My (17f) parents cheated on their ex-spouses last year with each other and now they’re back together and waiting to remarry when their divorces are both final. They divorced the first time when I was 3 and my brother was 6. So I don’t remember them together before. But at the same time I was always happiest when the four of us did stuff as a family. It didn’t happen a lot. But even after my parents both remarried they still made time for us as a family and they stayed close.
The cheating and divorces makes stuff with their exes and their other kids so much harder. There’s been a lot of fighting. My parents try to keep me and my brother out of it but the exes wanted to hear us say we’d choose them over our parents because of our parents actions. My brother told them where to go and said he wasn’t picking anyone over his family. I stayed quiet because it’s easier. But I was contacted via DM by my dad’s ex and she was saying I owed her and mom’s ex way more because they were around most of my life and we were a family and I should be angry on them and my half siblings’ behalf. She said I didn’t seem upset by all that happened. And I can’t really say I am.
I don’t think cheating is good but I’m not sorry to have my parents back together again and I don’t feel like I owe mom or dad’s ex anger or upset over my parents actions.
Does that make me an TA? That’s what I’m here to find out.
Comments
They are both cheats.
Nah I’d be calling out their bullshit cuz tf wrong w them lmao double narc parents is wild to me good luck
Your parents are disgusting assholes.
Absolutely NTA, not even close.
You’re allowed to care about your parents, to be happy they’re together again, and to feel peace about where you stand in all this. You don’t owe anyone outrage just to make them feel validated.
You’re not responsible for the choices your parents made. You’re 17, this wasn’t your doing, and it’s not your job to carry the guilt or emotional fallout for adults who are processing their own hurt. Of course people are going to have big emotions around betrayal and broken trust, and that’s valid. But so is your choice to stay out of it and not let anyone pressure you into taking sides.
You can still have empathy for your parents’ exes and your half-siblings without having to become their emotional support system or join in their anger. You can even care about how this affects them and still feel happy your parents are back together, those things don’t cancel each other out.
It’s also okay if you’re not upset. You’re allowed to feel what you feel, even if it’s not what other people think you “should” feel. That doesn’t make you cold, ungrateful, or disloyal but means you’re trying to navigate something incredibly complicated in a way that protects your own peace.
Take care of yourself.
ESH
Sorry to say this miss but I know you see it too- both of them are messing around. Neither are innocent and the only blameless ones here are you and your brother. You should not be a part of this at all. Stay strong and seek help to resolve your feelings when you are able to do so. Try to look up free psychiatric help in your area.
ESH.
I don’t think you owe your soon-to-be ex step-parents anything, and you certainly don’t owe them solidarity and to choose them over your parents.
However, your parents suck for cheating on their soon-to-be exes, and I think you should feel empathy for your half-siblings because you actually do know what it feels like to have your family split up, and it sucks for them that their families are being split up because your parents decided to cheat on their partners and get back together.
So maybe tell your step-parents that you’re not sorry that your parents are getting back together, but you are sorry that your half-siblings will have to navigate this shitty situation and they need to work on themselves to try to figure out how to co-parent.
YOU didn’t cheat on anyone here. YOU aren’t responsible for their actions. They are grown adults. The fact that you’re being guilt-tripped when you’re also a victim of your parents’ actions is mind blowing. Maybe remind your stepparents that if you were still 3 years old would they be pulling and fighting over whose side you should be on? No. They’d be having discussions on whether they’d be able to still have a relationship with you throughout your life. That’s the only discussion they should be having with you and shame on your actual parents for not standing up for you two and making that distinction. It the least they can do for you two after the mess they’ve caused…
NTA. Any adult who wants to involve a child in their messy issues is not doing their job as a parent or a step-parent. That is unacceptable behavior. Trying to poison you against your own parents, regardless of their poor choices, is not OK.
If you feel brave enough, you could start a group text with all 4 parents to state something similar to the following, so everyone is aware of this issue and on the same page with how you feel about all of this:
“I want to be clear to all of you that I don’t wish to be involved in any of the drama or mess occurring between the four of you. I am the child in this relationship. You are the parents. It’s not OK for anyone in this group to ask me to be angry or to take sides against someone else. That’s not how families work. If any of you are angry or upset, that is your own emotion to deal with and work through privately, or in therapy, and none of the children involved in this mess deserve to be put in the middle and used as weapons in your emotional wars. Thank you for listening and respecting my wishes.”
If they are all good parents, then they will get your text and discuss it amongst themselves, and agree to keep their issues and complaints away from the children going forward. Sometimes adults make mistakes, and they need to be reminded how to do better.
Good luck. Don’t let the poor behaviors of any of your parents make you feel like you did something wrong for feeling the way that you feel. You did not create any of this mess.
NTA you are I titled to feel how you feel. You are not responsible for any of the actions of any of the adults in your life. The step parents are wrong for trying to make you feel guilty or even get you involved. I think having some empathy for your half siblings is in order here, but you are not responsible. Definitely harder to keep a relationship with those kids, but not sure that’s the question. It’s fair for the exes to be upset but they can’t expect you to choose them over your own parents. I don’t know what difference it would make anyway? Are you expected to scold your parents and send them scurrying back to their exes?
> They divorced the first time when I was 3 and my brother was 6.
INFO: Was there any infidelity involved in their original break up and if so, was it with either of the step-parents?
Do they have kids with the exes?!
If they do, I feel for them….what your parents did was wrong, but you are NTA, this has nothing to do with you…that’s grownups mistake and their mess to clean!
NTA, and continue to stay out of it. They could be wanting to use your response to get a better divorce settlement.
I would, however, keep in mind that all four of them are cheaters. That’s not a great example to set for all the kids involved in this mess.
ESH. Sorry but your parents haven’t taught you LOYALTY and that’s on them. While it’s odd to phrase it as “choosing” a step parent which is an AH thing to do and completely unfair, your lack of empathy for step siblings you allude to is what makes you an AH. Self serving as well. Would you be upset or disappointed with your parents if they cheated on their second spouses with different people? I mean it’s not something you have control over but I can tell you that your Parents are huge AHs and to defend their actions because it makes you happy I’d just justifying you being one as well. I feel sorry for your future spouse.
No one should be putting you on the spot at your age is the real bottom line. It would be one thing to reach out to you to make sure that you are still going to have a relationship with your younger half siblings but that is the extent of it
You have nothing to be angry about. Your parents divorced, and apparently, in spite of that, managed to give you a good enough childhood with the stepfamilies. Then they turned around and FU majorly – but not by you. Your stepfamilies are victims, but you two are the only non-victims – plus the AHs of your parents. So, NTA for not being upset by the (shitty) actions of others that you may acknowledge as being shitty, but did not all that much impact you guys.
I can imagine your step-parents feeling this break-up as a great hurting wound; what you could say is that you appreciate their love and care, and will (maybe) always see them as ‘bonus’parents, that you are sad that people got hurt, but that you did not, and that, although you can understand that they are angry, you cannot be angry.
I apologize in advance for not good describing, not good feeling, empathizing, the emotions of the people involved in this crazy situation. I do not want to hurt anybody with a crazy description of emotions that are involved.
NTA however it’s not really your place to be upset about thier behsvior.
Just remember to be there for the people who were there for you. Especially you’re half siblings.
Don’t get too happy about them being back together, I doubt it will last.
What your parents have done is wrong, but it is wrong of the exes to try to involve you in a messy situation. Cheating is wrong. Had their marriages to their exes been unstable or dissatisfying, the honorable thing to do would be separate with current spouses BEFORE getting back together with former spouses. That said, you are still a minor. You should be protected from the paths the parents have chosen.
It sounds like you do have some appreciation or concern for the exes. You could tell your former stepmom that you are disappointed in how things turned out (keep it vague – you are disappointed in the process). That you appreciate the time she’s spent with you. You still consider her and your half siblings part of your family. You could remind her that you are a minor, and don’t feel it is fair to have you bear the burden of your parents’ choices. And if your parents are willing, consider getting a therapist to help you navigate any of these feelings.
Your parents’ traits clearly rubbed off on you and your brother. You think this is a good thing now because of y’alls occasional family get togethers, but there’s a reason your parents divorced the first time, and now they’re going to be living together again. I hope your parents are ok with you and your brother being the only kids in their life after this.
NTA. Let people do people things. You don’t have to accept it but you certainly are allowed to and it is within your control whether or not you do. There is nothing wrong with either choice.
NTA
Your stbx step parents are trying to use you as a pawn in their argument with your parents.
Sounds like you never really bonded with either of them? Are you able to block their numbers or at least mute their messages? Unless you have half siblings you don’t need to ever have any contact with them again
Your parents’ exes are f’ing assholes. My God. Bringing you kids into it like that??!?
You are allowed your own feelings on this situation and you’re not an asshole for having them. That would be true of you were angry with your parents and it’s true as is.
But no one, not your parents, not your step parents, absolutely no one, should be trying to drag you into their fights. That’s disgusting.
You’re not condoning the cheating. They should have split from their partners before sleeping together. But that you’re happy your parents are getting together is very normal.
You are absolutely and completely NTA.
I think it’s really important that you understand. You can wish your parents well and still acknowledge that they’re doing something really horrible to other people and causing a lot of pain.
And while you don’t have to choose their exes, they are people who were in your life for a long time, and you should understand that they are being hurt by your parents choices.
It is not your job to comfort people or solve their marriage issues or make statements about adults.
But, it is perfectly normal for people you love to do things that are morally reprehensible. Your parents made a really cruel decision, hurt a lot of people, and good things can still come out of it… But you should acknowledge, at least yourself, maybe to them later in life That while you love and support them, what they did was not fair
ESH.
Your parents are disgusting cheats. They are the worst assholes here.
You are being callous and should show more empathy towards the steps. They didn’t do anything wrong except raise you for your cheating parents. How can you normalize or condone this? At the very least you should have been upset for them, and you’re not, not even a bit. That’s horrible. This says a lot about you, none of it good.
You and your brother are mini assholes who have broken moral compasses because you think your happiness is more important even when it is obviously gained at the price of other’s suffering. Guess the rotten apples don’t fall far from the cheating tree.
Forgiveness is a virtue. There is no point in anger or vengeance. This is on them not you or your brother. L8ve your lives. Peice. ✌
NTA,
NTAH, except for your parents.
All 3 families are hurt by their actions but you had no part in any of this. The circumstances suck and at the same time your real parents MAY get back together but family get togethers will be extremely awkward & tense.
Your stepparents shouldn’t even be dragging you & your brother into this. Your parents cheated with each other but what could you do about?
Tell your parents to keep you & your brother out of their drama and get their exes to back off.
Nta, its not your fault you have such shit parents.
All the parents suck. I hope the kids get attention and kept out of it as much as possible.
what your parents did was wrong, however this has no bearing on you and you shouldnt have to pick sides. I can understand your feeling about your folks being together again, which is a normal reaction. You are NTA but all the adults involved are AHs
This is a horrible situation all the way around and many hearts affected. Your step parents have become attached and love you guys and now that’s being ripped away because of your bio parents actions. At least you are old enough to continue your relationship with your step parents if that’s what you choose to do. Staying out of the middle is a good decision. Set boundaries, “I’ll continue our relationship but I will not discuss the situation at all or listen to negative talk.”
You’re not upset with your parents for divorcing and cheating you and your brother out of a normal family relationship for most of your life only deciding a decade later that they’re now ready to be a whole family?
I know it’s difficult for you because of your age and you wanting to have a chance for the family you deserved your whole life. Your mother and father destroyed several people and cheated you out of what your childhood could have been if they had not been so selfish.
I do wish the best for you.
This is messy!!! But adults shouldn’t make kids choose sides
How many of you think this won’t last ✋️
Wow! Karma!
NTA.
Adults dragging children into the drama are the assholes. They don’t need to pick anyone over anyone.
NTA – but man everyone else in this scenario is. You parents for cheating and their soon to be exs for trying to out you in the middle of it.
This very messy. There isn’t sides to take but if you were raised as a family with these people and see them as such. There is nothing stopping you from still continuing to call them family. Reality is you are damn near an adult. Your parents getting back together won’t and doesn’t make you one big happy family again.
If you care for your step siblings and parents then keep the connection open.
If you don’t. End it and be done.
I personally don’t believe your parents will last but that is not my business. All these people you now have had in your life and have provided for you.
They aren’t entitled to anything that you may create or do but it still doesn’t mean they get cut off immediately. Really it all comes down to how you feel. You are grown enough to make your own decisions and none of them should be making you feel bad for keeping to yourself.
I wish you the best of luck 🙏🏾
Cheaters suck. Cheaters are AHs.
Your parents gonna break up again because they’re just high on sexual hormones hahahahahaha shame on you for being so casual when they’re ruining lives that they created because they are perverted lmmaaoo make another post when they cheat with the ex’s again and they’re divorced again lmmaaoo omg this is hilarious you think you got your mommy and daddy back together 🥺😟😂😂😂 your parents are whores. Simple.
I’m glad they found each other again.