Awhile ago, I was in the car with some friends, and we were all driving to an art store. One of my friends (let’s call her Anna) mentioned she was hungry. Her boyfriend was in the back seat with her, and they started talking about what to eat.
For context, we are all adults, but Anna doesn’t work and doesn’t like spending her boyfriend’s money. We suggested a pizza place, but she said, “Well, I don’t mind eating off your plates.” Without really thinking, I responded, “Of course you don’t.”
The car got quiet after that. We ended up skipping food and just went to the art store, but Anna stayed in the car, pouting. Later, she got upset with me, saying I made her feel bad for not having a job. Her boyfriend also told me I shouldn’t have said that.
For context, Anna can work but has chosen not to. I didn’t mean to make her feel bad, but I also felt like it was an awkward comment for her to make in the first place. Now I’m wondering if I was out of line.
AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
Awhile ago, I was in the car with some friends, and we were all driving to an art store. One of my friends (let’s call her Anna) mentioned she was hungry. Her boyfriend was in the back seat with her, and they started talking about what to eat.
For context, we are all adults, but Anna doesn’t work and doesn’t like spending her boyfriend’s money. We suggested a pizza place, but she said, “Well, I don’t mind eating off your plates.” Without really thinking, I responded, “Of course you don’t.”
The car got quiet after that. We ended up skipping food and just went to the art store, but Anna stayed in the car, pouting. Later, she got upset with me, saying I made her feel bad for not having a job. Her boyfriend also told me I shouldn’t have said that.
For context, Anna can work but has chosen not to. I didn’t mean to make her feel bad, but I also felt like it was an awkward comment for her to make in the first place. Now I’m wondering if I was out of line.
AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I made a comment about her not having a job.
She felt hurt by the comment.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Maybe it’s time for her to grow up and understand the value of money. It’s not your or everyone else’s job to keep her fed. If she did however pay once in a while and it went around like that, the situation would’ve been different. Don’t let the moocher mooch.
NTA
why she expect people to let her take from their plate?
if you didnt say that, she would have believed she can do this all the time and doesnt have to pay for food .
her bf could have offered to pay for her food but he didnt , the bf of you friend is also an AH
NTA. Sometimes a freeloader needs to be reminded they’re a freeloader.
Nah, you’re not the asshole. Honestly, as a woman who’s had a lot of different friend group dynamics, I get why you snapped a little. It’s frustrating when someone consistently doesn’t contribute but still expects to benefit from the group’s generosity. Like, we’ve all had broke moments—I’ve been there too—but there’s a difference between struggling and just choosing not to try while still expecting others to pick up the slack.
That kind of comment she made, even if it was half-joking, puts everyone in a weird spot. You were probably already feeling like she wasn’t pulling her weight, so your response came out without a filter. It happens. She can be upset, sure, but maybe it’s time she reflects on why that hit a nerve. Sometimes the truth stings, especially when it’s a reality someone doesn’t want to face.
NTA. She basically told all of you to get food so she can leech off of your plates. This was embarising all along. You comment just highlighted that. Not your fault, maybe she learns that she can’t leech from everyone else.
I don’t feel you said it in the nicest way maybe but it’s also not wrong of you to set boundaries of you don’t want her eating food off your plate, ontop of if you expect to eat but don’t want to use your bfs money then that means get a job. 😊
NTA she’s so entitled she doesn’t think there’s a problem with claiming others food, I’d make more of a comment than you, about “looking forward to eating the food I buy for myself”
NTA. Are you serious? An adult fully capable of working who chooses not to, has basically just invited a carload of people (but not her boyfriend) to buy food that she is going to help herself to, without paying. How in the world would YOU be TA here? Does she think she’s so adorable that everybody loves to give her their scraps, like she’s a pet, and nobody minds her freeloading? Were you all supposed to feed her boyfriend too, so he doesn’t have to spend any money?
How does she usually get fed, if she doesn’t work and doesn’t want to spend her boyfriends money? I understand why she wants to be friends with you, but why are you friends with her?
NTA – choosing to not have a job, is also choosing a certain way of life which she isn’t equipped for either. Eat at home or be prepared to be beggar with acceptance that she choose this lifestyle.
NTA, Anna needs to get a job or pay for her food. Eating off of people’s plates is a no-no. She is not a child or a dog. It is time for Anna to grow up. I am surprised her bf puts up with it.
NTA
She should feel bad for being a mooch and for willingly not having a job and expecting people to cover for her. She doesn’t like spending her boyfriend’s money but she has no problem effectively spending yours?
PS: She touched MY food, she’d lose a hand.
Um, Anna STARTED the conversation about food, while knowing she had no money to pay for her own. And does she think it’s actually better to have an awkward situation where she sits watching the rest of you eat and begs for scraps, instead of letting her bf pay for her?
Maybe you were a bit blunt, but Anna expects charity and manipulates situations to receive it. You called it like it is. NTA
NTA. Their backup plan shouldn’t hinge on your wallet. They’re not ‘friends,’ they’re just freeloading. If she can work but chooses not to, that’s on her, not you.
You didn’t make her feel bad, she just doesn’t like being called out. They’re the assholes for calling you out.
It is only acceptable for toddlers to eat off others’ plates, and even then it is only reasonable for them to eat off their parents’ plates. NTA, but your “friend” is and so is her BF for shaming you for stating the obvious.
Buy*
Why should your lazy-ass friend keep sponging off you and other friends? It’s one thing for her boyfriend to support her, but not others. You’re NTA.
Jason Baitman says hello! And rolls his eyes very slowly…
NTA- She literally said she plans to not get her own food but will steal feom your plate, and SHE’S offended? That’s ballsy. Damn.
(JOEY DOESNT SHARE FOOD!!!!!)
NTA. That’s ridiculous. No remotely rational person declares that they are going to eat someone else’s food at a restaurant. And her boyfriend can buy her food or be silent.
NTA as I would have said something more strongly worded. I am very territorial with my food
NTA. Anna is a deadbeat. She needs to figure out how to make money to support herself without sponging off of others.
She sounds like a mooch to me. Nta
NTA not everyone has the luxury of choosing not to work, relying on others to pay for expenses. It’s one thing to choose to not work, it’s another to expect to mooch off of others who didn’t agree to it.
She reminds me of a seagull circling people picnicking at the beach.
NTA Anna is an adult who chooses not to work, if you choose not to work then you don’t get to leech off other people.
NTA this is wild lol doesn’t want to spend her bfs money, but is fine mooching off y’all, AND chooses not to work. The audacity is crazy.
NTA – if she’s chosen not to work, I assume her boyfriend is financially supporting her and that’s an agreement they’ve come to together. Unfortunately for him, that means that if they want to go out to eat, he needs to pay for her. The rest of you didn’t sign up to her GoFundMe lifestyle and she either needs to get a job so she can pay for herself or suck it up and accept that, sometimes, she’s going to miss out.
I don’t really see why you would say something like this to someone you actually call a friend.
Yes, she doesn’t work, but she wasn’t insulting your or anything. If you don’t want to share your food–and that’s fair–just say that. If you disapprove of her not working, tell her that in a different way. But don’t communicate it in a nasty way out of nowhere.
She was wrong for assuming she could eat off of you alls’ plates. But there are about 100 better ways to tell her that, and you chose none of them.
So yes, you are the asshole. Your comment was mean and non-productive. If you feel that much contempt for her, stop calling her your friend.
YTA
ESH. You took a dig and you know it.
This is AITA. I’m not saying it wasn’t justified but it was still a-holish.
Funny, yes. But still.
NTA, you have a grifter in your friend group. One who is old enough to know better, but doesn’t seem to understand this.
NTA. She didn’t even ask if she could share your food. I had a “friend” like her. She’d claim she wasn’t hungry and then proceed to eat half (or more than half) of whatever I ordered. I stopped hanging out with her. She was a leech and so is Anna.
NTA. I would have replied, “Well you should. You’re a functional adult, not a toddler or a pet.”
NTA – She’s a moocher and lazy and cheap. I hate people like her, I’ve had friends who expect you to pay for them when they have their own money. Drop her she’s useless and needs to grow up
NTA, no one wants to work but this is life. What’s she expecting? People to pay her way through life?
poor adult who is perfectly capable of having her own job and supporting herself financially 🥲 the consequences of her actions are too much for her to bare
edit: plus, that was fucking funny. if she can “joke” about being okay with eating off of yalls plates why can you not make a joke affirming a statement that she literally said… she takes herself too seriously and if you want to not participate in our society then you need to be prepared for people to give you shit about it 🤷♀️
NTA. She can freeload off of her friends, but her friends better watch what they say?
Foremost, it’s her responsibility to take care of herself, then it’s her boyfriend’s responsibility to take care of her needs.
Not her friends.
Manipulation, with a hard case of censoring what you say, or else her feelings will get hurt.
NTA. This is a person who will eat your food and expect you to live in your house for free. Then blame you for making them feel bad about it. You need to ditch this person before she starts taking more than pizza.
NTA. Sometimes shame is the best teacher. If you don’t have a job, you don’t get to make “I’m hungry” comments hoping someone will feed you. Eat before the hang out or get comfortable spending boyfriends money, but don’t pity party yourself into a meal. The audacity to say “I’ll eat off your plates” like she’s gunna take something from each of you instead of getting her partner to pay for a slice is wild. Why is Anna entitled to all of your foods?
INFO Can you explain why she doesn’t work? Also, is it possible that there’s more preventing her from working than she lets on about?
NTA but I do think you could have been a little softer in your delivery. Her money/job isn’t your responsibility whatsoever, and I would hope she’s cutting her cloth according to her needs, but her lack of job could be a pain point for her. It’s a rough job market out there and she could be feeling it. Maybe I’m giving her too much credit though.
Moochers NEED to be put in their place. Good for you!
No job no resources.. I that situation, mentioning going to purchase food seems inappropriate.
She was fishing for charity.
You pointed it out.
NTA.
NTA LMAO, what a joke of a person. She’s just trying to manipulate yall into giving her free food. The fact that she was picky of what food to eat is the cherry on top. She has a bf. She should be bothing him for her cravings and necessities.
NTA. Made her feel bad? She should feel bad when she’s blatantly trying to mooch. Next time ask her what she can afford to eat and watch her essentially say she expected it to be bought for her. Shes just a user
Anna: Why should I work when I can just mooch?
NTA at some point she has to realize what she sounds like to others. She doesn’t work and doesn’t like spending the boyfriend’s money but she’s okay with spending everyone else’s money?
If the boyfriend is going to accept her desire to not work then he has to accept that he’s going to be paying for her every single time. She is attention seeking by playing the poor, poor pitiful me routine. She wants people to dote on her and be happy about it.
Nta, she shouldn’t expect to be fed by her friends and her boyfriend shouldn’t either. If you offer that’s one thing but to expect it, that’s a nope. She has chosen her situation she needs to figure out how to feed herself, it’s called being an adult or learning how to be one.
NTA, but I think referring to yourself as her “friend” is a bit of an exaggeration. Your tone suggests you don’t really like her all that much, which is fine, but I wouldn’t really call that a friend.
NTA I’m assuming it’s one of those pizza buffets. She’s expecting you to get several slices so she can snag a slice or two. The waitress would get mighty suspicious if one customer ordered water to drink but didn’t order food. She would check to see if that person was eating.
NTA. Truth hurts sometimes. You and your friends have no obligation to feed a lazy freeloader who refuses to get a job. She doesn’t like spending her boyfriend’s money, but she LOVES spending yours, apparently.
NTA.
I hate it when people try to take advantage of you, and then get upset or call you “rude” for pointing out a simple truth.
As if being blunt or rude is a worse offense than sponging off other people their whole lives.
Stop hanging out with her and her boyfriend.
NTA, what she said first made it awkward, if she fully capable to work, then she should. If she doesn’t WNAT to that’s fine, just don’t expect stuff from other people it makes all situations awkward
NTA I’d say “Look. She’s capable of working and paying for herself but instead prefers to freeload while pretending it’s cute. It’s not cute when every slice she takes off my plate equals time I spent working so she didn’t have to. There’s a limit to going along with that. And I don’t have to bite my tongue to spare the feelings of a habitual mooch so they can feel good about doing it as if it were normal. It’s not like I love working. I’m not doing it for fun. I do it to live and pay my way.”
NTA.
Sometimes you just have to call a leech a leech.
NTA. You were not her friend, you were her free ride. You broke her cardinal rule by openly acknowledging this as fact.
NTA. You held up a mirror to her, and she didn’t like her reflection.
If you want to keep being friends with Anna – you’ll have to keep setting boundaries. “I don’t care if you don’t have a job. I care that you expected me to buy you food. I’m not willing to do that so please don’t plan to eat off my plate in the future”.
NTA, she reminds me of this gal I knew a long time ago, anywhere we all went out at the start of the trip she would always say “i don’t have any cash” well there’s an atm on the way Jessica.
Ew what a BEG.
NTA. Her rude comment deserved one in return.