My sister (32F), Olive, has been very demanding and disorganized since getting engaged this past April. At first, she said she never wanted a wedding—just a courthouse marriage. Then she said she was getting married in September. Her plans changed every time we spoke: courthouse, then church and reception, then back to courthouse, then church with 20 guests, and now a church ceremony followed by a banquet hall for 100 people.
She originally said she didn’t want any events before the wedding. Then out of nowhere, she was having a bridal shower that she claimed her fiancé’s sister would contact me to help plan. No one reached out. Instead, I was sent an invite that was already fully planned by Olive and the sister. I thought it was rude but kept it to myself. The invite instructed guests to send $60 directly to Olive to RSVP. My mom called me saying she had an issue with how Olive was planning, and I agreed—but I always maintained that it was Olive’s wedding and she could do as she pleased.
About a month ago, Olive sent out wedding e-invites with an RSVP deadline in August. Less than 24 hours later, she texted me multiple times demanding why my fiancé and I hadn’t RSVP’d. I was confused—why the urgency if the deadline wasn’t for weeks? I asked her, but she read the message and never replied.
Two weeks ago, my mom called asking why I hadn’t RSVP’d. She said Olive had been ranting that “as my sister, she should be the first to RSVP!! This is bullshit!!” I was frustrated. 1) It was obvious I’d attend. 2) Olive could’ve asked me directly. 3) My fiancé and I were waiting to confirm time off work. My mom also said Olive blamed me for not helping plan the shower. I was angry because I had no contact with the groom’s sister and the shower was already planned without me.
Today, Olive called and texted several times. When I called her back, she said my mom told her I had a problem with the $60 RSVP. I told her I did but also said it’s her wedding and I’d RSVP for the shower when I got paid, and the wedding once we sorted out work. She accused me of giving “weird energy” and not acting like a proper sister. I told her we can’t drop everything for her wedding and that I wasn’t even included in the planning. She said she give a fuck if my fiancé came and that I should’ve RSVP’d right away. When I explained we needed to confirm our work schedules, she said I should just call in sick or not show up. I told her I wasn’t doing that and got upset she’d even suggest it. She started screaming and calling me “fucking stupid,” so I ended the call.
Now, my mom is calling me on three-way with Olive, and I’m refusing to answer. AITA?
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My sister (32F), Olive, has been very demanding and disorganized since getting engaged this past April. At first, she said she never wanted a wedding—just a courthouse marriage. Then she said she was getting married in September. Her plans changed every time we spoke: courthouse, then church and reception, then back to courthouse, then church with 20 guests, and now a church ceremony followed by a banquet hall for 100 people.
She originally said she didn’t want any events before the wedding. Then out of nowhere, she was having a bridal shower that she claimed her fiancé’s sister would contact me to help plan. No one reached out. Instead, I was sent an invite that was already fully planned by Olive and the sister. I thought it was rude but kept it to myself. The invite instructed guests to send $60 directly to Olive to RSVP. My mom called me saying she had an issue with how Olive was planning, and I agreed—but I always maintained that it was Olive’s wedding and she could do as she pleased.
About a month ago, Olive sent out wedding e-invites with an RSVP deadline in August. Less than 24 hours later, she texted me multiple times demanding why my fiancé and I hadn’t RSVP’d. I was confused—why the urgency if the deadline wasn’t for weeks? I asked her, but she read the message and never replied.
Two weeks ago, my mom called asking why I hadn’t RSVP’d. She said Olive had been ranting that “as my sister, she should be the first to RSVP!! This is bullshit!!” I was frustrated. 1) It was obvious I’d attend. 2) Olive could’ve asked me directly. 3) My fiancé and I were waiting to confirm time off work. My mom also said Olive blamed me for not helping plan the shower. I was angry because I had no contact with the groom’s sister and the shower was already planned without me.
Today, Olive called and texted several times. When I called her back, she said my mom told her I had a problem with the $60 RSVP. I told her I did but also said it’s her wedding and I’d RSVP for the shower when I got paid, and the wedding once we sorted out work. She accused me of giving “weird energy” and not acting like a proper sister. I told her we can’t drop everything for her wedding and that I wasn’t even included in the planning. She said she give a fuck if my fiancé came and that I should’ve RSVP’d right away. When I explained we needed to confirm our work schedules, she said I should just call in sick or not show up. I told her I wasn’t doing that and got upset she’d even suggest it. She started screaming and calling me “fucking stupid,” so I ended the call.
Now, my mom is calling me on three-way with Olive, and I’m refusing to answer. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I am refusing to answer my mother and sister’s calls.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
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Info: On the one hand, you are saying that obviously you are going to attend, but, on the other, you are saying that you need to get your time off request confirmed first, implying that if your request is denied, you won’t be able to attend.
Also, I’ve never heard of being asked to send money with an RSVP. Is that a thing where you are from? That would be considered horrible form where I’m from.
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Question: is there a reason to believe you wouldn’t get the days off and absolutely would need to work? I couldn’t personally imagine missing my siblings wedding for work so I get jet frustration.
You have already posted this at least once.
NTA. I’m wondering why you’d go at all at this point. I wouldn’t, and I’d tell my mom that she needs to stay out of it.
INFO: If it’s “obvious that you’ll attend,” why would you need to speak to your work first? If it’s so “obvious,” presumably you’re sure you’ll be able to get the day off, so why not RSVP? And if you’re not sure you’ll be able to get the day off, are you saying you won’t / can’t attend? If so, it’s really not “obvious” that you’re going to attend at all, is it?
Your sister sounds like she’s being a bit obnoxious, but your post is also dripping in jealousy. It seems like you’re causing drama for no reason. Just send in the RSVP.
NTA. Olive is TA for this. You’ve done nothing wrong. If mom isn’t 100% on your side then she is enabling your sister’s bad behavior. I get being stressed about a wedding but this is all self-induced at this level of disarray and pettiness.
Repost
Dont attend anything
This same exact story without the last three paragraphs and the $60 fee, not similar, exactly the same, was posted a couple weeks ago. I believe you were told you were the asshole then.
NTA
There are no words to describe how much of an AH Olive is.
She flip flopped on her plans so much yet she expects you to just RSVP the second you get the e-vite? Also who the heck charges people $60 for a party? I don’t care who it is in my family, I’m not paying $60 to RSVP for freaking party cause that’s all a bridal shower is. You already have to get a wedding gift, and maybe a gift for the bridal shower. Olive is being beyond extra
What’s it about weddings that turn women into bridezillas? Olive is toxic and your mum is her enabler. I’d tell her I can’t get time off from work so can’t come to the wedding. Go low contact with Olive.