My brother(24M) and I(26M) just bought a house near the beach and our dad(62M) wanted to move in with us for various reasons. He also had to bring my sister (19F) as she does not have a job or any place to go, which makes sense in this economy. The house is a 3 bed 2 bath, and she is stuck living in the living room until we convert the laundry room into a 4th bedroom.
The problem is that my sister is always having her friend, Jenny, (19F) over every day. She is living at the house and they both share a bed. Neither of them pays rent, when we have family dinners we are paying for Jenny’s share. All three men in the house agree that she is a bad influence on my sister as they stay out till 1 AM practically every night partying and hanging with her boyfriend. She has offered to chip in $50 to get Jenny permission to stay but I told her she needs to pay full rent which would be around $600 based on the location and living room situation. When they get home, they will occasionally wake us up from sleeping which we have talked about but there has been little to no improvement. A lot of the time Jenny is in the bathroom when we need to use it as well. And we can’t use the other bathroom because it is in the master where my dad is.
From my sister’s perspective, she has only woken us up a couple times, and her and Jenny do everything together. It would be harder for them to hang as she lives about 25 miles away. Currently neither of the girls have jobs but they are working on it.
Am I the asshole to not allow her friend over anymore?
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My brother(24M) and I(26M) just bought a house near the beach and our dad(62M) wanted to move in with us for various reasons. He also had to bring my sister (19F) as she does not have a job or any place to go, which makes sense in this economy. The house is a 3 bed 2 bath, and she is stuck living in the living room until we convert the laundry room into a 4th bedroom.
The problem is that my sister is always having her friend, Jenny, (19F) over every day. She is living at the house and they both share a bed. Neither of them pays rent, when we have family dinners we are paying for Jenny’s share. All three men in the house agree that she is a bad influence on my sister as they stay out till 1 AM practically every night partying and hanging with her boyfriend. She has offered to chip in $50 to get Jenny permission to stay but I told her she needs to pay full rent which would be around $600 based on the location and living room situation. When they get home, they will occasionally wake us up from sleeping which we have talked about but there has been little to no improvement. A lot of the time Jenny is in the bathroom when we need to use it as well. And we can’t use the other bathroom because it is in the master where my dad is.
From my sister’s perspective, she has only woken us up a couple times, and her and Jenny do everything together. It would be harder for them to hang as she lives about 25 miles away. Currently neither of the girls have jobs but they are working on it.
Am I the asshole to not allow her friend over anymore?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I might be the asshole for kicking her friend out when I could easily just let her stay and suck it up.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, you need to nip this in the bud and fast! Or they will mooch off of you for Lord knows how long and it won’t be long before they’re calling you to bail them out of jail!
Your house your rules. NTA
Start by telling Dad that this isn’t working out, it is not good for anyone, and he needs an environment in which he can parent more effectively. See what he says. That will be telling. nta
NTA. You don’t have space for your sister, much less Jenny. It’s wild that your sister is freeloading off you but offers to pay $50 rent for Jenny, how about starting with paying that for herself? The answer is obvious: Jenny needs to go home. Sis needs to get a job and save up and then she and Jenny can rent an apartment together in the future if they’re still interested in living together.
NTA. The house belongs to you and your brother. The two of you get to make the rules. If your sister doesn’t like it, she can get her own place. She’s an adult.
If you and your brother bought the house, how did dad end up in the primary? NTA. Friend has a home, she should use it. I feel like such a hypocrite! My old besties house was the hang out house. Her dad always asked if any of us had homes. I remember staying there a week, but he never knew.
God no. Not one bit. Your sister and her friend are taking advantage of your generosity in an outrageous manner. The friend should not be staying there even if she could pay rent as there is not enough room.
Did you really expect anyone to side with your freeloading sister and her loser friend? Or are you just trying to get enough responses so you can show your sister how unreasonable she is?
Because I don’t understand these -“I am being grossly taken advantage of but cannot figure out if I’m the asshole” – posts. It is ridiculously clear.
Also, you need to put a stop to this NOW before you have to start an eviction process, if you’re in the US. You are creating a huge problem for yourself.
“This isn’t a halfway house, this is our home. She’s not allowed to sleep over.” Nta
Do your sister and her friend get other people to pay for their nights out? Nothing is cheap anymore, from movies to cocktails, it costs a fortune to go out. If they can afford to party every night, they can afford to move out.
You are NTA, but your sister and her friend are working for that title.
How long will you her stay in your house?
NTA. As a mother to a 20 year old who was the sleepover queen, you have to set parameters. Where is she getting the money to stay out and party if she doesn’t have a job? From your dad? Does he pay for her car? She has money. Where is Mom? Is that a bridge already burned?
You are being taken Advantage of by your dad who wants help with sister. He needs to put a stop to it and tell her things are set up for guests in such close quarters.
Even as a 19 year old my daughter had a curfew. She spent a lot of sleepovers at her friend’s homes but, with the exception of some concerts and work, she had to be home by 11pm. Because five people live in our house.
She lives with friends now and that’s great. She moved out on good terms understanding that everyone in the house has to be considerate of everyone else. It was amazing how much my food bill dropped!
Good luck!
NTA she’s not sleeping over anymore. She’s moving in one night at a time. She obviously has another place to sleep. Maybe your sis should sleep there.
NTA, Jenny is 19 and this is typical behavior…
NTA. It’s ok if they don’t get to hang out as much. Maybe they’ll get bored and get jobs.
Why does your dad get the master bedroom in the house you and your brother bought, and why is his bathroom off limits?
NTA, but you’re being taken advantage of in two different directions.
No not the a hole be me I’d give your sister a set time to have a job and helps out and starts respecting your house and pays her part or she could get out also
NTA. First, you’re brave buying property with a relative(s).
Second, you need to put Jenny give your sister a timeline to move. Suggest she and Jenny find an apartment together but everyone will be contributing financially to the house. (Except Jenny because you’re putting her out.)
They van a job together make $$ together and move out together if you allow them to stay there both must pay the $600 and cover there own expenses
NTA just kick her out already lol
Let her live with Jenny. 19 they need to get jobs or go to school and do both, not partying on other peoples dimes.
Your sister has a girlfriend and they are both mooching off of you.
She wants to pretend to be an adult, sister should be paying something towards the house. Her girlfriend should not be allowed in the house unless she’s ready to start contributing to.
Edit- NTA
NTA. You’re housing multiple people rent-free, and Jenny’s presence is disruptive. This isn’t about being controlling, it’s about boundaries, respect, and basic household fairness. If they can’t contribute, they shouldn’t treat your place as their own
Your house, your rules. If they don’t chip in on any expenses then they can’t stay. She needs to grow up and be self sufficient and stop depending on daddy and big brothers to foot her life. If she doesnt have a job then how can she afford to go out and party every night?