I (16M) live with my dad and his wife of 3.5 years. My relationship with dad is complicated and I work PT and save so I can leave once I’m 18 and never look back. My dad knows my plan and has never tried to stop me but apparently he never warned his wife either. They’ve dated since I was 9 but were on and off for a couple of years before that.
I’m totally indifferent to her and now that she has a baby on the way with my dad. She’s like 6 or 7 months pregnant now, it’s hurting her feelings a lot and when I told her I wasn’t excited for the baby, that I didn’t care about family stuff and that I’d be out of here in a little over a year since my 17th birthday is only a couple of months away. She asked me how I could talk about not being there for my ‘sibling’ and I told her to me that’s just their kid not my sibling and we’re only connected through DNA which is bullshit since dad isn’t exactly being a parent or a dad to me. She said that could all change and the baby needs their big brother and she said she had plans that we’d grow up close despite the age gap. I told her it’s not happening and she started crying harder and asking me if I wouldn’t stay for her and she thought we were at least working toward being family.
I was always nice enough to her despite everything but I never let her think I was bonding with her either. But she seems to feel like that anyway. She was super upset and I left the house for a while. Dad caught me coming back and told me I needed to stop upsetting his pregnant wife. I told him I’d avoid her. He said it’d upset her worse. That I need to stop being such a dick to her.
AITA?
Comments
You’re a selfish little bastard, “dad hasn’t been a parent to you”, yet you live, eat, sleep & shit under his roof, hope they kick you out now so you can get a sense of a reality
Feels like I read this exact post before but if real NTA
Your dad realised he needs a do-over baby to take care of him when he gets old because he fucked up with you.
You’re not responsible for what he is doing with his dick.
If you don’t want a relationship with baby, him or his fuck buddy, then don’t.
Just remember all actions comes with a consequence.
Stay and you might end up being the free nanny whenever they need a break or you might end up liking your little sibling.
Leave and you might end up being completely cut off and replaced.
It’s not to say what happens… But I hope you make the decision that’s right for you.
From the info you have provided, it kind of sounds like YTA. You haven’t provided any reason for your negative feelings toward your dad or his wife, so the reader can only assume that you’re just kind of the standard angsty teenage cliche.
NTA
You didn’t make her cry. She is trying to manipulate you into staying past 18, when she has no right to, in order for you two to be close. The fact she asked you to stay for her, indicates she intends for you to be free labour and help with the baby. Absolutely not. She wants a baby, her and her husband have to raise it.
Keep saving money and get out. The fact things can change now, only when she has something to gain from it, is enough to know it’s not genuine. Maybe talk to your dad and remind him you are saving to move out but she is asking you to stay now to help with the baby. Make it clear to him that won’t be happening and to ask her to stop trying to manipulate you. He might stay out of it, but he definitely won’t be bothered to help her force you either, at least.
Where is your mother? Can’t you live with her?
How many times will this same story be rehashed?
It sounds like there’s a lot of resentment towards your dad. Idk the details, but please make sure to seek therapy so that your relationship with him doesn’t seep into and ruin other relationships in your life.
I hope that with age you are able to recognize your sibling as your sibling and build a relationship. My older (14yrs) half sister and I didn’t meet until I was 7 but we formed a bond instantly and eventually bonded more over our hatred of our father 😂
Is she his AP by any chance? Regardless, you’re NTA, they’re both manipulative af and do not have your interests, let alone your best interests, in mind, all they care about is themselves.
“Delay your life to be an unpaid babysitter for the new golden child so we can dote on them in front of you, the child we neglected.” is not something a real parent would even think of, let alone actually ask.
I’m jaded, but I always hear “baby needs their big sibling!” as “What do you mean, I don’t have a built-in, free babysitter?!”
“Dad told me I needed to stop upsetting his pregnant wife. I told him I’d avoid her. He said it’d upset her worse. That I need to stop being such a dick to her.”
Your dad chose his wife, you had no say. Tell him respect or avoidance is as good as they’re getting, and silence once you’re able to move out. And if she married him expecting a built-in family, that is a conversation they need to be addressing between them, instead of trying to force you into a role you are not on board with. NTA.
I mean you’ve lived with your dad, he provided for you and done what any parent should.
From what I’ve read I don’t see him as a bad dad in any way, and she hasn’t been a wicked stepmother to you (yet), and she has tried to bond with you in some way. And yes, that baby is your sibling, whether you want anything to do with it or not. That doesn’t change these facts.
You can voice your feelings of wanting independence at 18 in a more tactful way, especially since they’ve done nothing to harm you in any way.
So yeah YTA, and a prick with a bad attitude.
NTA – you are not an emotional support child for your dad’s wife to live out her dreams. You are not responsible for making her happy, and you are not obligated to interact with your half-sibling when it’s born.
Then tell dad to stop being a dick to you. Or have him pay you to spend time with her.
NTA
You are not wrong for being honest about your feelings and you are not responsible for managing the emotions of a grown adult especially one who chose to marry into a complicated family situation without fully understanding it
It sounds like your dad’s wife made assumptions about your relationship and now she is upset that things are not what she expected. That is not your fault. You have never pretended to be close to her or excited about the baby. It is not your job to act like a happy family just to make her feel better especially when you have your own feelings to deal with
Your dad calling you a dick is unfair. You are young and you made it clear you do not feel supported and want to leave when you can. He should be listening to why you feel this way instead of just telling you to stop upsetting his wife
You were honest and clear. That might not be what she wanted to hear but it is better than pretending and feeling worse later. You do not owe anyone emotional work or a role in a family that does not support you
Setting boundaries is not cruel it is self protection. You are not the asshole for that
Same ole post little 16yr old angry at their parents for whatever reason 🙄 yall need to come up new material
INFO: Whats your favourite meal? If you answer this I’ll know you’re not a bot and then can give an actual opinion.
You are the ASSHOLE. Sorry, but there’s a pregnant woman reaching out to you, and whether you accept it or not, that baby is your sibling, you’re going to be a big brother. Regardless of your issues with your dad, she genuinely wants a relationship with you. (It seems) You know your indifference is hurting her, yet you keep acting like it doesn’t matter. That’s not just immature, it’s selfish and cruel.
NTA. Keep in mind that a pregnancy is tons of hormones and emotional emotional emotional, those tears might be caused more by your step mom being pregnant than your words. It’s possible you hurt her feelings, but take it with a grain of salt. Also, speaking of emotions, regardless of how you feel about your family, fact is they are actually family. Dad is your father even if he’ll never win father of the year. Baby is your sibling, even if you’re never close. But you have no responsibility to your new sibling, unless you want to agree to that. Not your job. Good luck.
She needs to grow up.
I’m so sick of this story and the 2,349,816 times I’ve been forced to read at least half of it until I finally see that it’s the SAME DAMN ONE BEING RECYCLED!
Ong I have seen this before nta I guess
NTA
She’s pregnant, anything can hurt her feelings. Don’t think too much on that.
You have no reason to be attached to her or her incoming child – in fact you have every right to be angry too – because she’s intruded on your life and a new child just makes it worse.
YTA, but I still agree with you 🙂
NTA. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Nothing short of over enthusiastic joy is going to make her happy, so avoidance is probably best. Keep working as much as you can. Have your pay direct deposited in your bank so you’ll have enough to move out when you graduate HS.
Good luck!
Sounds to me like she was maybe looking forward to a free babysitter.
Many folks can join Job Corps and/or be emancipated or put into excellent residential college-prep job-training-placement program sometime between age 17 and 22 years of age
Please talk with trusted school counselor
Hopefully you can find people who care to live with between now and age 18 instead of where you are so NOT wanted by your “father”,
Blood doesn’t make the family Love Does
Walk AWAY
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My parents siblings etc horribly abused me; I reject them forever
Blood doesn’t make the family Love Does
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Find the racially-diverse honest hard-working open-minded future-focused compassionate loyal helpful loving respectful pragmatic trustworthy fun interesting intelligent secular humanists and be THEIR friend through which YOU will get the EXCELLENT friends FAMILY fairness freedom peace LIFE
NTA. You’re a teenager trying to survive a situation you didn’t choose. It sounds like you’ve been let down emotionally by your dad for a long time, and it’s completely fair that you’re not jumping into a new “happy family” dynamic just because there’s a baby on the way.
You weren’t cruel, you were honest. And while it’s unfortunate that your honesty made her cry, that doesn’t make you a bad person. She’s likely emotional, hopeful, and maybe even a little naive about what the situation really is for you.
At the end of the day, you’re allowed to feel how you feel. You’re not obligated to pretend to be excited or bonded just to make someone else comfortable, especially when your own needs and hurt have been overlooked for years.
You’re just protecting your peace until you can build something better for yourself — and there’s nothing wrong with that.
YANTAH.
You are under no obligation to acknowledge their child or to cultivate a relationship with it. Keep your head down and bide your time until you can get out. Best wishes to you.
NTA it seems you are respectfully detached. That has a lot to do with your Dad.
Yeah you’re not the A-hole your dad fucked up with you and needs a do over baby
Cut him off and run
Does it take more effort to hold onto that facade of indifference, 24-and-7? It must take more effort than recycling old posts, anyway.
NTA
If you can be out on your own, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t. As for the baby, clearly you don’t want anything to do with him or her and they are the parents so why should you stay?
If she let’s you go, there might be a chance you grow up and decide to have some sort of relationship with them but if they force you to stay you may all grow to resent each other.