Hello all, I F26 live with F25 Sarah as well as M27 who’s uninvolved. We recently reopened our pool and my boyfriend and I decided to go swimming for the first time since winter. My roommates boyfriend M25 I’ll call Jack was over waiting for my roommate to get home from work. (Which is a common occurrence). Jack came out back and looked shocked that the pool was open and asked if he could swim as well. I told him of course and he went and grabbed a pair of basket ball shorts and jumped in with us. My boyfriend and I were pretty much just floating and talking and Jack was on the opposite end of the pool doing whatever he was doing.
Sarah comes home and immediately asks Jack to “help her with something” and I didn’t see them the rest of the day. Today, I wake up to a text message from Sarah saying and I’ll copy it “please don’t involve Jack with whatever you guys are doing, especially if it involves a bikini lol, I really don’t think it’s appropriate” I haven’t responded to it yet but I’m just going over in my head repeatedly if I did anything wrong and I really don’t feel like I did :/ AITA here?
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Hello all, I F26 live with F25 Sarah as well as M27 who’s uninvolved. We recently reopened our pool and my boyfriend and I decided to go swimming for the first time since winter. My roommates boyfriend M25 I’ll call Jack was over waiting for my roommate to get home from work. (Which is a common occurrence). Jack came out back and looked shocked that the pool was open and asked if he could swim as well. I told him of course and he went and grabbed a pair of basket ball shorts and jumped in with us. My boyfriend and I were pretty much just floating and talking and Jack was on the opposite end of the pool doing whatever he was doing.
Sarah comes home and immediately asks Jack to “help her with something” and I didn’t see them the rest of the day. Today, I wake up to a text message from Sarah saying and I’ll copy it “please don’t involve Jack with whatever you guys are doing, especially if it involves a bikini lol, I really don’t think it’s appropriate” I haven’t responded to it yet but I’m just going over in my head repeatedly if I did anything wrong and I really don’t feel like I did :/ AITA here?
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I thought he was wearing basketball shorts not a bikini so what is her beef?
NTA
She can police her own bf if she wants. He’s an adult. If she wants to baby him and control him that’s he’d job and his choice to accept it. Don’t make it your responsibility.
This is a red flag for jealousy though and could potentially lead to problems living with her down the line
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I let my roommates boyfriend swim with me. I feel this may make me the AH because of my outfit
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
This sounds like something that Sarah and Jack need to deal with privately
NTA this is a personal issue between your roommate and her bf. Also it sounds like you were with your bf too–I’d understand her a little bit better if it were you and another female friend with no other guys around, but this situation seems totally harmless. Honestly her reaction makes me wonder if he’s made comments to her about finding you attractive.
NTA – “… if it involves a bikini, lol” is crazy. She is prob insecure because she thinks you look better than her in a bikini but thats neither here nor there and def not your problem. You can answer her by saying that the pool is opened for all housemates and their guests and if she doesnt want him swimming, she can talk to him about it.
NTA she should have told her boyfriend never to go to the pool or beach if she’s so insecure of him being around women in bikinis. If you intentionally singled him out and asked him to go to the pool alone I would see why it’s inappropriate. but you have a man and he was there so I think she’s just feeling insecure and projecting it on to you.
NTA. Jack saw a swimming pool and asked if he could get in. If Sarah has an issue with that, that’s something she can discuss with Jack.
I assume Sarah was insecure because Jack was in the pool with you while you wore a bikini? I mean, maybe it was your BF, but we’ll go with the obvious for the moment. Does she get upset if he goes to a public pool? Would she be upset if you were sitting in the same room and had a low-cut top? Does your boyfriend’s presence matter? Has he never waited while you were home before?
There’s a weird level of insecurity there if Jack can’t use the pool while you swim with your boyfriend too. The implication there is that she thinks Jack was or would creep on you, and that’s a) not your problem or your responsibility, and b) reason to tell him he can’t come over to wait for her anymore. I’m sure she doesn’t see it that way, but if she doesn’t trust Jack around you… Jack shouldn’t be coming around you, but that’s for your safety, not Jack’s virtue.
sounds controlling. This is all I’d need to dump someone
Tell her to take a xanax and hit the gym
Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you ambushed Jack, stripped him to his shorts and dragged him into the pool with your jezebel bikini ways. Maybe you should apologize? For ignoring him while chatting with your boyfriend while wearing swimwear? Or for having a childish roommate who can’t handle when her boyfriend goes in the pool when other people are there too? I’m not sure.
Obviously NTA, but someone else might be.
NTA
You’re not his keeper or the keeper of their relationship. He asked to use the pool, you saw nothing wrong with it(he’d see the same thing if not less at the beach and your bf was there too) so he as an adult made the decision himself to swim
At least you know you must have looked bomb in your bikini 😂💁🏻♀️
NTA. You’re allowed to go in your own pool. I would understand if you and her boyfriend Jack were in the pool alone, but your boyfriend was there, so obviously nothing untoward was going on. This is really between Sarah and her boyfriend.
I don’t really know what you could reasonably do to prevent this in future. It seems rude to decline Jack’s request to swim when he’s a guest in your home and you shouldn’t have to refrain from swimming in your own pool just because she’s invited him over.
NTA let my mans swim the friends is acting like he has no free will
NTA
Your roommate is weird, there was zero indication here that anything sexual was involved. So she is jealous that Jack might like you.
NTA. Your roommate is incredibly insecure and that is a very weird thing to have an issue with.
This is a huge red flag on behalf of your roommate. Last time I checked, wearing swimwear while swimming is normal, and god forbid you graciously allow a guest (that you didn’t invite) in YOUR home to swim in YOUR pool with you and your BF when he directly asked you if he could.
Your roommate is policing you in a way that is both hugely inappropriate and sexist. Her boyfriend is a grown-ass man. Is her boyfriend an animal that can’t be trusted around women in swimwear?
If that’s the case, he should be in jail, but either way his behavior isn’t your responsibility when you are behaving completely normally in your own home. NTA
NTA.
But it’s time to buy a skimpier bikini and make sure you walk through the common areas to get to the pool anytime Jack is around. It’s the responsible thing to do.
NTA Your own boyfriend was there. That makes it ok. Sounds like she has insecurities and/or jealousy issues. It could be because she’s a jealous person or it could be because he’s done something in the past to warrant her jealousy. Either way, not a normal or healthy dynamic and reaction.
NTA.
He asked if he could use the pool after seeing it was open.
We let him because, why not?
There was nothing more to it than that.
Insecure roommate.
>“please don’t involve Jack with whatever you guys are doing, especially if it involves a bikini lol, I really don’t think it’s appropriate”
Jack is his own person, not a micro dog in a carrier purse. He doesn’t need Sarah controlling the minutia of his life. He chose to swim..so he went swimming. No crimes were committed.
Sarah likes to believe Jack is wrapped around her finger, and that you will follow suit, and give her some sort of apology for your transgression. Of course, you’d have to agree with her drama, which you don’t.
NTA
Sarah sounds extremely insecure about her relationship, NTA.
Nta, she’s controlling and insecure af, you need to back away from that whole situation. The man should be allowed to swim but she wants to make things sexual when they aren’t which is a huge red flag. Might want to look into moving out and start documenting stuff because she will escalate this
Sarah has some serious insecurities she needs to deal with.
YOU didn’t do anything wrong, Sarah seems to think that if another woman wear a bikini in front of her boyfriend that he’ll obviously cheat.
She needs therapy.
Being THIS insecure in your relationship is a red flag.
“Sorry so sorry!
We were swimming, I did not know a bikini was not appropriate when swimming. Next time we’re in the pool I’ll take it off, ok?”
NTA your roommate is an insecure idiot
This is an easy one. Just respond “grow the fuck up”
I’d tell her that her insecurities are not my problem and if she wants to control her boyfriend to please not involve you. Let her tell her boyfriend what he is allowed to do that is ‘appropriate’. I’d be pretty pissed because she’s obviously blaming you for being in your own pool with a bikini on. Maybe she should make her boyfriend go around with a bag over his head when they are not together.
No
NTA. Is poor Jack also banned from public beaches, city swimming pools or other bikini-appropriate venues?
NTA, you did nothing wrong & her low self esteem and insecurities aren’t your problem.
I would just tell her, she need to tell her BF that he can’t be in the pool well you are. It’s her problem to solve
NTA, your roomie is insecure. You probably have a better body shape than her.
NTA.
Sarah has issues. If she expects you to be rude to her bf because she has a problem with you wearing your bathing suit to go swimming, she should tell her bf not to come over until she texts him to let him know she’s there.
Omg..nta. that’s horrible. Is she never ever gonna “let” jack swim anywhere?? That’s super insecure and controlling of her and that’s her issue to solve. Poor Jack just wanted to have fun! This sounds like the most normal, innocent thing in the world 🤦🏻♀️ you did nothing wrong. And also, Jack is a grown person that can make his own choices..in fact, you didn’t “involve” him in anything.. he asked if he can swim and you said go for it. I’d honestly probably just respond something like ” hey, roommate… I won’t and I haven’t ever gone out of my way to include your boyfriend in anything.. me and my boyfriend were swimming and he asked if he could jump in and I said sure.. I’m not going to say no just because you’re insecure.. That’s something that you need to deal with on your own.. there’s nothing inappropriate about swimming in swimming attire.. I wasn’t even paying attention to your boyfriend. In the future, please don’t involve me in insecurities and relationship issues”…. Okay, obviously you aren’t going to respond that way because you probably want to keep peace and be cordial.. But I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with politely sticking up for yourself and maybe setting a boundary that you want nothing to do with their relationship issues/thoughts/feelings ..
“I was minding my own business in my own home with my own boyfriend and your boyfriend asked if he could swim, I said sure and continued minding my own business and my own boyfriend. I respect you and would never go out of my way to include your boyfriend without you but when he asks a perfectly normal, reasonable question, I’m not gonna be rude say no just because you have issues with it. That’s something you need to bring up with him because I have and want nothing to do with your thoughts/feelings and preferences in your relationship”
NTA in a million years. I’m embarrassed for Sarah.
OMG I would totally be blowing this one WAAAAYYYY out of proportion “Sarah Jack, bf and I weren’t doing a damn thing when you finally got home, we were finished with the 3 way long before then, if you don’t want me associating with your boyfriend then start going to his place rather than having him sit here waiting on you while your not.” Or better yet, “Sarah Jack wasn’t even paying attention to me, it was all him and bf get hot and heavy, he said my bf’s ass is almost as hairy as yours so it really turned him on.”
Just reply, “yeah sorry, next time I won’t wear one”
NTA – The hilarity in whatever the implication is here. Jack just can’t stop himself and is going to… what exactly? You’re the reason he’s going to break up with her? Some people are insanely insecure.
U were with your boyfriend! If it was just your roommates boyfriend and you, might be a different story. NTA at all!