I (27 F) was hanging out at home, exhausted from the work week, when my friend Roger called me. He was with another friend Marvin and they were hanging out and asked me if I wanted to join. I told them I was too tired to go anywhere and they agreed to pick me up and drop me back at the end of the night, by 2 am. I live pretty close to Marvin so Roger would be making that trip anyway. I say okay and we all go grab drinks in town. Third friend Lucy joins us after her date went south and we were all drinking and having fun.
At around midnight I was ready to head home but everyone else wanted to stay longer and Roger who was going through a break up wanted to drink but was I was only letting him have a few sips because he had to drive us home. I tell him to drop us home and then he could come back, we lived 15 mins away, he’d be back in half an hour. Lucy didn’t want us all to leave and begged us to stay, offering to drop us home because she and Roger had the same car. She’s also neighbours with Roger and had been picked up by her date so it was perfect, she could drop me and Marvin home, and then also take herself and Roger home. I stop controlling Roger’s drinks and he gets absolutely hammered. Lucy eats a meal and switches to water.
By 4 am, all of us except Lucy are drunk and I’m 100% ready to go home. So is Marvin. The bar closes in 10 mins and I wanted to leave before they flooded the place with light. I shuffle Roger and Marvin outside and tell Lucy to come along. We all head out and there’s no sign of Lucy. I go back and apparently on her way out she started dancing with some guy and now wanted to head to another club with them. Not an apology, nothing, just omg, I found this guyyyy. I was too drunk and tired to argue so I turned around and left. Lucy could tell I was annoyed and followed me out to the street and asked if we were good, I said I didn’t wanna get into it. She says all of us were adults and not her responsibility and could get cabs home. Roger himself would need a cab home and then another one back the next day to pick up his car. Marvin is still a student so I’d be footing his bill too.
I feel like she is responsible because we stayed on for her specifically because she didn’t want to be left alone and also agreed to drop us all and became the designated sober driver. I also didn’t exactly say anything to her until she followed me out but apparently I shouldn’t even be annoyed.
She ended up dropping us after a bit but we haven’t spoken for days.
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I (27 F) was hanging out at home, exhausted from the work week, when my friend Roger called me. He was with another friend Marvin and they were hanging out and asked me if I wanted to join. I told them I was too tired to go anywhere and they agreed to pick me up and drop me back at the end of the night, by 2 am. I live pretty close to Marvin so Roger would be making that trip anyway. I say okay and we all go grab drinks in town. Third friend Lucy joins us after her date went south and we were all drinking and having fun.
At around midnight I was ready to head home but everyone else wanted to stay longer and Roger who was going through a break up wanted to drink but was I was only letting him have a few sips because he had to drive us home. I tell him to drop us home and then he could come back, we lived 15 mins away, he’d be back in half an hour. Lucy didn’t want us all to leave and begged us to stay, offering to drop us home because she and Roger had the same car. She’s also neighbours with Roger and had been picked up by her date so it was perfect, she could drop me and Marvin home, and then also take herself and Roger home. I stop controlling Roger’s drinks and he gets absolutely hammered. Lucy eats a meal and switches to water.
By 4 am, all of us except Lucy are drunk and I’m 100% ready to go home. So is Marvin. The bar closes in 10 mins and I wanted to leave before they flooded the place with light. I shuffle Roger and Marvin outside and tell Lucy to come along. We all head out and there’s no sign of Lucy. I go back and apparently on her way out she started dancing with some guy and now wanted to head to another club with them. Not an apology, nothing, just omg, I found this guyyyy. I was too drunk and tired to argue so I turned around and left. Lucy could tell I was annoyed and followed me out to the street and asked if we were good, I said I didn’t wanna get into it. She says all of us were adults and not her responsibility and could get cabs home. Roger himself would need a cab home and then another one back the next day to pick up his car. Marvin is still a student so I’d be footing his bill too.
I feel like she is responsible because we stayed on for her specifically because she didn’t want to be left alone and also agreed to drop us all and became the designated sober driver. I also didn’t exactly say anything to her until she followed me out but apparently I shouldn’t even be annoyed.
She ended up dropping us after a bit but we haven’t spoken for days.
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> 1) I might be the asshole because we were indeed all adults and could have taken ourselves home, although it would hurt financially.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Are Ubers not available where you are?
Honestly, it sounds like you have shitty friends
NTA. She agreed to drive you all home and then decided at the very last minute not to and made the situation massively inconvenient for everyone. She also wanted to stay out for a guy she’s JUST MET. She’s the A-hole and a bad friend.
NTA. Unless you’re leaving out some details, I don’t see how you “lost your shit.” If your friend committed to dropping you off, especially in order to convince you to stay out later than planned, then you’re totally justified in holding her to it.
If you’re downplaying your reaction I might switch my judgement, but I’m taking this at face value. In the future if she doesn’t want to be responsible for getting people home she shouldn’t offer to be the designated driver. Depending on how you spoke to her you might need to apologize for how you communicated but based on your description you handled it well.
NTA
A volunteer designated driver cuts out on the way out the door on the group she committed to driving is a huge AH.
They also aren’t much of a friend.
NTA – Choose your friends better and learn when you say no, you mean no.
NTA But you’re an adult you should make your own choices about going out and having a ride home.
NTA. Folks need to follow up on their commitments.
NTA. Lucy is a terrible friend.
ESH
you said you were tired, nothing should stop you to go home whenever you want. but instead you caved in, got drunk more and mad at your friend for not keeping her words.
in the end she drove you home anyway..
You all are too old to be this dependent on one another. YTA.
“15 minutes away”. =. Walk when you want to leave. Even if it’s a 40 min walk at least you’re holding up your own boundaries.
Maybe it’s just me, but the designated driver should remain the DD for the night. If you make commitments to people to drive them home safely, you keep those commitments. Drunk people are compromised and can’t always safely navigate changing transportation plans.
NTA. Lucy dropped her part of the bargain, after it was designed around her wishes. Now you know which friends Not to rely on.
YTA. Why would you be footing Marvin’s bill just because he is a student ? You are assuming responsibility where you have none and giving up responsibility for yourself where you need to take charge. You could have gotten a cab home anytime and left those 3 at the club.
Gonna say ESH
They definitely are not trustworthy or good friends. You also seem to be a people pleaser, when you’re getting peer pressured into drinking and footing other people’s bar tabs.
Get yourself better friends and stand up for yourself
You’re 27 years old. You should be able to navigate your drunken friends and your rides home by now.
YTA
ESH. Lucy and your other friends for not keeping their word, since they clearly said whatever would keep you socializing with them but they didn’t mean it. You, because by now you should realize your friends are more about fun than loyalty so don’t go out with them when you’re tired, leave when you choose and always have money to uber if you plan to go out. Get better at saying no. Consider getting better friends who value you enough to care about you and keep their word.
NTA. Also, “Marvin”? Your cousin, Marvin Berry?
Crazy that people who are drinking heavily arent reliable lol. Next time, have a back up plan. Or uber
When I just started dating my husband, we would always party with his group of friends. They would all drink but not too drunk that they couldn’t get themselves home. They were adults and they took care of themselves, never obligating any of their friends to bring them home or something.
NTA – if Lucy agreed to be the designated driver, she should have stuck to it.
Having said that – did you really go out without a backup plan? My bar/pub/club days are long past, but I always carried some means to get home, whether that was money for a taxi, a train/subway pass, change for a bus, whatever…