I (29F) have been married to my husband (32M) for a little over two years. We’ve generally had a good relationship, but we have very different approaches to money. I’m cautious, budget-conscious, and avoid debt when I can. He’s more of a “deal with it later” kind of spender. It’s been a point of tension, but we’ve managed.
Or so I thought.
Last month I applied for a car loan and got flagged for a recent hard inquiry I didn’t recognize. That led me down a rabbit hole where I discovered my husband had opened a credit card in my name a few months ago — without asking, without telling me, and without putting me as a co-signer. He used my social security number and all of my information.
When I confronted him, he admitted it right away but tried to play it off like it wasn’t a big deal. He said he did it because my credit is better and he didn’t want to “bother me with the details.” The card had a few thousand on it — mostly online purchases and a new TV.
I was stunned. I told him this wasn’t just a “bad judgment call” , it was identity fraud. Even if we’re married, you can’t just open accounts in someone else’s name. He got defensive, accused me of overreacting, and said, “We’re married. What’s yours is mine, right?”
I locked my credit, froze all joint financial activity for now, and told him we need to talk to a counselor , financial and probably marital. He’s furious. Says I’m being cold and treating him like a criminal. His family even reached out saying I’m “humiliating” him by making it a big deal.
But I feel completely betrayed. Marriage doesn’t mean I give up my right to financial autonomy.
So… AITA for locking my credit and pulling back financially after what he did?
Comments
Well, technically he is a criminal.
absolutely NTA. what your husband did is a big deal.. it’s financial betrayal, and yes, even identity theft. being married doesn’t mean he gets to make unilateral decisions that affect your credit and financial future without your knowledge or consent. locking your credit and protecting yourself wasn’t petty.. it was smart. the fact that he’s more upset about being “humiliated” than he is about violating your trust says a lot. you’re not treating him like a criminal.. he acted like one. you’re doing the right thing by setting boundaries and seeking help
That criminal
Nope.
Absolutely right thing to do. I would have his name removed from any accounts he does not need to be on.
Wow, why are you still there? Seriously this is a massive breach of trust and I am not sure I would trust him, even with counseling!
NTA. He’s lucky you didn’t go to the police. I would be going to the police and getting the card company to go after him for the debt.
I don’t think my marriage would be able to survive that kind of betrayal, I would never be able to trust my partner again.
NTA and he is in fact a criminal so that is a correct way to treat him.
In my many many years of Marriage, never once has my spouse had his family reach out to me regarding anything in our personal lives, and that is a huge underlying problem to add to his criminal behavior. He is a criminal technically. Not just acting like one, literally is. Fraud is a crime. Identity theft is a crime. I would not be able to trust him again. I would not be married to someone who treated me like that. Period. You have to freeze your credit because of your spouse, like say that out loud a few times. It is crazy. NTA
If he’s furious you’re treating him like a criminal, tell him to stop being a criminal. For me this goes deeper than financially. This is about trust too. Id really question if this is a man that you can trust. Trust to be there when you need him, someone you can depend on and someone that won’t have you questioning things 24/7. This is a huge deal because he is going to get you in to debt along side him. He could make you lose everything. Ignore his family, and if he can’t see the wrong doing here then maybe the police need to explain why its wrong. Yes, you are married but NO what’s yours is NOT his!
I’ve been married since 2012, and I’d never do this to my wife.
When we met, I had shitty credit. She helped me build it up. First, as a co-signer, before i got one on my own. If his credit is that bad, he should be asking you to help get it where it needs to be, not hiding it. His financial irresponsibility is gonna ruin both of you.
NTA.
My wife and I view money similarly. I have multiple hobbies so I tend to spend a little more, where she is more reserved.
Even I see that this is ridiculous. Wtf was he thinking?
NTA. That was identity theft and fraud. You are not the same person as your husband and can be held liable for his purchases in your name. And what next? He takes a loan out in your name and claims it isn’t a big deal?
Watch out he may be setting you up for financial abuse accusations hoping for a payout if you divorce
>He’s furious. Says I’m being cold and treating him like a criminal.
Sir there is a reason for that.
Nta Oh wow so he’s probably in mountains of debt and this was a desperate attempt. I hope you talk to a divorce lawyer first and see how screwed you are.
well maybe if he opened credit cards in one of their names without permission and screwed them over,they would feel differently sbout it.
NTA I would remove him from all accounts return the TV and sell any other shit he stole til it’s zero balance and cancel thr card. It’s not just financial abuse he’s a thief.
I truly would ask close friends (of yours- not his) for a referral to a divorce attorney. This is an indiscretion that you KNOW about, what about the ones you don’t?
Sometimes financial infidelity can end up more devastating than emotional, because it turns into a two-for one package. Be very discreet!
NTA. In fact, you need to go to the credit bureaus and check to see if he’s done this before. A friend of mine found her husband had opened many lines of credit in her name… they’re divorced now. Your husband doing this and then acting like it’s no big deal… that behavior is a big deal.
Ask his family members to give their social security number so that he can get a new credit card for him. If they are willing, good for him. If they can’t they can shut their mouth. NTA. Updateme
NTA, he commited fraud and stole your identity.
NTA If it was all so innocent, he would have told you. I wonder if he’s even been paying the monthly bill???
He IS a CRIMINAL and you are the victim of identity theft.
The fact that he’d destroy your credit rating for his own luxury spending above what oyu can both afford isn’t OK, it isn’t OK AT ALL. Only if you were demanding more spending but dumping all the debt on him would that be remotely acceptable, but even then it should NEVER be done in secret.
Just another AI story.
Close that account he opened because he runs it up and doesn’t pay you are on the hook. Close it since according to him it isn’t a big deal.
Honestly, I love my partner to death, but if they’d pull this, I’m pretty sure I’d file charges?? This could fuck you up so bad and they didn’t even ask/tell you about it
It’s financial abuse and fraud, if he feels like a criminal, then it’s because he’s behaved like one. I hope you’re making him pay it off and promptly.
Tbh, if my husband did something like that he’d be out of the door asap. How can you ever trust him again?
NTAH
This relationship isn’t repairable. On to the next!
NTA at ALL. You’re doing all the right things, smart lady!
You have a right to be stunned at this. And, unfortunately, he probably won’t change. This is probably the tip of the iceberg. Go to counseling, but slso do some soul searching to see if you can live with this personality trait.
*Speaking from experience
NTA I’m sorry can someone lemme say the D word?? That’s horrible and he’s lucky he is with someone calm and collected.
This is divorce worthy. Hire a professional and investigate to see whether he opened other accounts in your name or not.
That’s fraud. ‘Humiliating him’?? Are these people on drugs? NTA my dear, he IS a criminal. How are you the bad guy here? He should be on his knees begging for forgiveness, instead he doubles down like a teenager. He needs to grow up and you need to keep a very close eye on your finances.
🚩🚩🚩‼️
He needs help, being that impulsive at his age screams ADHD. You need to have a long talk before you realize at 50 that you’ll never be able to retire with someone like him.
Def marital counseling
I’m not sure I could trust him again
He is a criminal
Why on earth would you stay with someone like this?
NTA – Tell his family him being your husband is the only reason he isn’t in jail. He perpetrated an actual crime against. You could go to the cops. You didn’t. You just cut him off.
Sounds like he and his entire family are gold diggers and just made you took your gold away from them.
No and you should get a divorce. File a police report about the credit card to get it closed.
NTA and the family contacting you makes this seem like a bigger problem that you need to deal with. Can you track those purchases? Was stuff bought for them?
Oh look another ChatGPT post.
NTA
Your husband is a criminal. Being married does not make his behavior legal. He has earned every one of these consequences.
Credit card fraud is a slippery slope. He has used you in a manner that you fundamentally dislike, and he didn’t even have the common decency to discuss it with you before wreaking havoc on YOUR CREDIT SCORE.
OF COURSE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CORRECT IT.
Your husband is not immasculated because you decided to make a financial decision. He’s less of a man because he effectively lied to you and doesn’t have the moral gumption to face it, LIKE A MAN.
As a sidenote, his family may be the reason that he is the spendthrift and liar that he is, so take their input for what it’s worth, nothing.
NTA – he could be arrested so clearly it is a big deal, and if he give you shit about going to counseling. Then have him arrested. This is not shit you play around with.
NTA-Huge betrayal. If he’d do that without a second thought, what else would he do?
Yeah that’s identity fraud. Lock your credit and you need to find out if anything else is getting done behind your back.
NTA
NTA personally, I’d have him arrested for identity theft. And have the card closed for fraud. He’s testing you
Obviously NTA but I believe you know this. What your husband did is a felony. He is lucky you didn’t file a criminal complaint. He is gaslighting you and being cold towards you. It sounds like he won’t entertain marital and financial counseling so I suggest you start talking to an attorney because I don’t believe you want to be in financial hell for the rest of your life tied to that man.
Yeah, you better start to make an exit plan. Sorry to have to tell you this. This will only get worse later not better.
Money is the number one reason couples split.
NTA I sure hope you didn’t have kids with this CRIMINAL prior to him revealing his true colors. Now you know those “different approaches” are “cautious” and “fraudulent!”
Just imagine this dynamic extending into other areas of your life… can’t afford the ring he promised you for your anniversary? Just steal it! Couldn’t resist the flirtatious advances of a new co-worker? Just cheat a little- no need to bother the wife with boring details!! Surely it won’t also apply to violence! Good luck, OP. You’re gonna need it!
NTA. That’s a deal-breaker for anyone, I would think, and a serious betrayal. I wonder how much other debt he’s amassed that you don’t know about and you may also be on the hook for.
Nya. That’s a crime and a betrayal of trust. Id divorce him.
Counselling is never a bad ide, but I think you can ethically and justifiably proceed to divorce without it. His actions were unacceptable.
Do criminal shit -> Get treated like a criminal.
Suprised Picachu
Umm 🤔 you are most definitely NTA and you absolutely did the right thing. That’s a criminal act. I would divorce my spouse if he did that.
Have you filed a financial fraud report with your local police department? You were a victim of financial fraud.
NTA
The audacity of your husband thinking because his credit sucks he can tank yours is horrible
What’s yours ISN’T his nor vice-versa. NTA. I’d bet even if you get past this, you will find other reasons to be divorced within the next 5 years at most.
Who the fuck cares what his family has to say, he stole from you.
NTA and he is a criminal so he should be treated like one. It’s identity theft. You could absolutely have him charged with it. He committed a crime. It is a big deal. I could not personally trust an individual who did that to me, it would be grounds for divorce without question. Especially so early in a marriage, he’s showing his true colors and you should take the red flag seriously.
NTA by any stretch of the imagination. Probably want to dump that thief.
He IS a criminal. Go to the police, he’s just going to keep doing stuff like this with no recourse on his end. What happens when you “piss him off” and he stops paying?? It’s in your name!!
He knew, w/out doubt, that what he was doing was wrong. The proof of that?
he didn’t do it w/ you, he did it w/out telling you and then hid it.
NTA
Two words: Financial infidelity.
Either he agrees to get help or this is a deal breaker.
NTA. Being married doesn’t mean he can drawn you in debt without your knowledge or consent.
NTA. Not legal
No, you aren’t overreacting. Quite the opposite.
I think you should look at this from a different perspective. If you had a friend who shared this story with you, how would you react? What advice would you give her?
You just discovered something about your husband’s character. Where did he learn it’s OK to do something like that? Or is he just a bad seed?
Think very carefully about what you want your life to look like in 10 years. Do you want to have children with him? Have him pass on his morals to your children?
I’d be seeking legal advice.
“being cold”
OK, so this is fake, then.
NTA. Divorce his thieving ass. His family is probably a bunch of criminals too. Report him to the cops and get that shit off your credit.
NTA – Thats such a big trust breach! I classify it as same as cheating, as i would leave me feeling so violated and used. You are reacting the right amount iMO
NTA. But that’s divorce worthy level shit right there. #BIGFACTS
Call the police so the debt becomes his own
No
You should call the police
Red flag for sure. Your instincts are right on!
NTA – even if he has a job he’s acting like a Hobosexual thief. “What’s yours is mine is true ONLY if we talk about it… and we haven’t!”
NTA. He should have talked to you before.
Fake.
Why would he share that with his family? YTA for lying any the family. Nta for locking credit.
NTA
It is a big deal and yes, go forward with the counselors.
NTA. He crossed a major line. Marriage isn’t a license to go behind your back and screw up your credit. You’re doing the right thing by protecting yourself, and honestly, I’d be questioning what else he’s hiding if he thought this was okay. You’re not being cold, you’re being smart.
What he committed is fraud. He may use an argument or anger to stop paying on it to cause you to give in. Can you borrow money from another card – pay it off and close it? Closing it will temporarily hurt your credit score but, the worry will be gone. Get a Credit Union loan (traditionally, offers a lower interest rate) – but, take the temporary hit and close it.
Some unscrupulous people open lines of credit – buy things that decrease in value right away and then declaire bankruptcy and get to keep all the toys. Stop this before it gets worse. Don’t listen to the worthless opinions of the family – notice how none of them gave you a dime to take care of the fraudulent new debt.
Update us.
“I’m so financially irresponsible that my credit score sucks. I’d better open this card in my wife’s name.” THAT is embarrassing. You’re not embarrassing him. He’s embarrassing himself.
He IS a criminal. In some countries, identity theaf is a harsher condamnation than murder.
Nta.
Prepare a run away bag. It will be worse before it goes better.
He’s a thief. You’ll never be able to trust him again. Divorce him. NTA.
I’d consider it grounds for divorce.
NTA — OP, in the year of our lord 2025 you cannot stay married to someone who messes with your money and puts you in potential legal trouble. You now know this man will lie and sneak around and put you at risk. You now know you can not trust him. Act wisely on what you now know. Protect your interests, since he obviously won’t.
NTA
> I locked my credit, froze all joint financial activity for now, and told him we need to talk to a counselor , financial and probably marital.
All things any responsible adult would do.
> He’s furious. Says I’m being cold and treating him like a criminal.
That’s because he’s acting like a criminal.
> His family even reached out saying I’m “humiliating” him by making it a big deal.
He’s humiliating himself
Everybody everywhere in every eco-status should put a lock on their credit. If your kid has a SSN freeze theirs as well. It’s super easy to release and gives you peace of mind. Having your identity stolen sucks and is very stressful.
There are many red flags here, divorce worthy ones. A big one to look out for is his complete lack of accountability. He has no regard for your feelings on a very serious crime that he committed against you. His behavior is not of someone who values your safety. He even enlisted his family to hang up on you and gaslight you into thinking what he did was okay. If things like this do not get properly addressed, people like him will keep pushing the limit.
This man is going to ruin your life financially. Get out now. This is not a red flag. It’s an exit door. Run 🏃🏾♀️.
NTA
It is identity theft and financial infidelity.
He didn’t run it by you, because he knew you said no, and he was going to ruin your credit to match his.
The fact he’s doubling down, instead of acknowledging he has a problem, would be divorce worthy to me.
He’s not a partner you want to keep.
NTA at all and you are wise to have locked all your credit and blocked all joint financial activity.
Definitely NOT the A-hole.
My ex-husband sounds just like yours. I ended up having to claim bankruptcy with him because of his bad financial decisions and when we were on our way to the second, I called it quits. Left the 25 year marriage with over $25,000 and only my vehicle and child to show for it.
Even a year later I was still paying the consequences of his poor financial choices.
NTA
Awww did the criminal get raised up by other criminals thinking crime against family isn’t crime?? Poor, stupid, baby.
Hope he likes prison; his attitude is crazy and his family was 100% benefitting from his antics. I’m sure that’s the main reason they’re trying to attack and manipulate you.
What he did is illegal and you could file a police report if you feel the need to go nuclear.