I have a coworker, Tasha, that is a very close friend of mine. We were put on the same team together a few years ago and we’ve grown very close. I consider her one of my best friends. When her and her now fiancé were talking my about getting engaged, she took me ring shopping with her to try and find something that she liked because she had a very specific style in mind. Needless to say I was thrilled for her when she actually got engaged a few months later.
Her and her finance are very low key, they don’t want a traditional wedding/ceremony. They’re getting dressed up, going to the courthouse, and spending the money they would’ve used on a wedding to travel on their honeymoon. Along the way she’s asked for suggestions about where to honeymoon, what kind of accessories to wear when she gets married, etc. but early on she mentioned that she wouldn’t be showing anyone her dress when she got it.
Fast forward and we’re sitting in a team meeting and she mentions that she’s going to get her dress altered. Some of the team members ask for details about it, for the most part she answers semi-vaguely with some details. However she does mention that it wasn’t a true “bridal gown”, because it didn’t come from a bridal shop. The dress is listed online from a non-bridal clothing website and with a very bridal themed name. She tells everyone in the room the name of the dress, which surprised me because I thought she was keeping the dress a secret. I figured if she told everyone the name of the dress maybe she just didn’t want anyone to see pictures of her in the dress before she gets married. So I google the dress, see it, and put my phone back down. The day goes on, and hours later I text her privately something along the lines of “I saw the dress you’re getting. It’s so you and perfect.” After I tell her that, she asks me to confirm that I looked up her wedding dress, and I said yes, but I didn’t show anyone. Now, Tasha has told me that she’s annoyed that I looked it up when she didn’t want anyone to see it. I told her I’m sorry, I didn’t realize she was still keeping it a secret and that I will keep it to myself. She last responded with that she understands I didn’t mean any harm but she was going to need some time.
I’m so gutted. I didn’t think anything about looking it up, she told the name to a group of people she’s it as close with so I didn’t think she would really mind if anyone saw it. I feel horrible, we are so close I hate to think that I’m taking something special away from her big day. I truly meant no harm and I tried to make that apparent. It’s been some time now and I’m still going back and forth in my head with guilt. Am I the asshole?
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Backup of the post’s body: I have a coworker, Tasha, that is a very close friend of mine. We were put on the same team together a few years ago and we’ve grown very close. I consider her one of my best friends. When her and her now fiancé were talking my about getting engaged, she took me ring shopping with her to try and find something that she liked because she had a very specific style in mind. Needless to say I was thrilled for her when she actually got engaged a few months later.
Her and her finance are very low key, they don’t want a traditional wedding/ceremony. They’re getting dressed up, going to the courthouse, and spending the money they would’ve used on a wedding to travel on their honeymoon. Along the way she’s asked for suggestions about where to honeymoon, what kind of accessories to wear when she gets married, etc. but early on she mentioned that she wouldn’t be showing anyone her dress when she got it.
Fast forward and we’re sitting in a team meeting and she mentions that she’s going to get her dress altered. Some of the team members ask for details about it, for the most part she answers semi-vaguely with some details. However she does mention that it wasn’t a true “bridal gown”, because it didn’t come from a bridal shop. The dress is listed online from a non-bridal clothing website and with a very bridal themed name. She tells everyone in the room the name of the dress, which surprised me because I thought she was keeping the dress a secret. I figured if she told everyone the name of the dress maybe she just didn’t want anyone to see pictures of her in the dress before she gets married. So I google the dress, see it, and put my phone back down. The day goes on, and hours later I text her privately something along the lines of “I saw the dress you’re getting. It’s so you and perfect.” After I tell her that, she asks me to confirm that I looked up her wedding dress, and I said yes, but I didn’t show anyone. Now, Tasha has told me that she’s annoyed that I looked it up when she didn’t want anyone to see it. I told her I’m sorry, I didn’t realize she was still keeping it a secret and that I will keep it to myself. She last responded with that she understands I didn’t mean any harm but she was going to need some time.
I’m so gutted. I didn’t think anything about looking it up, she told the name to a group of people she’s it as close with so I didn’t think she would really mind if anyone saw it. I feel horrible, we are so close I hate to think that I’m taking something special away from her big day. I truly meant no harm and I tried to make that apparent. It’s been some time now and I’m still going back and forth in my head with guilt. Am I the asshole?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
NTA. That’s just weird. She told you the name of the dress and where it came from. If she doesn’t want people looking it up she could have just…not done that.
Tasha is a weirdo don’t sweat it.
NTA – I would have thought the same thing you did. Why tell the name of the dress if you didn’t want anyone looking it up, it’s a detail she should have left out of the convo if she wanted to keep it so secret.
You should or have told her you saw the dress
I thought she meant literally looking UP her dress!!
I can understand that saying the name of the dress to multiple people can be intended as a permission to look it up but if it had been my best friend, knowing that she previously wanted to keep it secret I would have asked her first, normally best friends talk with each other. NTA, you didn’t do anything awful, every co worker could look up the dress, but it’s the thing that you say you’re best friends so at least a doubt should have occurred to you and you should have asked before looking.
That doesn’t mean that she has to be upset and she shouldn’t be too angry about that, I think she’s a bit disappointed from you as friend
Your friend is an attention seeking drama queen
NTA and don’t give it another thought. If she didn’t want anyone to know what she was wearing she shouldn’t have been talking about it let alone mention the name of the dress. You’ve done nothing wrong. Don’t apologize again.
NTA. If you don’t want people to look up the name of your dress, don’t name drop the manufacturer and dress information.
NTA. I would have looked it up too. It’s a wedding dress, not nuclear codes. Your friend needs to get over herself.
Maybe next time, just look it up and not say anything. But I don’t think you did anything wrong.
So she also has beef with the company that makes the dress for posting it online for everyone to see? 🙄💩😅 NTA
She’s terrible at keeping secrets, but somehow wants to blame you for this
YTA.
YOU knew she wanted to keep the dress secret. Her sharing the “name” of the dress to random coworkers is essentially meaningless information. They weren’t going to act on it. YOU on the other hand, not only looked up the dress but then essentially rubbed it in her face that you did so.
Nta. If she wants it to be secret dont tell people what it is. Lololol
I mean, if you’re a a nosey Nancy that’s fine but don’t snitch on yourself.
NTA. She seems like the type of person who keeps saying her birthday is coming but gets annoyed when someone wishes her happy birthday. Lol
NTA. What did she think would happen? She gave you all the name of her dress and the place she bought it. Just let it go. This is a her problem, not a you problem.
I definitely would have looked for the dress online but I wouldn’t have c told her about it. However if she didn’t want anyone to see the dress, she should have kept it’s identifying name to herself. You were just curious, not meaningcany harm.
She literally told you she didn’t want anyone seeing the dress. You went and looked it up anyway and then told her you saw it. YTA
Just because she slipped up and said the name of the dress doesn’t mean she was then giving the okay to go against what she asked.
Tasha is ridiculous. She can’t both tell people the name of the dress and company and not expect anyone to look it up
If she wanted it to be a secret, I feel like she shouldn’t have told everyone exactly what it was.
What a total fucking nutjob.
YTA. “Early on she mentioned that she wouldn’t be showing anyone her dress when she got it.” So you knew and you looked it up anyway. But then you even told her you saw it. What did you think was going to happen?
“Going to need some time”.
Give me a fucking break 🙄
When she mentioned it in a meeting she wanted people to look it up online so they could comment on it. Throw her to the wind
She’s gatekeeping a dress for no reason. Was she going to prance into work and surprise everyone?
NTA
Your “friend” is being a cunt.
You’re a big AH why would you tell her that you saw her dress?