I (28F) am a first time mom. My brother showed up to Easter sick, so naturally I got sick, and then my baby. We recovered and my mom asked if I wanted to go shopping with her today bc we were celebrating my grandmas birthday. We are at Walmart and I had my baby wrapped up in a baby wrap so I could “wear” her. An older lady came up and touched my baby. I stated, “oh please don’t touch the baby.” She apologized profusely and rushed off before I had the chance to explain myself. My mom asks me, “don’t you think you’re being a bit excessive? Your daughter was covered with the wrap.” I said no, bc the lady was also in my space (the wrap is a keababy wrap if that gives anyone reference).
Fast forward to when we are at my grandmas celebrating her birthday. My mom brought cupcakes and my grandma asked me if she could give my daughter a little taste of frosting. I said no, not yet, she isn’t old enough. My grandma waits until I’m not looking and gives my daughter some frosting. I looked up and saw that my grandmas finger was in my daughter’s mouth. I explain how I felt disrespected bc I said no, and she went ahead and did what she wanted to do anyway.
To top the night off, I could hear my mom gossiping about what happened in Walmart while I’m changing my daughter’s diaper. I rush out and say, “wow. Gossiping about your own daughter, some mother you are.” And went back in. She started talking again and I shouted “I can still hear you.”
At this point, I’m fuming mad and I pack everything up and me and my daughter go home. But now I’m sitting up wondering if I was too harsh and if I should apologize.
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I (28F) am a first time mom. My brother showed up to Easter sick, so naturally I got sick, and then my baby. We recovered and my mom asked if I wanted to go shopping with her today bc we were celebrating my grandmas birthday. We are at Walmart and I had my baby wrapped up in a baby wrap so I could “wear” her. An older lady came up and touched my baby. I stated, “oh please don’t touch the baby.” She apologized profusely and rushed off before I had the chance to explain myself. My mom asks me, “don’t you think you’re being a bit excessive? Your daughter was covered with the wrap.” I said no, bc the lady was also in my space (the wrap is a keababy wrap if that gives anyone reference).
Fast forward to when we are at my grandmas celebrating her birthday. My mom brought cupcakes and my grandma asked me if she could give my daughter a little taste of frosting. I said no, not yet, she isn’t old enough. My grandma waits until I’m not looking and gives my daughter some frosting. I looked up and saw that my grandmas finger was in my daughter’s mouth. I explain how I felt disrespected bc I said no, and she went ahead and did what she wanted to do anyway.
To top the night off, I could hear my mom gossiping about what happened in Walmart while I’m changing my daughter’s diaper. I rush out and say, “wow. Gossiping about your own daughter, some mother you are.” And went back in. She started talking again and I shouted “I can still hear you.”
At this point, I’m fuming mad and I pack everything up and me and my daughter go home. But now I’m sitting up wondering if I was too harsh and if I should apologize.
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> The action that I took was setting and maintaining boundaries with my newborn child. This action may make me the asshole because of how I approached the situation (I.e asking the lady at Walmart to not touch my baby, abruptly leaving my grandmas birthday dinner).
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Your grandma gave your 2 month old frosting?!? That’s insane. They can’t have any solids at that point, let alone frosting. Their digestive system is super sensitive. You’re not mad enough in my opinion.
Not the asshole. You set boundaries that other people didn’t follow. These people need to be shown that you won’t tolerate shitty behavior like this. If you give a mouse a cookie, he’ll completely disrespect you and your loved ones.
Then he’ll ask you to forgive him. Forgiveness is key in life, but when it comes to you and your child, you ARE the world, and what you say is best, regardless of their opinion. Don’t let other people tell you how to parent YOUR child.
You should not apologise! You did everything any mother would do – protect the child! From illness, from strangers, from food that can make her very ill and affect the metabolism! Please put your child and yourself firsts and stay away from people that don’t understand, even if it’s your family. NTA
NTA. Who walks up to a random baby who is literally attached to a paret and touches the kid without parental permission? Rude people, that’s who. Why is your mother defending rude, random strangers at your expense?
Your grandmother was also a total AH for giving your baby frosting after you clearly said no. Is she the one who is gonna be dealing with the fallout when the baby’s digestive system goes haywire? Of course not, that’s gonna be on you, all because grandma didn’t want to listen when you said “no.”
Do NOT appologize to either of them. Both of them should be apologizing to YOU.
Why is your mother in your house so much that she thinks she can make/take a call and gossip about you there? She needs to be gone.
NTA. You are the mother to this child, therefore you make the rules. Period. If you say no, everybody else has to follow that or deal with the consequences of you not letting them around your child unsupervised. Your child is only two months old and they are already going behind your back, think about how much worse they are going to be as your child ages.
NTA, it’s your baby. If anything you aren’t angry enough. Babies shouldn’t be given things with added sugar until around two years and certainly not at two MONTHS.
NTA. These folks are nuts
WTFreakingCrap?!?! Your grandmother gave a 2 month old frosting?? Does she have dementia or something?
You are absolutely NTA and it sounds like both older women need a time out because they are acting like children. Did everyone forget how the whole world was literally SHUT DOWN because of germs and people not staying out of other people’s personal space? I hope you have backup childcare because neither of them should ever be left alone with your baby.
NTA
You made your boundaries clear, they stomped on them, so you and littlie went home.
Exactly the right thing to do.
NTA your baby can’t protect herself yet, it’s your job and you are doing it well. People completely disregarding your boundaries and going behind your back is so wrong and weird, I don’t know why people think it’s ok. So what if grandma doesn’t think a bit of frosting will do any harm, you know what else won’t do any harm? NOT giving frosting and respecting mums wishes. Honestly shake my head at people who think they know better and do whatever they want with other peoples kids.
Time for a time out. You are the parent. If they wont respect you and your very simple obvious rules then they dont get to see the baby. Anytime they say “we have raised kids and its fine” remind them the world has changed.
NTA. I feel like this has probably been your life, raised by crazy people who wrong you and then guilt you into apologising. The frosting thing is fking wild. Even just putting a germy finger in bub’s mouth…. I would be pretty annoyed. Giving frosting with allergens, colours and sugar to my child without permission… I would be very annoyed. The child isn’t even a toddler? It’s a fricken infant several months off starting solids?! … Oh boy. The final insult to injury, it’s an infant you’ve been specifically told not to give frosting to… Heads would roll.
These people are treating you so poorly. And these kind it things will keep happening. They don’t respect you. They won’t respect your parenting boundaries. They’re showing you what they think of you….
NTA
Do not for one second think about apologizing. You did nothing wrong.
I don’t have a baby but I do have a dog and I don’t think it’s appropriate nor is my dog a “free for all” that allows anyone to come up and pet my dog. You ask. If this random person wanted to touch your kid (who even does that!!!!), they should ask. I can’t believe anyone would think you were out of line but apparently your mom does.
Also, if you say your infant can’t have something, that should be respected. The fact she asked and you said no and she did it anyway was appalling. I would have trust issues because what if you found out your baby is allergic to peanuts and you tell them and they think you’re being ridiculous and give her a dab of peanut butter. This is all showing a complete disregard for your parenting.
NTA. Your mother and grandmother have zero respect for you or your parenting choices. Don’t bring your child around them because they have shown they simply cannot be trusted. Who tf feeds an infant frosting for goodness sake!? And why is your mother angry that you didn’t let a stranger touch your infant in Walmart!? Just because you have standards and boundaries does not give them the right to ignore them. I am raging on your behalf. They think they know better but are just being ignorant and nasty to you. I’m sorry they aren’t supportive or kind to you. You are doing a brilliant job. Mute them for a bit and enjoy your baby without them butting in.
Frosting to a 2 month old?! That’s crazy!!! My kids are now 21 and 17 and that was a huge no-no even when they were babies. Your grandma mis-remembered doing this with a 2 y/o, not a 2 m/o. Even so, YOU are the Mom and the fact that she just blatantly disregard your wishes is outrageous and disrespectful. I don’t think you can be near these two until they can demonstrate they can be trusted.
NTA
You did well, wow a finger in baby’s mouth after you specifically said not to give …just wow. I was gone sooner than you I’ll just say that. No NTA of course NTA your family sucks (maybe not your brother)
NTA. I’m sick and tired of people thinking that being a grandparent allows them to do anything they want, even against a parent’s wishes. It’s insulting and incredibly disrespectful. My bestie and her husband are vegan. She raised her two boys vegan. Her mother was convinced that they weren’t getting enough protein and fed them meat whenever they were at her house – and swore them to secrecy! Can you imagine asking a child to keep a secret from their parents like that? It’s effing abuse.
HELLLLL NO NTA. Giving an 8 week old baby frosting is BEYOND stupid and wrong especially after said baby’s mom has said no! These people do not respect you. Maintain your boundaries. You won’t regret it. Signed, a grown adult who was once that baby with an idiot grandma almost killing her with foods not meant for babies
NTA. Grandparents seem to think it’s both their sole purpose on Earth and their God-given right to stomp all over every rule a parent sets for their own child just because they plopped out a baby a few decades ago.
Grandma and great-grandma don’t have a heavenly directive to stuff sugar and red 40 into your infant’s mouth, don’t let them guilt you for not letting them.
And total strangers have no right to just walk up to you and start pawing at your baby, either. That’s just weird. People of all ages are starting to treat others around them like props and toys at a really alarming rate lately.
Yo are definetelly not. People who cannot respect not giving food to a baby of only two month cannot be considered an example. Said that, old people sometimes get crazy when a new baby arrives to the family and the live it as if they had another chance of being parents and totally ignore the new mom (That’s what happened to me and I’m still strugglin with the situation).
You are right not wanting strangers to touch your two month old baby. You are right not wanting her to eat. You are doing great and you are showing her that you stand up for her when she can’t. You are a good mom.
Nope! You said no, it’s your baby. They had their chance and raised their kids how they wanted to, now you get to raise your baby how you want to.
We just went through a several year pandemic. Thankfully, COVID wasn’t as deadly for the general population as it was originally thought, but a lot of people died and many more got very sick. Newborns have very limited immune systems. The right and good thing to do is protect her as well as you can.
Also, just because the woman was a little ol Grannie, doesn’t mean she was a good person. You don’t know who she is or what she’s done, she’s a stranger. Years back, I had a few fights with my husband because I caught him letting an old woman we didn’t know in the library hold our new baby, then another in Walmart. I brought it up with our friends, my husband thought the wife would agree with me, the husband with him. The husband (who’d been a sheriff) said he was of the same mindset that it couldn’t hurt, they were just grandmas who love babies – til he pulled over the sweetest seeming little old lady ever and found she had a warrant for child s** abuse and solicitation. YOU CANNOT TELL A GOOD PERSON JUST BY LOOKING. Parents need to protect the safety of their kids over the feelings of adults.
Also, kind of goes without saying, your family has noodles for brains if they think a tiny baby can, OR SHOULD, be ingesting butter, sugar, cream and sugar. I’d honestly wave them off and tell them to Google it and present you with any evidence besides, “Well, I did it and you’re fine.” Lots of things were considered fine in the good ol days that we now look back on with horror. Twilight births, infant surgery without anesthesia, segregation and open racism, smoking to cure a cough, whisky for teething, no seatbelts, encasing meat and veggies in jello. Some things need to be left to history.
They do not respect you and they will not listen to you. Do not apologize, and do not let them babysit.
nta. You’ve got enough confirmation as to why but I want to add I know it’s a difficult feeling when it’s your mum and gran and some small part of you may always want to put them first and hope they will love and treat you as you should be, but we are far to grown now to let ourselves fall into fleeting feelings. We are grown now and so are they if they can’t show you respect when it comes to your own child then they aren’t worth having close because you will hurt more from each disrespect than you ever will by setting boundaries and being mature enough to give yourself the love and respect you deserve 💜
NTA, your baby, your rules. Especially when they are logical and well thought out.
Your brother being sick was a shme. A stranger coming up and touching your baby like that, while jn a wrap was out of line! And granny is… granny ipwould be in the dog house for ages!!.
Even if baby was ready for solids, frosting is all sugar, that’s a terrible thing to give the baby!
No you are NOT TA, you defend your baby!
NTA. Sounds like your mom needs a time out. Some time away from baby to remind her of her place. Baby’s health and safety comes first.
NTA and please keep that baby away from them if they won’t respect boundaries! Your job as the mama is to keep your baby safe and everything else comes AFTER that. I know how hard it can be to set and hold boundaries especially from senior family members – my daughter is 3 months old and I’ve had a number of incidents where I haven’t known how to respond when people are doing things that I am not comfortable with, so I empathise completely but trust me, you are NOT the bad guy for enforcing your rules to protect your little one. If your loved ones can’t respect your boundaries then that is on them and they don’t deserve a special role in baby’s life. Set it out clearly. “I am her mother and I have asked that you not feed her food. It is not safe at her age. Please respect this rule or else I am not going to be able to bring her over again. When you go against the boundaries I have set, I feel disrespected and scared because you are putting my child at risk. In future please listen to me when I tell you what is and isn’t allowed around my baby.”
As for your mother gossiping about you, you need to decide if you’re willing to be around her if she’s going to do that. You may unfortunately need to just let it slide off you, or else explain why it’s rude and hurtful. But do not let her gossiping stop you from protecting your kid!
nta
You are your daughter’s mother and advocate. Any boundary you set, others should respect, if not then they should be removed from having access to your daughter. No, means no. If you don’t give consequences, then they’ll view your boundaries as mere suggestions. If they throw tantrums when you hold them accountable, it shows you that they don’t care about what’s best for your baby, only about what’s best for themselves.
When others dismiss your boundaries, they’re showing you their disrespect. People who don’t respect you, don’t deserve your respect either. In other words, they can bog off until they learn better.
Your daughter is not a toy that can be poked and most certainly not have old lady fingers shoved in her mouths because old lady won’t take no for an answer.