My aunt passed today. I have a huge CPA exam upcoming, which I’ve been studying weeks for. If I pass this exam and the one last subsequent exam before year end, I’ll have passed all 4 exams, get $5k and the license I have been pursuing. The problem is my aunts funeral is a few hours way and it would be most if not all of the day, just a few days prior to the exam. I really think I need the time to study. I still need to talk to my mom (aunts sister) about it. But just asking Reddit, AITA for not going?
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My aunt passed today. I have a huge CPA exam upcoming, which I’ve been studying weeks for. If I pass this exam and the one last subsequent exam before year end, I’ll have passed all 4 exams, get $5k and the license I have been pursuing. The problem is my aunts funeral is a few hours way and it would be most if not all of the day, just a few days prior to the exam. I really think I need the time to study. I still need to talk to my mom (aunts sister) about it. But just asking Reddit, AITA for not going?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) The action would be not attending the funeral 2) that action would make me an asshole because I didn’t attend a funeral to study
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Info: did your family blow up your phone?
NAH. Please breathe. She passed today, please don’t worry about the funeral. When you get details see if you can go and if you can’t you can’t.
INFO: There is some missing information, like the relationship between you and your mom and/or your mom and your aunt.
NTA. Pay your respect later. If your aunt loves you, she would want you to do your best for your CPA exam.
NTA – your choice what you do and whether or not you feel you can make it. I would suggest though having a look at your potential travel method and if there is a way you could make it work for you to be able to study. The other thing to consider is asking whether or not you could attend digitally if you can’t physically justify going at least digitally joining would be showing some commitment to attending in some form.
I’m guessing this will get taken down for not actually having a conflict in it, but I’ll say NAH. Just remember that funerals are for the living, not the dead. If YOU think going to the funeral will have a net positive impact for you and/or others, then go. If it will have a net negative impact, then don’t go.
The digital/virtual attendance is a great idea!
NAH…You don’t have to go. Nobody is forcing you to go. Just stay calm.
Your aunt’s funeral will be attended by many others and while you may be missed, you have a good reason for missing. It is most likely that she would agree with your staying home to study. I say this because I recently informed my grand daughter that it would be better for her to stay home and study for her mid-term university exams than to travel 7 hours to where I live so that she can attend my late wife’s “Celebration of life” gathering this weekend. LIfe is often about priorities and your exam is critical to your future. Feel sad, but not guilty
NTA – but it would probably be a nice gesture to send flowers to the funeral or make a donation to an appropriate charity (if your aunt had a favorite cause).
NTA but you need to have a full (kind) adult conversation about not being able to come because of your commitments. Maybe come up with a plan to go with your mom to visit your aunt’s grave after the test. Remember your family is hurting, so coming in with a way to show that you do care would go a long way.
NAH. I would be disappointed if a loved one couldn’t be bothered to go to my parent/sibling/close loved one’s funeral, but I’d also understand that things happen. This just doesn’t seem like such an impossible situation. You could choose to study on the way down and take an hour out of your busy schedule to pay your respects, and still have multiple days left to continue studying.
Personally, I’d go. But, for me, that would also depend on how those closest to the deceased feel about it. Funerals are primarily for the living.
NTA
Send a nice message to her husband/children to let them know you’re so sorry you won’t be able to make it and send some flowers.
NTA! Please do not attend your aunt’s funeral! A supportive family would understand.
I couldn’t go to my grandfather’s funeral because I had an important exam that day. It sucked, but it wasn’t even a discussion. My parents were adamant it was the right thing to do.
NTA- if your aunt loved you she would want you to study and pass an exam towards your passion/goal. Bigger concern is if your family will make you feel guilty about skipping it. Easy solution- call a florist near the funeral home and have flowers delivered in her honor, or have wine or something delivered to the wake. Then no one can say you didn’t make an effort/didn’t show respect to your aunt.
I am certain your Aunt would want you to study and pass your exam. Pay your respects after your exams.
NTA. Unfortunately, we can’t always make it to the visitations and/or funerals we want to, including those of aunts, uncles, cousins.
INFO. Can you reschedule the exam? Can you retake the exam of you fail it? I know all the sections have to be passed within a certain timeframe. Are you going to exceed that timeframe, or do you have a financial impediment to retaking it?
I don’t think you should have to risk your future to attend the funeral if you won’t regret missing it. But you’d be an AH to miss it for your convenience.
Funerals are for the living…
NTA you can’t make it for the funeral, so do your exams, and then go see your mom after if you can.
NTA I’m sure your aunt would be fuming with you for jeapordising your goals to attend … And if she wouldn’t be then you still shouldn’t go .
Good luck with your exams x
Funerals aren’t about the person who died. They are for everyone else to say goodbye. If you don’t need it. You can always visit the grave and say your goodbye later. I promise your Aunt will not be offended. She is dead.
You need to ask yourself what’s right for you. If you miss the funeral, how are you going to feel about it? How will you feel about it after your exams are done and that stress is no longer there? Will you feel different depending on how you do on the exams? Next year will this be the type of thing to eat at you and you’ll regret not going? Take the time to think hard on this and be brutally honest with yourself.
If you’ll regret missing it, find a way to go. Have someone else drive you so you can study in the car or set things up so you can stodu in the car. Give yourself a time you need to leave to get back home regardless of what’s going on. Or, maybe getting a cheap hotel room and coming up the day before and either going home the say of or day after will make things easier.
If it’s something you’re ok with missing, dont go. Tell others you’re sorry, but you’re not able to make it. You dont need to give an exact why. You have obligations that you can not flake on, nor are you able to move around. You dont owe anyone an answer to “what obligations.” If it’s really that big of a concern on how others will react, dont say you’re not going or even thinking about not going. Tell them the night before that you’re sick and won’t be able to make it. You’re better off by standing up for yourself, but sometimes you need to pick your battles.
Bottom line, it doesn’t matter what any of your other relatives think or feel on this, it doesnt even matter how your aunt would feel. You need to do what’s best for you. Just dont allow yourself to be blinded by the stress and focus on these exams and end up in a situation where you feel horrible and regret not going because you needed to go for you.
I feel your aunt would want you to pursue your dreams and goals and if going gets in the way of that, she would be okay with you not there physically, she knows you’re there in spirit. 🫶🫂
Tell your mom this is too big to miss. You have to do what’s best for you, love. ❤️
NTA
If you were my niece I’d say study and pass your exam! Skip the funeral and think of her often with a smile.
I missed a (family friend, my 3rd grade teacher) funeral once because it was nice out and I wanted my daughter to play, and I 💯 knew she’d rather have me do that, and everyone agreed.
NTA
Life still goes on and deadlines are due. You can send your condolences and be there virtually when you can
NTA, the funeral is only a temporary moment. These exams will determine the path you will be taking. If it still boggles you, pay your respects to your aunt AFTER you get your exams out of the way, simple acts like flowers are enough to show that you care.
I can’t stand funerals. A bored priest who probably didn’t actually know the deceased very well rattling off some Jesus boiler-plate and taking a detour away from the deceased to address the interests of the church. The last one I went to made me so angry. I don’t think I can ever go to another one.
NTA. Focus on your life.
NTA, but don’t be surprised if this upsets your relatives.
Get a friend to drive you and study in the car, then spend the minimum amount of time there.
NAH. I’m sorry for your loss, but good luck with your exam
NTA, stay home and study, your test is way more important to attend a funeral where your aunt won’t know you missed. She would tell you the same thing if she were alive.