So I’m (18F) attending a course in my high school about writing. It’s in the afternoons after class and I took it because I was genuinely interested. There were some friends there, but there was also this girl Marie(18F). Marie and I aren’t close at all but she is super friendly and nice with everyone (she always has a smile on her face, to put it that way). We were working with a special kind of pen (don’t remember the name) but it was special because the point need to be held at an angle, 45° to be exact. When we were trying it she explicitly said “what is an 45° angle?” to which I jokingly replied “that one friend that failed elementary school” (yk like those memes like “that one friend that’s too woke”)because I thought it was a harmless joke and we all were in the mood for jokes but she saw me with a horrible face, literal killer eyes, her expression was a mix of judge, anger and like disgust (?). That was today and I feel like I really fucked it up and I feel terrible because like I said i’m not close to her at all, so AITA?
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So I’m (18F) attending a course in my high school about writing. It’s in the afternoons after class and I took it because I was genuinely interested. There were some friends there, but there was also this girl Marie(18F). Marie and I aren’t close at all but she is super friendly and nice with everyone (she always has a smile on her face, to put it that way). We were working with a special kind of pen (don’t remember the name) but it was special because the point need to be held at an angle, 45° to be exact. When we were trying it she explicitly said “what is an 45° angle?” to which I jokingly replied “that one friend that failed elementary school” (yk like those memes like “that one friend that’s too woke”)because I thought it was a harmless joke and we all were in the mood for jokes but she saw me with a horrible face, literal killer eyes, her expression was a mix of judge, anger and like disgust (?). That was today and I feel like I really fucked it up and I feel terrible because like I said i’m not close to her at all, so AITA?
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> So I made a joke I thought was harmless but I think she took it in a bad way. It might make me an asshole because it was insensitive/weird
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
If you feel bad about it. Apologize. Just tell them that you noticed they didn’t like the joke, and you feel bad for making fun of them, and tell them you are sorry. Then move on.
Yeah, even if you didn’t think so. Getting laughs is easy if it’s at someone’s expense. Never crush someone’s willingness to ask a question and learn something.
Don’t feel bad. What you said was an in-the-moment joke. Some would have chuckled & said, “yep, that’s me” she didn’t. And that’s okay. She either didn’t get it or thought you were being intentionally rude. It happens. And importantly, your intent wasn’t malicious.
Maybe the next time you see her, gently apologise. Say you were making a joke reference to a meme. But that you’ve reflected upon it & don’t know her well enough to have assumed she’d be okay with your words & that if she was hurt, that’s on you.
Be genuine. And own it. It’s clear from what you’ve written here that you didn’t intend to cause offense. Your aim would be to get that across in as few words as possible – no need to make this bigger than it is – and to avoid any implication that she is the problem by not getting the joke or being too sensitive
…and now you’ve (hopefully) learned that “mean humor”, aka “jokingly mean”, rarely ends well.
You thought it would be funny to be mean to someone you barely know, even though she’s been nothing but nice to you, and now you’re surprised that she took offense?
YTA.
You said something that you thought would be a light teasing and noticed it didn’t land well. These things happen sometimes, I think we’ve all been there.
Next time you see her, just apologise. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. “Hey Marie, I just wanted to apologise for the comment I made when you asked about the angles. I guess at the time I thought I was being funny, but I realised as I said it that it just sounded mean. I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry, I really wasn’t trying to be mean and I feel really bad that I might have offended you. It won’t happen again”.
And then end the conversation and sit somewhere else. There’s really nothing worse than when someone apologises and then stands there waiting for you to say it’s okay, as if you’re not allowed to still be annoyed because they’ve done their part.
Edit for judgement – NAH as long as you apologise for it. We’ve all been there, and sometimes friendships are born from stuff like this. You just gotta own it in a genuine way is all.
Fakkkeeeeee
Except a 45 degree angle is not an obtuse angle.
This is so human of you lmao. We’ve all made comments or jokes that were in poor taste. You said what felt natural in the moment but it didn’t land and that’s okay. You can explain to her that your attempt to be funny was bad, that you don’t actually think she’s intellectually inferior, that what you said wasn’t cool, and that you’re sorry. YTA but it’s okay. Just take accountability and apologize. It’s already a good start that you feel bad about it.
Yeah, you’re not close enough to her to essentially call her stupid. You screwed up, we all do. Just be more careful with insult comedy in the future.
YTA. You can make those kind of jokes with friends if you know they’ll take it well. You can’t do them with people you barely know, even if they’re “super friendly and nice with everyone”.
Just apologise though. Yes, YTA but this doesn’t have to be a big deal.
YTA
Rude.
YTA. You called someone you don’t even know stupid.
A joke about someone’s intellect or ability is rarely funny and it’s extremely rare that it doesn’t hurt someone.
This isn’t a weird joke, it’s a mean joke. It’s not surprising she didn’t take it well as she may well have felt belittled. YTA.
YTA.
>that one friend that failed elementary school
Hey I just insulted you, why don’t you think its funny? I didn’t mean to hurt you by insulting you. It was a joke!
Fucking listen to yourself. You massively an asshole.
I’ll say it loud so hopefully you understand:
INSULTS ARE NOT JOKES.
You’ve gotta be pretty good friends with someone for that kind of negative humor to be appropriate or ever funny to them. Like years long no secrets from each other friendship. And even THEN the context needs to be right.