This is more of a “Would I be the asshole” situation, but I cannot stand my sister-in-law. She can be sweet when she wants to be, and I’ll think, maybe she’s not that bad—but then she does something crazy, and I don’t even know how to respond.
We have a rocky past. She clearly hates me and seems at least somewhat jealous that I have a good marriage with her brother. They aren’t close, and that seems to really bother her.
I’m 28 and recently had a baby girl (she’s 4 months old). She was born in heart failure and has already needed major surgeries. My SIL has come around her while sick (which is life-threatening for my baby), kisses her all over even though I’ve repeatedly asked her not to, tries to feed her random things, and constantly gives me backhanded comments.
Any time we’re at a family gathering, she hovers over my baby and tries to snuggle her as much as possible. Normally, I wouldn’t mind someone holding her—trust me, I need a break to eat or pee—but she is intense, and I can feel the tension. She clearly doesn’t like me, and it makes the whole thing uncomfortable.
She wants another baby, but her husband won’t agree to it. Any time she’s around, there’s a tension you could cut with a knife. My mom even picked up on it before I said anything.
She also kind of runs off with my baby—like will take her and walk far away or go on a walk without really asking. That really bothers me.
So here’s my question: would I be the asshole if I just didn’t let her see my baby anymore? I also just don’t like her. She talks shit about me behind my back, and I always find out. I’m a grown woman and don’t want drama, so I usually don’t confront her—it’s usually dumb stuff I don’t care enough to waste time on. But she’s crossed lines. She’s talked badly about my family in front of me, and that’s where I do speak up. There’s more I could list.
My husband says we should just keep our distance, which we already do—we only see her maybe once a month at family gatherings. But honestly, I’d rather cut that off completely and just stop going when I know she’ll be there.
Comments
NTA. Your baby, your rules. Especially when health risks are involved.
NTA. She ignores your boundaries and puts your baby at risk. protecting your child and peace isn’t wrong
NTA…. As your husband is on board just keep your distance. Don’t give her the opportunity to hold the baby if you do see her, keep walking away from her.
Not at all. Protect your family.
She’s around your baby while she’s ill which could cause serious problems for your child? That alone is enough to cut her off completely.
Updateme!
she clearly doesn’t care for the safety of your child, let alone having boundaries. NTA at all.
NTA. You need to protect your daughter from this crazy woman.
NTA your child your rules. I would have lost my absolute shit if anyone came near my 4 month old sick and kissing them (I currently have a 4 month old baby and I foam at the mouth whenever someone gets too close to his face). You have every right to say “no, please don’t touch my child.” I’m a firm believer in , Just because you have access to me does NOT grant you access to my child. If you can not respect me as a person, you will not be allowed to be around my child. Please protect yourself and your child as you see fit! ❤️❤️ sending love to you and your baby
NTA.
Keep miss crazy away from your daughter!
She’s your baby. Don’t put up with Sils behaviour. Anytime sil tries to take, or run off with your baby make her stop and give her back. Cause a scene if you have to, but don’t tolerate it. She’s in the wrong, not you.
NTA you do not want your kid around her. When the baby gets older it will pick up on her dislike of you. Why expose it to that?
NTA if she can’t get along why should she get access to YOUR kid, you shouldn’t allow people around your kids if they don’t like you and if they have a problem with it then they should build a relationship with you. I had the same with my MIL we had a fight and i cut all contact with her and my daughter until she came to my and apologised took her 2 months but i held my ground and I’m happy i did!
Others have said NTA and I agree. Please go no contact. This woman is not respecting basic boundaries that would be necessary for an average, fully healthy immune system baby, let alone a heart failure + needing surgery baby. She is literally endangering your baby’s life. You need her not to be in your life anymore.
If that means leaving family functions whenever she’s there, DO IT. If that means cutting out family members who don’t support you going NC, DO IT. It’s not worth having family support if that support comes with toxic abuse which her bad mouthing you openly and behind your back is abusive, as is not respecting basic health guidelines. You have an immunocompromised fragile baby versus a grown woman’s ego (and one you don’t even like at that!). Protect your baby’s health and leave behind the spaces that don’t 100% support that.
Why isn’t your husband telling her to stop? He needs to have a word with her, in private but definitely record the conversation for evidence in case you need it later on as she sounds unhinged and he needs to tell her to stop. This message isn’t hitting home to her for some reason because you’re the one saying it but maybe if he said it she would get jolted into reality and would stop her behaviour.
NTA
NTA
But you could just slow fade out of her life rather than have an abrupt cut off. Be busy. Family gatherings once a month is still quite a lot of contact throughout the year, so skip a few of them. Especially for an immune compromised very small baby.
Make it ‘normal’ that you’re not there for every gathering, prioritise the family relationships you want to keep and ask to hang out with those specific people at a time that fits you. When you do go to family gatherings, always babywear. SIL can’t run off with your baby if your baby is literally strapped to your body – and if you pass the baby to your husband while you go and pee, he needs to be the one to tell his sister no, or to retrieve the baby from whoever he has allowed to hold the baby while he is on baby duty. When you get back from what you’re doing, baby goes right back into the baby carrier.
It becomes the new normal, like boiling a lobster. If you increase the temperature all at once, the lobster jumps out and the reaction is instant. If you cut your SIL off abruptly, she will react badly and the other relatives will weigh in with their opinions too, it’ll be a whole stressful thing. But if you put your lobster in a cold pot of water and increase the temperature very gradually, the lobster adjusts to the water and stays in it and you get a tasty hot lobster broth. Get your SIL and in laws used to the fact that you and baby aren’t going to every single family gathering every month, get them used to the fact that your baby will stay in your baby carrier with you to keep her safe. They will accept the gradual change and then when you work up to not seeing SIL at all, the lobster boil will be complete.
Call her out every single time if you end up somewhere and her attendance is unavoidable.
” Please don’t cuddle near her face, she is high risk still.”
” Where did you go with her? Why didn’t you ask? You can’t go off with her without our permission.”
” Why do you continue to ignore and disrespect our rules? If you can’t assist in keeping our child safe then we just wont have these visits.”
Honestly if it’s just once a month I’d just make up some excuse to get out of it. But there may come a day when you have to actually talk to her and set some boundaries. She’ll probably tell you to F off and want nothing to do with you in which case problem solved either way.
another SIL post…… boring
Once a month is far too often to see this awful woman.
YTA! For not standing up to this SIL. Stop being a doormat and letting her endanger your baby and treating you so dreadfully. You need to stop her asap, or it will get worse. Don’t let her walk over you. Be the mamma bear your baby needs! Big huggsss 💗
NTA
This woman clearly has no boundaries. Sounds like her husband knows that and is sensibly avoiding any more children with her.
NTA. Block that fruitloop
All if this ‘she doesn’t like you, so keep the baby away’, I agree with, but the biggest concern is her walking off with your baby. She is delusional and might think you have her child. Be prepared, she will eventually try to leave with your baby and you and your husband will have to get the police involved to get her back. Do not hesitate to call, if she gets ‘crazy’. And your husband needs to talk to his parents. Updateme
NTA. Your sister is a complete nightmare. It’s pretty obvious that she hates you. Probably not only due to having a better relationship with her brother but also because you have a baby while she desperately wants another one and her hubby doesn’t.
No matter, her constantly being in your baby’s face, especially when obviously sick, grabbing her & running off with her is very concerning. She’s either trying very hard to get your baby sick, OR she’s trying to get your baby to start liking her so she can play the “favorite auntie of your baby.
But I do ask you why you’ve been the one who has to chase her down when she grabs your baby & runs. If your hubby is really on board with not allowing her access to your baby, he should also be stepping in to stop her. I do hope that your hubby really is on board with making sure his sister has no access to your child and is not just saying it to keep you happy.
In fact, it would probably be in you and your baby’s best interest to never let your SIL have anything to do with your baby, even after she’s well enough to handle whatever your SIL dishes out to her. I wouldn’t put it past your SIL to try to poison your own child against you by telling her how bad a mommy you are behind your back every chance she gets.
NTA. Cut contact because she sounds like a crazy lady who would leave with your kid and not think twice about it. I’ll never understand the audacity people have to kiss newborn babies in the face. My daughter was in the NICU for 6 weeks and I told everyone “No” kisses don’t even get in her face.