I’ve been getting some mixed reactions to this, so I genuinely don’t know if I handled it right.
I (22F) started doing OF a few months ago. I don’t promote it loudly, but it’s linked in my bio and I’ve never hidden the fact that I do it. It’s honestly just a side hustle to help with rent and bills I’m not trying to be an influencer or anything.
One of the guys of a mutual friend who I’ve never flirted with or had any kind of private convo with apparently subscribed. I noticed because his username was incredibly obvious (think: first name + birth year level obvious) and he tipped me more than once, which honestly creeped me out a bit. He also left a comment that made it pretty clear he knew me IRL.
I blocked him. Didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to cause drama, and I figured it was his issue to deal with, not mine.
Well… his girlfriend (one of the girls in our group) found out. I wasn’t told directly, but word got around fast. She’s pissed but not at him. At me. Apparently, she’s been telling people that I’m “disrespectful,” “disgusting,” and “tried to seduce her boyfriend online.” Like… what?
A few mutuals are now saying I should apologize to her “to keep the peace.” For what, exactly? I never promoted it to anyone, I never sent him anything directly, I literally blocked him. I didn’t even know they were checking each other’s accounts like that.
Now I’m being iced out of group events and one of the girls told me I was “asking for attention” by having it public in the first place.
AITA for refusing to apologize for something I didn’t initiate and actively shut down?
I get that it’s messy, but I honestly don’t feel like I did anything wrong.
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I’ve been getting some mixed reactions to this, so I genuinely don’t know if I handled it right.
I (22F) started doing OF a few months ago. I don’t promote it loudly, but it’s linked in my bio and I’ve never hidden the fact that I do it. It’s honestly just a side hustle to help with rent and bills I’m not trying to be an influencer or anything.
One of the guys of a mutual friend who I’ve never flirted with or had any kind of private convo with apparently subscribed. I noticed because his username was incredibly obvious (think: first name + birth year level obvious) and he tipped me more than once, which honestly creeped me out a bit. He also left a comment that made it pretty clear he knew me IRL.
I blocked him. Didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to cause drama, and I figured it was his issue to deal with, not mine.
Well… his girlfriend (one of the girls in our group) found out. I wasn’t told directly, but word got around fast. She’s pissed but not at him. At me. Apparently, she’s been telling people that I’m “disrespectful,” “disgusting,” and “tried to seduce her boyfriend online.” Like… what?
A few mutuals are now saying I should apologize to her “to keep the peace.” For what, exactly? I never promoted it to anyone, I never sent him anything directly, I literally blocked him. I didn’t even know they were checking each other’s accounts like that.
Now I’m being iced out of group events and one of the girls told me I was “asking for attention” by having it public in the first place.
AITA for refusing to apologize for something I didn’t initiate and actively shut down?
I get that it’s messy, but I honestly don’t feel like I did anything wrong.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t tell my friend that her boyfriend subscribed to my OF I just blocked him and kept it to myself. Now that she found out on her own and is mad at me instead of him, people are saying I should’ve come clean earlier or apologized to avoid drama. So I guess I might be the asshole for not saying anything when it happened?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. I cannot for the life of me understand why women get mad at the other girl instead of their man that’s crossing boundaries. You did nothing wrong.
It creeped you out so much that he tipped you the first time why wouldn’t you block him then? Also why wouldn’t you tell your friend her boyfriend was doing the that?
NTA
I mean….I’m a fan of “sisters before misters” and maybe would have told a friend “So, your BF subscribed to my OF and I kinda thought you should know” but that’s just me.
She’s angry at the wrong person though. She should be angry at him. That’d be break-up territory for me personally.
I don’t get the draw of OF myself but it seems to me that no one (I hope) is forced into doing OF so what you do with yourself and your account is up to you. And if someone is subscribing they’re not being forced either – he chose to subscribe to you.
NTA – That girl’s red flag blindness is strong! It’s not your fault he followed you and it’s not her fault for being hurt that he did, she IS at fault for letting her feelings cloud her judgement about who she should be annoyed at. Just another example of people assuming the woman was in the wrong and not the man, the patriarchy strikes again 🙄
NTA but the results are not surprising…..
YTA as a friend for not telling her, but he’s TA for the actions he committed, that part is not on you.
As a guy, I’m always wondering how we’re constantly promoting self-empowerment for women… but then they still get pissed at each other when it’s clearly the dude’s fault…
Dude found your OF. Dude made a profile. Subscribed. Tipped. NONE OF WHICH was encouraged by you.
NTA. She needs to apologize to you for misplacing her anger and not confronting her bf.
NTA. You did the right thing, you’re not responsible for any more than blocking him. What he does online is between him and his girlfriend.
NTA.
This mutual, though, needs to understand you’re not the problem, her boyfriend is. This is someone you don’t need in your life. Too much drama.
NTA
You did nothing wrong in this situation. You have been clear about your OnlyFans being a side hustle and never actively promoted it to the group or her boyfriend. You even blocked him when you realised he subscribed and tried to tip, which shows you took steps to maintain boundaries and avoid drama. The reaction seems to stem from her insecurities about the relationship rather than anything you initiated. Unfortunately, sometimes people project their feelings onto others, and yes, this can lead to losing friends as a result, but that doesn’t mean you owe anyone an apology for your honest and respectful conduct
So she found it. What do you think she did afterwards? She probably confronted him and he said you were trying to seduce him. So now she is pissed at you and you don’t know why. Duh. It’s the boyfriend who you pissed off by blocking lying about you. Apologize for not telling her that her boyfriend was into you and tipping you and tell her you blocked him as soon as you realized who he was.
NTA
Nobody forced him to sign up to your profile🤣
you’re nta but do block him because that’s really gross behavior. Especially since he knows you and said nothing. Every time he’s met you he’s likely had those thoughts
NTA
Based on what you told us, he is the one who found your OF and who has subscribed to it. If it is a public knowledge that you got one, I guess telling her would be a right thing to do, but this is not what you were asking for and as far as I understand, she is not your friend, but rather an acquaintance.
He subscribed, you didn’t do anything wrong, she needs to be mad at him! Direct your anger where it belongs people!
I have to go with ESH. shes mad at the wrong person and blaming you, when its really his fault.
But if you were creeped out by him seeing your OF, you should have blocked him ASAP, instead you let him tip you a couple times (which could mean to someone your okay with it and just saying its creepy cus your getting flack from your friends)
Also if one of my friends or i had an OF and a friends partner started following and paying us, I think most friends would give the gf a heads up. Guess you are maybe not really friends?
Nta. He was creeping and you handled it.
ESH I think..
You were creeped out that the guy was not only in a relationship, but with your friend too. You blocked him. Your heart’s in the right place there imo.
However you chose to not say anything to the friend, because you didn’t wanna go through that trouble (avoiding being uncomfortable). And the consequence is that you let her find out on her own and decide what she thinks of you. She chose to interpret that silence as you having ill intentions. And while that’s incorrect (as you didn’t seduce him and even blocked him), she can’t read your mind. You left it open and she filled it in negatively for you.. maybe even the bf lied to her. It’s on you that you didn’t clear the air between you two. You don’t have to apologize for seducing him (that’s not true), but I think it’s fair to apologize that you were too uncomfortable to warn her, so you let her be blindsided and embarrassed.
Now I think it’s ridiculous that she isn’t angry with the bf at all. Then again, you don’t know what happened there. Maybe she isn’t telling the group, maybe he gaslit her.. Either way, she should apologize for talking smack about you, instead of calling you head on and asking how you could’ve kept this from her. There’s just too many assumptions here because you both are avoiding a face-to-face talk.. good luck OP!
Those few mutuals are AHs none of them would apologise for something they didnt do. It’s not your fault her bf is a sleezeball, you even went as far as to block him (which wont work btw he can just make a new acc with a different name). Your friend is showing secondary anger she is angry at you because its easier than being angry at her bf! Dont engage with this because you will come across as someone defending herself when there is nothing to defend on your end.
NTA. I think that most of your so-called friends’ reactions to what happened are based on their rather Victorian attitudes towards sex work. In other words, this guy’s subscribing to your Only Fans is your fault for engaging in it in the first place. He did nothing wrong — as if.
As soon as you learned (or suspected) who he was, you blocked him. Beyond the fact that you’re engaged in sex work, you did absolutely nothing wrong.
Sex work is always messy because of societal mixed attitudes towards it and towards the people who engage in it.
You did nothing wrong and should not apologize. At the same time, the rumors are threatening your reputation, so I think you need to address them. He has probably lied to his girlfriend to get himself off the hook. Bet he told her you approached him.
Anyway, I would try sending her a text message (so that she has time to think about a reply; if you approach her in person, she may react badly in surprise). You could say something like:
“I have heard some rumors that really worry me and would like to clear the air in case they’re worrying you too. To be clear, I am not interested in your boyfriend and have never approached him. I do have an OnlyFans to help with my bills. I would never allow it to impact my personal relationships. In situations where I have suspected followers are people I know, I have immediately blocked them. I would be happy to answer any other questions you have.”
If you say this, you’re not attacking her boyfriend. You’re leaving the relationship between her and her boyfriend completely alone. You’re showing you’re willing to be open and that you have a clear code of conduct.
As for the other friends, don’t start to talk about this freely. The more you say, the more people will have to have a problem with/judge. Unfortunately, that is how gossip works. I would wait for someone to say something directly to you and then state clearly that you have never approached the boyfriend, you never would, and you blocked him as soon as you suspected he was a follower. Mention how hurt you are that people are shunning you. If no one approaches you within a week or two, pick someone with a big mouth and say it to that person so word will get around. Then keep your dignity, stay silent, and behave normally. Don’t say anything negative about either of these people.
The thing is, people who behave like this guy can’t help themselves. Don’t worry. He’ll do something at some point to make people realize what he is like. And I expect his girlfriend will freeze out someone else in the group at some point because of his behavior. Then people will understand what’s going on.
You probably don’t need me to tell you this, but the reason OnlyFans exists as a way to make money is that not everyone does it. People do often feel threatened to know that someone does OnlyFans. You will continue to have problems if you keep doing OnlyFans, whether fair or not. Good luck.
Of course not. You should behave professionally. In fact, you shouldn’t have blocked him, he was just a client.