So, I’m (28F) supposed to be getting married this August to my fiancé “Jake” (30M), who I’ve been with for 4 years. Things have been great, he has been a little immature at times before, but nothing that raised red flags before. Until this weekend.
We went to his parents’ house for a family dinner, which turned out to be a surprise engagement party. Lovely, right? Until it wasn’t.
After dinner, people started giving toasts. Fiance stood up and said he wanted to share “our little secret.” He then proceeded to tell the entire room that I had a “cute habit” of sleep-talking… and that one time, I apparently said his brother’s name in my sleep.
Everyone laughed. I felt my stomach drop. His brother looked super uncomfortable. I asked him what the hell he was doing, and he just said it was a joke. His mom then asked if it was true. I said, “I don’t know, I was asleep?” and tried to laugh it off, but the vibe was off the rest of the night.
Later, I told Jake how humiliated I felt, especially because it wasn’t even true. I’ve never said his brother’s name in my sleep. He doubled down and said, “Come on, it was obviously a joke. Everyone laughed.”
I told him it didn’t feel like a joke, it felt like a set-up to embarrass me. He told me I was being dramatic, and maybe I couldn’t take a joke.
So I left. I packed my stuff and stayed with my sister. It’s been 5 days and I’ve told him I’m postponing (possibly cancelling) the wedding because I need time to think. Now he and his family are blowing up my phone, saying I overreacted and made him look bad. My friends however say it was a red flag and I’m right to reconsider.
So… AITA for calling off the wedding over what he says was just a “harmless joke/prank”?
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So, I’m (28F) supposed to be getting married this August to my fiancé “Jake” (30M), who I’ve been with for 4 years. Things have been great, he has been a little immature at times before, but nothing that raised red flags before. Until this weekend.
We went to his parents’ house for a family dinner, which turned out to be a surprise engagement party. Lovely, right? Until it wasn’t.
After dinner, people started giving toasts. Fiance stood up and said he wanted to share “our little secret.” He then proceeded to tell the entire room that I had a “cute habit” of sleep-talking… and that one time, I apparently said his brother’s name in my sleep.
Everyone laughed. I felt my stomach drop. His brother looked super uncomfortable. I asked him what the hell he was doing, and he just said it was a joke. His mom then asked if it was true. I said, “I don’t know, I was asleep?” and tried to laugh it off, but the vibe was off the rest of the night.
Later, I told Jake how humiliated I felt, especially because it wasn’t even true. I’ve never said his brother’s name in my sleep. He doubled down and said, “Come on, it was obviously a joke. Everyone laughed.”
I told him it didn’t feel like a joke, it felt like a set-up to embarrass me. He told me I was being dramatic, and maybe I couldn’t take a joke.
So I left. I packed my stuff and stayed with my sister. It’s been 5 days and I’ve told him I’m postponing (possibly cancelling) the wedding because I need time to think. Now he and his family are blowing up my phone, saying I overreacted and made him look bad. My friends however say it was a red flag and I’m right to reconsider.
So… AITA for calling off the wedding over what he says was just a “harmless joke/prank”?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> basically, I think that I might be the asshole because everyone is telling me I overreacted from the family and I do know that he’s a bit immature so maybe I should’ve understood better.
however, I do think that the joke was completely out of line and I haven’t talked to him in five days which might be me overreacting but I’m still angry so I don’t know what to do.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
It is definitely a red flag. I would say for me red flag is not even the fact of the bad joke, but that he clearly does not get the impact it made on you. We all make mistakes, but if he does not realise that this wasn’t funny for you – this can happen again. so I would say NTA
If that’s all it took for you to leave, don’t get married. You’ll never make it. Marriage is full of disagreements, and if you can’t learn to manage them (especially small issues like this is) you stand no chance at a successful marriage.
NTA, he is an immature little prick, who does not respect you
drop this idiot, find an adult, responsible male
It’s not about being an asshole.
If you want to leave, then obviously this isn’t a good fit and you should do it.
You’re entitled to have your own boundaries, but don’t expect everyone to understand.
NTA. Another red flag (worst than his poor joke): instead of apologizing, he says that you over-react. You should cancel the wedding and give him ONE last chance to make it up to you. If so, you could discuss mariage again in one or two years if no additional red flags.
NTA – even if the prank was not a massive red flag, his (and his family’s) reaction to it absolutely is.
He did something that harmed you, that is your determination to make, not his and not his family. Instead of apologizing, taking responsibility, and attempting to repair the relationship he is acting like it is your fault and like he has done nothing wrong.
Stupidity can be forgiven, a lack of willingness to take responsibility for your actions should not be.
Fellow sleep mumbles/talker. I think where he crossed the line was saying you said his brother’s name. What people don’t realize is sleep talking is involuntary. You have no idea what you said or why. I think you need to have a talk with him about boundaries. My husband knows it is okay to mention I talk in my sleep but not what I said outside of our relationship. If he doesn’t understand your perspective and why you were embarrassed, it may be time to re-think things or change the timeline.
It wasn’t a harmless joke. He tried to humiliate you and embarrass his brother and then gaslight you and diminish your feelings when you tried to speak with him.
NTA and good on you for seeing it as the serious problem it is. He’s an AH who makes himself feel better by putting others down. If that’s his idea of a good time you should run.
NTA and it does sound like it was cruel
NTA. Take your time when deciding to marry him.
You said he immature. Marriage is best for mature people. 🚩
He humiliated you for fun. Cruelty passed off as a joke. Next he’ll smash the cake in your face. 🚩🚩
He showed no remorse when you expressed how you felt. 🚩🚩🚩
His family turned into flying monkeys. Relationships are private. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. Can you trust him? Does he respect you? Is he prepared to acknowledge your concerns? If not, think about the kind of future you would be likely to have: he’ll do anything for a cheap laugh at your expense.
This isn’t a red flag – it’s THREE red flags.
The humiliating prank itself.
Refusing to accept your feelings on the matter – even if it were an honest misjudgment, he should have apologised for accidentally making you feel bad.
Having a family that will blow up your phone and attack you for hurting his feelings over his own mistake.
A joke is made to be funny. To everyone.
If only part of the people laugh and another are humiliated, it’s not a joke, it’s bullying.
NTA….That is the toast that your fiance decided to share? In front of a room full of people? I wonder how he would have felt if you had stood up and shared one of his secrets? A toast is not making fun at the person you are supposed to be marrying. If he does not get how much that bothered you, that is the problem.
He set you up to humiliate you for the amusement of himself and his family. He hasn’t not expressed any regret for his actions nor concern for your feelings, rather he is portraying himself as the victim and whining you’re making him look bad – his behaviour isn’t the issue, its your reaction that’s the problem. Classic narcissistic trait 🚩
Don’t postpone your wedding, cancel it.
NTA but your fiancé sure is.
NTA. He knew what he was doing- he wanted to humiliate you for fun. That is incompatible with a healthy relationship
NTA. Had no right saying that in that or any setting. You’re spot on with what you did
Some people like pranks some people don’t. They shouldn’t mix. NTA
NTA. It’s a huge red flag. The fact that he couldn’t see it is a problem. But for him to now double down and thinks you are overreacting instead of apologizing seals the deal for me. I would cancel the wedding because I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life and having kids with that person.
If we give him the benefit of the doubt and say he really thought this would be funny then okay, maybe he just has a strange sense of humor. But the fact that he wouldn’t own his mistake and instead turned it around to blame you when you called him on it is a bad sign. Is that how he usually handles disagreements?
Your gut told you this felt like him trying to embarrass you rather than a silly joke. Trust your gut. NTA
They don’t get to decide if it was harmless or not. It harmed you. If you marry him, he will smash cake all over your face, and your life will include being the butt of his jokes. I wouldn’t marry him, but it’s up to you.
NTA
I think you were already feeling that he is immature before this incident.
The “joke” wasn’t funny, it was humiliating to you (and to brother in law). And then when you tried to tell him how bad this made you feel – instead of apologizing, he just doubled down and turned this around on you. “lighten up, it’s just a joke, you need to get a sense of humor, I was just kidding, stop making a big deal”.
Yeah, no. My sister has been living with this kind of spouse for over 30 years. It’s gets very old very quickly.
And – this was your engagement party? A moment of heartfelt toasts, of celebrating love? A moment where he could have chosen to say so many beautiful things about you, and this is what he comes up with?
>My friends however say it was a red flag and I’m right to reconsider.
Listen to your friends. They got your back.
RUN.
The red flag to me isn’t the joke but how he handled it afterwards. No apology no attempt to make it right. Yuck.
NTA it’s a stupid joke. It’s not the issue. The issue is his reaction to your feelings. Best case scenario he’s simply too immature to be married. Worst case scenario is that he doesn’t care about your feelings. If he had he would have apologized or maybe he does care but cares more about his ego. Had he apologized I would say you’re overreacting unless he has a history of this and you’ve made it clear how you feel.
NTA
It’s never a joke if the person targeted doesn’t think it is funny. It’s just mean. When they claim it was a joke, that is them trying to blame the targeted person for their bad behavior. The fact that he said it was his brother’s name and his brother was clearly uncomfortable says he didn’t see it as a joke either.
He embarrassed you on purpose in front of everyone. There is nothing funny about that. He is an immature A-H.
NTA. When someone disregards someone else’s feelings so they can have a chuckle and don’t even have the decency to apologize … you get to decide whether you want to subject yourself to their humor on a consistent basis.
He made himself look bad – and his family is worse for piling on the disregard. Is this what you want for your future? If not, do they care about you enough to make some changes to their behavior?
I’m sorry. What an awful memory to have of your proposal, whether or not you accept it.
Hmmm…. Maybe he intended it as a joke and not as a humiliation. But his reaction to being confronted about it is a red flag imho. Saying “you can’t take a joke” instead of just apologizing is an AH move.
I fucking hate pranks, especially the expectation that you’re supposed to laugh off something that was uncomfortable or embarrassing so you can be seen as a “good sport”. If the prankster is the wrong sort of person, that just opens the door for them to push your boundaries more. Then when they go too far, you’re the AH for not laughing bc it’s “just a joke! everyone laughed (at you)”
I’m not gonna tell you whether to call off this wedding or not or even whether you would be TA for doing so. I will only say that even if everything else was great, I would not want this to be my life. Maybe I’m an AH for that, but I frankly I don’t care.
YTA. I get that you think he crossed the line and did not respect your feelings after the fact. It’s not wrong for you to feel that way. But calling off the wedding after 4 solid years? He didn’t hit you. He did show someone your nudes. He didn’t tell everyone some deep dark secret of yours. He told a bad joke.
Toughen up a little.
A prank is only funny if the person being ranked finds it funny. If the person doesn’t, it’s bullying. Trying to make it seem like it’s a you problem is gaslighting. So this is a red flag.
NTA
If your gut feeling was to temporarily stay somewhere else and postpone the wedding, then I suspect this was a final straw in a pattern of behaviour.
Only you can decide if you go ahead with the wedding or not.
Haha oh man you need to relax and take the stick out of your ass. And your friend’s saying “it’s a red flag“ are just as dramatic as you are. What would it be a red flag for, a sense of humor or at worst immaturity? If you left and have ignored him for five days over something this trivial, I don’t think you love him to begin with. Maybe you should search your feelings to see if you are using this incident to make him look like the bad guy when in reality you just don’t wanna marry him and are using it as an excuse. To me, the joke wasn’t funny and I don’t really understand it, but it also isn’t harmful in anyway or mean spirited. I’m not sure if you take yourself overly serious and can’t handle a joke but it’s an extremely strange reaction (to the joke) when you should be focused on your wedding. I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole, but you seem like a drama queen.
I’m confused about the joke part. What was the punchline exactly? “Secrets out fam my fiance wants to fuck my brother”? What was the endgame here? Why make something up just to say your soon to be wife is dreaming about your brother?
Yeah narcissist always say it’s a joke. It will get worse. There is nothing funny about humiliating you in front of people. This man doesn’t like you.
NTA. I don’t even get the “joke”? Sounds like he needs to grow up. You take all the time you need and do what you have to do.
NTA – Immaturity, pranking partners and deflecting, as well as getting others to harass dissenting voices are a surefire recipe for a life under the gaslight.
YTA because this is clearly AI / a bot.
YOU made HIM look bad??? What?? NTA!!
NTA. You didn’t make him look bad, he did that all by himself, and you rightfully wanted to part of that.
NTA! Go with your gut and cancel the wedding. It was not a joke
MTA???
Are these “prank gone wrong” posts the new viral trend? This is like the 3rd one in 2 days…..🤔🤔🤔🤔
It is only a prank or joke when everyone, including the one being packed, laughs. And then doubling down and saying you can’t take a joke makes it even worse. NTA
NAH i guess. I don’t really see why this is a prank or funny. Who cares what you say? It’s random. My partner sleep talks and says the most bizarre things, none of it makes sense or means anything. I think he’s just plain unfunny and kind of dumb for saying anything, it’s a stupid “prank”, joke, anecdote, or thing to talk about. You are really overreacting to this dumb comment.
That being said, if THIS is how you handle adversity in a relationship, best you don’t get married. I promise you, over a lifetime together you will, unfortunately, go through things that will make this clearly the stupid, pointless anecdote that it is. If you can’t handle it, then maybe marriage isn’t for you.
NTA. This was not a prank. Pranks are harmless. This one is cruel. The way that he embarrassed you and that his family went along with it is telling about your future together. You were absolutely correct to postpone the wedding and you need to look at all of his past behaviors to see if there were some you swept under the rug.
YTA for not bothering to change obvious Chat GPT indicators, like family “blowing up my phone” and other pithy little phrases in quotes when you post fake stories. Do better next time.
NTA.
But this does remind me; there’s a cuckold fetish/fantasy, specifically where people (a) have a fantasy of their spouse (b) having relations with their (a’s) sibling. Sure your Fiancé was ‘just joking’ and not just dipping his proverbial toe in the fetish pool?
I wouldn’t be humiliated it just means they feel comfortable enough with you to joke around with you would just laugh it off honestly it was just a cute joke to say you talk in your sleep nothing embarassing. If you love him and want to be with him wouldn’t call it off just for that he was just trying to be funny. In my opinion you got more upset then you should have nothing about what he said was offensive, when his mom ask if it was true though I would have probably just said no hes full of it. I would just go talk to him one on one and say it hurt your feelings because you didn’t like that joke and that you may have overreacted though as well you just need to meet up and talk to eachother.
He really couldn’t wait until after the wedding to drop the mask, could he? Good. He saved you tons of money and legal troubles.
NTA
I can almost swear to you that if you marry this man, you will inevitably divorce him sooner or later.
Time to make a list of pros and cons. If the pro side is heavy, this situation is an opportunity to discuss respect and solidarity in your marriage moving forward. Jokes at each other’s expense is not okay.
NTA. HE thought it was funny to embarres you. He and his family don’t respect that you’ve been hurt. Are those people you want to spend the rest of your life with?
This guy is definitely too immature to tie yourself to him for life. The red flags are obvious but if you’re still unsure you should walkaway now instea of wasting more time.
“It was obviously a joke. Everyone laughed.” No. The most important person in the room didn’t laugh and he either didn’t notice or didn’t care.
NTA
Nta
He called you a slut in front of both family. And take no responsibility and his family obviously enable him.
You want none of them in your life.
Leave him.
YTA that is the dumbest reason to cancel a wedding. This has to be fake. Like you said how would you know if you said his brother’s name if you were asleep? I talk in my sleep and lots of people do. Who cares?! It was also just a dream when you did and not real life. Grow up and stop being an over dramatic drama queen. If anything you’re showing the red flag.
NTA
That was a weird ass power play. And it didn’t work because you were not cowed. He wanted to look like a good ole boy making a dig at the wife, and you shut that down.
NTA and I think we need to think about the specific humiliation of not just making a joke to his family “she shared some other guy’s name in her sleep” – which would have been bad enough! – but specifically his brother’s name. Someone who was actually present and who, on marriage, would be part of your wider family, presumably until you die! This is taking the general humiliation to a whole other level that is so much worse.
OP, do not marry this man. I like the prior suggestion of giving him a few years to improve and show he’s mature enough for marriage, if you think it’s worth your time, but maybe you should get some counselling yourself to assist in helping you think clearly about whether the relationship merits saving. You may be better off just moving on.
NTA, he did emberess you infront of everyone.
Also if you even remotely feel that it does feel right to marry it absolutly the right choice to prospone or even cancel. That just is how it is, it a big decision to make and should be something that you do it to 100%. Also it is a legal contract, you should never sign a legal contract if it does not feel right.
NTA
C’mon he’s 30. No one in their right mind would treat anything like this as a joke. Brothers name?! What was he even thinking.
People mumble in their sleep, buy having your partner turn it into a joke right before the wedding. Don’t know much about the dynamic of your relationship considering “immature” but you can do better. 4 years and he did not know you well enough that it’s making you uncomfortable.
Life is filled with jokes especially when you are married you are over reacting. There will be times that you will be embarrassed about something. SO WHAT YOU SAID HIS BROTHER’S NAME WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING. You need to get over it.
Let me get this straight. In front of his entire family and some friends, he implies that you were having sexual dreams about his brother, but you made HIM look bad? He did that all by himself, and the fact that he and his family are trying to gaslight you should be all the answer you need for how your future will unfold. NTA.
Pranking that results in someone being humiliated is never okay. A cheap laugh at a loved one’s expense is a big red flag,!
Once again I have to say there are no bad reasons to cancel a wedding, or leave a relationship. These are things YOU ACTIVELY choose to be in on a daily basis with your choices. You don’t need a “good enough” reason to stay.
If you don’t want to be with someone then it over. So it’s completely up to you to decide how you feel and what you want in the future.
NTA. He’s made himself look bad, all on his own. Look at his family are blaming you for his horrible behaviour: do you want to be saddled with these people for the rest of your life?
They’re showing you how they’re going to treat you for the duration of your relationship with this man. You deserve so much better, OP.
I don’t understand, I have so many questions
How do you know you’ve never said it in your sleep, you said it yourself – you’re asleep.
Why does it matter? It’s not like everyone’s name you say when you’re asleep is someone you want to be intimate with or anything
Why do they think it’s funny? I guess sleep talking can be funny sometimes, but the fact that you said his brother’s name isn’t funny unless it was accompanied by other funny things.
This is just weird all around, you’re NTA because he should have apologized when he realized your feelings were hurt and he instead doubled down, but I’m still so confused about all of this.
NTA. “Made him look bad”? Does he not realize how that makes you look?!
NTA.
He intentionally said something that would not only embarrass you in front of his whole family, but also would ruin your reputation with them.
You also mentioned in the beginning of your post that he can be immature- is that really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?
YTA for posting AI stories.
NTA.
Jokes are funny.
That wasn’t.
It isn’t harmless if you were left hurt and embarrassed.
NTA – he said “everyone knew it was a joke” … and yet HIS MOTHER asked if it was true, and the brother was uncomfortable. That immediately shows NOT everyone knew it was a joke. Sometimes people laugh because something is awkward & uncomfortable.
I’ve been married 33 years, and there are things from family interactions as long as 35 years ago both of us remember that were awkward back then … make no mistake, THIS will be a humiliating moment you will remember forever.
MASSIVE red flag. He told you who he is – believe him. At MINIMUM postpone indefinitely, and take it as a break to be alone, and spend that time reflecting (and also suggest therapy) on your relationship. The chances that you start to see this is not an outlier are STRONG.
Nah girl, marriage is intended to be a life long commitment. Take your time thinking things through. If he is going to be doing stuff like this before yall are even married, and that publicly…when you guys are married…it’s going to be happening still. Maybe some people would think it’s funny and be able to laugh it off and “take the ‘joke’” and that’s fine. Your feelings are valid, it didn’t sound funny to me, but maybe someone else thinks it’s hilarious…and maybe that’s his person…but, you not thinking it’s funny…telling him your feelings and him not caring…kinda shows that you guys aren’t compatible…and that is a huge thing when entering a marriage, which like I said is intended to be a life long commitment. You don’t wana set yourself up for failure. Yes, divorce is always an option, but you really don’t want to go into a marriage with the thought of “well if he keeps it up I can always divorce him…” because it’s messy, expensive, etc.
For goodness sake…how many times do people need to hear that jokes are funny jokes when EVERYONE laughs. If you make a “joke” and the person does NOT laugh, it was NOT funny and they need to apologize immediately!
NTA.
A joke is when everyone involved laughs.
That didn’t happen here. Clearly, it was not a joke to you or his brother.
Humiliating your future spouse in front of a large group of people and then failing to take responsibility for your actions is far from acceptable. To compound this, he lays the responsibility on you.
You did not overreact. Your feelings are valid. He should be supportive of them even if he disagrees.
You mentioned him being immature quite a few times. Perhaps this is the real problem. You need to figure out whether this is how you want to spend the rest of your life. It sounds like you do not, and frankly, I don’t blame you. You need a partner if you are going to make it through tough times. He isn’t being supportive at the very best of times. This is a problem. You don’t get married hoping people change or mature. You have to go in knowing they could be like this forever.
This might be your wake-up call. Don’t think about how many years you have been doing this. Think of how many years you want to continue doing this.
NTA.
nta that’s a strange thing to say as a joke
You should tell him that you actually have feelings for his brother. And that may and don’t think you can go through with the wedding. Let him stew in it for a few hours. Turn off your phone don’t answer any calls or messages. Then when you think he’s suffered enough hit him with “lol… JK”
YTA honestly i think its for the best if you cancel the wedding , he clearly is a prankster type that value humor , and being married to bitter humorless blob wouls be torture .
Definitely red flags all over. He’s dodging a bullet here.
YTA – actually your both TA. He made a mistake with a bad joke, you are allowed to feel a hurt and embarrassed by it but you are WAY overreacting by canceling a wedding and moving out. Give me a break you both have growing up to do. Life is tough, get a helmet. If this is where you draw the line for a stupid joke what are the rest of your life choices going to look like? The first time your teenage kid gets pissed and tells you they hate you are you going to drop them off at a church and never go back. Tell him you’re pissed and never to do it again, demand an apology and just move on I think he gets it at this point.
To everyone else saying it’s a red flag – that’s BS – I’m sure all of you are in the most perfect amazing relationship and no one has ever made a mistake right? What fantasy world do you all live in? Was it childish? Yes. Was it so reprehensible that you end a 4 year relationship and an engagement? Absolutely not. Relationships are tough and never perfect – some give and take forgiveness can be an excellent thing.
NTA. You didn’t overreact because you want a life partner to be more mature than they. Marriage would only magnify such problems.
Bail out while you have time girl!!!
NTA , Jake needs to learn some boundaries (so does his family). Maybe you can prank him ? See how he likes it .
NTA that is not a joke
NTA this “joke” was not funny it was humiliating. I am concerned for you with his behavior in that he sees nothing wrong with what he did.then he gaslighted you.how will he handle other things in your relationship? Especially because you did not say the brothers name. I would seek counseling and see how comfortable a relationship with him in the future could be. I would be on pins and needles worried about what else he would say
I would not marry this dude. One red flag I haven’t seen mentioned yet—
put aside how badly he‘s treating YOU for one moment. What did he just do to HIS BROTHER???? This is some weird family dynamic! Is your fiancé the golden child and his brother the scapegoat? How does he generally treat his family members?
RUN, OP, RUN! Don’t just cancel the wedding, cancel the relationship. When people show you who they are, believe them.
It was only a joke and it is only as offensive as you are offended. You shouldn’t let other people talk you into finding it worse than it is, as to be able to take a jome is a good thing. Being easily offended will create more offense where there is none.
NTA – he enjoys humiliating you. It will escalate and continue.
Any time someone says you are overreacting then thar is a red flag. They won’t care for you properly as they are now and unlikely, unless something is missing from the data, they won’t learn to either.
Don’t settle for what your childhood tells you is comfortable or “safe”, those can be unhealthy places in a relation to continue. It isn’t easy but I go back to the overreacting crap. I was treated like that too, but as a child. Invalidating your feels is just wrong, and when he knew he wronged you he raised shields instead of dropping them and apologizing in public to you and family. people make mistakes but how we clean them up is who we are as people. That guy left the dog shit on you as far as I am concerned.
NTA. The worst part is his not acknowledging your feelings and why you’re upset. That won’t get better. Better to leave now.
This man is EXTREMELY INSECURE about his brother for what ever reason and he created a scenario to which you could not defend yourself. He’s not just a walking red flag he is an exploding bomb yeah because he chose to humiliate both you and his brother. I would not just reconsider marriage I would leave.
NTA …
My mom wasn’t right about everything but she was right about this: Believe someone the first time they show you who they are.
This is gaslighting behavior: he was immature and inappropriate, made his family laugh at your expense, put you, his own brother and his mom in an awkward position, and then dismissed any feelings and boundaries you laid forth about this.
And it sounds like from you this isn’t the first time this type of behavior has surfaced.
And to your last line – it wasn’t harmless. It hurt you and he won’t even take ownership of that.
NTA. What if you have kids and he decides to relay something embarrassing that happens to you during delivery in public as a joke?
NTA. What he did was awful and without care for you. He lied to score a joke, and you were the victim. I would go as you did, and give marriage to him a very long second thought.
He’s not just immature, he’s a bully and he’s mean. And even worse, he doesn’t apologize or regret what he did.
Do not marry this man.
Immediately gas-lighting you, not good. NTA and I would find someone mature because that fellow isn’t.
NTA
Huge red flag to have any partner make up lies to belittle his spouse.
NTA.
NTA – Brushing off your feelings and justifying by saying “it’s just a joke” and “you’re sensitive ” are gigantic red flags.
Your “stomach dropped”, and now “everyone’s blowing up your phone”?
Okay hun 😏
Everyone here for most part is quick to burn down your relationship. A mistake on his part, def. yes, but doesn’t equate to ruin a relationship over. He’s a dummy for making a bad joke, and he probably doesn’t realize he hurt you in the midst of things. We all make mistakes and do dumb shit, is this something that I would walk away from my fiance? Nope. Guess you have to decide if you love him and realize it was a mistake or is this something so horrible. Years from now is this something that will matter? Only you can decide. However I will say people change and can learn from their mistakes, and I’m confident he now knows what not to do.
NTA
>saying I overreacted and made him look bad
Isn’t that exactly what he did to you? Don’t marry someone who gets pleasure in humiliating you.
I don’t understand the prank part? And I bet if you quizzed him, he wouldn’t be able to explain it.
Was it the right time and place for a joke? No.
Did it make sense in the setting? No
Did it warrant an announcement like that? No.
Taking time to think about your future together is a very good move right now.
NTA A joke is when everyone is laughing. You weren’t.
So it is not you who can’t take a joke, it is him who is incapable of reading the room.