So my group is doing a thesis project that includes running a business. Most of us are consistently working on it, not perfect, but pushing forward.
The problem is one groupmate L keeps accusing us of not being “transparent” or “communicating,” even though we have literal proof in our chat. Example: he once said, “I asked for the names before, no one replied.” Then my groupmate bumped the earlier message where we already gave him the names. This has happened several times verbally, where he made a mistake with the signage prices, blamed me for not sending them, but I had already sent it earlier and showed proof (but not blaming, just showing I did send). Like I’m okay if he misread the chat, but I know I have been communicating. That was just the start for some things.
It feels like unless we spoonfeed every single update, he’ll say we never communicated. Meanwhile, his actual work for the business is super lacking. Marketing was supposed to be his responsibility, but most of the promos, posters, and teasers ended up being done by another groupmate. He promised many things, but they never came through. I’ve personally thought of some promo ideas since more than a month ago, and I have been pushing it to be released, but he just took forever, saying some promos are too complicated or whatever
When one of my groupmates finally (calmly) said they just wanted to see results, they phrased it like “I’m just disappointed that until now nothing’s done, and I don’t see you working on it. We’ve already done a lot of the R&D, posters, teasers, etc. I just hoped you could at least focus on this specifc task”
They werent attacking him. But instead of addressing it, L got defensive and said, “I’m not useless, you’re making me look useless,”
The thing is, this happens a lot. Feedback turns into drama. He swears excessively when stressed (not to police language), which makes the group uncomfortable. He rarely follows up, and when he does, it’s usually to get mad that we “didn’t communicate”, even though everything is in the chat.
To be fair, he does contribute to class reqs, but for the actual thesis operations, it feels like we’re carrying it while he criticizes us. Some of us honestly don’t want to work with him anymore because it’s draining. Mostly now, most of my interactions with him are when things are more specific and needed. I’m still updating when needed and not necessary.
I’m just wondering to myself if I or the group are really leaving him out. Like I’m personally trying to see it from his side if I’m missing something or biased. I swear I have been communicating and I dont wanna seem biased, but I just feel like I can defer every single accusation he makes. I just wonder if I’m missing something or blind. But I do have receipts. We do have a separate chat for like a specific department, but as said earlier, its just to confirm things with all operations not excluding him thought we do rant once in a while lol.
So AITA in any way?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
So my group is doing a thesis project that includes running a business. Most of us are consistently working on it, not perfect, but pushing forward.
The problem is one groupmate L keeps accusing us of not being “transparent” or “communicating,” even though we have literal proof in our chat. Example: he once said, “I asked for the names before, no one replied.” Then my groupmate bumped the earlier message where we already gave him the names. This has happened several times verbally, where he made a mistake with the signage prices, blamed me for not sending them, but I had already sent it earlier and showed proof (but not blaming, just showing I did send). Like I’m okay if he misread the chat, but I know I have been communicating. That was just the start for some things.
It feels like unless we spoonfeed every single update, he’ll say we never communicated. Meanwhile, his actual work for the business is super lacking. Marketing was supposed to be his responsibility, but most of the promos, posters, and teasers ended up being done by another groupmate. He promised many things, but they never came through. I’ve personally thought of some promo ideas since more than a month ago, and I have been pushing it to be released, but he just took forever, saying some promos are too complicated or whatever
When one of my groupmates finally (calmly) said they just wanted to see results, they phrased it like “I’m just disappointed that until now nothing’s done, and I don’t see you working on it. We’ve already done a lot of the R&D, posters, teasers, etc. I just hoped you could at least focus on this specifc task”
They werent attacking him. But instead of addressing it, L got defensive and said, “I’m not useless, you’re making me look useless,”
The thing is, this happens a lot. Feedback turns into drama. He swears excessively when stressed (not to police language), which makes the group uncomfortable. He rarely follows up, and when he does, it’s usually to get mad that we “didn’t communicate”, even though everything is in the chat.
To be fair, he does contribute to class reqs, but for the actual thesis operations, it feels like we’re carrying it while he criticizes us. Some of us honestly don’t want to work with him anymore because it’s draining. Mostly now, most of my interactions with him are when things are more specific and needed. I’m still updating when needed and not necessary.
I’m just wondering to myself if I or the group are really leaving him out. Like I’m personally trying to see it from his side if I’m missing something or biased. I swear I have been communicating and I dont wanna seem biased, but I just feel like I can defer every single accusation he makes. I just wonder if I’m missing something or blind. But I do have receipts. We do have a separate chat for like a specific department, but as said earlier, its just to confirm things with all operations not excluding him thought we do rant once in a while lol.
So AITA in any way?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA because I’ve started limiting my communication with my groupmate to strictly professional updates and not engaging with him beyond that. While I believe we’ve been transparent and already shared information, he feels excluded and accuses us of poor communication. By pulling back and not repeating or spoon-feeding updates to him, I might be making him feel left out, which could make me look like I’m not being a good teammate. I could also be TA for just not being as transparent to his standards and making him feel left out
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
You advised everyone in the group what you intended to do, did it, then sent it to them. Nothing more need be said or written.
Perhaps he’s hoping if he criticizes your performance that it will deflect from his own failings. The reason doesn’t matter.
Keep your side of the street clean, and don’t engage with him about his complaints. Just because someone whinges about your behaviour doesn’t mean that you’ve done something wrong.
Ugh, I despise group projects. Honestly, you and the rest of your group mates have tried many ways in which to be accommodating. I don’t blame you all for limiting contact with this individual. I wish I had advice to offer other than well wishes for good marks on the group project, and I hope you would never have to team up with this individual again.
NTA they’re just an insecure person projecting onto others
NTA. When he asks stupid questions, just reply with “READ THE GROUP CHAT”
It’s totally unreasonable to expect to be informed personally when it’s a group thing.
The group as a whole also needs to push him to do his share. I don’t know about these things, is there a way to kick him out of the group for non-participation? He doesn’t bother reading the group chat, he doesn’t do what he claimed he’d do, there’s not much point him being there.
Next time he accuses people of calling him useless; “Nobody called you useless. But now that you mention it, you don’t do the things you agreed to do, and you don’t even bother reading the group chat, so …”
NTA. I’ve had a leech like this before. The rest of our group ended up telling the professor and getting permission to kick them out. This guy is not doing any work and bulldozing over you guys to try and get a good grade through you. He’s actively failing the class by refusing to do stuff, and so he should fail the class by grades as well.