My mom had 3 sons. My stepdad, George, was the father of my baby brother, Allen,or so we thought. When I was young I discovered the secret while at the dining table with my aunt and grandmother we’re having a conversation. My aunt spilled the beans that my stepdad was not my youngest brother’s real father.
Years later me and my mother were out having a few drinks just enjoying each other’s company and she said oh my God that’s Allen’s real dad. We didn’t speak to him and I wasn’t exactly sure which guy she was talking about.
Eventually, George died, keeping the secret. Fast-forward to 2023, Allen and his wife apparently had discussed how he looked nothing like George at all and wondered was that his real dad. I told him he’d have to talk to Mom, but I told him what I knew which wasn’t much.
I felt bad springing it on mom cuz I knew that she didn’t have much time left but she was the only one that had the answer. Everybody else who was privy to it was dead by this point and my brother wanted to find who is real dad was so he can know his family history, family medical history, if he has other siblings out there you know that kind of stuff.
Mom tried to deny it but I pressured her. I got loud with her. I’m not proud of it. But she finally admitted to Allen, and what little information she could remember, or was willing to release, was just enough that with a little searching we were able to find him.
Mom passed Aug 6 2023. A couple months before this Allen was united with his birth father.
AITA for pressing my mom in her final weeks? I felt like it caused Allen to be stand offish and he rarely came by to check on her after that. (I changed the names of people mentioned)
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My mom had 3 sons. My stepdad, George, was the father of my baby brother, Allen,or so we thought. When I was young I discovered the secret while at the dining table with my aunt and grandmother we’re having a conversation. My aunt spilled the beans that my stepdad was not my youngest brother’s real father. Years later me and my mother were out having a few drinks just enjoying each other’s company and she said oh my God that’s Allen’s real dad. We didnt speak to him and I wasn’t exactly sure which guy she was talking about. Eventually, George died, keeping the secret. Fast-forward to 2023 and Allen and his wife apparently had discussed how he looked nothing like George at all and wondered was that his real dad so I told him he’d have to talk to Mom but I told him what I knew which wasn’t much. I felt bad springing it on mom cuz I knew that she didn’t have much time left but she was the only one that had the answer. Everybody else who was privy to it was dead by this point and my brother wanted to find who is real dad was so he can know his family history, family medical history, if he has other siblings out there you know that kind of stuff. Mom tried to deny it but I pressured her. I got loud with her. I’m not proud of it. But she finally admitted to Allen, and what little information she could remember, or was willing to release, was just enough that with a little searching we were able to find him. Mom passed Aug 6 2023. A couple months before this Allen was united with his birth father.
AITA for pressing my mom in her final weeks? I felt like it caused Allen to be stand offish and he rarely came by to check on her after that. (I changed the names of people mentioned)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I demanded my mom, while on her deathbed, confess to my brother that who he thought was his biological father was not. And I kept pressing her until she gave us enough information so that we would be able to find out who she was before she died and I hope to find this man would have died with her.
2) the reason I think I might be the asshole is one for pressing her while she’s on her deathbed and causing her discomfort but also the fact that my brother kind of abandoned her at that point and yelling came to visit her one time after that and at that point she was incoherent basically in a coma and I feel like maybe I robbed her of her final moments with her family
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA-Allen needed to know who he his biological father was.
Why on earth was she still lying about it? Did the guy turn out to be scary or something? NTA.
NTA. You didn’t do it out of malice – you helped your brother find a piece of himself before it was too late. It sucks it happened that way, but the truth matters, even when it’s messy.
NTA, she should have been up front with him a lot earlier!
If I were Allen I’d still do a DNA test.
NTA Allen had a right to know who his bio dad was
NTA. I could see if Allen didn’t ask and George was alive, but she was just keeping silent over pride at that point. Good thing you pushed so Allen could meet his bio dad. No one was harmed in this but it would have been a lot harder for Allen if she died without telling him.
NTA- apparently everyone knew except poor Allen. In situations like this you got lucky that Allen wasn’t upset w/everyone else that already knew he had a different dad. I’m not saying he should have. But that was a lot for him to unpack
NTA. Your brother needed to know.
NTA. Knowing who your biological parents are is pretty important, even just for health reasons. If his legal father had a history of cancer but his biological father didn’t, he could spend his life getting unnecessary expensive screenings. Or worse, vice versa, and die young of avoidable cancer. That’s just one of thousands of possibilities.
NTA. She needed to tell Allen the truth before she passed away. You were right to get her to do so.
NTA my ex wife didn’t know much about her birth family and it really weighed heavy on her
One of the DNA search companies might be helpful here: 23 and Me (if they are still functional) or Ancestry.com for example
NTA. My husband has always believed his dad is not his real dad. His entire family swears up and down that his dad is his dad. My husband still doesn’t believe it and even stopped talking to his parents for 5 years. He accuses me of knowing the truth and just keeping it from him like they are doing. I have told him time and time again that I know what he knows. Thay are telling me the same story. It put a rift in our marriage and almost destroyed our family. My kids lost precious years with their grandparents. I confronted my mil and told her it was destroying my family and asked if anyone else was my husband’s father. She said no. I don’t know what to believe. But if they are lying I wish they’d just say already. Maybe we will get the truth one day (if that’s the case) this type of secret protects no one. Ibwish I knew 100% what the truth was.
NTA Allen had a right to know who his bio father was, and your mother should have told him long ago. Further, it wasn’t fair of her to burden you with this secret and expect you not to tell him.