I (18M) and my boyfriend (19M) have been in a relationship from the past 3 years. mind you, we have an open and healthy relationship and everybody knows about it. his family is very supporting, and mine is too. except my sister. she isn’t homophobic technically, but loves to belittle me and him every chance she gets. recently, she apparently “changed”, and was getting married to her boyfriend of 8 years. truth be told, her now husband is like my older brother and I was really conflicted about my decision. after all her assholery, I don’t necessarily talk to/text her and the last time we had talked was around 6 months ago. BUT she suddenly starts to beg to everybody, telling them that I need to attend her wedding.I didn’t want to, so I made up and excuse for ik that she hadnt really changed and would poke fun at me, she also didn’t invite my bf, which is telling in of itself. now everyones on her side, saying that I ruined the wedding and that she was constantly sad throughout. I think that I was firm about my boundaries.
so please tell me, AITA?
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I (18M) and my boyfriend (19M) have been in a relationship from the past 3 years. mind you, we have an open and healthy relationship and everybody knows about it. his family is very supporting, and mine is too. except my sister. she isn’t homophobic technically, but loves to belittle me and him every chance she gets. recently, she apparently “changed”, and was getting married to her boyfriend of 8 years. truth be told, her now husband is like my older brother and I was really conflicted about my decision. after all her assholery, I don’t necessarily talk to/text her and the last time we had talked was around 6 months ago. BUT she suddenly starts to beg to everybody, telling them that I need to attend her wedding.I didn’t want to, so I made up and excuse for ik that she hadnt really changed and would poke fun at me, she also didn’t invite my bf, which is telling in of itself. now everyones on her side, saying that I ruined the wedding and that she was constantly sad throughout. I think that I was firm about my boundaries.
so please tell me, AITA?
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NTA, if she didn’t respect you enough to show effort in her changing and inviting your BF then you NO obligation to heed any of her wishes. Sounds like she wanted you to be there as an ornament to her wedding than her brother.
Your family blaming you solely for ruining the wedding( which is hilarious) shows its was more about appearances anyway.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t attend my sisters wedding, and I feel like I might be the asshole bc I hurt my bil’s feelings, but I wanted to be firm about my boundaries as she was constantly belittling my relationship. I do feel like I could’ve atleast showed up, but she didnt really invite my bf and my entire family is adamant on calling me and asshole.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. She’s supposedly not a hater anymore but she only invited you but not your bf of three years. That tells you all you need to know.
YTA. You “made up an excuse” — so you chose cowardly lying over telling her the truth? That by itself tells you that you know your excluse is BS. And it is. It’s her wedding — you seriously think she’s going to use that occasion to make fun of you? What about her husband, who’s been like a big brother to you, and your family, who’s always been supportive? You chose the most important day of their lives to act all butthurt about teasing from long ago, basically burning your bridge with them permanently. Blaming your bf not being invited is BS too since lots of wedding invites omit significant others and it’s not like you asked he be included.
Yeah you were “firm about your boundaries” but you have asshole boundaries and you lied about them anyway. YTA
I feel like it’s normal to want your sibling at your wedding despite childhood conflicts. If you don’t go you’ll likely regret it at some point.
Teenagers also aren’t typically given dates.
NTA, although lying wasn’t the prettiest move, she has a history of being belittling towards you and your bf, and suddenly she’s desperate for you at her wedding while not even making a move to change(talk it out with you, apologizing in private, inviting and treating your partner better), doesn’t feel like it’s coming from a place of honesty.
It seems like she wants to look better at her wedding, like she’s buried the hatchet with you, its all for appearances love, I’m very sorry your family can’t see that and cares only that your sister was ‘sad’, if she was regretful she would have changed instead of just wanting you to accommodate her.
You did not provide nearly enough info about your boyfriend for anyone to come to a conclusion about this, there are a thousand different potential reasons your sister may not like him, and it is her wedding so she is entitled to invite anyone she wants. However, based on what little you did provide this is what I think.
Wanting to have your siblings at your wedding is normal, just because you and your parents consider your boyfriend family does not mean she does, or should have to. She is also under no obligation to invite him just because you say so. It is her wedding, not yours and not your parent’s.
Your mentioning the fact that this was just an excuse to not have to go, proves you are too immature to just tell her you don’t want to be at her wedding, which is unfortunate because if what you claim is true, it seems she was really disappointed you weren’t there.
TLDR you chose to use a petty dispute to get out of going to your sister’s wedding, rather than telling her the truth and/or actually solving the problem.
NTA
Sometimes family thinks they can treat people terrible and all has to be automatically forgiven in the “name of family”. I personally do not believe in this. Respect is always a 2 way street.
While it’s normal that a sister would want their brother to attend, it’s also normal for a sister to treat her brother like she actually loves him. So she doesn’t get to have it both ways.
Also, you didn’t need to lie about why you didn’t attend. You could’ve very plainly told her why you weren’t attending and let her hold herself accountable for her past actions.