I 38m was invited on a vacation by a dear friend 78f. At first I was told that she would pay for everything as she had planned to take another friend on the trip. The friend had to drop out of the plan. Dear friend did not want to travel alone as she has mobility issues(uses a cane and has particular trouble with stairs) and wanted someone with her as she has fallen a couple of times this year and has a major surgery scheduled for later this year.
The vacation included a number of plays that she bought tickets for. I do not particularly like the plays she chose nor did I have any input on the ones she chose. I did not pay for any tickets. However, she enjoys them greatly and I wanted to support her to the best of my ability.
One of first arguments we had was over what time to meet up on the first day. Dear friend had told me 8:30am but called me at 700am expecting me to come immediately. It was not an emergency or anything like that she just changed her mind. I felt bad because I trusted her words.
The next argument we had was over food. I need to eat three times a day. She exists off of coffee and one small, to me at least, meal at night. She would not stop and let me buy myself food instead insisting I eat the items she brought. I do not particularly like those items. Anytime I bring up a restaurant, she said she felt pressured to eat and that it would make her sick. I never ment to pressure her into eating. She then chose another restaurant, and ordered a sandwich. I paid of course I am not a total lout. The rest of the trip I managed to find a smoothie shop that worked really quickly while she occupied with shopping.
Tonight she got upset that I was not enjoying the plays. I mean they are nice but not my thing. I try to talk to her about them or works by the same authors but she seems agitated when I try. I am just lost on how to make her happy…..AITH?
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I 38m was invited on a vacation by a dear friend 78f. At first I was told that she would pay for everything as she had planned to take another friend on the trip. The friend had to drop out of the plan. Dear friend did not want to travel alone as she has mobility issues(uses a cane and has particular trouble with stairs) and wanted someone with her as she has fallen a couple of times this year and has a major surgery scheduled for later this year.
The vacation included a number of plays that she bought tickets for. I do not particularly like the plays she chose nor did I have any input on the ones she chose. I did not pay for any tickets. However, she enjoys them greatly and I wanted to support her to the best of my ability.
One of first arguments we had was over what time to meet up on the first day. Dear friend had told me 8:30am but called me at 700am expecting me to come immediately. It was not an emergency or anything like that she just changed her mind. I felt bad because I trusted her words.
The next argument we had was over food. I need to eat three times a day. She exists off of coffee and one small, to me at least, meal at night. She would not stop and let me buy myself food instead insisting I eat the items she brought. I do not particularly like those items. Anytime I bring up a restaurant, she said she felt pressured to eat and that it would make her sick. I never ment to pressure her into eating. She then chose another restaurant, and ordered a sandwich. I paid of course I am not a total lout. The rest of the trip I managed to find a smoothie shop that worked really quickly while she occupied with shopping.
Tonight she got upset that I was not enjoying the plays. I mean they are nice but not my thing. I try to talk to her about them or works by the same authors but she seems agitated when I try. I am just lost on how to make her happy…..AITH?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am not happy on a vacation i did not pay for. And that has upset my friend who paid for the trip.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
So basically you got invited to be her caregiver? Next time tell her you aren’t one, and she can instead hire a professional.
NTA
You accepted an invitation to accompany your friend because she did not want to travel alone and needed support with mobility. That was generous on your part and you have been accommodating even though the activities and food choices are not what you would normally pick. It is not reasonable to expect you to be constantly cheerful or fully enthusiastic about things that are not to your taste, especially when you are doing your best to engage politely.
Your friend’s perspective also matters. She paid for the trip, she is older, and she may have assumed that covering the costs meant you would share her enthusiasm without realizing how draining the mismatch in schedules, food habits, and interests would be for you. Her frustration probably comes from wanting companionship in something she loves and being disappointed when it does not match the picture she had in her head.
The reality is that both of you have valid needs that do not fully align. You need regular meals and honest space to not pretend excitement, and she needs support and positive energy during a trip she planned for herself. The best way forward is to set clearer boundaries and communicate gently. Let her know you appreciate her generosity and want her to enjoy herself, but also that you cannot pretend to love every moment. That way she understands your gratitude while you remain honest about your own limits.
NTA. You’re doing a lot to support your friend physically, emotionally, and financially even though this trip wasn’t really your idea or tailored to your interests. That said, she may be feeling vulnerable due to her health, and that could be manifesting as controlling behavior. It doesn’t mean you have to suppress your own needs or pretend to be happy 24/7. You’re human too. It sounds like you’re trying your best to be a good friend, even under difficult circumstances
NTA You went on the trip and found out you’re incompatible travel companions. You don’t enjoy the same things. Chalk it up to you live, you learn, never again.
NTA. You went to the plays and watched them with her. You might not have had much fun watching them, as you said, but you were there for her and even tried talking to her about the plays or others by the same authors. I’m not gonna go over the other arguments as that’s not the focus of the post.
Being cynical . Do you wonder why the friend dropped out ? Or was there no friend at the beginning and you were scapegoated? Just wondered. Just don’t go again, lesson learnt. Has she got the start of mental decline or is this her natural behaviour pattern?
You are not compatible traveling partners. Lesson learned
Interesting. I think both of you just need to relax a bit. And compromise- she should realize that you’re not a bird who lives off of coffee and crackers and (sorry to say this but) you shouldn’t express that you don’t like her plays while on the vacation. Just wait til after the vacation or if ever.