So me (31f) and my fiancé (34m) are planning our wedding. We decided pretty early that we don’t want kids there – partly budget, partly because the venue is small, and honestly we just want a chill night without screaming toddlers.
My sister has 2 kids (3 and 6) and when I told her, she got pissed. She said I’m “excluding her family” and that if her kids can’t come, then she won’t either. Now my mom says I should “just make an exception for family” but if I do it for her, then my cousins will also expect to bring theirs.
I told her it’s nothing personal, but she says I’m selfish and “don’t understand what it’s like to be a parent.” It’s making me feel guilty but also kinda annoyed because it’s OUR wedding.
AITA?
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So me (31f) and my fiancé (34m) are planning our wedding. We decided pretty early that we don’t want kids there – partly budget, partly because the venue is small, and honestly we just want a chill night without screaming toddlers.
My sister has 2 kids (3 and 6) and when I told her, she got pissed. She said I’m “excluding her family” and that if her kids can’t come, then she won’t either. Now my mom says I should “just make an exception for family” but if I do it for her, then my cousins will also expect to bring theirs.
I told her it’s nothing personal, but she says I’m selfish and “don’t understand what it’s like to be a parent.” It’s making me feel guilty but also kinda annoyed because it’s OUR wedding.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister she can’t bring her kids to my wedding. She and my mom think I’m selfish and excluding family, which is why I’m wondering if I’m the asshole.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Pretty straightforward this one, NTA. Your guys’ day, your rules, and not wanting to deal with screaming toddlers on the day of your wedding is very reasonable.
Nta. children should not be dragged to boring formal events, particularly young ones who will not remember them.
NTY screaming children and babies will just ruin it for you. It’s your day, not theirs. They can get baby sitters since they decided to have children, and so many at that. If they can’t understand nor respect your decision, then you may need to think about why you even put up with them. Parents LOVE to act entitled to have the world revolves around them.
We got married and had a no kids rule at the wedding, however, my husband’s brother’s child was an exception. I think most child free weddings make exceptions for immediate family. The extended family and friends usually understand that.
I’m all for child free weddings but your sister’s children are your family. I didn’t feel that way when we got married but now that I have a child of my own, and my husbands sister is getting married, it would be beyond weird if my child wasn’t allowed at her wedding. A few years down the line, especially if you do have your own children, you might feel sad they weren’t part of your big day. Having said that – it is your day so you can make your own rules. Doesn’t make you an asshole. All I am saying is though I can totally understand why your sister would be hurt as she most likely sees her children as your family too. Good luck!
NTA. The good old selfish argument. It’s kind of funny: If you don’t do, what I want, you are the selfish one. It’s your wedding and if you and your finance don’t want child’s at your wedding, than so it be.
Don’t let people,guilt trip you with “excluding family” and “you are selfish”. These arguments are always used from people,who are expecting, everything has to go their way.
I hate, when people, tell me: ‘you don’t have child’s, you don’t understand what it means to be parents’. That’s right, I don’t have kids. But because of you made a different choice, doesn’t mean that the world is revolving around you.
NTA it’s your wedding you decide how you wanna celebrate – they either arrange with that or don’t, in the end there will be drama anyways either with her or you when your party has the typical wedding either kids situations – I remember as a kid hating weddings because their boring
NTA, it’s your wedding, your rules.
NTA
Your sister could be thinking of this event as a break from parenting and enjoy your moment. Plus, kids those ages will barely remember it anyways
She is entitled to not come. You can exclude her kids and she can decide to stay with them – you can not pretend her decision is less valid.
ESH
A SIBLING TRUMPS COUSINS!!!
There is nothing wrong with a child-free wedding, but everytime you have one, family members who expect it to be a family event will be pi$$ed. it’s your wedding, you get to invite or not invite who you choose, and they get to choose whether or not to be there. It’s completely reasonable for your sister to choose not to go.
NTA.
I do caution against allowing some children there. If you have children who would be there, it shouldn’t be child free. If you allow a ring bearer and flower girl but no other children, someone’s feelings are going to be hurt (probably more hurt, since they’re likely hurt you chose those kids over theirs to begin with). it’s still your wedding and you still get to choose, but it’s much harder to forgive when someone specifically excluded YOUR children than when they excluded ALL children.
NTA. Part of having a child free wedding is that some parents won’t be able to attend. Part of having children is that there are some events you aunt be able to go to. You’ve made your decision and now your sister needs to deal with it and stop expecting everyone to cater to her.
NTA
And I will never understand why parents want to bring their young children to a wedding.
You can absolutely have a child free wedding but you also have to understand that some people might not attend it without their kids. Your sister also has the right to choose her kids over your child free wedding. If you think you can go through with it without your sister and any other family members and friends who refuse to leave their kids at home then go ahead, doesn’t look like any of you will compromise
NTA, but do remember that an invite isn’t a summons and if she doesn’t want to go without her kids, she doesn’t need to come and you can’t whine about it.
NTA but when your immediate family has very small children a heads up in advance of invitations etc going out that you are considering/doing a child free wedding is probably a nicer way to proceed – not sure if you did that or if it just went out en masse. You are technically excluding family by excluding neices/nephews etc so I think it is polite to let that be known as early as possible. It also lets people decide if they can afford childcare for the night, too / start saving for additional cost on top of gifts, transport. Extra important if they need to stay over somewhere away from home to attend the wedding bc then leaving the kids behind might not be a feasible option for them. In this sense, I can see a sibling being hurt that they feel indirectly excluded from the wedding if childcare isn’t an option accessible or comfortable for them. That doesn’t make you TA but there are potentially valid reasons for feeling upset if you have kids and face not being able to attend your sisters wedding. It’s not clear from the post if it’s the practical aspect of not bringing the kids upsetting her or just the principle of it. If it’s the former I’d say NAH tbh.
Like a destination wedding, the day is about you and you have every right to do as you want as long as you don’t get annoyed at people for not attending. Your day, your money, your rules but you can’t also then get annoyed if this restricts attendees’ ability to actually attend. (Not saying your are, just a general statement).
NAH.
You are entitled to exclude your family from your wedding. She is entitled to decide not to attend based on this.
I will never understand people who don’t want their family to attend their wedding. But it’s a personal choice and you just need to be okay with others making their decisions based ON that choice. If you are okay with that then you’re not an asshole imo 🙂
It’s your wedding.
NTA – YOUR wedding, YOUR rules
Technically, NTA. It’s your wedding and you should celebrate it how you want. But your sister and whoever else has kids are also entitled not to want to come to your wedding. Making it a prerogative for people to make special arrangements, like hiring a nanny or dropping the kids off at grandparents or what not, just to come to your event is a bit much imo. If they choose to have a child free day that’s fine, but requiring them to do this because their kids are not welcome to your event is a different story.
Personally, I would never ask such a thing because my goal for my wedding was not only for me and DH to have fun, but also for my guests to have a great time with us, and for some people that means being with family. But that’s me! And you do you!
NTA it’s your wedding so it’s your call. And frankly judging by her immature reaction I think her kids would be very challenging to have at the wedding. Hold firm. No exceptions
We didn’t deliberately make ours child free, both those who were parents didn’t bring kids. 1. It gave them a night off. 2. They understood how disruptive toddlers can be. ( I would probably make exception for nursing mums with babies under 6 months though)
Two weeks ago my neighbors got married. They have kids and invited their direct cousins (kids of both brothers) as well. My husband officiated the wedding but our kids were not invited. Also kids of lots of other friends and family were not invited. It was fine, no problem. Honestly, having a night without the kids was wonderful.
So, simply said. Having a fully of half childfree wedding is possible, but you have to be ok with some people feeling excluded and not attending.
This is one of the most common karma-baiting questions asked on this subreddit.
NTA
Mom of 2 here. There is nothing wrong with a child free wedding. Young kids absolutely change the environment. You are right, if some kids can come others will want to bring their kids too and if you start picking and choosing that will definitely lead to hurt feelings. I personally feel super annoyed when things say “no kids” and then there are kids. I don’t even just feel annoyed because I may have brought my kids but I enjoy time to be an independent adult. There’s nothing wrong with your sister not wanting to leave her kids and choosing to stay home. As long as you don’t hold it against her for not coming you are in the clear.
NTA, we are doing the same. Have had direct feedback from parents of young kids who have been invited that they are very happy to have an excuse for a night off
(We have made quiet exceptions for friends who will have a newborn on the day as to whether or not they want to bring them; newborns will likely be asleep 95% of the time)
I would make any public destination child free if I could, but sadly I know it’s not realistic to ban them from a supermarket, for example. But your wedding is yours, and child free if you want it to be.NTA.
I did the same thing- but i did allow my siblings to bring theirs, and one of my best friends who had a baby too young to leave with a sitter. Ultimately it’s your day. You can say no kids period or you could say just nieces and nephews. It’s your wedding!
Ehh, I think you’re missing out and causing your family unnecessary stress. Is it not possible to have a kids’ tent or space, so that the kids have somewhere to rest and chill with caregivers? Kids – especially little kids – can be a lot of fun at weddings, especially when they’re giving it everything on the dance floor.
When my best friend got married, I had three little kids under 7 and several wedding related duties, which included organizing the food and baking the cake. I hired a nanny to come with us and hang out with the kids so that parents could get a break.
Potentially, yeah – YTA. What do you think your sister will remember about your wedding? What would you like her to remember? Is the possible rift really worth it?
A wedding may be yours, but it is also about community – the community of family and friends around you. If you value and appreciate your community, then you need to support them too.
>don’t understand what it’s like to be a parent
This argument is getting old.
Your answer should be “I do understand, and that’s why I don’t want any kids around on my wedding day”.
NTA. Keep firm. If she can’t come, then so be it.
NTA. Your wedding, your choice. I understand why people don’t want kids, especially young kids, at an evening reception— they get bored, tired and fussy, and then their parents leave early so they can put them to bed.
NTA.
YTA
Wedding is a family event. Excluding family is bizarre.
If you don’t want family at your wedding, you can just elope. But you’re the weird one.
Your wedding. You set the rule. Selfish? Not to you.
Don’t let your relative guilt trip your once in a lifetime event.
NTA
NTA. You could offer to pay for a sitter, then she has no excuse.
NTA
But why is it such a surprise to people that other family members get upset when children aren’t welcome?
In the UK it’s still very much the norm that weddings are family gatherings, I don’t think I have ever been to a childfree wedding.
When people say “just get a babysitter” it’s not that easy, weddings are often all day (and night) events, not everybody is willing to or able to leave their children for that long,
We are fortunate that we have some incredible family support, however, if that family are also at the wedding then we often don’t have anybody we can leave our children with for that long
NTA kids ruin everything nice. I hired a sitter and rented a hotel room specifically to take the kids to, including my own. Sitter was great, kids were happy, annoying ass holes who brought kids couldn’t complain.