviously over the line when you’re committed to someone else. even with pure intentions on your part, it’s just not cool. imo, it shouldn’t matter who you’ve known longer. i feel like it’s a reasonable boundary to not have sleepovers with women who have feelings for you. maybe that’s just me tho. ik i would be upset if it was my girl staying over at some dudes house when she knows he wants her.
INFO: who slept where, my king
I hate to say this but once you have a girlfriend you can’t just let females sleep over your house willy nilly. Especially ones that previously admitted to likening you in the past. I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate dudes sleeping over your girlfriend’s place even if they’re “just friends”. Also her leaving an article of clothing at your place can either be a mistake or she did it on purpose. So I definitely understand why ur gf would be pressed about this. I’m sure there are some women who are super secure that would be alright with your friend sleeping over every once in a while, however, it seems like you haven’t talked abt this at all with her and you brought it up like it’s a totally normal thing.
YTA. Your friend confessed feelings and you still let her sleep over? YT even bigger A.
AITA
I think the biggest issue here is that you have been having monthly sleepovers with another girl nefarious or not without your partner knowing. If i discovered my girl was doing this I’d be hurt and I’d assume there’s a reason for not telling me.
How would u feel if the roles were reversed?
I also think not respecting your partners boundaries due to the length of your relationship with Anna is pretty telling.