I (31F) have this friend (33F) who has been living with me these past 3 years. She wasn’t on the lease. Nor did she pay rent but she did give me money occasionally and would buy stuff for the apartment. In the beginning she would help with cleaning like doing dishes sometimes. She did have a habit of collecting useless junk (used bike tires for example) that would start piling up in my dining room and she would get upset if I threw something away or moved it. We got in a few arguements over it. Her reasons being that these items was all she had and that I wouldn’t understand because I grew up “privileged” so of course I didn’t see what the big deal was throwing away these items. I still don’t to be honest.
Anyways after a while I began to feel alot of resentment towards her and I felt she had started taking me for granted. I ended up moving. I told her I planned on moving 2 months prior but she didn’t seem to take me seriously. Or maybe she assumed I was taking her with me? Idk. But I moved. And because of that she is now homeless.
She’s been calling me daily saying she doesn’t feel good and that she doesn’t know what to do and now she just sits in front of 711 doing nothing. I stopped answering her calls. And I feel bad but I just don’t want her living with me anymore. It’s like she’s completely dependent on others to come rescue her and it’s exhausting. Why do I feel like such a bad person? Should I help her or is she just trying to manipulate me?
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I (31F) have this friend (33F) who has been living with me these past 3 years. She wasn’t on the lease. Nor did she pay rent but she did give me money occasionally and would buy stuff for the apartment. In the beginning she would help with cleaning like doing dishes sometimes. She did have a habit of collecting useless junk (used bike tires for example) that would start piling up in my dining room and she would get upset if I threw something away or moved it. We got in a few arguements over it. Her reasons being that these items was all she had and that I wouldn’t understand because I grew up “privileged” so of course I didn’t see what the big deal was throwing away these items. I still don’t to be honest.
Anyways after a while I began to feel alot of resentment towards her and I felt she had started taking me for granted. I ended up moving. I told her I planned on moving 2 months prior but she didn’t seem to take me seriously. Or maybe she assumed I was taking her with me? Idk. But I moved. And because of that she is now homeless.
She’s been calling me daily saying she doesn’t feel good and that she doesn’t know what to do and now she just sits in front of 711 doing nothing. I stopped answering her calls. And I feel bad but I just don’t want her living with me anymore. It’s like she’s completely dependent on others to come rescue her and it’s exhausting. Why do I feel like such a bad person? Should I help her or is she just trying to manipulate me?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Why I might be the asshole: Because I didn’t bring my friend with me when I moved, and she’s homeless now because of it. Then I stopped answering her calls.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You didn’t make your friend homeless. For whatever reasons, your friend has issues that maybe make it hard for her to do stuff, but you basically supported her for three years. She could have done something, anything, in that time to work towards self-sufficiency.
Yes, it sucks for her, but it’s not -your- fault.
NTAH, shes not your problem, you did more then enough for her,sounds like you just got tyre’d of her…
NTA.
I’m assuming that you have a livelihood which lets you do basic things like pay your rent and feed yourself. Did your friend just sit at your home and do nothing? I wouldn’t feel badly at all.
NTA. you have her more than enough notice, she was the one who chose not to do anything to secure new housing. Her situation sucks but she’s in it because of herself. You don’t need to carry any guilt around that.
NTA. You must have been pretty desperate to do what you did. She clearly had mental health issues, but isn’t wanting to work on these, and just wants to be rescued, as you say. She’s ringing you because she thinks she can manipulate you again, rather than considering how much you’ve already done for her.
She was not your friend, she was using you and didn’t listen when you told her you were moving with two months’ notice. Her life choices are not your problem; please free yourself by blocking her from your phone or changing your number. NTA
NTA you didn’t help her for years you enabled her. If you want to help her give her the details for shelters and homeless charities. She needs to be willing to help herself as well.
3 years is an generous gift. If you friend had save $100 a week, while living rent free she would have over $15k. NTAH.
NTA. Your friend can work and won’t or your friend can’t work and needs to be institutionalized. Either way, you can’t help her.
NTA – She had 3 years to better her life & become independent. She didn’t, that’s on her.
she’s a codependent leech. you did exactly what you should’ve done.
Sounds like a chonic hobosexual. There was no other way to pull the leech off, either you do it now or you do it later.
NTA.
NTA, but maybe if there’s a homeless services or mental health advocacy group in your area you could call them and tell them about the homeless woman at the 7-11. You don’t have to hive your history with her, you’re just a “concerned patron” of the 7-11.
NTA. So emphatically NTA. I give you the utmost credit. I couldn’t have shared my space with someone like that for so long, and would have turned off all utilities and stayed somewhere else until they vacated the first time I got called privileged for not allowing garbage to clutter my home, both literally and figuratively.
What did she do before you met her live with you?
You can’t live your entire life for someone else’s benefit
NTA
Sounds like a hoarder, give her some arm length assistance and see if there is some mental health services avaliable.
NTA. It sounds to me like she could benefit from some mental health issues. (I have a family member who has schizoaffective disorder.)
Maybe you could do one last thing for her? Gather some information on MH services in your area, along with phone numbers. Maybe there’s a housing program. You could text her the info if you don’t want to talk to her.
You are a kind person to give her help all these years. Brava! 👏👏👏
Where’s her family? NTA She needs to figure out how to deal with her undiagnosed mental issues. Especially hoarding. Where did her stuff go when you left?