Look guys, she’s here every other weekend and sits in my favorite chair in my house all day long while barely moving and she’s constantly complaining. I am the only one who makes any money in the entire house and she lives on my property for a very low rent. I could charge almost double what she pays. My wife gets angry at me for hiding in the room but I need a break and I really don’t care anymore. AITA?
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Look guys, she’s here every other weekend and sits in my favorite chair in my house all day long while barely moving and she’s constantly complaining. I am the only one who makes any money in the entire house and she lives on my property for a very low rent. I could charge almost double what she pays. My wife gets angry at me for hiding in the room but I need a break and I really don’t care anymore. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I sat in my room for hours while my mother in law visited. My wife wanted me to hang out and be social but she’s here so often that I find it difficult to be friendly. I know it’s not the most familial thing to do but sometimes o just need to be an asshole.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Yes. YTA .That is rude.
YTA. Your whole attitude stinks.
I don’t blame you. But if I was you, I’d start laying some ground rules. My father had a chair that was basically his, you should let it be known. He wasn’t an ass about it, and people knew when he came in it was time for them to give it up. Also, she lives on your property, so that means she is VERY close by. It might be time to have an open and honest conversation with your wife, if you haven’t already. NTA
Sort of the asshole.
It’s your mil. Wife should handle it.
Hell no it’s not rude. Nobody wants to be around a negative person all day idgaf who it is. Plus you make all the money, you should enjoy the fruits of your labor.
ESH. It’s a little harsh, but it’s also understandable. It sounds like you and your wife need to talk and set some boundaries for the MIL.
NTA. But maybe you should voice that you need a break before you lock yourself in the room.
She’s in your chair your favorite chair all day long? Why does she not move aside when you come home from work? You’ve got to get that straight. I agree set some ground rules the complaining all the time is not right either and sometimes you need to clear your head and play some video games. That’s Ok especially if she’s there all the time.
INFO: how can she visit if she pays rent? and have you talked with your wife about why you do that?
Could you communicate the boundaries of your place more clearly? Possibly, but that doesn’t necessarily make you an AH for preserving your mental health.
My main question is: do you support your wife when your MIL is over? Is your wife bothered by your MIL’s behaviour? Your ‘absence’ could make you an AH for not being present to support your wife, but there’s not enough information for me to make that call.
NTA.
NTA Who is upset about you staying in another room? Your MIL or your spouse? If it’s your spouse, maybe come up with a frequency of visits you’re okay with, like every 3 months, you socialize with her during a visit. Put it on the calendar, stick to it. It doesn’t have to be the whole weekend, just one day or part of a day, but some level of compromise would probably be appreciated.
NTA, sounds like you’re running a low-rent retirement home and funding it. If she’s just occupying your chair and draining your peace, hiding in your room is self-preservation, not hostility
NTA I’d do the same. No one wants to spend their weekend in their own home dealing with somebody else annoying behavior. But you need to talk and set some boundaries (maybe your wife should do this) and if that’s ineffective then continue with your current method.
Nta. You have a wife problem
NTA. You’re funding the operation, so you set your own rules. Maybe kick her out?
NTA. Reminds me of my uncle. Whenever he came to visit, he would sit in my dads chair and watch sports on the living room TV, or take a nap in said chair.
Definitely TA… can tell you’re a cornball
How about getting her a chair that’s hers. Shalom you’re loved 💔
NTA
“I’m retiring for the evening” and head to your bedroom and close the door
Yeahh YTA she obviously close with her mother buy mother in law a similar chair and take urs back… or set a boundary.. communication is key
Buy another similar chair. It’s horribke to be uncomfortable in your own living room. OR, you live there…. be in the chair. Drinks piked beside you, blanket for napping. Be in the chair before her and stay there. I would guess after about 2 hours she will go home.
Buying another chair is kinder, but sometimes you gotta see it through.
(Might need 2 chairs, wife deserves comfort too)
Yes & no. Yes b/c it’s rude. No b/c she’s rude. Either be in YOUR chair before she arrives & also make comments about her complaining. Or, since she lives on YOUR property, your wife can go there.
I have questions: is she over a lot? does wife ever tell her mother anything?
not everyone can handle being in an environment where is complaining all the time and no boundaries are set. you are allowed to feel the way you do but communicate with your partner about how you feel about this entire situation, you might not be alone in this.
cannot give verdict
I think NTA. People that constantly complain wear you down, so I totally understand why you need a break from her. However, there is definitely an opportunity for better communication between you, your wife, and your MIL. Maybe your wife can visit MIL at her place sometimes. Or maybe you can get MIL her own chair. Maybe you can steer the conversation in a different direction when she complains.
NTA, why is your wife allowing her mother to stay with you guys every other weekend? Why is your wife allowing her mother to bitch and complain about everything? Why is your wife allowing her mother to sit in your chair?
It seems like you don’t have any MIL issue, you have a wife issue. If she allows her mother to do all that, then you have every right to lock yourself in a room to play video games. Hell, I’m surprised you haven’t decided to take a little trip just to get away.
You need to have a conversation with your wife about boundaries, her mother visits way too often and then acts like it’s her house when she’s there.
Staying in your room is rude. It sounds like the whole situation is messed up though.
I think you and your wife need to have a conversation. Maybe you should tell your wife to hangout at her mom’s place if she wants to spend time with her. Or only have her over for dinner and set a time so she isn’t over there so long.
My aunt moved from out of state and bought a house down the street. Just to be around me and my kids. She wanted us to come over or have her over ALL THE TIME. I finally had to set some boundaries and tell her that we could pick one day a week and have dinner together. That was it.
It’s tough and super awkward but doable.
NTA. I’ve had a mother in law that complains constantly and it wears you down. Plus people saying it’s rude, she lives on your property so she’s probably there all the time. You don’t need to entertain her every time she comes over. If she only visited once a month or less, then yeah it would be rude.
Nta. She lives on the property. You are already doing a lot. I’d just say hi and say ohh got to go do some stuff. Your wife is the only one who should hang out with her.
My sons mom used to live with me, and she did the same thing. She didn’t work much and she didn’t pay anything besides her own phone bill. She would sit in the living room all day in the only chair I sat in. I told her that that’s my chair, she would get up and move to one of the other 8 spots I have. But I would have to tell her again the next day. I got to the point where I snapped at her (there were other issues behind me snapping the way I did), but now I’M the bad guy.
Hey Reddit Mods,
Why is this shit coming up in my alerts? I didn’t comment or respond. Answer this!
Have you had this conversation with your wife? Have you explained how draining it is to listen to her mother complain every weekend? Have you mentioned that that’s why you decide to hide out and play video games? I’m assuming the answer to most of these is no and you might hate your wife a little – coz that you’re the only one who makes money comment reeks of someone who lords it over everyone else – anytime they don’t like something or are asked to do something. Either Divorce your wife and play your video games or have the grown adult conversations needed to create the change you want to see.
NTA. You don’t have a MIL problem, you have a spouse problem and are avoiding it.
Maybe your wife can visit her a couple of times per month?