My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 months. My best friend has been engaged for over a year and is getting married in January, but my best friend nor her fiancée have met my boyfriend, and scheduling a double date also won’t be possible from now to then. My ex boyfriend is also going to the wedding hut we have not been in contact for almost a year and I have no animosity or feelings towards him or seeing him but he is the grooms best friend.
My boyfriend is really pushing on me getting a plus one to a very intimate wedding that my friends are paying out of pocket for and have family members of theirs who are not even invited because of how intimate it is. I think it’s unfair to push on a plus one when they don’t know him but my boyfriend feels very strongly about going and it is causing a lot of arguments in our relationship. AITA for thinking he should not attend this wedding?
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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 months. My best friend has been engaged for over a year and is getting married in January, but my best friend nor her fiancée have met my boyfriend, and scheduling a double date also won’t be possible from now to then. My ex boyfriend is also going to the wedding hut we have not been in contact for almost a year and I have no animosity or feelings towards him or seeing him but he is the grooms best friend.
My boyfriend is really pushing on me getting a plus one to a very intimate wedding that my friends are paying out of pocket for and have family members of theirs who are not even invited because of how intimate it is. I think it’s unfair to push on a plus one when they don’t know him but my boyfriend feels very strongly about going and it is causing a lot of arguments in our relationship. AITA for thinking he should not attend this wedding?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Not agreeing that my boyfriend should attend this wedding 2. Disagreements that make him think I do not want him there when that is not the case but it is not my wedding
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, it’s one thing to gently ask if you could have a plus one ONCE, but to push for one if they have already said no would be completely out of line.
You are NTA the secret rule for weddings is to not bring “short term” partners. You never ever know in these situations if it’s gonna be forever or a few years.
You also want to know everyone that attends your wedding. No surprises, no new introductions, no unfamiliar people in the pictures. It’s about close family and friends.
Please note that this is a common opinion amongst people getting married and not me saying it’s right or wrong. Everyone can of course choose for themselves!
NTA, but it doesn’t matter what either of you think about him attending; it’s not up to you.
Imagine if you were having a small wedding that excluded family members, yet one of the guests insisted that you invited a stranger.
BTW, there is no such thing in etiquette as a “plus one”. Those are guests, and guests are always given invitations at the pleasure of the couple. To even ask that this new BF be invited is tacky and would reflect poorly on you.
NTA. You can politely ask once, but not push for it.
Yiur new boyfriend though seems to be insecure abiut you being there with your ex. You have bigger tipics to talk about than a wedding +1.
NTA. Not only is it rude to push extra guests on a wedding couple, his insistence on this to the point of fighting with you about it is a red flag. If he can’t trust you, maybe he’s not the right one for you?
Nta. Under a year. You don’t go to weddings together.
NTA. This sounds as though he’s insecure about having you socialize without him. Expressing a desire to go is fine, but the fact that he is insisting that you bring him to a wedding where he knows no one and is not invited is strange.
Plus, think about what that wedding will be like for you. He won’t know anyone so he’ll expect you to cater to him the whole time rather than engage with the other guests and your friends. Sounds like a disaster in the making.
NTA. Dump him.
NTA most definitely. Seems like your current bf is feeling a little insecure about exbf being there, justified or not.
If you were looking to keep the peace though, you could offer to pay for him to come since the intimate guest list is about costs more than anything else.
The bf should understand and that you had a life before meeting him, but if there is a real concern and strife coming from all this you could just make the above offer.
NTA.
Your boyfriend doesn’t get to invite himself to someone else’s wedding. Period. His insistence is not only rude but is also inconsiderate, as he’s putting you in an extremely awkward spot with your friend.
We all know the real issue is your ex being there. You two need to have a serious conversation about his insecurities/jealousy and your commitment to him, but he needs to accept he can’t go.
NTA. An invite is not transferable, and intimate weddings set their own guest list. Tell him you respect your friends budget and wishes and will attend solo, and that it is not about the ex. If he keeps pushing, that is a boundary issue, not a wedding problem.
NTA but since when does he get to decide who is invited to someone elses wedding. Big red flag. Sounds like hes jealous because he knows your Ex is going to be there.
NTA
First off, you’re 5 months in. You shouldn’t be attending any weddings together, regardless of size or which side an invite may be coming from.
Second, you know this is a small, intimate wedding and it’s tacky af to ask for a plus one for anyone, especially a bf of 5 months.
Third, your bf is super insecure and jealous. Big red flags here, and it’s only going to get worse if you stay. Do you really want to put up with this bs for the rest of your time together with him?
NTA
He wasn’t invited. He’s acting jealous, immature and controlling. Be warned, this isn’t a good sign
He’s making your friend’s wedding about his ego. If he can’t handle sitting this one out, that’s his issue, not yours
Nta
NTA and in any case he does not decide which weddings he gets invited to. Obviously he has issues regarding the ex, not a good sign. I think you will have to be firm op, and tell him neither of you can control someone else’s wedding invitations, that you have no interest in your ex . And that you are going to go to the wedding .
Or give in to his insecurity , don’t go and then resent him for it for years.
NTA. You’ve been dating for 5 months & your friends don’t know him. He doesn’t belong at an intimate wedding. He is either insecure or controlling. Either way, pls see the red flags before you invest too much time & energy into this.
NTA…Is it the ex being there making him act this way? Otherwise, this is odd behaviour in such early days of the relationship.
NTA
You’ve only been together 5 months, you shouldn’t be attending weddings together. Especially not small intimate ones.
Personally I think people need to be dating for at least 12 months before they get invites to weddings.
He’s trying to make a day, that is about your friend and her fiancé, all about him.
Tell him he’s not coming, and that’s final. If he’s upset about it, there’s nothing you can really do about it 🤷🏻♀️
NTA, he doesn’t know the couple at all, yet he is wanting to go. Does he know that your ex will be there? If so, his insecurity could be causing this. Unless you both know the couple, less than a year isn’t wedding worthy.
Look I hate gender stereotypes, but practically no man wants to go to a stranger’s wedding. Hes just being jealous and controlling. You’re only 5 months in, definitely consider if this is something you want to put up with forever. NTA
NTA but is this about the wedding or how he feels in your life? And perhaps how you see him?
He may not have met your best friend (is geography a factor?). But has he met other friends and family?
NTA Only 5 months in and he’s showing major signs of insecurity. That would be an automatic nope out for me. He needs to work through his issues before getting into a relationship with anyone. 🚩
NTA. And the next step will probably be him pouting and asking you not to go.
Nope, I wouldn’t be taking him. If he has a problem than its time for YOU to rethink this relationship. It’s been 5 months, BUT more so it’s a small wedding. Funded by them, you demanding he be invited will probably get you uninvited. Maybe that’s what he wants.
Is this jealousy from him that your ex will be there?
He had never met them. Why does it need to be now?
Don’t put more stress on your bestie. Be firm and tell him you’re not adding more stress to her, and if he doesn’t stop pushing it, you will be rethinking this relationship. Casue jealousy is ugly on a person
I also don’t know the people getting married and have no plans to meet them. I do like nice dinners, and would like to be invited.
See how dumb I sound? Please don’t breed with people this dumb
Plus one is the couple’s choice. Accept their decision. Sounds like you don’t want one. Hoping to hook up with the ex at the wedding?
NTA: Just tell him that people’s significant others aren’t invited unless they’re a committed couple that have been together for more than “x” amount of time, are engaged or are married, as it’s a very intimate wedding. It might also be worth it to let the venue know just in case he decides to make a surprise appearance and get into the ceremony and/or reception.
NTA.
5 months in? 🚩
NTA