I had booked a short holiday package followed by a cruise over a year in advance. Because I’d be paying the same price for the cruise for one or two people, I asked my mum if she wanted to come for free – so she would fly out a few days after me, to stay with me for a night or two, then join for the cruise.
She wasn’t 100% certain because she was anxious about flying transatlantic on her own. I talked her through the transfers etc and made it as simple for her as possible. I said I would need a final answer about 4 months before the cruise, as that was the final payment date and any further changes (i.e. taking her off the booking) would charge a fee after that point, but obviously I had to provide accurate information about who was coming on board.
The final payment date came and went – she still wasn’t certain because we hadn’t yet booked flights due to prices being high (we were waiting for a sale). I booked my flights about 2 months before the trip, and she seemed hesitant but booked hers.
The next day I called the hotel to ask if they could add her name on the booking (it’s a very well known resort and this should have been fine) but the call handler said no, she would have to buy the package. I rang my mum and said that was incorrect advice so I’m going to ask the Facebook community for some advice but worst case scenario, she’d have to get a hotel elsewhere for 1-2 nights.
She panicked and cancelled her flights as it was within 24 hours. She said she wouldn’t risk going and wasn’t prepared to look at other hotels. I said if she cancels her flights I’ll take that that she’s not coming, because I need to update the booking asap as the fee could go up the closer to the trip. She accepted that and cancelled anyway, so I removed her from the booking and had to pay a small fine. She didn’t offer to help or pay the fine.
I really struggle with plans changing – I also live for my holidays, so this was stressful for me. It took a lot to get my head around going on my own, but I finally got excited to go solo. My mum never takes accountability, never apologises, never gives emotional support, and always plays the victim.
A month before the trip, she says she actually wants to go and is going to ring the resort and cruise to try to sort it out. She told me this, not asked. I said I’m not doing anything to help with it. Of course then she rings me saying they can’t do anything as she’s not the booking owner, and can I ring them. I said no, she didn’t give me an answer when I asked, she hasn’t apologised for messing me around, and she didn’t help when I had to remove her from the booking, so she just has to accept she missed the deadline.
She’s upset with me, and I’m mad that I now feel like my holiday is ruined because either I add her back to the booking when I now don’t really want her to go because of how she’s acted, or I don’t, and have to deal with the emotional guilt-tripping. My stance is to not add her… but does that make me TA?
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I had booked a short holiday package followed by a cruise over a year in advance. Because I’d be paying the same price for the cruise for one or two people, I asked my mum if she wanted to come for free – so she would fly out a few days after me, to stay with me for a night or two, then join for the cruise.
She wasn’t 100% certain because she was anxious about flying transatlantic on her own. I talked her through the transfers etc and made it as simple for her as possible. I said I would need a final answer about 4 months before the cruise, as that was the final payment date and any further changes (i.e. taking her off the booking) would charge a fee after that point, but obviously I had to provide accurate information about who was coming on board.
The final payment date came and went – she still wasn’t certain because we hadn’t yet booked flights due to prices being high (we were waiting for a sale). I booked my flights about 2 months before the trip, and she seemed hesitant but booked hers.
The next day I called the hotel to ask if they could add her name on the booking (it’s a very well known resort and this should have been fine) but the call handler said no, she would have to buy the package. I rang my mum and said that was incorrect advice so I’m going to ask the Facebook community for some advice but worst case scenario, she’d have to get a hotel elsewhere for 1-2 nights.
She panicked and cancelled her flights as it was within 24 hours. She said she wouldn’t risk going and wasn’t prepared to look at other hotels. I said if she cancels her flights I’ll take that that she’s not coming, because I need to update the booking asap as the fee could go up the closer to the trip. She accepted that and cancelled anyway, so I removed her from the booking and had to pay a small fine. She didn’t offer to help or pay the fine.
I really struggle with plans changing – I also live for my holidays, so this was stressful for me. It took a lot to get my head around going on my own, but I finally got excited to go solo. My mum never takes accountability, never apologises, never gives emotional support, and always plays the victim.
A month before the trip, she says she actually wants to go and is going to ring the resort and cruise to try to sort it out. She told me this, not asked. I said I’m not doing anything to help with it. Of course then she rings me saying they can’t do anything as she’s not the booking owner, and can I ring them. I said no, she didn’t give me an answer when I asked, she hasn’t apologised for messing me around, and she didn’t help when I had to remove her from the booking, so she just has to accept she missed the deadline.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I refuse to ring the resort or cruise line to add my mum back to the booking. I might be TA because I could do this for her and probably resolve it, but part of me doesn’t want to, and part of me wants to teach her a lesson.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA Your Mother is too indecisive to take this trip.
“Sorry, mom, too late. I told you it had to be booked by XX date, and you canceled”.
NTA, and she can spend the holiday with her regret. Don’t let her guilt-trip you. Just keep repeating the quote I’ve given you.
NTA and don’t add her back on. You offered and she messed up big time. Just go and enjoy.