This happened last year, me 34M was employed by another very dear and long time friend who invested in a big gym project together with his wife. The main goal was to teach and make known in our country a sport, that we and our close friend group loved doing since young age because we dreamed of becoming coaches one day and to share that sport and our love for it with new generations throughout the country.
So since we both studied Sport Science in collegue this friend, let’s call him “H”, employed me with promises of this goal and the good pay that would come with having lots of students and me being his right hand man. As time went by we succeeded in our main goal, but the money and good working conditions were never there, and even worse my friend who has since I know him been a tremendous narcissist, started demanding more and more and when I started showing signs of not being okay how my life was going because of working with him he even threatened me saying I’m that if I ever jeopardise our dream he would never talk to me again and fire me on the spot.
One day our wives both got pregnant at the same time. And we talked about covering for each other parental leaves. But as the baby’s time to be born approached I started feeling scared because I just couldn’t provide for a family like this. And so with a month left i confronted him that I was moving to another city two hours from there for a better job opportunity, which in my head I know to be an asshole move because he was counting on me and we we’re friends above all. Or so I thought..
He seemed comprehensive at first, but days after that he sent me a horrendously big DM saying how much of traitor I am, and that I ruined everything and to never show my face before him again. Which destroyed my heart because I love everything we built around that sport. I also was in charge of a little toddler class of students who I left behind and because of him sending that DM i couldn’t say goodbye to because I could show my face at the gym.
He now is telling everybody that I’m a traitor, who doesn’t care about anything, that I was coward who decided just to leave not caring about anyone that i left behind. But when I confronted him I told that even though I’m moving I would do anything that I could do to be present for our sport and students, I was just removing myself from coach work nothing else becaus I couldn’t continue living like this.
So AITA for moving to another city for a better job to take care of my wife and twin boys ?
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This happened last year, me 34M was employed by another very dear and long time friend who invested in a big gym project together with his wife. The main goal was to teach and make known in our country a sport, that we and our close friend group loved doing since young age because we dreamed of becoming coaches one day and to share that sport and our love for it with new generations throughout the country.
So since we both studied Sport Science in collegue this friend, let’s call him “H”, employed me with promises of this goal and the good pay that would come with having lots of students and me being his right hand man. As time went by we succeeded in our main goal, but the money and good working conditions were never there, and even worse my friend who has since I know him been a tremendous narcissist, started demanding more and more and when I started showing signs of not being okay how my life was going because of working with him he even threatened me saying I’m that if I ever jeopardise our dream he would never talk to me again and fire me on the spot.
One day our wives both got pregnant at the same time. And we talked about covering for each other parental leaves. But as the baby’s time to be born approached I started feeling scared because I just couldn’t provide for a family like this. And so with a month left i confronted him that I was moving to another city two hours from there for a better job opportunity, which in my head I know to be an asshole move because he was counting on me and we we’re friends above all. Or so I thought..
He seemed comprehensive at first, but days after that he sent me a horrendously big DM saying how much of traitor I am, and that I ruined everything and to never show my face before him again. Which destroyed my heart because I love everything we built around that sport. I also was in charge of a little toddler class of students who I left behind and because of him sending that DM i couldn’t say goodbye to because I could show my face at the gym.
He now is telling everybody that I’m a traitor, who doesn’t care about anything, that I was coward who decided just to leave not caring about anyone that i left behind. But when I confronted him I told that even though I’m moving I would do anything that I could do to be present for our sport and students, I was just removing myself from coach work nothing else becaus I couldn’t continue living like this.
So AITA for moving to another city for a better job to take care of my wife and twin boys ?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> So I Believe that I made an asshole move because when both our wives got pregnant we agreed that we would take turns making sure one of us was at the gym so that no class would be missed and our students could continue practicing. He was counting on me because of that agreement but I knew that because of the lacking money and working conditions I could not provide for me and my wife and two baby boys that were on they’re way. The crucial and difficult conversation between me and him happened a month before both his wife and mine were to have the baby’s. So he was left with a month to figure how he was going to manage everything without me.
Even though I know I messed up I believe that the good of my family always comes first so i left.
But was not expecting him to treat me like the worst traitor of all time.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Obviously NTA and that’s why you should never mix business with friends/family. You’re not a traitor you’re an employee that quit a job to pursue a better job opportunity. Would a cashier at a supermarket be a traitor if they went to work in another shop? Nah. Stop feeling guilty over nonsence.
NTA. He is just upset he can’t continue taking advantage of you anymore.
You thought you were friends, but he always treated you like an employee. Then he didn’t like it when you acted like one.
You mention a lot of negative qualities, narcissistic traits, low pay, hard work, no reward. So why are you surprised? Why do you think what he says now is true?
NTA but you really need to start believing in yourself sometime soon
YTA. For 8 months you chatted about y’all being dads together, covering work together and with 1 month to go before kid arrives you drop that actually your moving? As you said, you see why your the asshole. Him responding to just push you completely out is understandable cause for last 8 months you’ve essentially been lying to him.
NTA but it depends a bit on how much notice you gave him. You prioritized your family’s livelihood and stability. That’s a perfectly reasonable choice to have made, and ANY employer should expect nothing less (friend or not). It is not your fault that it became so abrupt; it sounds like you were giving him notice of your intent to leave (??) and he made it effective now (and barred you from ever showing up again) – he made it worse and more explosive through those choices.
He isn’t a friend. It’s unclear to me whether you had any particular agreement – a contract? – as to your role as a partner in this business. I am assuming you operated according to any written agreement you had. What your friend is conveniently forgetting or failing to acknowledge is that you did not get the return on this investment that you expected.
You do shoulder some of the responsibility for this though. First you describe him as a close and dear friend and then go on to say he’s always had narcissistic tendencies. Obviously that mix makes for a DISASTROUS business arrangement. If you entered into this on ‘promises’ of payment without anything firm or documented (or at least a limited timeline in which this would be tried out), that was risky and stupid of you.
Laughing so hard at the phrasing of “one day both our wives got pregnant at the same time”. You two were close haha