I (27F) was invited to my cousin’s baby shower happening next month. I was totally planning to go — I already bought a small gift from her registry and was looking forward to seeing some family I haven’t caught up with in a while.
But then I got a group message from her sister (who’s organizing the event) asking all the invitees if we could each chip in $100 to “help make the shower extra special.” It caught me off guard — I thought this was something the host was covering. I already spent around $40 on the gift, and with gas and time off work, this shower is becoming kind of expensive.
I replied and said I wouldn’t be able to contribute that much but I’d still love to come. The organizer didn’t respond, but later my mom told me my cousin was “hurt” that I wouldn’t pitch in, and another family member said if I wasn’t contributing, maybe I shouldn’t show up at all. So… I didn’t.
Now a few relatives are saying I “bailed over a little money” and that I made a big deal out of nothing. I feel kind of bad, but also like — isn’t it weird to invite someone to a party and then ask them to help pay for it?
So, AITA for skipping the baby shower after being asked to help fund it?
Comments
NTA
If it’s not a lot of money to them, THEY can pay it.
NTA. It is trashy af for the host to charge people to attend.
NTA. if you really do feel bad and haven’t; send over the gift, or something similar, optionally with an apologizing note or communication. explain ur POV, be kind and understanding of their reply. even though they’re totally the a-holes for that, you prolly don’t want that beef within your family.
Ew how tacky. No, you did nothing wrong at all, NTA.
NTA. One it’s tacky to have a party, expect guests to chip in a significant amount to cover the cost of the party AND bring a gift. And two, you were told if you didn’t want to pay the $100 not to come. You didn’t bail over the money, you did as was suggested to you.
NTA I think it’s ridiculous when people choose to have baby showers, engagement parties, weddings etc and then expect the guests to pay for it. Yeah it’s nice if people are able to contribute but to expect it is just damn rude. Who asked your cousin to have a baby shower, it’s not like not having one hurts the baby. If she wants it she pays for it simple, what makes her think she’s so special that friends and family should pay to see her and bring her gifts.
Nah, NTA. It’s totally reasonable to expect that when you’re invited to a party, you’re not also being asked to pay for it. $100 on top of a gift, travel, and time off? That adds up. You set a boundary politely and still wanted to attend — it was their choice to make it awkward, not yours. Don’t let them guilt you for not footing the bill for someone else’s celebration. You didn’t bail over “a little money,” you just weren’t okay being guilt-tripped into funding a party you were invited to.
NTA I’m with the other commenters. It’s extremely tacky to ask the attendees to pay. 100 bucks per attendee? Did they serve a five course meal? That’s too much.
NTA. If they were determined to charge people admission, it should have been on the invites from the start, not just a tacked on message after.
It is too much for a babyshower. It is not a wedding or something.
Why would you go to be gaslit. I have had two babies and two baby showers. I’ve never asked for any money fkr them. That’s poor taste to ask someone to pay to attend a famiky party
Hell yeah, NTA! As a mom of two in D.C., this… I can so relate (to the stress). The cost, time off work, and travel? Oof! How many of us have been asked to cough up cash for our own events?! Let’s support the OP, dealing with a shit show, and show that we stand together against these unfair demands.
^^FAKE^^
New account. Em dashes. Lots of quotes. Family
100 dollars just to attend? Per person? Depending on how many people attended.. it would be a lot. Or was the idea to give your cousin gifts and cash at the end of the night?
NtA.
It’s too much for a babyshower. To me at least.
A huge part of choosing to throw someone a party is knowing that you have the resources to do it. NTA
NTA. You were effectively uninvited. It would have been tacky to show up after that.
NTA! There is usually at least 20 people at a baby shower. $100 times 20 is $2000 . What baby shower cost that kind of money ?
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Gosh families are just too much and so dramatic. NTA. What an absurd request for them to make!
That wasn’t an invitation to attend as it was more about trying to swipe money from the guests and call it a donation. A shower can be simpler if the host can’t afford 100 dollars per head. Which btw is extremely way too much. Either looking to spend very little and pocket the rest. Or make a huge feast and hoard the leftovers. NTA. Those who fault you are.
sounds snakey. Who charges to attend a baby shower ? If this was a wedding , sure. but not a baby shower. You wer told not to show up if you cant pay the 100$. So you didnt.
NTA
NTA. This is so incredibly rude. The HOST is supposed to pay for this party. If several people pool together to throw the party then there are multiple hosts. You do not, under any circumstances ask/expect your invited guests to pay a surcharge to attend. A baby shower isn’t the club, there shouldn’t be a door fee.
You weren’t asked to contribute. .You were being charged admission to an event. I would 100% send my regrets and keep the damn gift for myself. Let them know you think their mobile home might be too crowded for such an auspicious occasion. BAM
NTA. That’s tacky AF for them to ask. I wouldn’t have went.
NTA. You were invited, not asked to co-host. You got a gift and planned to go asking guests to pay is weird. They made it awkward, not you.
So they wanted to CHARGE you to come and give THEM a gift. Uh no, NTA and they’re delusional.
It’s like inviting someone to a wedding, asking them to bring a gift and also asking each guest to pay for the wedding. It’s weird.
It should have been either or. That being said, generally a shower is a semi casual thing. Close family members who have taken on the task of throwing the shower sometimes make a dish or bring cupcakes, you have balloons or flowers and call it a day. It doesn’t need to be a multi thousand dollar event, especially if asking guests to pay for that.
If you CANNOT afford things on your own for your child you should not be throwing parties, thought that was a law. 😂😂
NTA
Why is this happening now? My entire family and in laws would all drop dead from embarassment if they asked attendees to pay for the event.
To the relatives who said you bailed over a little money “You’re right, its such a small amount of money. Could you cover me? After all, its just a tiny bit of money.”
Excuse me but 100 $ is not a little money! If they get a gift then that’s it. Greedy entitled a holes
NTA. But you have a cousin . . .
NTA
NTA skip the shower, send a card with a gift card or mail the gift you bought for her.
VERY weird and tacky. NTA What’s weirder is you have family members slamming you about it and uninviting you. Good lord, what an awful way to treat “family.”
You’re NTA
If it’s just a little money, then maybe they should have covered it for you lol. Times are hard and people have plenty of other things they need to spend their money on. You were kind enough to buy a gift and planned on attending. That’s more than enough
So is this the bridezilla version of pay per view… very tacky
NTA. That was a ridiculous request. Ignore everyone. My experiences have been that the host(esses) set up and pay for the shower. You are only responsible to bring a gift.
There’s a lot of people who wanna have a Disney movie life. And life is not a Disney movie. There’s a lot of people who don’t want to only have as many people as they can fit into their home. I’m just celebrate the fact the babies coming there’s a lot of people who make a registry these days for a baby shower, not a wedding, And I guess in someways that makes sense so you don’t get duplicate things, but it just smacks of wanting to have a whole lot of people in a whole lot of presents. The last baby shower I went to I had to drive several hours, which I chose, then I had to get a room at a hotel, buy the gift, Was really happy for the couple, someone in my family, and they rented a very very fancy hall at a fancy place with catered food, and like 100 people. And it just seems so odd to me. I think everyone gets to be themselves and do things their own way.but I really care about the world. I would rather contribute money to my local community foundation and have a baby shower at my home with 12 people and all squish in. You know, when we all used to squish in, it was really touching. Because there was no pretense. We were all just being ourselves in our own lives, celebrating each other.
NTA – I’ve literally never heard of a host asking a guest to pay an entry fee. How tacky!
If it’s such a small deal then why didn’t any of these relatives pitch in for you? Family, right? Nah, they only care when it’s not them involved. Just more backseat drivers causing chaos over a private matter. Pay zero attention.
The host sets the budget for the event. The host should pay for it. Don’t throw parties you can’t afford. Period. IDGAF how many Insta followers you have. I’m not funding a party you throw, just so it looks “special” on your socials. Nobody is an asshole because they aren’t willing to bail you out when you refuse to live within your means.
It is not some political fundraiser where you pay butt ton of money to hang out with “powerful” people.
The host should plan within their budget. Which is more important, flashy party or baby gifts? Charge $100 each and get lots of pacifiers. What a waste.
I hope you returned the gift.
NTA (may want to limit contact with these people, sound like serious source of stress)
NTA at all and you’re right it’s very weird to invite you to a party and then ask you to pay. It would be one thing if they asked you all during the planning process if you’d be willing to pitch in or not. But to try to demand it and then say if you can’t pay you shouldn’t come? That’s terrible. And then they have the audacity to be mad you didn’t come? Like…make up your damn mind!!
$100 is my entire grocery budget for two weeks. To some it might be “just a little money” but to others that’s the difference between eating or not eating for half a month. I’m not going hungry for two weeks so you can have a balloon arch in your Instagram photos.
Also, $100 per guest adds up to A LOT of money. How extravagant is this party? They’re not asking for help throwing together a little potluck or something to celebrate the new mom. They are asking you to fund a huge luxury event with a budget in the thousands.
NTA you are a guest, not a host. Your only obligation is to bring a gift. Them asking everyone is very rude.
NTA. I have never heard of guests helping to pay for a baby shower. They don’t need to go over the top if they cannot afford it. And if it’s only a little money, why didn’t that person who made that comment cover your share?
You’re definitely NTA here. A gift and showing up should already be more than enough — it’s super weird and honestly kind of tacky to ask guests to chip in $100 after inviting them, like… that’s not how hosting works. You were respectful, bought a gift, and even planned to attend. It’s not your responsibility to finance someone else’s vision of a “special” event. If they wanted something extravagant, they should’ve budgeted for it themselves or scaled it to what they could afford. You didn’t bail over “a little money” — you set a healthy boundary, and they made it awkward. You did nothing wrong.
$100 per invitee? Where the hell is this shower taking place? Better be some fancy place with the most amazing food ever!
I would be pissed, offended, and then embarrassed for them for having the gall to pull this crap.
If they keep dissing you blast them on social media. Say “hey everyone if you were invited to a birthday party and then after RSVPing you’d attend the host asked everyone to pay $100 what would you think? Oh, and gifts were very much a part of this party and I have already purchased one.” Then let the bashing begin!
NTA. I seriously don’t believe any of these “chip in for the cost of the party you were invited to – and don’t forget to bring a gift” stories. But whether I had the money or not, I wouldn’t attend.
$100 x 40 or so guests doesn’t sound like her sister is throwing the shower. Sounds like the guests are throwing the shower. Then they want gifts on top of that? Tuh! I wouldn’t have gone either.
Don’t feel bad. I had a friend throw her son a graduation party and everyone was required to bring a dish. I didn’t attend because I wasn’t hosting so why should I supply food?
It is tacky for the host to hit you up for money and even more tacky that she told her pregnant sister who paid and who didn’t.
Stand your ground. NTA
nta
NTA. I hope you took the gift back to the store and got a refund.
NTA. You were told not to come if you couldn’t chip in, you couldn’t afford it, so did as you were told, and now they’re getting their arses out because their money grabbing scheme didn’t work.
NTA Why should you pay an entrance fee for a party you were invited to.
If you host a party, you don’t ask invitees to pay. I do t blame you for not going. Sounds like the host is planning on making a profit: $100 per invitee? Sheesh.