Hi all –
I recently got into a relationship with a guy from work. We have been dating for a month and he recently had a surgery on his stomach to take part of his intestine out.
I will give you brief timeline of events.
•stayed with him the night before, during, and after.
•visited him every day he was in the hospital and took him home when he got released.
•stayed with him two days after. Bought groceries. Made homemade soup that he never ate.
I hardly heard from him after I went home.
Then a couple days later he texted me around 5 am saying that he was going back to the doctor because something felt wrong. The doctors discovered multiple abscesses in his stomach and he made it seem like there needed to be a procedure done to take care of them. I asked if he needed me there because I was supposed to work that day. He said it was up to me, but he may need a ride. So I called my boss, explained the situation and he gave me off. I got to the hospital around 2:30 (I also live two hours away from him) and when I got to the hospital it was very obvious he was upset with me, and was interrogating me on why I couldn’t be there sooner. I explained the situation, also that the weather was terrible and he just did not care. He called me a hypocrite, and said that I’m just a needy little support blanket, and basically that I dropped the ball and he wanted me to be there to comfort his daughter. I left the hospital because he said he didn’t want to deal with me. Also, all the doctor ended up doing was prescribing him antibiotics and no procedure was necessary.
A couple days went by and he said nothing. When he did reach out his asked if I was still mad at him. I expressed to him how I felt, and he does not think he did anything wrong. Instead he blamed me for not being there for him and not having any compassion, and then blamed his frustration with me on the painkillers he was on and the pain he is in. Proceeded to call me a bunch of names and we ended up breaking up. I know painkillers can affect your mental state, but am I out of line here? I can elaborate on this if I have to but I can’t help but feel maybe I was a little insensitive. So AITA?
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Hi all –
I recently got into a relationship with a guy from work. We have been dating for a month and he recently had a surgery on his stomach to take part of his intestine out.
I will give you brief timeline of events.
•stayed with him the night before, during, and after.
•visited him every day he was in the hospital and took him home when he got released.
•stayed with him two days after. Bought groceries. Made homemade soup that he never ate.
I hardly heard from him after I went home.
Then a couple days later he texted me around 5 am saying that he was going back to the doctor because something felt wrong. The doctors discovered multiple abscesses in his stomach and he made it seem like there needed to be a procedure done to take care of them. I asked if he needed me there because I was supposed to work that day. He said it was up to me, but he may need a ride. So I called my boss, explained the situation and he gave me off. I got to the hospital around 2:30 (I also live two hours away from him) and when I got to the hospital it was very obvious he was upset with me, and was interrogating me on why I couldn’t be there sooner. I explained the situation, also that the weather was terrible and he just did not care. He called me a hypocrite, and said that I’m just a needy little support blanket, and basically that I dropped the ball and he wanted me to be there to comfort his daughter. I left the hospital because he said he didn’t want to deal with me. Also, all the doctor ended up doing was prescribing him antibiotics and no procedure was necessary.
A couple days went by and he said nothing. When he did reach out his asked if I was still mad at him. I expressed to him how I felt, and he does not think he did anything wrong. Instead he blamed me for not being there for him and not having any compassion, and then blamed his frustration with me on the painkillers he was on and the pain he is in. Proceeded to call me a bunch of names and we ended up breaking up. I know painkillers can affect your mental state, but am I out of line here? I can elaborate on this if I have to but I can’t help but feel maybe I was a little insensitive. So AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was not there to comfort my ex in a time of crisis like he wanted to me and he thought I was a bad person for it.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA and this sounds like way too much way too early into a month of dating.
NTA, you did a lot for him his reaction was unfair and disrespectful. Painkillers aren’t an excuse.
NTA. Your ex showed himself as a hateful, selfish taker, and I am surprised you stuck around after he berated you at the hospital.
NTA
You have literally been there before the surgery during and after visiting him every day and cooking for him
He is ungrateful. I know he is in pain and having a hard time, but he absolutely has no right to treat you like that, calling you names, etc
You are not insensitive
Good thing you guys broke up he doesn’t deserve you
I think it is easy to see why he need to lean on a near stranger for help because he has probably burnt a lot of bridges with his ungrateful and demanding attitude.
Consider this a dodged bullet. you may have gotten in too deep to easily get out by the time you saw this side of hie otherwise.
nta
NTA. You supported this man when he wasn’t feeling well before, during, and after surgery.
His sudden outburst and name calling isn’t normal. He wasn’t regulating himself and allowed his prescription to do the talking for him.
You’ve dated him long enough to know if he’s normal without it or not I’d say. Is he a habitual drug user? I would stay away from those sorts of people personally. I ask because drugs are involved.
A two week prescription of painkillers isn’t the worst thing in the world but they can definitely change a man for the worst. And for a couple of weeks to come after the prescription has ended.
He was cranky on his medication. I would go with what he told you.
He called you a bunch of names… Is this someone you want to work on things with? It’s not the end of the world but it sounds like it went terribly since you two separated.
It sounds like a problem concerning Respect between you two. But prescription drugs were altering his state of mind.
He should have been able to recognize you were there for him and his child. You obviously supported him in his health crisis before so why the sudden uproar? I’d Blame it on his mini prescription.
If he cuts the pain medication out you can probably talk to the same man you met.
At times of stress, you find out who people really are. Your ex bf flunked the “be a person” exam. Good luck with the next one!
NTA. He’s a real jerk. You did 100% but he wanted more. You dodged a bullet.
NTA, you were there when you could be. Also, don’t date people you work with.
The fact that you were only dating a month and he asked you for any of this is insane! You shouldn’t have been asked to do anything. Take, take, take. He wants a nanny, not a girlfriend. But at 1 month, you aren’t even his girlfriend. Kick him to the curb and move on. Geez.
NTA, most definitely not.
NTA.
You did a lot for someone you had only been dating for a month. More than a lot of people.
Treating you that way is a definite red flag.
Yikes, you dodged a bullet, OP. NTA.
NTA, but can you really not see that this guy is a total AH? You’ve been dating him a month and he expects you to act like a devoted spouse while he gives you exactly nothing back, and he berates you for not doing enough? Please move on and don’t look back.
Considering how he treats people, I’m not surprised he didn’t have enough else to call. NTA but he did you a favor. He sounds awful.
Think of it this way-you dodged a bullet. Go on with your life and be happy.
NTA He is blaming everything and everyone but himself for his ba behavior and disrespect towards you.
This sounds like someone that you should not date long-term. It’s a whole lot of placing blame on you for things out of your control, not owning up to his behaviour, and gaslighting.
Avoid this man at all costs should he try and reach out to you again. NTA