Title pretty much sums it up. Had a friend move in with my wife and I and made their rent $350 a month with the idea that they could help out with household chores and now they insist on having the attitude that I’m trying to take advantage of them and have them do “slave” work. All I ask if cleaning up around the house if you have the opportunity or maybe help with some yard work everyone and a while. Genuinely want to know if I’m in the wrong here.
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Title pretty much sums it up. Had a friend move in with my wife and I and made their rent $350 a month with the idea that they could help out with household chores and now they insist on having the attitude that I’m trying to take advantage of them and have them do “slave” work. All I ask if cleaning up around the house if you have the opportunity or maybe help with some yard work everyone and a while. Genuinely want to know if I’m in the wrong here.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was just trying to get an outside opinion on my situation and thought maybe I could be the bad guy in the scenario because helping around the house can be undesirable but I am unsure
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. They are welcome to move out if they can find a cheaper place to live.
NTA, Although I have no idea where you live, $350 seems like an incredibly low amount for rent. I would be extremely surprised if it didn’t come with some sort of strings attached. However, they probably had this exact plan in mind when they agreed to it. Did you have anything in writing?
INFO: how does that compare to rental prices for similar living situations in your area?
Well you said “with the idea they could help out with household chores?” Was that communicated to them?
Were they under the impression that they would be a roommate for free??
you might be the AH. Did you set the expectation before they moved in?
U r definitely not in the wrong u don’t have to do all chores by urself u have jst bcz they’re paying doesn’t mean u gotta literally serve em
Depends what was agreed and expected initially. If those two are very different then you’ve got trouble.
Nta ask them to go find a different place where rent is 350$.
I’d expect anyone living in a shared space to clean up after themselves and help with deep cleaning on rotation. If you’re expecting them to do all the cleaning then YTA. It would be more fair to charge them higher with them doing a fair share of chores rather than all.
You’re not the asshole. $350 is super reasonable rent, especially with just basic help around the house. They’re acting entitled not you.
Exactly! Id be happy to pay $350 in rent and help out around the house. Ill even cover $200 in groceries. Can’t find anyplace to live that cheap. He either needs to be grateful and show appreciation or give him the boot. OP is NTA
Nta, they get a sweet deal and as per your comments were aware of it.
If you don’t need the money tell them that sense they have changed the terms of your agreement they are free to find another place to live.
If you need the money find another renter.
INFO: what exactly does “clean up around the house” entail? I would suggest a more formal expectation of tasks. Also, do other people in the home clean up after themselves? Is there clutter? Does anyone make dinner, and then walk away with food splatters everywhere, and ingredients still out? Do people throw away their trash, put their dishes in the dishwasher, etc. What is the general state of the home?
Specific tasks are fine – like run the vaccuum once a week, or put the dishes in the dishwasher away, take out the trash, mow the lawn, etc. But a roommate should not expected to be a catch all maid. It is hard to tell from your letter what you expect the roommate to do.
Do they have a room to themselves, with none of your belongings stored in it? Do they have their own bathroom, or do they share? Find out what the market rate on rooms for rent is for your area. Say it is $700 a month for a shared bathroom. That means that to make it fair, the roommate might complete an extra couple hundred dollars a month in chores, at a going market rate, and you can agree ahead of time of what those are. Lawn care is probably easiest to quantify, and it is a task with a definite start and end point. Your friend should be picking up after himself as a basic expectation, not as part of his chore list. On both sides (his and yours) no one should be expected to clean up after another person.
If your house is generally untidy, and your friend does not have a space that is exclusively his, price should be adjusted in his favor, accordingly.
NTA. We had a friend who was essentially homeless stay with us through the winter (in the snow belt) when a job fell through. She wasn’t a problem, but she really didn’t help much around the house or pay rent.
You say you had the idea they could help around the house. Was this an idea you discussed with your tenant beforehand?
Info: was the arrangement agreed to upfront that they would help with housework in exchange for lowered rent, or did you just assume they’d be willing?
Description is too vague. Your better off charging what is fair or set clear expectations on what is required.
If I tell my son to do yard work every once in a while how often do you think it gets done ?
Honestly other than them being required to clean up after themselves the rest of it shouldnt be a factor in how much they pay. You’d hope they’d just do the right thing and help when needed since your helping them out but thats just not how the world works.
Since they feel they are being treated unfairly id apologize for not setting clear expectations and tell them here is 30 days notice to what the rent will be going forward and skip the whole chores to offset rent. Have a feeling they are going to wish they just pitched in
NTA. Cleaning shared spaces like vacuuming, picking their stuff up, dishes, taking out the garbage, etc is normal.
Yard work and other maintenance is all on you as a landlord.
NTA, and not to throw shade at your long term friend but they sound like they use victimization as a weapon to get out of stuff
The rhetoric im familiar with and every roommate whose had the same attitude also couldn’t accept they were in the wrong ever
Now friend may just be having the rough of it and lashing out as well but paying 350 in rent and not WANTING to help is wild
If I paid that little id feel guilty NOT helping around the house
NTA
Pitching in with housework is a basic societal expectation in a shared home.
Your “friend” is perfectly at liberty to look for a better deal. I wish them luck (because they’re going to need it).
How much are you and your wife paying for rent? If it’s even split that’s one thing. But if he is paying 350 a month to basically rent a closet with an air mattress in it and doesn’t make messes throughout the house then you could be the asshole. HOWEVER. If your friend is spilling shit all over the place or just being like a lazy slob and expecting you to clean up after him because he pays rent, NTA. — That being said, a slight compromise could occur. Talk with friend and discuss maybe if we cut the rent down a little if he would be willing to help keep the place tidy.
Sorry I am overanalyzing trying to consider X amount of factors I can only theorize and without any knowledge of how any of you are as people
INFO
> with the idea that
Communicated how exactly?
Did you guys write up a lease?
NTA, I’d tell them to find other living arrangements.
NTA.
I’m assuming you mentioned that they would need to “help out” before they agreed to the deal. And if they don’t like the deal they are free to move out. Or pay market rate.
When doing bigger chores, like cleaning the whole house or yard work, it’s often best to all do it at the same time. That way no one is relaxing while someone else is working. I can see how they would be OK with cleaning their own room and helping with common areas, but if they don’t use the yard then maybe it’s not fair they would have to do yard work.
Going forward, it would be best if you agreed on hours per month expected. And then keep track. IDK what the rent should have been, but if they’re saving $300 a month, that’s $10 a day, which is maybe(?) an hour’s worth of work?
YTA
Because you’re expecting them to help beyond the standard tenant/roommate responsibility with no clear limitations, while also being your friend.
If that means you need to raise the rent, so be it. But “could help out with household chores” could be very fair or very unfair based on your definition of “once in a while”. And if you’re too lax, then your wife could get upset that they’re not paying enough for doing so little extra, etc. etc.
Do yourself a favor and just keep it simple.
NTA. $350 is a bargain.
NTA. What would be the normal rent that would be charged in your area for a rented room in a house with shared common areas? Figure out the difference between that and the $350 they’re paying and ask them to explain what they are doing housework wise to make up the difference.
The reality is though, that’s probably not gonna work. You’re going to end up either dealing with it or kicking them out (potentially even needing to go through proper legal channels for eviction).
Take it as a lesson learned. Be very careful about becoming a landlord. Especially in these “good intentions, just trying to help a friend” situations. So many horror stories, things tend to get ugly.
NTA.
That’s a cheap rent, assuming the person has a room to themselves with a door that closes.
Household chores are a common complaint with any kind of housemate. Consider sitting down together and making a list of all the needed chores and divvying them up on a schedule.
However, everybody should still be expected to clean up after themselves! Every time washroom is used, it must be left clean and tidy –no residues left in toilet or towels on the floor or whatever. Laundry not left around, whether dirty or clean, whether in or out of the machines– of course roommate does his/her own laundry and perhaps has an assigned day if this is causing conflict.
The roommate sounds juvenile, acting like an entitled teen arguing with mommy and daddy. If this person can’t behave like an adult, show them the door and set them free.
They’re expected to clean up after themselves. As far as yard work and other stuff if it isn’t specifically outlined, written and agreed to in a lease or something it becomes kind of a grey area. Assuming this is a super cheap amount to pay for a room, sure I’d expect him to pitch in, but it really needed to be outlined what the expectations were clearly. It sucks it has to be that way, but that’s why it sucks having friends as roommates.
Definitively NTA. Everyone asking if some kind of formal agreement was reached regarding taking care of some things around the house is maladjusted; it simply should be the expectation because it’s common fucking manners.
NTA $350/month is what I was paying in rent for a single person apartment over 10 years ago, these days it’s a steal! I’d friggen vacuum every week and do the weed whacking if that’s all I was paying in rent.
INFO: You say “I made their rent $350 a month with the idea that they could help out with household chores,” but did you specify which chores and how often? Do you have a written agreement?
Room is 100% theirs and the tasks are normal household chores or yard work if help with it is needed. No clutter and house usually remains clean and tidy because I do all the cleaning typically and make dinner and do dishes and clean kitchen afterwards.
Nothing stops you from kicking them out.
NAH, but maybe there is an issue here because of the power dynamic.
Maybe try communicating clearly to this person that you guys are all residents in this home and you expect everyone to take part in cleaning up. Maybe it has come off that you expect them to be a live in servant while you and your wife don’t clean up… That isn’t what you’re expecting, is it?
Hi there. I’m Dukklings. I have cerebral palsy, epilepsy, autism, horrible eyesight, and a whole slew of other issues that I won’t go into right now. I live at home. I can’t work. My dear mother made my rent $600. TLDR? They need to get the heck over themselves. If I’m getting a steal, they’re getting double that. Complaining over rent that’s 350???!
NTA my husband and I’s roommate pays $900 per month (1/3 of expenses, living anywhere is not cheap these days) and she still helps out with chores around the house.
NTA. Some people lose that ‘friend’ veneer when you actually live with them and it seems like these might be those.
$350????? I’ll do all the chores tf
This is messy .
Yes, you are because your wife now has a child that won’t mind, that doesn’t pay enough for even the food they eat, much less upkeep and now she’s having to listen to you complain about your friend.
I’d send them packing.
NTA. Tell them if asking to help with household chores is making them do “slave labor” then the rent is no longer $350/month but $700 and you’ll take care of everything. With the extra $350 you can hire it out.
NTA, it sounds like you’re expecting them to do as much help around the house as any roommate.
NTA. Sounds like there were very good reasons for their former partner to throw them out. Entitled victim who does not? Get him out as soon as you can and tell him he is the problem. When everyone you know has a problem with you, look in the mirror.
INFO: was this information communicated to them written or verbally before they moved in or was it just your idea? I don’t think it’s unreasonable not expect some help but there’s a huge gap between ‘it’s obvious and should be expected’ and ‘it was clearly communicated’.
If you didn’t, then you’re not really in the wrong, you just assumed something without conforming. If you did communicate clearly, then make an effort to boot the mooch because sooner or later it’s going to put a strain on your marriage.
NTA for two reasons
It is pretty common for roommates to share household chores. It is just the basic reality of being a roommate unless spelled out otherwise.
Given that you are giving this person an incredibly low rent, it is even ore so that sharing household chores are part of the bargain.
Boot this entitled person out because they won’t find cheaper rent and they will find that almost all roommate situations will require a person to do household chores.
NTA, this sucks and they’re being super ungrateful. Unfortunately, now that your friend has moved in, things are a lot more difficult.
I think you should make a written agreement a condition of them staying. Put everything into writing, including what housework they are doing and what the monetary value is of that housework. Ideally, you would have done this before your friend moved in, but you can still put together written expectations now.
“Just clean up when you can” is really vague. “We would normally rent this room for $XYZ amount, but we are renting it to you for $350 with the expectation that you are going to do A, B, and C around the house.” Include how many hours you anticipate those things will take, and the monetary value of the work.
That way, the conversation isn’t “you were supposed to clean up (sometimes/if you feel like it)” it’s “look, this room would normally rent for $750. We are giving you $400 off the market rate, in exchange for A, B and C. If you aren’t able to do what we agreed to, we would need to charge you market rate.”
YTA for discounting the rent in exchange for an expectation of labor. The difference between your rent and market rates is income to your friend and should have taxes withheld. Tell your friend either the rent has go up to market rates or they have to fill out a 1099 or W2.
NTA be careful about moving in with friends. I lost my best friend since kindergarten because he moved in with my family member in our 20s and didn’t pay rent. So he blocked us all.