My boyfriend (40) got arrested yesterday for DUI and his bail is set at 25k. He doesn’t want me to ask/tell any of his family. His court hearing is Tuesday so that is five nights in jail. We have been dating 2 months but it moved fast and we talk about a life together/planning our future I love yous etc. I told him I loved him but I don’t want to co-sign 25k bail /responsibility for him as added strain on our relationship? I don’t care about the 10% fee on the bond but a DUI trial can be a long process – much longer than 2 months we have had together as a basis for committing to be responsible for him and on the hook for 25k. No part of me thinks he will not show up to his court date, but the fact that he drove and didn’t ask me for help has eroded some of my trust in the relationship. He is pretty blue beating himself up in jail and hung up saying he’d call me Tuesday. AITA? Or is he for drinking and driving? Update – I am also 40. No one was hurt.
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My boyfriend (40) got arrested yesterday for DUI and his bail is set at 25k. He doesn’t want me to ask/tell any of his family. His court hearing is Tuesday so that is five nights in jail. We have been dating 2 months but it moved fast and we talk about a life together/planning our future I love yous etc. I told him I loved him but I don’t want to co-sign 25k bail /responsibility for him as added strain on our relationship? I don’t care about the 10% fee on the bond but a DUI trial can be a long process – much longer than 2 months we have had together as a basis for committing to be responsible for him and on the hook for 25k. No part of me thinks he will not show up to his court date, but the fact that he drove and didn’t ask me for help has eroded some of my trust in the relationship. He is pretty blue beating himself up in jail and hung up saying he’d call me Tuesday. AITA? Or is he for drinking and driving?
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> Not bailing out my boyfriend is the action. Might make me an asshole because it could be interpreted as me not caring enough or caring more about the money
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. DO NOT PAY THIS.
You have been together 2 months and he is already in jail facing a DUI charge? Honestly, I would be walking away if I were you.
Repeat offender? This is awfully high bail for dui. Something is off here.
25k?!? No way, must be aggravating circumstances.
Nta. He’s suffering the consequences of his choices. 2 months is way too short a relationship to be asking for something like that
NTA. Let him get himself out of the mess his own stupidity got him into. Never co-sign anything unless you’re married, and sometimes not even then.
Take the time to think about whether you really want to chain yourself to this guy for the rest of your life.
NTA, but YWBTA to yourself if you do pay it.
Two months in, and he pulls this? Take the hint now and walk away from this mess.
NTA
He could’ve stopped at any point before getting behind the wheel. He could’ve called you or someone else. He could’ve walked. He chose to drive while intoxicated. He could’ve killed someone.
If I were you I’d dump him and find someone more responsible.
NTA. There is no way he should be asking this of you. This is too much of a financial burden. Not to mention shows his lack of character. Walk away before you waste anymore time on someone that can do this.
If I were you, I’d be gone.
ANYONE who drinks and drives isn’t worth being with.
Look, I’m almost 60. I’ve been out many times, drunk at bars with friends and NONE of us drove while drunk.
We called cabs. We called wives/girlfriends to come and get us.
Hell, I spent the night at a friends house and he was in his 50’s and I was 38 to 40 during this period. He was married, I was single but we took a cab to his house several times when drunk and I spent the night there and his wife drove us back downtown the next morning so we could get our cars.
My point is it wasn’t just me, but all of my friends too. NONE of us drove while drinking even when we were shitfaced.
A good friend was so drunk he dropped his glass of beer onto the floor. They brought him another.
He wasn’t dumb enough to drive then.
I’ve been shitfaced, drunk, puking and I’ve never driven while being drunk. Same with my friends too.
And your so-called bf is 40 freaking years old which means he’s old enough to know better, except he isn’t, his actions proved that.
Hope he never kills anyone.
Sadly, a drunk driver, like your bf, killed my then fiancee in the spring of 2008 not long before we were to be married.
Not your job to bail him out. If he wanted out enough he would call his family. Not that it super matters, but has he done this before? He’s 40, so this is weird he wouldn’t just call his family but feels you should bear this weight unless he knows they’re sick of his shit or he has a very enmeshed relationship with them. NTA
$25k bail for a DUII?! This is definately NOT his 1st DUII! You’ve just started dating. Walk away from this 1.
NTA
There is ZERO excuse for drinking and driving! In this day and age there are tons of options: taxi, bus, Uber, etc. Screw this guy! If he’s feeling blue and beating himself up then good! He deserves that and more. I just hope nobody got hurt.
If you have to ask this question then I have to question your judgement as well. NTA but this was all on him and if you bail him out the. It sets a dangerous precedent if you go forward with him.
Oopa, alcoholics who try to suck you into a loVe sTorY before you find out who they actually are – lol dude couldn’t even last 2 months. Alcoholic drink drivers who try to put you on the hook for 25 fuken GRAND – just don’t get involved. Wish him well and BLOCK the heck out of that one, just say no. Really!
NTA but if you don’t dump & block this dude you WILL BE a regretful AH who’s spending even more money time & stress on sorting out their repeated shit-shows plus therapy to sort out your traumas over said shit-shows.
NTA and do a background check on this guy if you decide to stay in this relationship but if he is even slightly upset at you for not paying his bail, that is a massive red flag. This is 100% his problem, no part of it should be yours.
Walk away. Paying his bail only encourages the same, or worse behavior. I would know. I’m a recovering alcoholic, with 25 years.
Two months in and you are in a position where he needs $25k in bail because instead of calling you, a taxi, an uber, or a lyft he decided to drive impaired.
He doesn’t want you to tell anyone in his family because this is probably par the course for him, tbh.
NTA. Do not bail this man out.
a DUI would be a deal-breaker for me, after 2months or 20 years.
NTA
Holy shit no way 2 months is not a long enough relationship to ask for $25K
What else has he done wrong to end up with bail that high?! Most people’s entire DUI conviction down cost that much
NTA, you guys are not married and have only been dating for 2 months. If he’s a decent guy, he would understand and respect your decision. Otherwise, this situation might just uncover his true nature!
Do not bail him out. Don’t make his poor choices into your financial problem. Nta
25k is WAY too much for a 2 month relationship. Hell if that was me I wouldn’t even have it in me to ask. NTA
Youre not the asshole. He didn’t want family knowing, bc this is nothing new. You don’t know him well and he is playing you.
Co-sign a 25k bail for a 40 man drunk driving after only being together two months?! That’s insanity. Red flags everywhere.
NTA.
$25k for a DUI means he’s not telling you the full truth.
It’s a DUI and he’s 40.
Leave.
Hon, no one is kept in jail with a $25k bail for a DUI. Run.
Major NTA. Your “gut feeling” is trying to save you, you should listen to it. Nothing good will come out of you staying with this man. Please leave him, do not let him ruin your life.
NTA. He got caught so he can stay inside. Take this as a fed flag and move on before you commit any more time to this relationship.
NTA 2 MONTHS and he’s asking you for bail. RUN. Why would you even consider this bad financial decision. I used to work at a bailbonds man and if he defaults you are on the hook for the rest of the bail and if they have to go out to find him you are paying extra for that.
NTA
You’d better not fork over 25K for this loser man that’s using you.
Get rid of this man, have some self respect! This man would throw you under the bus the first chance he gets and he’s trying to take that chance now.
If you want to throw away 25k on some loser, feel free to give it to me!
NTA, Let him enjoy his time in jail. Start thinking about if you want this type of disruption in your relationship.
Nope, nope, nope. Too soon to get involved in that drama…..think about it logically. Move on. NTA.
ETA : have you met his family yet? What vibe do they give you?
Two months and he wants you to pay bond? As my Mom used to say “I’d let him hold my hand, but not my purse.”
His family is going to know anyway. People talk. He’s setting you up. Don’t do it. Just bail on his ass.
2 months! 25k! Drink drinking. Girl!!!!?!!!! No, dump and run.
25k with surety means 2500 dollars generally. However if he fails to appear in the future the state/county/etc may be able to keep it.
2 month relationship isn’t worth the drama. Take the red flag for what it is.
NTA bail is 25K?!?! How many DUI’s has this dude had? I got my first one last year, my bail was like $500.
NTA. You’ve learned something important about this guy. See, two months in, he should still be on his best behavior so you’ll like him. ‘Best behavior’ does not include getting arrested. Plus, $25,000 bail? I promise this isn’t the first time he’s done this. Don’t post bail for him, and cut your losses.
NTA, and the 25k bail means there is either priors or more than a DWI involved
If is bail is that high, it’s probably not his first offense. Let him stay.
OP, you do not know this person at all. Please slow down as there may be more big surprises coming your way.
You’ve been together 8 weeks, less than 60 days. A DUI should be a disqualifying red flag in choosing a partner. Alcoholism can be a messy, painful thing to fight. You’re better off finding someone with better decision making skills.
Don’t let your new relationship energy make decisions that you could regret for decades.
Edit — NTA. Don’t get financially involved with a fling of a few weeks.
NTA, likely not his first. Red Flag, he cares more what his family thinks of him than what you do.
NTA. Also, he shouldn’t be your boyfriend anymore.
Do NOT do this. And get out of the relationship. This guy is not worth $25k of your money or 25 minutes more of your time. “I love you” in that amount of time screams toxic, probably love bombing you and that the mission operative of addicts. He was a truly responsible person, he would not have a DUI. You have all of the data you need. GTFO. You owe him nothing. And block him after you let him know bc he will try to suck you back in and you can’t let that happen.
If he has a $25k bond he likely has had multiple DUIs and this last one is a felony charge. You should dump him because he is an irresponsible drunk.
Even if it’s his first DUI (and based on his high bail I’m guessing it’s not), it’s going to take a year or two until it’s all sorted out. He won’t be able to drive for ages – does he think his family won’t find out in all that time? Are you willing to pick up a lot of the driving (or all of it, if you live in an area without Ubers and taxis)?
You don’t mention how old you are but I’m guessing younger than he is. Let him take full responsibility for his eff up. That will show you what kind of man he is.
While he’s in jail, spend a little time checking out his court history. Most records are free, but this is one time I’d pay the $15 for a trial membership on one of the records check websites to see if he’s had DUIs before. If so, I’d DTMFA. NTA unless you cave and bail him out.
nope, gone. bye. NTA
25k for bail on a DUI is not standard.
This is a repeat offense, mitigating circumstances situation.
He sucks. Run.
There’s way more going on than a DUI for 25K bail.
He is not boyfriend material. He is a foolish man who put his safety and others’ at risk, then pulled you into it for money. I see a user of people and the AH. You need to put things in reverse and get out of this asap. Never lend money. you are not a bank.
You will the TA if you bail him out or stay in a relationship with him. Then it’s on you. He is clearly showing you who he is. Believe him. His words mean nothing. His actions are everything.
NTA – You deserve better OP. He put everyone’s life, including his own, other drivers, passengers and pedestrians lives in danger when he drove. No excuse. He needs to face consequences for his actions.
Never ever put money on the line that you can’t afford to lose. Courts are full of people who trusted others, even family, to do the right thing and then they didn’t. Do not trust him and do not pay.
I stopped reading at two months dating.
NTA
25grand for 60 days worth of dating. How many dates does that even consist of? Let’s say two a week.thats about 1562.5 per date. Mfer that’s insane
NTA. Also what number DUI is this?!! I suspect he has some sort of criminal history or there were additional charges with that bail amount.
OMG so not the ah. Flee get the FAWFH
He is the albatross. Make a sane life for your family secretly you have to run from your house, but people are there for help.
Just ghost him and don’t look back..Unless and until He gets a handle on his problems He will continue to get in trouble. They may offer rehab when he goes to court…He needs to learn his lesson and Go to rehab. But don’t let yourself be tricked into a bad marriage..
NTA, but you would be if you bail him out. Girl you have known him for 2 months do not put up bond…he made his choices, Im sure that’s why his family can’t know want to bet it’s not a first time…
$25k. Is it his 4th DUI or something? Usually they just release you of your own recognizance if it’s your first. This dude has far more on him than 1 DUI
I’ve been with my wife for 24 years. If she or I did something stupid and got arrested, we’re not bailing the other one out. We’d be sitting in jail till a judge frees us.
You’re NTA. Don’t get wrapped up into his shit.
OP, he’s just shown you who he is. 2 months, 8 weeks, 56 days. You’ve been with this imbecile for 56 days and he’s asking you for $25k. Tell his family. Their reaction will reveal everything. Then run 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Wait 25k for a DUI? How many has he had? Look 2 months in and this is happening? You will never see this money again and he has a serious problem if his bail is that high. You’re insane for being in a relationship with someone who has this level of legal problems already. You are the lifeline he’s depending on to rescue him. And guess what? You can’t. He will just take you down with him.
You’ve been dating him for 2 months and he wants you to bail him out???? Girl dump him. No contact. NTA but why is this even a question??????
NTA
I’ve never seen DUI bail at $25k so I googled it. It’s felony DUI, which most likely means over 2 DUI arrests. Don’t waste your money.
His bail should be 2,500 not 25k . Should be 10%
As someone whose cousin now has more steel than bone in her leg from a drunk driver, leave him in jail. Let people know. The fact he didn’t hurt anyone this time does not mean there won’t be a next time.
You in danger, girl.
NTA and get outta there!!
There is no way on Earth you should help with a 25k bail for a 40 year old you’ve been dating for 2 months. You would be doing so at your own financial peril. Walk away. Block him and move on. NTA
U CANNOT b this stupid wanting to stay with this idiot?! Please walk away.
You’re in a 2 month relationship that has moved very fast, and now he’s asking you for $25k? Absolutely not.
If his fine is $25k this is not the first time he’s done this.
If he cared about anyone else, he wouldn’t risk killing himself and others by driving drunk.
Nope. No way. I’d be out of that relationship so fast.
NTA. Do not bail him out. He deserves to sit there.
There’s a reason he’s coming to you, someone of only 2 months, versus his family who he has known for much longer. And it’s not a good reason.
Time to walk away and don’t look back.
Ummm. Nope. You barely know this man. The red flag is flying.
RUN! RUN FAST and don’t look back, sister!
Girl, it’s been 2 months. This is the universe telling you to walk away.
NTA
wtf?! No! NTA. And leave him!
NTA. He must be high too. To think a partner of 2 months would take on that responsibility for him.
Where I stand… NTA, and now you’re single! Best you dodge this bullet now and be glad it was 2 months not 2 years.
NTA
Paying his bail is enabling his shite behavior. Let him figure his own shite out, you aren’t married to him. A bit of advice to save you from long-term resentment… Kick him to the curb.
NTA.
OP, that is a staggeringly high bail amount for a DUI.
In my country, IF you were held in custody AT ALL for a DUI, it would only be for a few hours until you faced a bail justice. You’d then be granted bail, probably on your own undertaking (i.e. with no amount attached). The exceptions would be if you were considered a flight risk, or a danger to someone, or there were other charges on top of this one, or you have an extremely long criminal record, or there were some other aggravating circumstances.
While I don’t expect the laws in your country to be exactly the same as mine, there is something this man is not telling you and I’m worried about what that thing might be.
He doesn’t want me to ask/tell any of his family.
That’s already a red flag.
No part of me thinks he will not show up to his court date
You are being extremely naive. If you give him this money, there is every chance you’ll never see it again. Or him. Are you even sure he’s in jail at all?
We have been dating 2 months but it moved fast and we talk about a life together/planning our future I love yous etc.
A two-month relationship is nothing. You barely know each other. You should not be committing to a life together at such an early stage.
You sound very young. If you’re not willing to end this relationship, you should at least take a giant step backwards from it and find out what he has not been telling you – the first thing being, why has this bail been set so high for a DUI.
Absolutely not. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Do not do this. Nta.
If the bail is 25k, he either is a habitual DUI offender or killed/injured someone. Either way, you arent getting the whole story, which means you’re being lied to. RUN. FAST.
You’ve been with him two months and you’re 40 years old. You know better.
NTA. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with him based on what he did and how long you’ve been together. Let him pay for his mistake.
NTA
Sorry, you’ve been dating two months and he’s asking you for 25K? That’s a no. Completely unreasonable expectation, and the fact that he’s asking you rather than friends or family he’s known for a longer period of time is a big red flag.
Run. Far far away from this man. You don’t need someone like that in your life. Get out now while you can.
NTA. You would be on the hook if he ran. You haven’t dated long enough for him to ask this of you.
Girl.
NTA. 25k for a DUI? Have you checked to see the actual charges cuz that’s pretty crazy to me. You’ve been together only 2 months. Not nearly long enough for you to consider this at all. Run while you can
25k implies not a first time offence, run far, run fast! His pity party routine is quite likely well practiced from his other offences. The fact you even say you doubt he will show for court? Dump him and get out now or this is your long term future
NTA Get far away from this guy, he is no good for you. Find someone who won’t ask you for bail after two months. And who won’t need it ever.
Hell to the no. Not the AH. Idk what state you’re in and state laws vary but this smells like not his first DUI. 25k bail immediately after getting the charge? I know people in Arizona who have had DUIs and you don’t even do the night you get caught in jail; so this seems fishy. We have some of the harshest DUI laws in the country. That’s not to say someone wouldn’t do any jail time but it’s not immediately after arrest. Especially at 40; and with the fact that it’s a stat that most people get a DUI after being comfortable driving drunk for a decent amount of time; I’d suggest doing some digging and finding out how many DUIs he’s had. Your only two months in; he could’ve been hiding being a drunk for this long.
Get out. Get out now.
NTA. “We’re around planning a life together…” Uh, it’s been two months? Unless it’s two months in dog years, you should slow down, especially now that he has a DUI, doesn’t want to tell anyone other than you (perhaps because they know how he is), and wants you to pay for it.
I’d be running if someone told me they loved me after 2 months or less. I’d be running faster after being asked to pay his bail after a DUI.
NTA. I once saw a quote that was like “the longer you stay on the wrong train, the more expensive the ride back.” This is a good point in time for you to back out and find someone better. You’re right, this is going to take a lot more time than the time you’ve been together. Let him sit in jail and pay for his actions.
Nta leave him there. My mom always told me, if i did something like that she’d leave me in there lol
At your 40’s you believe this is a relationship, 8weeks?! Don’t tell my family,why?
NTA, the dui alone would make me call it off. If they give 0 frigs for people on the road. How much will they consider you.
Bro, I’m of the mind that if I can’t come get you, I’ll pay for an Uber.
NTA, break up with him!!!!
This was not his first DUI (bail would have been lower). He doesn’t want you to talk to his family because they will probably update you in past issues. You’ve only known him two months, you do not know him well.
NTA but I would take a step back. You need to know more than the fact the bf drives under the influence.
Please be fr!
Two months of dating and he’s asking you to bail him out for $25k? $25k for a DUI at that? Something stinks here.
Definitely NTA, I agree with all the people saying you should leave him, especially if it is safe to do so. He’s got some serious audacity to even ask you for that amount of bail money. Also sounds like something my idiot brother would do, which is why we are low/ no contact.
NTA for not taking that on. fuck that
Grrrrl wth just stop
Lose his number
Have a little self respect and realize you do not need this. Seriously just walk away
Fuck no you’re NTA. Ghost him. Getting a DUI is such despicable behavior. There’s so many ways to get back home and there’s a massive disregard for other people.
Nta, anyone who drinks and drives is not ready for a real adult relationship.
He is 40 years old and he doesn’t have enough money for a $25,000 bond??? You know they take credit cards. On top of that he has a DUI. And on top of that , he expects you to pay his bond. Run, run, run!!!
NTA, run a criminal record search in your county and surrounding ones. The bail indicates a criminal history. Two months moving too fast means he’s very high risk and you’re left in financial trouble. I’m thinking you’ll find he has other DUIs plus other interesting history and will dump him.
Pull up his arrest record, and use that to pull up his whole criminal record. It’s almost always completely public. $25k bond for a DUI sounds pretty ridiculous unless he has a rap sheet that looks like Santa’s list. Use the website for your county sheriff, not one of those stupid public records sites that wants you to pay for it.
Is that the sort of person you want to spend your life with? If not, GTFO now not later.
NTA, y’all aren’t married & haven’t known him long enough for him to feel comfortable with asking you this. Better off finding someone else.
NTA, 2 month? No, not at all. Also given the bail it sounds like there is something he isn’t telling you. Possibly not his first DUI. Frankly, with only 2 months in I’d run, this is just a snap shot of things to come if you stay.
OP, if you can afford it, please put whatever money you thought of putting towards this into therapy. Every line of this post was a red flag. You even considering this is a red flag. You moving this fast with a guy is a red flag. You considering continuing a 3 month relationship after the guy got a DUI is a red flag.
NTA. DO NOT sign for this. And really, get away from this guy. 2 months into a relationship, and he wants this of you? And won’t call his family for help? Hell no. 🚩🚩🚩
NTA I have a friend that has gotten 3 DUIs. Her family mollycoddled her after the first one. I am certain that is one of the main reasons why she got 2 more. Getting behind the wheel while intoxicated is selfish and reckless. People don’t learn if they face little or no consequences.
And you’ve only known him 2 months.
This isn’t a red flag, it’s a red circus tent. FULL STOP. NTA. Only two months in??!!! Run away
NTA – you would be an absolute numpty if you DID bail him out. No matter how fast something moves, you don’t actually know him. You likely haven’t seen him through the highs, lows and mediocrity that builds real love. Don’t think with your hormones, do not pay his bail.
So let’s see.
Drives drunk.
Has a huge financial obligation.
Doesn’t want his family to know.
Only been with you two months.
This isn’t worth it. Cut your losses and leave.
NTA
If my HUSBAND did this i would leave his ass in jail, let alone someone you’ve been dating a mere two months. Girl just no. Have some self respect. At 40 in the age of Uber this is just a man that won’t grow up.
Do not even consider bailing him out.
NTA. I wouldn’t bail my husband out of jail if he got a DUI. Those are very serious.
Girl run
You are two months in. Run. My sister had a husband who got repeat DUIs. It was not fun and she eventually divorced. Save yourself the money and time. He will likely reoffend.
NTA but you would be the AH to yourself if you did.
Unless you’ve known this guy longer than you’ve been dating him, you honestly know nothing about him. Other than his flapping gums, what do you know about his character and morals.
This short post already shows me he’s not someone I can trust or build a life with.
At 40 yrs old, he should know better than to drink and drives. ESPECIALLY in this day and age of Ubers and Taxis.
Another red flag is him not asking the other people who are supposedly his family and friends to help. He’d rather ask a woman he’s only been dating for 2 months.
Come on! He sounds like he’s gotten in a habit of getting into trouble and doesn’t want his family to find out again. And he’s thinking you’re dumb enough that you’d fall for it.
Really?! At 40yo yourself, you really want to continue a relationship with this kind of man?
Reverse the role. You can get a DUI for one drink. You had some wine with mom and dad at dinner then boom broken blinker and arrested. Would you be upset that he didn’t bail you out? You get your bail back after the first court date. I’d stipulate he pay the fee. People make mistakes. IMO you are TA.
Check your state laws. DUI can also be for narcotics. And the amount of the bail means he’s either had multiple convictions, or a shitload of narcotics with him, or both. NTA for not paying but you’d be the A to yourself if you didn’t leave now. And tell his family. Fuck him.
Hi! I dont know where you are, but i have worked for law firms (not a lawyer) and it might be best depending on how long it takes for his first hearing. Also just 2 months is wild that he would ask for at least $250.
Edit: please dont. I promise its a bad idea.
Sis what are you doing with this guy? NTA but please get far away from him. He could be scamming you, especially with all the love bombing and the speed of your relationship
NTA. I couldn’t be with someone that irresponsible.
TWO MONTHS?!
25k?!
To avoid FIVE DAYS?
I wouldn’t even ask my wife of 20 years to do something so silly as that lol, get lost!
NTA
Two months is nowhere near the bail-me-out-of-jail level of a relationship.
NTA why are you 2 months in dating and already saying I love you?
If I was with my boyfriend for years and he did this I still wouldn’t bail him out lol he can learn his lesson. And I wouldn’t be parting with 25k, that’s for sure.
$25K aside, you don’t know him! Making life plans, exchanging love yous, etc. is a lot for someone you’ve only known two months. I would dump a guy I’ve known two months if he asked to borrow $25.
There is a saying that you have to go through all seasons with someone before you know if they are a match. You two haven’t made it through one. You are still in that fantasy honeymoon new relationship phase. You have no idea if he will show up to court because you don’t really know his character or history. Why can’t he guarantee his own bond? Why can’t you call his family/friends? Things I’m sure you don’t know and don’t want to ask him for fear he will lie or shatter the fantasy.
You would be TA (to yourself) to put your name on the line for this virtual stranger. Don’t do it.
Run, don’t walk….this is bad news! Get out while you can!
25k?? Girl, he’s there on murder.
NTA your smart by not signing once you sign that paper your responsible for him and I wouldn’t want that kind of responsibility
My aunt had all four of her kids killed by a drunk driver on their graduation night. Fuck drunk drivers and fuck him. You’re two months, run. I don’t care how fast you two moved.
NTA.
It sounds as though he has been in this situation before – why would he not want you to ask his family for help or even to talk about it?
In your shoes I would walk away and not look back. Driving over the limit is a choice he made – choosing to drink over being a safe and responsible person is not a character trait I would value in a partner.