Backstory we’ve been together for 12 years, married 2 years. Ever since I never really liked flowers and been vocal about how it’s a waste of money. Now at the moment I am the sole provider and I’ve been vocal about how im saving to go to the salon and really wanting to go soon. Now our anniversary comes and budget is tight so I wasnt expecting anything but the husband bought flowers.
I appreciate the surprise gesture but I was dissapointed and told him thank you for the gesture, I was surprised but I really dont know what to do with the flowers since you know I dont like them, I have been vocal about saving for going to get my hair done and that took away from that budget. And he responded:
I just wanted to surprise you, and i know you don’t like it but it’s the only accessible thing here. I wanted you to know that I remember. Instead of a thank you and appreciation i get this.
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Backstory we’ve been together for 12 years, married 2 years. Ever since I never really liked flowers and been vocal about how it’s a waste of money. Now at the moment I am the sole provider and I’ve been vocal about how im saving to go to the salon and really wanting to go soon. Now our anniversary comes and budget is tight so I wasnt expecting anything but the husband bought flowers.
I appreciate the surprise gesture but I was dissapointed and told him thank you for the gesture, I was surprised but I really dont know what to do with the flowers since you know I dont like them, I have been vocal about saving for going to get my hair done and that took away from that budget. And he responded:
I just wanted to surprise you, and i know you don’t like it but it’s the only accessible thing here. I wanted you to know that I remember. Instead of a thank you and appreciation i get this.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> > believe
I think im the asshole because i was vocal about not liking the gift but apreciating the gesture
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH:
He should have chosen a different gift but at the same time you could have just said thank you
NTA. There are plenty of “gifts” that don’t cost money. Or at least do not spend money on something you’ve expressed you find to be a waste.
I’ve been see-sawing between e.s.h and y.t.a. but in view of this:
> And he responded:
>I just wanted to surprise you, and i know you don’t like it but it’s the only accessible thing here. I wanted you to know that I remember. Instead of a thank you and appreciation i get this.
So I’ve gone for YTA.
He just wanted you to know he hadn’t forgotten and was thinking about you. That’s worth a lot more than the cost of the flowers or the state of your hair. I feel sorry for him that you can’t see that.
Ntah. If he really wanted to surprise you with flowers, he could have picked some. If he really wanted to surprise you with something free, he could have googled it – write a letter telling you how much he appreciates you, breakfast in bed, a massage, doing any chores you normally do, origami flowers .. Instead, he spent money you’re saving on something you have been clear about not liking. You were polite about it, but it’s important not to just swallow that kind of thing. Imagine if you hadn’t said anything and then he keeps doing it for years and years, and one day you finally burst out because you’ve been building up resentment all this time, and then he says, “oh I had no idea, you should have just said something.”
YTA. A gift is a gift 🎁all you could do is to say thank you
NTA, whatever money he spend buying flowers he should have got a little treat like a chocolate, biscuits or something instead. Would have been better.
NTA. He spent your money (I assume, as you’re the sole provider), that you’d purposefully been saving, on something that you’ve been very vocal about not liking. And it’s far from the only accessible thing: there’s plenty of other things he could’ve done to show that he remembered.
NTA have a cool headed talk with him about gestures. Doing something for you is much more meaningful than buying something he knows you don’t want. His gesture was lame but the sentiment was not, he needs redirection. Surprising you by cleaning the house or washing your car would have been a better choice, help him learn.
INFO
when you told him that you have been vocal about wanting to go to the salon, do you mean that you wanted that as a gift instead, or that he should not have used any money for gifts because they come from shared funds you were saving up?
Even a card would have been less than the flowers and had more meaning because she doesn’t like flowers. I hate red roses. Ex husband got them for me constantly. It’s like a passive aggressive way to give you something you shouldn’t be able to complain about. Like a back handed compliment.
NTA
NTA. But he knew that you don’t like them and still bought them? He could have at least picked some in the forest for free or got you something in the same price rang, that you would actually enjoy – like maybe chocolate or anything else that wasn’t ‘he, I know you don’t like it, but here it is anyway – baught with the money you are trying to save’
NTA, he knows you don’t like flowers. He could give you a massage, cook you dinner, clean the house, do the laundry, basically anything that doesn’t cost a dime to show you how he feels.
I once bought flowers for my wife and she thanked me, but said something similar; ” They’re going to die in a week or so”. Since then, when I get her flowers, I buy flowers that she can plant in the spring, since she loves gardening. It’s about listening to your spouse. You can demonstrate you remembered your anniversary with a card, or if you really wanted to surprise her, get her a gift certificate at her favorite salon. I don’t know if either of you are the ass, he just needs to listen better and you need to appreciate the fact that he tried. Speaking as a man, we all fail at times even when our hearts are in the right place.
Kinda on your husband’s side on this. It was a gesture.
Because a block of chocolate is so inaccessible? NTA
YTA he was trying. Maybe not the way you wanted him to, but he was trying.
Ask him to cut your hair. Ha! 🙂