I 36 F took in my mother during the pandemic after some medical issues. I never made her move out after, It works for us, she has her own bedroom and bathroom, we share other spaces and I work from home most of the time so I can look after her. My stepdad died about a decade ago and she was lonely. It made sense for us.
As mentioned I work from home most of the time and a lot of times i’m in some kind of teams meeting or call (yes even those that could be emails but thats not important). So I don’t really have time for chitchat during office hours. My mom’s sister aka my aunt tends to drop by unannounced to visit with my mom. Which I don’t really mind, but she had a tendancy to step into my office without knocking while i’m working and start talking to me about her neighbors sisters kid who did bla bla bla. I’ve more than once explained to her that I’m working and or I’m on a call and I can’t really chat right now. But she just keeps talking like nothing happened.
Today she actually announced to my mom she was coming over. I reminded my mom to tell her I’m working and on calls and can’t be disturbed and my mom agreed she would tell her not to bother me. But just to be safe I locked my office door so she couldn’t walk in.
Despite my mom telling her, she came upstairs and tried to open the door, when it didn’t open she started knocking and calling out hello it’s me open up. I didn’t respond at first as I was on a call with a client but she kept banging on the door so loudly I ended up having to put the client on hold. I told her without opening the door I was on a call and could not talk right now and my aunt left in a huff. Now she’s bombarding my mom with texts about how rude I was for locking myself in my office knowing I was having company.
So AITA?
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I 36 F took in my mother during the pandemic after some medical issues. I never made her move out after, It works for us, she has her own bedroom and bathroom, we share other spaces and I work from home most of the time so I can look after her. My stepdad died about a decade ago and she was lonely. It made sense for us.
As mentioned I work from home most of the time and a lot of times i’m in some kind of teams meeting or call (yes even those that could be emails but thats not important). So I don’t really have time for chitchat during office hours. My mom’s sister aka my aunt tends to drop by unannounced to visit with my mom. Which I don’t really mind, but she had a tendancy to step into my office without knocking while i’m working and start talking to me about her neighbors sisters kid who did bla bla bla. I’ve more than once explained to her that I’m working and or I’m on a call and I can’t really chat right now. But she just keeps talking like nothing happened.
Today she actually announced to my mom she was coming over. I reminded my mom to tell her I’m working and on calls and can’t be disturbed and my mom agreed she would tell her not to bother me. But just to be safe I locked my office door so she couldn’t walk in.
Despite my mom telling her, she came upstairs and tried to open the door, when it didn’t open she started knocking and calling out hello it’s me open up. I didn’t respond at first as I was on a call with a client but she kept banging on the door so loudly I ended up having to put the client on hold. I told her without opening the door I was on a call and could not talk right now and my aunt left in a huff. Now she’s bombarding my mom with texts about how rude I was for locking myself in my office knowing I was having company.
So AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I locked myself in my office because I was on a work call while my aunt was coming to visit my mom and I didn’t want to be interupted, now I’m being called the asshole because I did not let her into my office.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You didn’t have company. Your mother did, and it was while you were working. There’s nothing to apologize for.
Nta. She wouldn’t be allowed over anymore.
Of course NTA. Both your mom and aunt are being rude, irrational and entitled. It’s your space – put your foot down and tell your mom that your aunt is not allowed to visit during working hours if she can’t be respectful.
To make it clear that your house is also your workplace, advise your aunt that she has two choices. The first option is to respect that you are not available and not to be disturbed during your work hours. The second option is that your aunt is not allowed in the house uninvited, and your mother is not allowed to invite her in during work hours.
NTA
You have explained that you are at work and not to disturb her you, so the only rude person is your Aunt. You closed your door and locked it but that didn’t work. Like a 4 yo at the bathroom door screaming Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma………. Would you be rude to put a giant poster on the door. ” Auntie, in case you have forgotten. DO NOT DISTURB ME I AM AT WORK.” The only other thing to do is tell your mom that Auntie CAN NOT VISIT during work hours.
Absolutely NTA, no doubt about that. Many people of let’s say the older generation do not take work from home seriously at all, and barge in all the time. Even if you had not been working, she was visiting your mum, not you. You are not obliged to socialise with other people’s guests and visitors, period. The fact that she was disturbing you during your working hours is just a cherry on top. I would prohibit her from visiting YOUR house during YOUR working hours, if they want to socialise they can go to a café.
Like the other comment said, YOU didnt have company, YOU were working. Not your problem the visitor cant regulate their emotions.
NTA.. make a rule that she can’t come over during working hours if she can’t respect you
NTA
Oof, time to send Auntie on a direct flight to Bluntland. “Auntie, I’ve tried, multiple times, to subtley convey to you that you are disturbing me. As you can’t or won’t understand, and have now progressed to hassling my mom, please allow me to lay it out for you. Do not stop by unannounced, ever. When you are an invited guest in MY home, do NOT attempt to communicate with me while my office door is closed. If you can’t follow these simple rules, and refrain from complaining to mom about them, then you will not be welcomed in MY home. My resolve is firm and should not be tested on this point.”
NTA
Not even a little. Home work space is hard because people don’t understand you can’t just hang up on a client or another person you work with. It’s a shame really they can’t understand your door is locked for a reason.
No one would barge into your office if it were in a building in the city and lots of other people around you working unless it was an emergency or they were invited. ( like a spouse for lunch)
I guess since she is family you’re just going to have to invite her over during non working hours and explain it to her again. Hope she understands you’re not just taking the day off and working a little here and there. It is your livelihood.
NTA.
I periodically have friends and acquaintences over as houseguests for anywhere for a night to a week. (or… up to 2 weeks if we include the period of time where I was hosting refugees through my home) Depending on the guest, why they’re over, and how long they are staying – I may or may not be working during that period.
If/when I am working – I communicate whether I can be disturbed by whether my door is open or closed. If it’s open – you can come talk to me. If it is closed – the expectation is let me focus on work (whether it is an intense task, a call, a video call, or a presentation).
Many understand that without explanation – most respect that with being told that once simply. One person who could not learn to respect that is no-longer welcome in my home; though it never got to the point I had to lock the door (I can – I just prefer not to)
Your Aunt is the only AH here. She is not your guest: You did not invite her over, you did not pick the time, and the core purpose of the visit is not to spend time with you, and she is coming during working hours when you are reasonably expected to be occupied *WORKING*. There are those in older generations who cannot understand that working from home is working. Her inability to grasp that is not your fault.
If this escalates – you can suggest, then demand, your mom meet outside of the house if they are going to meet during working hours without being the AH; or… simply… continue to lock your door.