Throwaway account because my family knows my account
I (34M) live alone and have a well-stocked snack cabinet I’m very proud of, we’re talking imported snacks, Japanese Kit-Kats, limited edition Pringles. My sister (37F) visits often with her 9-year-old son, “Milo,” and I like the kid, but he raids my pantry like a raccoon with a sugar addiction.
So, in an effort to set limits, while still being fun, I created a rule: if Milo wants a snack, he has to duel me with foam pool noodles. First to three hits wins. If he wins, he gets a snack of his choice. If I win, he has to wait an hour.
Milo loved this at first. We had rules, fake names, dramatic intros — I’m “The Pantry Knight,” and he’s “Sir-eats-a-lot.” It was fun, he got exercise, and I got to keep the last bag of matcha Oreos.
But now my sister says I’m being “too intense” and “militarizing snacks.” She walked in last week and saw me holding Milo in a light headlock while declaring “Your hunger ends here, boy,” and she freaked out.
It all hit the fan when Milo apparently bit another kid at school during recess. According to the report, he yelled before chomping down on a classmate’s arm during some game of tag.
Now my sister is blaming me, saying I’ve “gamified food” and taught him that violence is the currency of nourishment. I said it’s not real violence,it’s literally just foam noodle dueling! She said I don’t understand child psychology and that Milo “needs deprogramming.”
I told her she was overreacting and that it was just imaginative play — way better than him being glued to an iPad. But now I’m banned from giving him snacks at all, and Milo’s mad because he no longer has access to my snacks.
AITA?
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Throwaway account because my family knows my account
I (34M) live alone and have a well-stocked snack cabinet I’m very proud of, we’re talking imported snacks, Japanese Kit-Kats, limited edition Pringles. My sister (37F) visits often with her 9-year-old son, “Milo,” and I like the kid, but he raids my pantry like a raccoon with a sugar addiction.
So, in an effort to set limits, while still being fun, I created a rule: if Milo wants a snack, he has to duel me with foam pool noodles. First to three hits wins. If he wins, he gets a snack of his choice. If I win, he has to wait an hour.
Milo loved this at first. We had rules, fake names, dramatic intros — I’m “The Pantry Knight,” and he’s “Sir-eats-a-lot.” It was fun, he got exercise, and I got to keep the last bag of matcha Oreos.
But now my sister says I’m being “too intense” and “militarizing snacks.” She walked in last week and saw me holding Milo in a light headlock while declaring “Your hunger ends here, boy,” and she freaked out.
It all hit the fan when Milo apparently bit another kid at school during recess. According to the report, he yelled before chomping down on a classmate’s arm during some game of tag.
Now my sister is blaming me, saying I’ve “gamified food” and taught him that violence is the currency of nourishment. I said it’s not real violence,it’s literally just foam noodle dueling! She said I don’t understand child psychology and that Milo “needs deprogramming.”
I told her she was overreacting and that it was just imaginative play — way better than him being glued to an iPad. But now I’m banned from giving him snacks at all, and Milo’s mad because he no longer has access to my snacks.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I played a fun game with my nephew where we battle with foam pool noodles in order for him to get a snack from my pantry.
2. My sister says I’ve “gamified food”, normalized violence, and blames me after my nephew bit a classmate during school. Now all three of us are mad at eachother.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Not the asshole, duel your sister for parental rights
NTA, I think your sister is overreacting – if I had been doing something like that with an uncle of the same age when I was a kid my mother would have laughed at us both
That being said, be careful about how far you take it
On the one hand, I agree that challenging him with pool noodles sounds like a fun game and something that you should continue. On the other hand, getting physical and having him in a headlock I think is going a bit too far. I think your sister is right that I think your physical play is perhaps influencing him
At the same time when kids fight with other kids, especially in an aggressive way like that, it’s usually result of something disturbing them at home or at school.
So I don’t think you caused him to get into a fight. But I think you’re being physical with him is basically saying that it’s okay to do that if he feels they need to.
So I would discuss it with your sister, because basically it’s her child and you have to respect that. But I would tell her that you’ll keep it to pool noodles only or maybe cardboard swords or whatever and no more physical interaction. That’s my advice anyway.
NTA kids are not dumb at all and if he bit someone that’s fully on him, his mom just wanted someone to blame 😭
I completely understand protecting your snacks because I would do this same!!
NTA. You haven’t gamified food. And biting someone whilst playing tag has nothing to do with playing before food, you are also teaching him to be more mindful with regards to eating, which helps people with impulse control issues. She should speak to her son and ask why he bit the other kid.
“…have a well stocked snack cabinet I’m very proud of…”
Well there goes the award for the absolute wackiest flex ever on Reddit.
NTA, though.
NTA however your sister should have brought snacks of her own. And fed the kid fruits or healthy snacks every time he lost.
YTA. Share your snacks with the kid and stop with this childish games. This is unhealthy for them. You can buy extra snacks for them or even limit the amount they can have every time they come. Also, you can establish this with your sister. I’m sorry, but this is no way to treat a kid when it comes to food.
NTA
If she wants to pull the child psychological card, tell her that biting in children is often a manifestation of emotions that the child feels unable to express at home. Dueling with pool noodles is actually a healthy way to safely engage in physical expression without the danger of hurting others. The environment in his home is far more likely to affect him psychologically than the small amount of time he spends playing with his uncle.
Your sister needs to bring snacks for her kid. NTA
Ugh… I do think she’s being a bit overdramatic about it… but I have to go with YTA simply because she’s the parent, and parent has final say. If she expressed concern, you at least need to tone it down a bit.
Clearly something is influencing his behavior… did the school altercation involve food or snacks at all? It could be something he picked up from your roughhousing, or it could be something he learned at school. Sometimes parents forget that their kids are being influenced by things they can’t always directly monitor, but she can directly monitor you so you get the blame for the altercation. It’s likely not even just one thing.
INFO: Is there any of this behavior surrounding snacks at home regularly now? Need more details on what behaviors specifically she’s upset with from him and what the overall “theme” (for lack of a better word) is of these outbursts.
For the time being it seems you and your nephew need a new, less “violent” way to bond. Not because I agree, but because mom said so and that’s the way it’s gotta go when it’s not your kid.
NTA. Kid is enjoying the game. I wish my brother would’ve been so engaging with my sons.
Did your nephew perhaps try to play the duel game at school and another kid got a bit carried away so nephew bit him out of fear?
I really like how you’ve turned this into a game for him. To me it sounds like a typical uncle thing to do and nephew likes it.
I guess your sister has the final say but I’d have a chat with nephew to find out what REALLY happened at school. 9 year old kids don’t usually go around chomping on people unless they’re trying to imitate a zombie apocalypse.
ESH You should set rules – your high end snacks are off limits. End of. You could play with him without the need for a prize. Your sister should set rules and not make you the one who has to police his own cupboards. Her son should be more accountable especially for biting – he’s 9 and knows it’s wrong.
If you are duelling with pool noodles why did you have him in a headlock?
NTA. Is your sister unfamiliar with male roughhousing? A light neck hold is fine, as long as it’s not compressing anything significantly and doesn’t overstay.
And yes, the biting is bad, but mostly unrelated. It might be inspiring him to be more physical… but since it’s son general behaviour, that’s something she should help her son address, not make you accountable for it and discount his agency. You might be an influence, but too minor to just shift it to you.
I assume you have some snacks that aren’t so limited, maybe healthier type, in case he’s not in the mood for a pool noodle fight.
Milo can bring his own snacks, and enough to share with you.
NTA. Duelling with pool noodles for snacks is totally different from biting someone when overexcited from a game of tag. The biting isn’t right, but it’s not necessarily connected to your games with your nephew.
NTA. Your sister shows incompetence in her parenting by allowing him to raid your stash, and now she pins his behaviour on you. Fuck that.
INFO is he usually glued to an iPad?
NTA and that hysteric is going to get him on adderall or something
Tell her to stay home.
NTA
I do think you should just put some boundaries in place about the snacks. Let him know what he can have and decide how much you want to give him. He won’t starve if he doesn’t eat snacks all day.
But I love the game you play with him, so keep that up, but just for fun.
And no it’s not your fault he bit someone at school. Boys are roughhousing all the time, that doesn’t mean they are getting aggressive from it. And at 9 yo it isn’t normal to bite. His mom should ask him what happened, not shifting blame onto you.
NTA and “violence is the currency of nourishment. ” is an amazing sentence.
Can you just get cheap local snacks and keep them out for your nephew and not have him access to your pantry?
I don’t think a kid cares about your imported snacks and you don’t need to play complex mind and physical games to protect your snacks.
If your motivation was solely to play games with your nephew, then I’m all for it but it’s not.
No need to complicate such a simple issue.
You sound like a fun uncle! But if mum is saying to go easy on the fighting games, maybe we can just tone it down a bit?
The language your sister has used is hilarious though