Yesterday, coming back from work, I was watching a movie with my mom. When the movie was over, she said to me, “Hey, your brother picked up the headphones that I threw in the trash, how disgusting.”
I was confused and tired so I said like three times “what headphones ???” (Because she and my brother use a lot of headphones, including disposable ones.)
To which she answers me, increasingly angry, “the black headphones”.
At this point my brain clicks and I ask “MY black headphones”
“She says yes”
I asked “why and that I wasn’t upset, just that if I was going to throw away my things she should buy me new ones, that I like my trash and that I would prefer that she didn’t touch anything”.
By this point she was pretty pissed off and told me that I always found a way to ruin her day every day, that it was always the same with me.After this she left the room which surprised me and I had to turn off the lights and everything else to go to sleep. When I got up she asked me where her toothbrush was and I told her I didn’t know and started looking for mine. She told me that if I was going to behave like that she better not visit us. Anyway, while she was brushing her teeth I told her that she was the one behaving immaturely because all I told her was that she shouldn’t throw my things in the trash, that this had always been her problem. Literally my whole life she’s thrown my stuff away without asking, to the point where I started saving junk so she wouldn’t throw away things I cared about.
Then she tells me that she’d better never come visit me because I always treat her badly and I told her you’re a tantrum-throwing girl, I’m going to record you so you can see how you behave. She leaves, closes the door, and I open it only to tell her that she’s a 49-year-old tantrum-throwing girl like 3 times my sister wakes up at this point and kicks me out of the room. Then she explains her version of herself to my sister, crying, and when she’s done, I just open the door to tell her more details. Whatever it is, my mom threatens to never visit us again and all that.
So AITA, sorry for the format and grammar, I’m on my phone, it’s 4am and I want to sleep.
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Yesterday, coming back from work, I was watching a movie with my mom. When the movie was over, she said to me, “Hey, your brother picked up the headphones that I threw in the trash, how disgusting.”
I was confused and tired so I said like three times “what headphones ???” (Because she and my brother use a lot of headphones, including disposable ones.)
To which she answers me, increasingly angry, “the black headphones”.
At this point my brain clicks and I ask “MY black headphones”
“She says yes”
I asked “why and that I wasn’t upset, just that if I was going to throw away my things she should buy me new ones, that I like my trash and that I would prefer that she didn’t touch anything”.
By this point she was pretty pissed off and told me that I always found a way to ruin her day every day, that it was always the same with me.After this she left the room which surprised me and I had to turn off the lights and everything else to go to sleep. When I got up she asked me where her toothbrush was and I told her I didn’t know and started looking for mine. She told me that if I was going to behave like that she better not visit us. Anyway, while she was brushing her teeth I told her that she was the one behaving immaturely because all I told her was that she shouldn’t throw my things in the trash, that this had always been her problem. Literally my whole life she’s thrown my stuff away without asking, to the point where I started saving junk so she wouldn’t throw away things I cared about.
Then she tells me that she’d better never come visit me because I always treat her badly and I told her you’re a tantrum-throwing girl, I’m going to record you so you can see how you behave. She leaves, closes the door, and I open it only to tell her that she’s a 49-year-old tantrum-throwing girl like 3 times my sister wakes up at this point and kicks me out of the room. Then she explains her version of herself to my sister, crying, and when she’s done, I just open the door to tell her more details. Whatever it is, my mom threatens to never visit us again and all that.
So AITA, sorry for the format and grammar, I’m on my phone, it’s 4am and I want to sleep.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Telling my mom that she was immature because she always throws my things in the trash, because in the end she ended up crying and she’s my mom so I shouldn’t call her that.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Wtf are disposable headphones
It sounds like you have a horrible relationship with your mother and each treat each other badly. You don’t give your age, but if your mom is visiting you I’m going to assume you are an adult and hold some responsibility for how you behave also, so ESH. You both need to get some help, as you have a really toxic template of how relationships work.
NTA. Your mom threw away your belongings without asking, then played the victim when you called her out. that’s manipulative, not maternal.
Youre not the asshole, but both of you hate each other and love getting on each others nerves
> Whatever it is, my mom threatens to never visit us again
Great. Take her up on that offer.
I’m not sure why you seem so completely unable to say sensible things in your mother’s presence though, but that’s not a moral failing so you’re still NTA, but why, when she says things like this:
> always found a way to ruin her day every day
are you not responding with something like:
“Mom, you came into my house and threw away my stuff – you caused this problem. Explain why you thought that was an acceptable way to behave or you won’t be invited back into my home again anyway”.
This is your stuff, your life and your home. Stand up for yourself.
NTA, she threw away YOUR headphones not Hers.
Eye for an eye, I would say. On the next visit to your mother, throw something away she uses consistently or cares about and just tell her it’s trash and she could get it new. But just hide til the end of the visit.
And see how she reacts.
NTA, but some proper family discussion, heart to heart, would be advised to tell each other what behavior is bothersome to each other with solution discussion how to meet everyone in the middle.
Wow. What a shitshow.
NTA. Your mom sounds like she didn’t emotionally mature past three or four years old.
There is always a way to be kind and patient with someone, but I don’t think I could offer kindness or patience to someone who was like this for decades.