My parents are divorced like 13 years ago. My dad got remarried when I (16f) was 10. He started dating his wife when I was 7/8. We never got along. She was pretty disinterested in me and when her and dad moved in together it turned to dislike. She hated dad having a past and was super annoyed whenever he was around mom and me. We did nothing except fight pretty much so last year my mom went back to court and got full custody of me with a stipulation that I have to spend 8 hours every two weeks with dad. So I visit him some Saturdays and Sundays without his wife around.
They couldn’t have kids easily so went through IVF and she’s now pregnant but the pregnancy has lots of complications with her blood pressure, diabetes and placenta previa and maybe other stuff. I told dad I don’t really want to hear updates on her and when we’re spending time together it needs to be just about us. But he worries about her and the baby and he’s sad I don’t feel the same. But that’s just how it is with us. I’m not going to sit here and pretend we’re family or that we care about each other. She was so glad when I moved out.
My dad has some of his wife’s family check in on her when he’s at work. He asked my granny (his mom) too but she hates her and won’t stop by. And she told him it’s not her job to cater to the b*tch who chased off her grandchild. So now dad wants me to do it. He says her family are good but can’t always be there and it would take pressure off him if he knew someone was keeping an eye on her because of all the issues she’s having. He said it might be a great way for us to improve our relationship too. I told him that’s never gonna happen and he needs to give up the idea.
Mom said there was no way he was making me responsible for his pregnant wife (although she didn’t say wife) and she was mad he was asking me. He said to think of it as helping him and even the baby if I have to. But I told him I wasn’t checking on her. That kind of shocked him that nothing worked and he said he had hoped for better. I told him he chose her over me already and I didn’t owe him that help either. But she’s just a person I’ll never want to be around.
AITA?
Comments
NTA. You’re 16, not a caregiver, therapist, or emotional support crutch for a man who already sidelined you.
You don’t owe kindness to someone who treated you like a burden.. and you sure as hell don’t owe babysitting to fix their broken choices.
Your boundaries are completely valid. He can’t force a connection that never existed, especially after years of tension. It sounds like he’s trying to patch a broken situation using you, which isn’t fair.
NTA and I’m glad your mom (and grandma) have your back!
You’re not the parent here—your dad is. It’s not your job to care for someone you have no bond with, especially when it sounds like she treated you poorly. Boundaries matter, and you’re allowed to protect your peace.
This has been posted on atleast three different occasions- fake
Dude, NTA at all. They’ve pretty much made it clear where you stand in their lives, n it ain’t your job to play nurse for someone who’s been nothing but a pain. Your dad’s gotta sort his own mess out, honestly. Hella brave of you to stand your ground, man. Full respect.
NTA. He wanted to setup another franchise/family, so it’s on him to deal with new wife’s health care needs. Not his minor child from a previous relationship that neither he nor his new wife wanted to make an effort to prioritize having in their lives.
That and seriously…what is a 16 year old with…presumably…. no medical training going to do in this scenario? Call 911 if needed and just hang out and be her emotional tampon?
The two of them are dicks just for putting you in the situation of having to say yes/no when you’re not really in a position to provide the support required.
You’re not obligated to take care of someone who’s never treated you well, especially not your dad’s wife who you don’t have a relationship with
You are a kid yourself – that’s not your responsibility even if everyone got a long.
NTA your dad’s trying to force a situation that he wants while knowing that neither of you actually like being around each other he already chose her once and as for him being worried about her with all these complications it seems like he hasn’t thought of how she could react seeing you when she doesn’t like you it could cause her and the baby distress too none of this is your responsibility they forced you out with their behaviour he can’t try drag you back in now because he’s feeling guilty that he’s pushed you out for her and this baby
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I love your granny!
Does this woman not have a phone? Why does she need someone to check on her all the time?
NTA. Your dad really needs to read the room.
She has her side of the family. That’s enough. Your father is trying to force a relationship. Surprised the wife went along with it.
if your dad is that worried, he could hire a nurse aide to check on his wife regularly and/or get his wife a medical device where she can summon emergency services if/when she feels it is necessary (this is available where I am and it allows the person wearing it, normally elderly or disabled, to summon for assistance and as this is a service you subscribe to in advance, the emergency services would know how to access your spare set of house keys and need not break down your front door unnecessarily).
You are in no way qualified to assist a person experiencing a very high risk pregnancy. How would you know when blood pressure is too high and what you should do if that happens? I suspect your dad is trying to get you to improve your relationship with his wife. I doubt if your dad’s wife would like you to be there and she would blame you if anything goes wrong. NTA.