AITA for lying to my parents (M&F 50s) about how much money I (F23) make so I don’t have to pay them as much for rent?
To give context after college I moved back into my parents and have been here for 8 months. Since graduating college my parents have taken a sum of my income starting at 20%. After a couples months I was expected to pay the Parent Plus Loan ($510 monthly). A couple more months my car payment was added ($300 monthly). All of this I think is fair and I have no issue with except for the fact I had to quit my job in March.
I was expecting to live in the college area after I graduated but due to outside circumstances I could not get a place. This led to me living home and having a 2 hour commute. After a few months I had to toss in the towel and quit because it was nearly costing money to have the job. During this time my parents had slowly increased my rent to 40% of my income for more expenses. When I was unemployed my parents instead took $200 as well as the loan money (car money was added once I got a new job). This absolutely destroyed my savings to the point I’ve gained thousands in credit card debt to keep up with life and expenses needed to apply for jobs.
Eventually I got a job! This is where I may be an AH but I lied to my parents and hide 40% of my income in an account they can’t see. If they question why there’s a lack of money I may say I had 20-30% automatically put in savings. I just need to leave this living situation. It’s a family of 5 with 2.5 bath, living with family 24/7, limited freedoms, but most importantly feeling a crushing sensation of being trapped here. I understand that my parents have had lives that made them not great with money and there are debts to be paid. In reality paying for loans and my car payment isn’t horrible and I expect it. I just keep doing math and see how if I lived with someone I could have a 2 bed 1 bath for the same price. The rent they also say goes to food and electricity (we don’t pay for water), so that makes sense a bit. Am I being an AH for hiding the full amount I earn so I can save up to move out?
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AITA for lying to my parents (M&F 50s) about how much money I (F23) make so I don’t have to pay them as much for rent? To give context after college I moved back into my parents and have been here for 8 months. Since graduating college my parents have taken a sum of my income starting at 20%. After a couples months I was expected to pay the Parent Plus Loan ($510 monthly). A couple more months my car payment was added ($300 monthly). All of this I think is fair and I have no issue with except for the fact I had to quit my job in March. I was expecting to live in the college area after I graduated but due to outside circumstances I could not get a place. This led to me living home and having a 2 hour commute. After a few months I had to toss in the towel and quit because it was nearly costing money to have the job. During this time my parents had slowly increased my rent to 40% of my income for more expenses. When I was unemployed my parents instead took $200 as well as the loan money (car money was added once I got a new job). This absolutely destroyed my savings to the point I’ve gained thousands in credit card debt to keep up with life and expenses needed to apply for jobs. Eventually I got a job! This is where I may be an AH but I lied to my parents and hide 40% of my income in an account they can’t see. If they question why there’s a lack of money I may say I had 20-30% automatically put in savings. I just need to leave this living situation. It’s a family of 5 with 2.5 bath, living with family 24/7, limited freedoms, but most importantly feeling a crushing sensation of being trapped here. I understand that my parents have had lives that made them not great with money and there are debts to be paid. In reality paying for loans and my car payment isn’t horrible and I expect it. I just keep doing math and see how if I lived with someone I could have a 2 bed 1 bath for the same price. The rent they also say goes to food and electricity (we don’t pay for water), so that makes sense a bit. Am I being an AH for hiding the full amount I earn so I can save up to move out?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Hiding a portion of my income.
2. I’m living in my family’s house and I should contribute.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. I get their point of view but the way they went about it was…. kinda yuck imho. If I was a parent, the most my kid would have to pay is their phone, car, and help with groceries. You’re not wrong for hiding a portion of your income so you can save up to move out.
YTA move out. You mentioned several times you are understanding of paying your school loan and your car payment but it does seem like you’re complaining about paying your own bills.
Also, a family of five sharing 2.5 bathrooms is not at all a big deal. I grew up middle class and we had 6 gurus sharing one bathroom and my dad had his own. And we weren’t living in poverty.
Stop lying to your parents and move.
Yta. If you think it’s cheaper living somewhere else then do it. You’ll be paying for a lot more. I get you want to save, but you’re already saving by not having by to fund your whole living expense
Yes. YTA.
NTA. They’re taking advantage of you financially. If you would be financially better off for leaving, then you should leave them asap, yes. Their debts are not your responsibility and they’re being selfish and greedy. Paying 20% of your income to rent is certainly enough.
For my clarity: your rent of $510 includes house food and utilities, and you pay your $300 car payment besides? And that’s it? In my area a room is going for 1200 or more, without furnishings, or food, and utilities are on top of that.
And you’re lying about your income so you don’t have to pay any more. YTA, and you’re right – you do need to leave. For their sake and yours.
NTA if they’re charging you more than you could get with another roommate. They’re taking advantage of you and not charging you, their daughter, a fair market value.
40% is way to high as they are making sure you can never move out with that amount and they know it.
I would pay the parents plus loan directly instead of through your parents and it might not be that high or it’s not getting paid at all. I would have that direct payment instead
NTA and everyone saying you are for “lying about your income” is missing the goddamn point.
Because if I’m understanding correctly, your parents started gradually increasing your rent until it was double what you were first paying and well beyond what market value would be for a single bedroom? And didn’t even give you any leniency when you were unemployed, they were totally cool with you racking up thousands in debt?!
OP is being financially exploited by their own damn parents. They NEED to lie about their current income in order to ever afford to move out, otherwise they’re just at risk of another price hike.
My question is why do you have to hide money in “an account they can’t see”? Why do your parents have access to your bank account?
You could try to justify a dark NTA by thinking their money is your money since eventually you’re likely going to inherit it. Or go clean conscience with a fruity YTA for lying to your elders.
Can you clarify what you are paying to them and what it covers? How much is your student loan, how much is your car loan, and how much is room and board? Are you additionally paying off debts they incurred for themselves? You say you understand paying for loans they took out to buy things for your use (college and car) but you also seem to feel justified in lying to get out on your own. I’m kind of confused and, judging by the responses, I’m not the only one.
Without knowing how much you are paying to your parents it’s hard to say, but if it’s really less expensive for you to move out, you should. My adult kids assumed the total cost of them residing with me was a lot less than the reality (I wasn’t charging them anyway) and once we itemized utilities, food, home maintenance, internet, etc. they realized that they were noticeably increasing my monthly financial outlay. If you stay, create a budget with them and be an adult and pay an appropriate amount. I’m not sure why your parents would have access to your bank account or your paystub.
YTA – lying to your parents is for teenagers who want to sip a beer, not adults.
If you pay too much rent, it should be cheaper to live elsewhere. And if you actually pay under market rent, then you are the yta.
NTA. Your parents still insisted you pay whilst unemployed and let you rack up debt.
Yes
NTA the world is ending and money won’t matter in 10 years.
Yta.
You’re getting a place to live, utilities and food.
If you move out you’d still be paying the loan and the car.
Stop being a baby
NTA
40% of your income to rent your childhood bedroom is ridiculous. As an adult, your parents have no right to look over any of your financial accounts or statements.
Get a post office box, direct all bank stuff to it. Save cash and look for a cheap studio.
It’s reasonable to pay for your overhead but unreasonable to to pay for others. The rent increase they’re making is wrong.
Kinda depends where you live.
Unfortunately most people’s rent is 40% of their monthly income. It’s a bummer that your parents are your landlord, but with them increasing your percentage it DOES seem like they’re trying to teach you how to allocate your money and give you a real-world experience of how renting works
When you rent from a landlord or company, rent increases every year. If you’re LUCKY your landlord might lower it after years of proving yourself as a good tenant.
NAH, freedoms is invaluable, but it actually costs about $200/mo more than what you’re currently paying your parents for your monthly bills.
Beware: you can lie to your parents about your income, you will not be able to lie to a real landlord when they check your income. If this is already 40% of your income, you won’t get approved for many apartments, as most require your income be 3x the monthly rent. If you want to pay $600/mo for rent, do you make $1800/mo in income?
Move out.
You will never get ahead in life if you let family and friends know how much you earn or how much money you have; they will feel entitled to it. Save, leave, and start your life. No guilt in wanting a life of your own; you are entitled to a life of your own.
YTA. Your parents need to retire soon and you’re basically sponging off them. You were lucky to have a soft landing when you couldn’t find a better job. Start adulting and either move out or pay a fair rent.
First of all why are you giving them access to your bank account at 23 yo?
Move out as soon as you can. The personal space and freedom will be worth it even if you are paying the same . You are NOT the asshole here .
NTA: What your parents are doing is financial abuse.